Black Swan
by MargaritaDaemonelix
Summary: She casts her spell, and hopes, prays that it'll work. /a study on desire, the thin line between love and lust, idealistic relationships, and Tchaikovsky.
1. Year 2, Semester 2

BLACK SWAN

By MargaritaDaemonelix

 _Black Swan Theory: a metaphor that explains that black swans, or events that come as surprises, have major consequences on the parties involved and are often rationalized erroneously after the fact when hindsight comes into play._

There it is, that call again. "Wake up, Ara," and frankly, she doesn't want to. It's seven on a Saturday and Ara really just wants to catch up on lost sleep, even though she knows she can't be napping at this hour with so many things to do.

She opens her eyes to find her roommate's curious eyes blinking at her. "You said you'd come to Ariel's surprise birthday party with me," Aisha says, pouting. "Weren't you going to make something for her?"

"I had that lecture to go to last night," Ara groans, rolling over onto her side. "Why would I have any time to— Actually, don't answer that. Give me two minutes."

She rolls up into a sitting position and yawns lazily. A copy of the Heart Sutra in Sanskrit tumbles off her lap — she must have fallen asleep while reading through it —and onto the floor below. She climbs down the ladder of the bunk bed, still groggy and disoriented, and scoops it up, tucking the bookmark (an old candy wrapper) back in between the pages.

With Aisha getting dressed on her side of the room, the little dorm room feels a lot more empty. The various actors and actresses that stare from the posters on the walls seem to glare a little harder. The ticking of Aisha's stupid alarm clock buzzes louder. Ara extracts her phone from her hoodie pocket — 7:14 pm. She started reading at 4:10. Three hours spent in a daydream, wasted potential but not wasted time, because unlike _some people_ , Ara actually treasures her beauty sleep.

"Live a bit, would ya?" Aisha emerges from behind her curtain, victorious, with her violet hair let down in a curly wave and her normal white hoodie replaced by a black dress that is less fabric than it is open holes. "Besides, no one is gonna get mad at you for trying to celebrate someone's birthday."

"Yeah, they wouldn't if I brought cake," Ara retorts, starting to look in the area below her bunk. Most of her clothes are similar — black leggings, t-shirts in orange, black and white, and a variety of hoodies from various events she attended. "Usually you get into parties through connections. I don't have those."

"Nonsense, Ariel loves you," Aisha says, but Ariel loves everyone because she's just that kind of person, and besides, even if Ara did bring cake, there's no way she can buy her way out of her lonely corner with food. "C'mon, if you aren't going to pick something, I'm gonna cram you into a dress and buy you a cake myself."

Ara sighs, and gives up.

* * *

Ara has never been a very popular kind of person.

It's odd, because anyone who's ever made friends with her has praised her social skills, and her lively sense of humour, and the way she knows when she needs to make people smile. But somehow, she's always been stuck on the sidelines, with only a few friends to stick to.

Things got a bit better after high school. She got into her dream program alongside her best friend, she was asked out and had a significant other for three months, and on top of that, she's taken to her classes like a fish to water. Her peers are people who are dead language geeks just as much as she is. Once upon a blissful first year, Ara was happy.

This is why Ara doesn't want to go to parties:

This is a university campus, and typically on university campuses, when there are parties, there's also alcohol and drugs involved. When there's alcohol and drugs involved, accidents tend to happen. People like to point fingers and push blame onto others, but in the end everyone blames the booze.

A drunk driver, returning home after a party. A sober one, driving his longtime girlfriend of three years back to her dorm. A horn. A flashing light. The screeching of tires on asphalt. A crash that killed one of the kindest, brightest, most wonderful people this campus will ever see.

Ara knows her brother, and she knows he wasn't drunk or high when the crash happened. It was late at night, the world was dark, the mere fact that he survived is a small wonder, and the fact that Sasha didn't make it is horrific on the same magnitude.

At the same time, part of Ara knows the other students don't look at her the same anymore. Steel doesn't stop to speak anymore, only smiles and waves in the hallways. Her classmates look away when she walks into lectures. They know just as much as her that it's not her fault, but fingers are still pointed and they're all locked on her.

It's been a long year. Midterms are in three weeks.

If she's become isolated to a world of her own, she might as well make the best use of it and ace this course.

* * *

Aisha does, in fact, cram her in a dress and drag her out to buy a cake from the local grocery store. It's 7:39 when they get to the store and Ara is left shivering by the vegetable aisle, wondering where her roommate finds the energy to do such things.

It's January, and they just walked nearly a kilometre in the snow. Even wrapped in her long winter parka, Ara can feel the cold seeping in under the down.

Aisha comes back with a bright grin and a cake covered in enough chocolate mousse to kill a man. "Bingo," she says, offering the cake to Ara. "Just buy this, bring it to Ariel, and score yourself free entry to the party!"

"I shouldn't have to pretend to be nice," Ara insists, holding the cake out like she would a serving tray, "to get into a party."

"You're doing this because you are a nice person," Aisha chides. "And if the rest of the world can't see that, they can fuck themselves."

Ara just quietly goes to the checkout to buy the cake. The total comes to $13.55, which, according to Aisha, is worth three espressos, but Ara doesn't drink coffee anyways, so it doesn't really matter.

The common room of the Ventus dorm is currently, to put it lightly, a mess. People are dancing. Explosive EDM is screaming through the room. She's pretty sure she sees Elesis hipcheck someone into the window before disappearing into the tsunami of human bodies again.

Someone tugs at her arm. Ara turns around to find Camilla Maxwell from her philosophy class last semester gripping onto her sleeve. "Who are you?" Camilla asks, squinting, clearly not on her first drink of the night.

"Ara~!"

A very, very red Ariel Arkwright floats through the mess of bodies, crashing into Camilla and causing her to release her grip on Ara's sleeve. "I'm so glad you came!" She chortles, smiling more brightly than Ara thought she could as she attacks her with a bear hug.

"Happy birthday," Ara squeaks, "I brought you cake."

In her peripheral vision, she can see Aisha laughing as she moves with the beat, bumping hips and brushing hands and lips with a silver-haired girl. She wonders if she's Aisha's secret girlfriend, the one that she refuses to tell anyone about.

"You have to stay, then," Ariel gasps, taking the grocery bag. "You go and have yourself some good fun, okay?"

She puts a wet kiss on each side of Ara's face before grabbing Camilla's hand and taking off. "Toodles!"

Ara sighs, and promptly realizes she can't find Aisha in the suffocating crowd. In this colourful, bright party, she is the only person standing in plain black, like the ugly duckling among songbirds. It's not a big surprise to her — she's always been the odd one out, even before the accident.

As blaring K-pop screams all around her, she finds her way to the unoccupied piano seat. It feels like home, considering how much she played piano when she was younger. Even if she tried to play, though, no one would hear her, and with the two girls sitting on the piano, she's not sure if she can play.

Someone who doesn't know her offers her a bottle of beer. She turns it down politely. Her parents always taught her to refuse any drugs or alcohol, because conservative Chinese Buddhist household, right? Her father gave her an easy way to escape — "I'm allergic to alcohol" — and it's worked for her for the two years she's been in college, and the four years she was in high school.

It's funny how her made-up allergy keeps the ghost of her brother's accident away more than her words do.

"You look lonely," says someone, and Ara looks up into the face of someone she's passed by a million times but never really registered — that boy in engineering, the one that grins like a lightbulb and wields his words like a love potion. She thinks his name might be Add, but she can't be sure — seems more like a nickname than a legal name, if anything.

"I'm alone," she says, shrugging. "Doesn't mean I'm lonely."

He gives her a look, like _really? Kelly Clarkson in this day and age?_ "Aren't you gonna do anything, though?" He asks. "Not gonna drink, not gonna eat? I heard you brought cake for Ariel."

"Not hungry." She smiles wryly at him. "I just woke up an hour ago. I'm freezing in here, if anything."

"Well, if it's any use, physical activity helps you warm up," he says, looking like he's contemplating something under his smug smile. He reaches a hand out, and Ara realizes he's offering it to her. "Dance with me?"

She rolls her eyes. Is this the kind of party spirit that Aisha wants to get into her? "Sure, why not," she says, letting him pull her to her feet, help her shake off her winter jacket, place his hands _just_ above her hips because of course, what a gentleman.

And as _Fantastic Baby_ starts blaring and the party collectively screams _yeogi buteora_ , as Ara and Add laugh because slow dances don't work in college parties on Saturday nights, Ara realizes that you don't need alcohol to get drunk. The night lights up in neon, and Ara knows she's awake but it feels like a fucking dream and it's the first time she's had fun, felt welcomed, since orientation day.

Someone clearly put on a BIGBANG playlist, because _Fantastic Baby_ fades into _Bang Bang Bang_ , and that brings an explosive beginning to _Sober_ , and then by the time the playlist dies and someone requests Ed Sheeran, Add's hands have settled on her hips again, and her hands are on his strong shoulders, and they sway from side to side as Add's lips form the words _I'm in love with the shape of you_.

Ara isn't sure if she's dreaming. Any moment now she's certain that Aisha will come wake her up for a party that she'll get booted out of, that she'll practically roll out of bed to scoop up her Heart Sutra off the floor. But then she rests her head on Add's shoulder, and the world buzzes in A flat and neon green, and it seems like she'll be able to slowly lose herself in a new world.

Her feet are burning because of her shoes, but it's okay. Everything is okay. "I never did get your name," Ara murmurs, voice soft not with sleep like she expected but with delight. "Care to share?"

And even though it's a lie, because everyone knows Add one way or another, he laughs. "The name's Edward," he chuckles, making the call me sign with his hand, "but you can call me anytime."

His eyes twinkle with mischief. "But Add works too, I guess."

Their laughter turns to earthen smiles, and then they are not tired college students at a party but simply two people pressed together, dancing, hands locked together. She kisses him, plain and simple, and he steps closer to her, because she really doesn't have much experience with kissing anyone, and he's the one to pull her closer.

Ara's mind isn't racing like she thought it would, like it should be. She isn't in any sort of panic. The pressing warmth of the party fades, and it is just her and him.

"Hey," she says, softly.

"Hey," he replies. "What's up?"

"It's a great night. I'm having a good time, y'know?" She murmurs, fingers dancing over his cheekbones. She really hadn't noticed it before — there's a thin scar under his eye, one that just puts the balance off his otherwise clear face. In the neon strobe lights, it seems to glow in ghostly magenta. She kisses him again, softer this time, and inhales the taste of chocolate mousse.

The rest of the night goes by in a heartbeat, or maybe it's because they've already spent the night on the dance floor. Ara blinks, and suddenly it's twelve, and her phone alarm is ringing to remind her to find Aisha and get back to the dorm. "I— oh shit," she mutters, snoozing the alarm as Add peeks over her shoulder. "I have a workshop tomorrow morning at eight."

Add winces. "Ouch. You're gonna need a good night's sleep for that." He lets go of her shoulder, searches around before locating the piano where she'd thrown her belongings and grabbing her coat. "I'll walk you back to your dorm."

He helps her into her coat again, and offers her his arm to lean on, because heels are painful, and she's not sure why she has these ones to begin with. "Thank you," she says softly, holding on and checking her phone again. 12:03. Time is starting to blend into the night sky, away and away and away. "Thank you very much."

They wander out of the chaos of the party, and no one even bats an eye. Ara focuses on putting her weight on the front of her feet, trying her hardest to not twist her ankle on the gravel path.

Add glances at the dorm building ahead. "You live in the Solace building?" He asks, pausing as Ara kicks a pebble out of her shoe. "That's cool. I live in the Ebalon building."

"That's literally on the other side of campus," Ara notes. "Why are you walking me back?"

Add shrugs. "It's not bad," he amends. "Some people at the party came all the way from town. Besides—"

Whatever he's about to say next is cut off by Ara's phone buzzing in her pocket. 12:08. She did hit snooze, after all. They laugh together as Ara pulls the phone out of her pocket, this time shutting it off.

Before she can tuck the phone back in her pocket, Add pulls up his and hands it to her. "I said you could call me anytime, and I meant it." He gives her a cheeky grin, just a little nervous.

"What should I save my number as?" She asks, taking the phone and creating a new contact.

"Surprise me." Add punches in what is doubtlessly at least six emojis, and then gives the phone back to Ara. "Here you go."

Smiling, Ara saves herself as _Ara Haan_ on his phone—it's simple, and hey, he'll know the name instantly. "Goodnight," she says, patting his shoulder. "Thank you again. I haven't had this much fun in a long time."

He responds with a quiet "goodnight" and a small smile before turning to go.

In the five minutes it takes for her to trek into the building, into the elevator and back to her dorm room, the thrill of the night and the flavour of the blaring neon music seems to die off. She opens the door to her room. It's dark. Aisha must still be out, probably dancing the night away with her secret girlfriend.

Ara turns the light back on, flinches when the world suddenly goes bright even though she's just come from hours of being blasted with strobe lights. Her copy of the Heart Sutra has fallen off her bed again, and she squats down to pick it up, not flexible enough to simply bend over with her heels on.

The buzz and the almost drunken happiness dies off quickly, much too quickly. Ara kicks off the stilettos (she's almost certain they're Aisha's) and reaches behind her to unzip the dress and shed it, like a swan abandoning her dark feathers.

She climbs up the ladder and sighs, sitting there with her legs over the edge of the bunk bed. The room had seemed empty, even while Aisha was in it. Now, Ara curls up on the top bunk alone, wrapped tightly in her duvet, scrolling through her alarms to make sure she sets the right one for the morning, to remind her to get up for the workshop.

A notification pops up, from someone listed as _Add Grenore_ with a purple heart emoji before and after his name. She smiles as she reads the text.

 _Add Grenore: goodnight! hope you're back in your dorm safe_

 _Add Grenore: good luck on your workshop_

 _Ara Haan: thanks_

 _Ara Haan: gnight_

Satisfied, she drops the phone next to her face and closes her eyes, and wanders into Wonderland.

* * *

The workshop is mostly uneventful, aside from a scare when someone drops their tablet computer. Ara drains a bottle of lukewarm green tea (the monkey king one that her parents brought back from China) over the course of the three hours, feeling a bit more revitalized with every sip but not enough to wake her up.

Even though she plows through the workshop and reads the selected passages out loud in class, Ara's mind is far, far away, pushing past questions that haunt her.  
After she finishes reading out her passage, Ara opens a new document, typing the words _THINGS THAT DON'T MAKE SENSE RIGHT NOW_ over the top and bolding, underlining and italicizing them.

 _1\. Why me of all people_

 _2\. Were we not completely sober_

 _3\. Does he not know who I am (?)_

Nothing adds up, and it leaves Ara with zero answers and much too many questions. Everything seems to be swimming in circles around her mind, little tidbits of information that don't quite satisfy her curious mind.

Why would Add ever decide to approach her of all people during a party? The combination of them is almost cliche—the popular kid and the social outcast, dancing hand in hand at a stupid birthday party. While she's been told she has a pretty face, that does nothing to cover up her mess of a reputation.

The reasonable explanation would be that there was alcohol involved, but Ara knows that she turned down every drink offered to her, and the lingering taste of Add on her lips is nothing but warm chocolate. Even the feeling of his touch on her fingers and hips is like molten chocolate, trickling away as she thinks about it.

They're a bit of a disaster combination, Ara figures. Add showing affection to her, an invisible, lifeless wallflower, will only result in a catastrophe. His reportedly huge friend group will tear her to pieces, if she doesn't die of embarrassment first.

A notification pops up on her phone, but she ignores the purple hearts that appear and flips the phone over. Maybe she'll need to focus on the workshop a bit more to get the thought out of her mind. She closes the document quickly and peers over at her neighbour's notes to catch up.

Three hours later, it's eleven-thirty and Professor Ventus pokes the guest lecturer more than a few times to get him to conclude the workshop. Ara thanks the the guest on the way out of the room, and gives Professor Ventus a fist bump—he's probably her favourite professor for this reason. She slings her backpack over her shoulders, checks her watch, and heads for the student centre.

The University of Western Fluone, located just a few kilometres south of downtown Hamel, has an extensive history of nearly two hundred years. Its students are constantly at war with the University of Velder, and their symbol is the blooming wave. The campus is arranged in the shape of a huge twelve-pronged gear—the six student housing complexes alternating with the six main libraries form the twelve prongs, and everything else, from facilities to restaurants to sports stadiums, are locked inside the huge ring.

At the centre of the campus is the Harnier Solace Student Centre, a four-storey donut-shaped building home to services like medical care, a mental health centre, and various rooms that can be booked out for goofing around or quiet study. The garden in the centre, unofficially known the donut hole, is home to a beautiful statue of a weeping woman. Some call her the Overworked Undergrad, and rub her feet for good luck.

The best part of the student centre, in Ara's opinion, is the cafe on the fourth floor. In the summer, they open a small rooftop patio, but since it's January and much too cold, the chairs and tables are all packed up. She ascends the stairs alone, her footsteps echoing in the emptiness of the stairwell, and emerges to the scent of percolating coffee.

"Hey Rena," she says cheerfully as she approaches the counter, reaching into her bag for her purse. If anything, the kind fourth year psychology student will always have her back. "What's up?"

"I was wondering where you were," Rena teases, reaching for a tray. "The usual?"

"Yes please." Ara simply hands her twenty dollars, knowing that she'll get exactly $5.30 back and that she'll drop the 30 cents in the tip jar. "Thank you, Rena."

Rena only works here part-time—she's got an offer to work as a counsellor full-time after she graduates due to her extraordinary grades and maternal kindness. She never forgets Ara's usual order of the ham panini combo, and is never afraid to scare off anyone who's giving her grief.

Ara decides that the world doesn't deserve someone as good and kind as Rena Erindel. Even through her freshman year, Rena supported her and never turned her away. Ara always makes a point of thanking her by playing pieces she likes on the piano in the cafe.

She drops her bags at nearby table, draping her jacket over the top, and makes her way over the to the piano. "Play something by Tchaikovsky," Rena calls from across the room, shaking a bottle of salad dressing violently.

Ara inhales as she sits down at the piano. It's nearly fifty years old, donated to the student centre by one _Ernest Hoffman_. Some of the keys don't work quite right, especially the G key under middle C, and sometimes Ara's fingers stumble as she tries to play. The sound quality is beautiful though, weathered over fifty years of loving players and their musical magic.

She searches her mind for a piece, finds one, and puts her fingers to the keys.

This is the thing about Ara: she suffered through eight years of practicing piano every day, and at the end of it dropped professional playing entirely. Her medals and trophies decorate not her dorm room but her room back at home in Sander, and her certificates of honour are tucked into envelopes in the bookshelf in the living room.

After surviving her final piano examination, Ara stopped performing at recitals and started to experiment with sound instead. She picked up flute, and singing, until she finally came back to piano and learned to play with her music, to improv off a single theme and morph it into something completely new.

Rena seems to like Tchaikovsky, though, so she keeps her playing clean. The main theme from the _Swan Lake Suite_ isn't too hard, anyways, and the moment she finds her bearings, she works off it, knowing the chords and simply building her pattern and embellishments off them.

A few people come to watch her play, but she pays no attention to them whatsoever. She immerses herself in her music, since playing was once her only escape, and pours out her soul. She becomes Odette for those fifty, sixty, eighty bars, the beautiful swan princess in her element. A serene fluidity washes over her.

Her finger snags across the dead G key and she pushes herself forwards, but it catches her off guard. What's the next chord, the next note?

Before she can catch it, Ara's piece derails itself into _The Dance of the Little Swans_ , light and lively. She holds her breath, afraid to exhale as if it'll impact her playing, and plows through it, ending with gusto.

Loud applause erupts around her, snapping her back to reality. "Oh," she says sheepishly, getting up and bowing lightly. "Thank you."

"How'd you just blend between the pieces so well?" A nearby girl asks, eyes wide. She's still clapping, mostly subconsciously. "More importantly, why aren't you a music student?"

"I'm mostly working off improv," Ara confesses, a little red in the face. "And really, playing is just a hobby for me at this point. I'm in Sanskrit studies."

This is definitely a larger crowd than she's ever seen, probably because it's the weekend, but everyone wanders off all too quickly, and Ara ambles over to Rena, who is smiling brightly. "That was absolutely amazing," she gushes, grabbing Ara's hands in her own. "Your ability to play is just magical!"

"Not magic," Ara laughs, as Rena hands her the tray. "Just a ton of practice."

Thankfully, no one has taken off with her bag or coat—Rena must have been keeping an eye on them, and Ara makes a point of thanking her for it. She sits down with her lunch, pulling up her phone and scrolling through her Instagram feed while she munches on her panini.

Another text pops up, still accompanied by the hearts, and Ara flinches and nearly drops her phone in her soup. Almost cautiously, she taps on the notification,knowing that she's already missed one from this morning.

 _Add Grenore: have fun at your workshop!_

 _Add Grenore: didn't know you played piano so well_

The next text is a YouTube link, and Ara steels herself to open it, expecting a badly-recorded video of her playing.

Instead, she watches as Rick Astley begins to dance on her phone screen, accompanied by the iconic music that graces every other meme she's seen in the past two months.

She nearly throws her phone across the cafe.

 _Ara Haan: I can't believe you'd rickroll me like this_

 _Ara Haan: in this year of our lord 2018_

 _Add Grenore: good to know that youre fluent in memes_

 _Ara Haan: are you trying to get me to arrange never gonna give you up for the piano_

 _Ara Haan: or are you just trying to extort piano lessons out of me_

 _Add Grenore: would not mind either tbh_

 _Add Grenore: but really your swan lake medley thing was fantastic_

 _Add Grenore: I mean I don't know any of the pieces in it but I know it was swan lake_

 _Ara Haan: thanks anyways_

 _Add Grenore: I try_

* * *

"I don't get it, Aisha," she complains when they've returned to their dorm room for the evening. Aisha, it seems, spent the night in her girlfriend's dorm, and half the morning too, nursing a headache from not the booze but the loud music. "What on earth possessed him to approach me last night? Much less walk me home and give me his number?"

"He wanted your number, too," Aisha offers not-so helpfully, her legs tangled in the bars of the ladder down her bunk bed. "And by the looks of your texts, he wants to be friends with you."

"But why?" Ara says, almost whines. "What about me is friendly to him? I practically radiate death, judging by the way everyone seems to avoid me!"

Aisha just shrugs. "Don't question it. There's a long list of people fighting for his affection." She pauses for a moment to aim before tossing Ara's phone across the room into her lap. "You're lucky that he's paid you any attention."

"He's a player, isn't he," Ara deadpans. "How can I be sure he won't just throw me away in a week once he's bored?"

"So you are interested in him," Aisha says, raising an eyebrow.

"No, I'm not," Ara retorts.

Aisha just gives her a long-suffering look, like _please, bitch_. "Everyone at the party saw you two dancing," she says, "and it's not like no one saw you kiss him. Ara, what _on earth_ possessed you to do that?"

"Oh." Realization washes over Ara like a tsunami. "So you're saying that I kind of accidentally led him on and made him think I wanted to fuck him in my sleep-deprived stupor."

"That's the idea," her roommate agrees. "Then again, he was the first to reach out to you, so we really can't rule out the idea that he's just genuinely interested in you."

Ara groans and buries her face in her pillow. "Great," she mutters, voice muffled in soft cotton, "the one time I go to a party, and I kiss the guy everyone wants a piece of and probably incur the wrath of everyone on campus."

"Do you want to date him, though?" Aisha offers.

"I don't know, and I don't want to know." Ara rolls around uncomfortably in her bed, coming face to face with her plush bunny. "I mean, it's been a day and he's already rickrolling me, so it can't be all that bad being his friend."

She sits up, and gives Aisha a look. "For the record, though," she says, quietly and deadly serious, "what's the my competition?"

* * *

Eve Nasod is everything that Ara is not.

For one, she's a prospective law student, with marks high enough to practically guarantee her entry into law school. Her father runs a huge technological firm, making her a trust fund kid in one sense, but a scholarship kid in another.

She's just a quiet first-year kid with a savage streak and sky-high grades, but Ara can't help but think that she's met her before. The good majority of the freshmen don't really shun her, except for the handful who have older siblings. Eve could really go either way, in this situation.

Ara can't fathom why Add would be into this quiet girl, but nothing can convince her to hate her. Eve is a squishy marshmallow of a first year student, all silver hair and orange marmalade eyes, and when she sees Ara sitting alone in the library, she wanders over to sit with her and offer her some chips.

"Are you Aisha's roommate?" Eve asks her quietly, taking a sip from her Starbucks cup. The letters _CBruL_ in thick black market garnish the side of the paper cup. "I believe I've seen you around a few times."

Ara wants to ask her _are you Aisha's secret girlfriend_ really badly, but keeps her mouth shut and accepts a barbecue chip gratefully.

A few weeks later, Aisha invites her to go bowling with some friends, and only then does Ara confirm that Eve is the secret Aisha's been keeping, and she finally understands why.

(She never says anything about it to Add, though.)

* * *

 _Add Grenore: have you seen black panther yet_

 _Ara Haan: I don't like movies_

 _Ara Haan: hard to sit still without fidgeting_

 _Ara Haan: also I cried watching the most recent ice age movie with my dad_

 _Add Grenore: understandable have a nice day_

(It doesn't make sense, any of it. Because either he's doing this out of pity, or he's doing it for fun. There is no way someone like Add would approach someone as invisible as Ara.)

* * *

The snow melts away as Ara plows through her midterms, causing her to go into a week of radio silence with Add. In her defence, though, she tells him ahead of time that she's focused on studying, and he replies with _lol, saaaame_.

It's a week of peaceful study. Ara spends most of her time at the library, absorbing the library's huge collection of Sanskrit manuscripts and Buddhist texts. By the time she's actually returned to the dorm, even Aisha is half asleep, mostly due to exhaustion from staring at her notes for so long.

"Why did I ever think that architecture would be a good idea," Aisha groans, having rolled off her chair and onto the floor. "I thought high school would be the end of the all nighters and stupid teachers giving stupid amounts of homework!"

"Do the homework," Ara laughs softly, helping her get back up. "Architecture is, like, ninety five percent math, right? That means practice. Get some sleep now, I'll run to the convenience store and buy you a few Red Bulls."

Aisha only nods weakly, barely managing to climb up to her bunk before passing out entirely. She starts snoring within seconds, and Ara can't help but giggle.

She locks the door as quietly as she can as she leaves the dorm room. Sounds from all the different rooms in the Solace dormitory echo around—exhausted snoring from upstairs, desperate sobbing from below. It's normal for midterm season, and for the Solace dorm in general, so Ara really doesn't pay it too much attention.

She was in a different dorm last year, because the six new dorms were only built over the summer. The new buildings double as official "dorms" for first years, and more or less affordable housing for the students of other years. A poll was held among the students to determine which six professors they would be named after, and at the end, six emerged victorious: Denif, the strict calculus professor; Rosso from law; Gaia from environmental studies; Ebalon from engineering; Solace, whose wife's name graces the student centre; and Ventus, Ara's personal favourite prof.

She wanted to be in the new Ventus dorm really badly, but after Aren's accident, they transferred her to the more tame Solace dorm. Stories of wild parties from the Ventus dorm reach her on occasion—her best friend Elesis is there—but she doesn't pay them much attention. Parties aren't really her thing.

Not until recently, anyways. Ara wonders what changed along the way, what made her suddenly want affection, attention. It started with the stupid party that Aisha dragged her to, and she doesn't think it'll end.

She blinks, and suddenly she's in the convenience store, staring at the Red Bull in her hands as someone calls her name softly from beside her. "You okay?" Add asks, looking genuinely concerned. "I've called your name three times and you just sort of picked up the Red Bull and—" He gestures wildly. "Seriously, you okay?"

Ara nods and smiles. "I'm good. Just a little tired." She looks at the Red Bull. "My roommate is passed out in our room, so I told her I'd buy her something strong for when she wakes up."

"Wow." Add grins at her, though despite his bright expression, she can see the dim exhaustion in his eyes. "What a considerate roommate."

"I know, right." Ara rolls her eyes and looks around for a basket. "I think four is enough for one day. I'll get her more tomorrow if she wants."

"That amount of caffeine cannot be good for you," he comments as she brings her basket to the checkout. "How is your roommate not dead?"

Ara shrugs. "She's built up a tolerance to caffeine," she offers, putting the cans of Red Bull on the counter. The cashier looks just as tired as she feels. "Just these four, please and thank you."

The total comes out to just under $16, and Ara feels her fingers go turn to jelly as she scoops the coins out of her purse. The poor cashier bags up the cans numbly. Ara suddenly feels happy to not be working in retail.

"I'll walk you back to your dorm," Add says after he finishes his purchases (two 5-packs of Shin Ramen and two bottles of Gatorade) and jogs to catch up to her on the sidewalk. "You been doing okay?"

"I guess." Ara strategically places her feet on the sidewalk to match the tiles, left foot on solid tile and right foot on the cracks. It's just a bad habit that she hasn't been able to shake. "Just tired from studying."

"What a big-ass mood," Add replies, rolling his eyes in agreement. "I think I'm gonna break my fingers if I do anymore tension calculations."

"Me except with verb tenses," Ara says. The feeling of bitching about midterms with someone she barely knows is incredibly surreal, especially at this hour of the night. Clouds are draped over the moon, bathing the entirety of the campus in a hazy white light, and a midnight fog rolls across the distance, linger from rain in the daytime. It's not as cold as it is dreary, and in the otherwise silent campus, Ara is glad to have company.

"You must be a good roommate if you're willing to go out at eleven at night and trek half an hour to buy liquid caffeine," Add comments, suddenly shattering the silence.

Ara blinks. "Could say the same for you." She gestures at his bag of purchases. "But really, I gotta shame your choice of food for a second. Shin Ramen is so one-dimensional in taste."

Add snorts. "My roommate only speaks pure spice. There is nothing he will not eat if it's spicy."

"Okay, fair," Ara amends. "My parents are from Xin. It's a small town in China. I love spicy food. But it's gotta have colour, y'know? Dimension!"

They spend the rest of the walk bickering about food and just about everything else. Ara finds out that Add, while otherwise talented and expressive, cannot cook to save his own life, and that his mother, who remains his only real family, is from Elder. He has a cat back at home named Dynamo, and Ara tells him about Eun, the fox that followed her home and accidentally (?) became her pet.

"I'm pretty sure it wasn't legal," she says, shrugging, "but we took her to the vet, got her insurance, and she's been with us for three years now." She snorts. "Handful of trouble, honestly. If you think cats are bad, just know that foxes are worse."

"Dynamo has taken a shit on my laptop more than once," Add counters, and they both shudder at the thought. "But he loves my mom, so I think she'll be fine."

Ara rolls her eyes. "Oh yeah. Eun absolutely loves playing with Aren. I think it's because he's always got snacks on him."

They lapse into a comfortable silence after that. "He must be a really nice guy," Add comments softly. "Pets can always tell who the people with good intentions are."

Then they're in front of the Solace dorm again, and Ara stops, unsure of what to say. "So, uh... Goodnight," she manages, smiling. "Good luck with your midterms."  
"And you too." Add smiles. "Kick those verb tenses in the ass."

She waves goodbye from the doorway of the dorm, and he waves back before turning away.

Sighing, Ara takes her four-pack of Red Bull and heads back inside.

* * *

Ara wishes she'd signed up for a suite sometimes, but then she wouldn't have met Aisha, nor would she have the nice life she has now.

What she really misses having is a kitchen. There's a ban on large electronic appliances in the Solace dorm to prevent fire hazards, and propane stoves are outright banned so that no one gets carbon monoxide poisoning. The money she earned from her summer internship and last semester is barely enough to cover her living expenses—as much as she wants to buy that all-purpose griddle for $149.99, she can't really afford it.

The night before one of her worst exams (Tibetan Buddhism), she gets up, ignoring the fact that Aisha has just cracked open her third Red Bull of the hour, and leaves the dorm room, heading down the stairs to the common room.

She's not one for stress baking. Elesis used to do that and feed all her bad creations to her brother and their parents, back when they were in high school. While Ara may not enjoy baking as much, she's hungry, and she wants to do something, anything aside from staring at her textbook.

The fridge stands humming, like the towering guardian over the common room kitchen. Ara flickers on the light over the stove, filling the room with soft golden light, and opens the fridge.

She finds a carton of eggs, three bags of milk, a bottle of pomegranate juice, and a variety of vegetables in the fridge, as well as a block of butter and some assorted frozen foods in the freezer. The butter, thankfully, hasn't gone past its _Best Before_ date, so she pulls it out, along with some flour from the pantry, and starts to work her magic.

It's 2 am on the day of her worst exam, and Ara is baking a quiche. She likes making quiches—Mama always enjoyed her ham and cheese quiches—but with just limited supplies and time, she can only make a simple one, in the tiny, beat up pie tin she found under the oven.

A groan echoes through the room. Ara turns around and watches as Gloria Grimaldi stumbles in through the front door, looking dead, and crashes on the couch. Part of her wants to ask if she's okay, but knowing that Gloria was close to Sasha, she keeps her mouth shut.

She kneads the dough for the crust gently with her right hand, grabbing the electric kettle with her left and filling it with water. In a few minutes, the water boils, and Ara drops her spatula to reach into the cabinet for a mug.

Quietly, she offers the mug of Earl Grey to Gloria, who sits up and accepts it gratefully. There are tear streaks on her cheeks, and her blonde hair is damp.

"Do you want to eat something?" Ara asks quietly.

Gloria shakes her head. "Thank you," she whispers, voice hoarse from crying. "Thank you."

"Do you want to talk?"

There's a long period of silence, and Ara is about to get up and go put her quiche in the oven, but then Gloria speaks again. "I was in Darkmoon's dorm," she says weakly, staring down into her steaming mug. "W-we fought. About grades and stuff. She expects me to drop out because I'm not doing well in calculus."

"Why are you even taking calculus in the first place?" Ara asks. "Aren't you in the music program?"

"Parental pressure during first year," Gloria groans. "Also, Darkmoon took it too. I hate it. Everything about calculus sucks."

"Then drop it," Ara suggests firmly. "If it's got no use for your future, then you shouldn't be making yourself this stressed over it. If everyone's gonna beat you up after forcing you to do something you don't want to do, then hell, I'll help you find something you do want to do."

Gloria doesn't speak. She raises her mug to her lips, and drains the tea (even though the water is scalding hot). "Thank you, Ara," she says quietly, getting up to wash out the mug.

A small smile blossoms on her face. "You know, I wonder sometimes why the other students blame you for something that was no one's fault," she says. "Our little circle, Sasha's close friends, we always knew Aren was innocent. We wouldn't have let Sasha get close to him in the first place if he wasn't."

She crosses over to the sink and washes out her mug, leaving Ara sitting alone on the couch.

* * *

Three am. Ara pulls her spinach and cheese quiche out of the oven, and sits down to eat it alone.

It's peaceful. The quiche is a little bland, but it's filling and gives her energy.

She finishes the quiche alone, washes the dishes, and heads back upstairs.

* * *

The last of midterms pass smoothly, and suddenly Ara is standing in Professor Ventus's office with a perfect paper in her hand, wondering when she did this because, _holy shit,_ it seems so foreign to her. Are these actually words she wrote? What a concept.

"I have to say, your analysis of Maitreya imagery was absolutely stunning," Ventus chatters, stapling a scantron to another paper and handing it to some other student from one of his other classes. "You've really got a lot of potential, Ara."

"Thank you, sir," she stammers, looking over his comments. They're as abstract and strange as ever. _Pop. Nice prose. Great!_

"Please, none of that "sir" bullshit," Ventus laughs. "How much older than you do you think I am? You could literally call me by my first name, and I wouldn't even bat an eye."

This strange encounter leads Ara to wonder just how old her professors really are.

(Google reports that Ventus is turning 53, looks about 25, and might have grandchildren. _What the fuck._ )

* * *

Winter doesn't drag out miserably that year, which is always a plus, but then the lakes start to appear on campus—huge puddles that probably span an entire block. Ara swaps out her black snow boots for bright pink rain boots, resolving to brighten up her wardrobe as the weather changes.

Thankfully, it isn't drab in any way. On rainy days, Elesis runs the half-kilometre or so in the rain and invades Ara's dorm while Aisha is out. She brings good things, like her mom's homemade bread (good, very good), and bad things, like teasing (bad, very bad).

"I still can't believe you met Add at a party," she says, dangling upside down off Ara's bunk bed. Ara is slightly worried that Elesis might just fall off entirely, or the bunk bed will break under the stress of Elesis's legs hooked on, but it's Elesis. She's indestructible. "Like, wow, didn't know he was your type."

"I don't have a type," Ara deadpans, flicking her pen against her wrist. "Why do you know about this to begin with? I haven't even talked to you in, like, two weeks!"

Elesis reaches over and flicks her in the nose. "You underestimate my ability to find out this kind of stuff, darling," she says, all sing-song. "Besides, I have a guy on the inside."

Ara raises an eyebrow.

"Don't worry about it," Elesis says, waving it off. She rolls herself back up onto the top bunk, and Ara winces at the creaking. "I should introduce the two of you formally someday, when we're less busy."

Her eyes light up. "I'VE GOT IT," she squawks, and nearly falls out of the bunk bed, and nearly gives Ara a heart attack.

Ara makes her sit in an actual chair after that.

* * *

 _Add Grenore: hey_

 _Add Grenore: elesis is treating us both to midnight korean barbecue_

 _Ara Haan: love me some kbbq but why midnight_

 _Add Grenore: she says she knows the boss and she can get us a deal at midnight_

 _Ara Haan: aight I'll take it_

 _Ara Haan: meat is still meat_

 _Add Grenore: mood_

 _Ara Haan: how do you know her anyways_

 _Add Grenore: her younger brother is my roommate_

 _Ara Haan: ?_

 _Ara Haan: elsword? the small child?_

 _Ara Haan: highkey has been adopted by professor solace and preparing to be a counselor?_

 _Add Grenore: I hate to say this but thank god we're talking about the same person_

* * *

Add comes to pick her up in an old, old looking Honda Civic in the same colour as old red leather shoes. "Thank you for flying Air Grenore today," he jokes as she slips into shotgun. "Would you like a complementary cookie?"

"I—" Ara has to laugh out loud as Add extracts a package of airy Chinese crackers (probably purchased from the nearby supermarket) and offers one to her. "Oh my god. Thank you. But I'm afraid I'm going to have to decline, I won't have anywhere to put the meat afterwards."

"That's true," he agrees, putting them back where he got them (a small box on the side of his seat. "I forgot to eat lunch. I'm hungry enough to eat an entire cow."  
Ara snorts. "I'd like to see you try."

The car feels all like home and stranger at the same time, regardless of how old it is. The inside seems to carry the same chocolatey scent that always lingers around Add. Although the seats are still intact, the faded fabric indicates to Ara just where long road trips were spent.

They stop in front of the Ventus dorm, where Elesis is waiting, all flaming red hair and snowy white ski jacket. "Hey, y'alls," she chortles, opening the door and plopping herself down in the back seat unceremoniously. "Glad to see you're both still alive."

"Yeah, midterms were a pain in the ass," Add says, grinning. "But am I going to die because of them?"

"Yes," Ara cuts in quickly, and they all laugh.

The Korean barbecue place they go to is pretty loud, even though it's midnight. Then again, it's a Friday night, and everyone's off for the weekend, coming to chow down on juicy barbecue.

Elesis gets them the Friday-Sunday All You Can Eat combo for the price of the Monday-Thursday combo thanks to her connections. They sit down at their table, and for a moment Ara hesitates, before sitting across from Add, next to Elesis. There's a small scare as Elesis tries to turn on the burner herself, and nearly singes off her own hair, but thankfully, they're not kicked out of the restaurant.

"Before I order more pork than I can physically eat again," Elesis says, handing the order sheet and pencil to Ara, "please take this far, far away from me."

Ara shrugs, and starts to fill out the chart. Kimchi is a must—she orders a small dish for them each, along with some spicy bean sprouts (and normal bean sprouts for Add because he is _a coward_ ), spicy marinated tofu, radish pickles, and something listed as "beef soup", which seems sketchy at best.

"Meat. You need meat," Elesis says, "why are you ordering so many side dishes when meat awaits?"

So they order meat. Add is allergic to seafood, so Ara pouts and crosses out her order for squid. She puts down orders for five servings of pork, and five servings of beef, and five servings of chicken, and then hands it to a waiter passing by.

"Now that we have a moment," Elesis says, sipping her ice water, "I should properly introduce the two of you."

"Yeah, our first meeting wasn't exactly... Formal," Ara supplies, and Add smirks.

"Besides, now that I know my best friend knows my punchbag, I need both of you to play wingman for me," Elesis continues to chatter. "Who knows, I might meet a cute girl on campus and need both of you to set me up with her."

She turns to Ara first. "Ara, this is Edward Grenore," she says, gesturing wildly at Add. "Everyone calls him Add, though. It's because he can't do addition."

"No, it's because it was a nickname my mom gave me when I was younger," he protests.

"Elsword told me he was screaming at two in the morning because he accidentally wrote _4+7=2_ ," Elesis informs her gleefully. "And it messed his entire lab up really badly. Anyways, everyone loves him, but he's actually a fucking dork, and he's a huge nerd and has had an unnatural obsession with time travel since reading Homestuck."

"This is slander," Add complains. "I refuse to stand for this-this blatant slander!"

"It's not slander if I'm right," Elesis snarks in response.

(Ara tries her best not to laugh, and fails.)

A waiter shows up with glorious platters of meat, and all sorts of little dishes containing side dishes red with chilli oil. The "beef soup" never arrives, but Ara doesn't particularly miss it. Elesis gets up to lay thick slices of sizzling beef and buttery pork onto the grill, and the world smells like heaven and all else is forgotten.

"Anyways, now that we have been blessed with glorious amounts of meat," Elesis says, as Ara gets up to take a turn on the grill, "lemme continue with my introductions. This is Ara Haan."

"I got that much," Add snorts, before smiling at Ara. "It's nice to meet you."

"You mean it's nice to _meat_ you," Elesis says, shovelling a piece of pork and kimchi into her mouth. Ara mimes smacking her over the head with the tongs. "Anyways, I've known Ara since ninth grade, so you bet I have a literal treasure trove of stupid stories about her."

This is a statement that does not fill Ara with confidence. She shoots Elesis a nervous smile, and gets an absolutely shit-eating grin in response. "Ara is the definition of a hot mess," Elesis starts off, which is definitely alarming. "She used to have hair that came down to her lower back, except in twelfth grade she donated about half of it. And she has a pet fox named Eun!"

"I know about Eun," Add says. "I've seen photos."

Elesis raises an eyebrow, chopsticks bearing spicy bean sprouts halfway to her lips. "You have?"

"It was the day before my Physics exam," he amends. "I needed a morale boost."

"Can't argue with that," Ara mutters, snatching a slightly charred piece of pork off the grill and dropping it on her own plate.

"Anyways, Eun is probably a demon in disguise as a small fox," Elesis continues. "Ara, however, is an angelic small child that deserves nothing but happiness."

"Stop bullying my height," Ara protests, but Elesis shushes her.

"She's also a gamer." Another shit-eating grin. "I'm pretty sure she holds a world record in Tetris. She'll go for hours on end playing Tetris without stopping. She regularly suffers from the Tetris effect."

Add looks like he's trying hard not to laugh. "Duly noted," he says, before reaching over to take the cooking tongs from Ara. "Here, let me take a turn."

He chars half the meat he cooks, and apologizes profusely for it. Ara suddenly understands why Elesis calls him a huge dork.

They go through their first order pretty quickly—the meat is no match for three ravenously hungry college students. Add stops eating sometime after they order their second round, and Elesis calls him "a weakling. A coward." (To which Ara totally agrees; she was taught to always eat her money's worth at _AYCEs_.) Elesis herself does end up ordering five platters of pork, which she eventually concedes defeat to, and then it's just Add and Elesis grilling the remainders as Ara somehow inhales it all.

There's not so much the loud buzz of the party as there is a quiet hum from the restaurant patrons, the crackling of the flames under the grill, and the sizzling of the meat. Ara feels less out of place and more like a college student with her two best friends with every bad joke Elesis tells, every tangent about time travel Add accidentally goes off on. The peaceful chaos of the restaurant fades away to just an ambient hum in the cosmological background of things.

Ara loves it and hates that she does, because good things never stay for long.

"I'm highkey glad that you aren't seeing grade eight me," Add laughs, as Elesis ruffles his hair and makes it stand on end even more than it already has. "That was the peak of my emo phase, honestly. I let my hair grow out until my mom made me shear it off before grade nine."

"Horrific," Ara says. "I can't imagine you with long hair."

"You know what else is horrific?" Elesis asks, smacking her in the back of the head. "The fact that you're still going. Girl, do you not fear the exercise gods?"

Ara swallows a mouthful of kimchi. "I, uh, have good metabolism?"

They all laugh after that, and then Elesis gets the bill and pays for everything. Most of the other patrons have left, and the few still remaining are packing up. Ara quickly scarfs down the last bit of pork and then helps the tired server pack up the dishes.

"Well, that was eventful," Elesis sighs as she puts her jacket back on. "I haven't had that much meat in a single sitting since 1969."

"This isn't the Hotel California," Add says, "although it's a lovely place."

 _What a lovely face_ , Ara thinks, and nearly slaps herself for thinking it.

They all pile themselves back into Add's beat up Civic, and they begin the absurdly short drive back to campus. It's nearly two in the morning, and although Ara really hasn't gotten enough sleep over the past few weeks, she's not tired. The car ride is just enough time for them to tell a few final jokes before dropping Elesis back off at the Ventus dorm.

"Anyways, I am now going to invest in a gym membership for the three of us," Elesis laughs, waving goodbye. "Get some sleep, kids. It's late as fuck!"

She closes the door with a bang, which effectively shuts down the laughter in the car. Ara is suddenly hyperaware of the fact that Add is humming something quietly to himself, like a lullaby.

"Do you have any plans for the next break?" Add asks suddenly, breaking her trance.

"Uh." Ara thinks ahead for a bit, trying to recall what her schedule requires of her in the next few days after the break. "I'm probably gonna visit home for about a day, and then I'll come back to work on my translation project."

"Sounds fair." Add nods, eyes still trained on the road ahead. He's going at about a kilometre per hour, and Ara feels like he's just stalling for time to talk. "I'm gonna be mostly free, so I'm gonna head home and visit my mom."

"Not your dad?" Ara asks, and immediately regrets it as Add winces and the car jolts forwards. "Oh. I'm sorry. I-I shouldn't have —"

"No, It's not your fault." He gives her a wry smile. "I haven't seen my dad since I was six, and it's for good reason."

He stops in front of the Solace dorm as they devolve into complete silence. "God, that was an awkward way to end off a really fun outing," he laughs, reaching out to pat her shoulder. "Get some sleep, kick some ass, and send me more photos of Eun."

"I will trade my Eun photos for pictures of Dynamo, one for one," Ara snarks back, thankful that at least they have something to laugh about. "Goodnight!"

Add echoes her, and then she slips out of the car and into the building.

She returns to her room to find Aisha sitting at her desk, a mischievous smirk on her face. "I saw you come in," she says, jabbing her thumb at the window. "Thought you said you weren't into him."

Ara flushes. "Shut up."

* * *

After the ice melts, Ara gets her bike out of storage and prepares to bike daily across campus, instead of using the bus system provided to the students in the winter. She cleans off the mud, fixes the squeaking in the handlebars, pumps the tires, and takes it for a spin.

She makes it three metres away from the bike rack before the chain snaps and she collapses in the grass, bike, Ara and all.

"Well shit," she mutters, getting up and rubbing her shoulder. Thank god she decided to test it out before actually riding it to class. It'd be embarrassing to just topple over into a fountain, halfway across campus.

She looks through the grass, and scoops up all the pieces that fell out—a roller, a link, and the rest of the chain in one fluid piece. In theory, it'd be an easy fix, since the only thing that happened was that the links flanking the roller got pried open, but Ara has neither the tools or the raw strength to push them back into place, much less get it on her bike.

There's no local bike shop, unfortunately. Ara's dad taught her how to replace a burst tire and how to inflate a flat one, but not how to get a chain back onto the sprockets. She sighs, and sits up and reaches for her phone.

 _How to fix bike chain_. A YouTube video tells her quickly to use about six tools she doesn't have, and Wikihow provides bad illustrations that only confuse her more. "Damnit," she mutters.

A text notification, along with a quick buzz, shakes her phone in her hand. She catches sight of the familiar hearts around the name, and her frustration subsides.

 _Add Grenore: look at this photo of Dynamo that my mom sent me_

 _Add Grenore: [IMAGE]_

(It's a picture of the small ragdoll curled up next to a basket of warm bread, the golden glow of the bread reflecting off Dynamo's silken fur. Ara can't help but smile.)

 _Ara Haan: this image just raised my grades, paid my loans and fixed my bike_

 _Add Grenore: your bike?_

 _Ara Haan: the chain snapped_

 _Ara Haan: roller and link came loose_

 _Ara Haan: would you happen to have either a pair of bottlenose or line man's pliers_

 _Add Grenore: *needlenose_

 _Add Grenore: *lineman's_

 _Ara Haan: I said what I said_

 _Add Grenore: give me twenty minutes_

 _Add Grenore: where are you_

 _Ara Haan: in the grass outside solace dorm_

 _Add Grenore: say no more_

Ara drops her phone, sits back in the grass, and tries to hide her goofy smile, and fails.

It ends up taking Add about forty minutes to get to her (ten minutes to find his bag of pliers, and half an hour to haul it halfway across campus since Ebalon dorm is literally on the direct opposite side of campus). Ara spends those forty minutes putting _DO NOT TOUCH_ sticky notes on her bike (seven minutes), resisting Aisha's teasing (forty minutes) and making ham and cucumber sandwiches (twenty minutes).

"I think this might be overboard," Add says when he arrives, dropping his bag of pliers on the grass. Ara watches as a screwdriver the size of her pinky finger falls out from the side of the opening and disappears. "But it's probably safer to bring all this shit than to have to run all the way back across campus again."

"Thank you for doing this," Ara says meekly, standing over her bike with her Tupperware full of sandwiches as he starts to work with the chain. "I, uh, made you some food for your troubles."

"What are friends for?" He gives her a grin, and Ara realizes with a jolt that he referred to her as _a friend. What the fuck_. "But I'm always down for food, so I owe you one now."

"You're saving me from having to trek to the Abbadon Library on foot virtually every day, so I think we're even," Ara protests.

Watching him work is mesmerizing. He mumbles to himself as he folds the joints back together, swears at least once at a pair of pliers, and smacks one of the sprockets with the butt of his screwdriver. Ara thinks it's kind of endearing, actually.

They talk naturally like old friends. Add explains how the joints fit together, gesturing wildly with a screwdriver in one hand and half a sandwich in the other. Ara laughs and nearly chokes on a piece of bread as he sticks the screwdriver in his mouth and pushes the sandwich at the bike chain.

"That should work," he finally says, slapping the pedal and watching as it brings the wheel along as well. "There we go. One fixed bike."

"I owe you my life, my soul, my firstborn child," Ara says, looking over the bike. "Thank you so much."

Add frowns slightly. "I don't think I'd like to keep your firstborn child," he muses. "Children are loud and hard to handle."

For some reason, that makes Ara laugh so hard that she topples over into the grass. The Tupperware in her hands, thankfully, is closed and does not spill her sandwiches all over the grass. "I'm sorry," she giggles, trying to sit up, "maybe I'm just tired, but that was so funny and I don't even know why."

"Gotcha." Add tries to suppress a smile as he packs up his tools. "Have you ever heard the song _Big Enough_? That was basically my reaction to hearing it the first time."

"I have not," Ara says. "Send it to me sometime."

"Alright." He waves awkwardly, choosing to just smirk. "I'll find it and text you the link."

"Please do not rickroll me again."

He laughs out loud, and something in Ara's mind says _victory_. "Alright, alright. See you around!"

She stands on the lawn and watches him cross the road, watches as others join him along the way—his actual friends, people who are normal and not wallflowers. He jokes with them, and she can hear his laughter, even from far away.

Ara picks her bike up off the grass and pushes it back towards the bike rack.

* * *

 _Add Grenore: youtube watch?v=rvrZJ5C_Nwg_

 _Add Grenore: that's big enough_

 _Add Grenore: start at the beginning and just watch it in its entirety_

 _Add Grenore: I swear it will not disappoint_

 _Ara Haan: will I regret watching this_

 _Add Grenore: depends on your sense of humour_

 _Add Grenore: how's it going so far_

 _Add Grenore: hello? Ara?_

 _Ara Haan: uh hi this is Ara's roommate_

 _Add Grenore: oh no_

 _Ara Haan: I think your video might have killed her_

 _Ara Haan: because she's just lying on the floor right now_

 _Add Grenore: oh god_

 _Ara Haan: I don't think she's breathing_

 _Ara Haan: oh god I'm calling 911_

 _Ara Haan: oh wait never mind she's just laughing so hard that her chest is shaking_

 _Ara Haan: she keeps muttering "country screamo"_

 _Ara Haan: should I be concerned_

 _Add Grenore: no that was intentional_

 _Ara Haan: ah_

* * *

Second semester goes by in a breeze after that. Ara trades pictures of Eun for pictures of Dynamo, and cooes over the cat with Rena at lunch. Massimo from her Tibetan Buddhism course accidentally addresses Professor Ventus by his first name, and soon after that they're all calling him Soran, much to Professor Denif's unamusement.

Elesis gets her excused from a workshop when her period cramps get really bad, and runs over from her dorm to deliver warm chicken noodle soup (a gift from Rena), rosebuds for tea, and a bottle of Tylenol from the pharmacy in town. She makes Ara curl up in bed around a hot water bottle, and furiously texts her brother before making Ara some not-spicy cup noodles.

Add introduces her to his bros sometime during April. Ain Ishmael is in their year, but lives off campus with his grandmother. Ara realizes that she's seen him much more often across campus than she'd let on—the strange flashes of light that seem supernatural at times come from his camera. Ciel Lucas is a gentle giant with a tendency to smack Add when he swears. He's going into culinary school for postgrad ("you're allowed to do that?") and laughs more than he speaks.

Professor Ventus (Soran? Professor Soran?) encourages her to take her Maitreya essay from midterms and polish it for possible publication, so she does. She sends a copy to Add, who admits that he doesn't "even understand all these words separately", but he helps correct her grammar, for which she is grateful and sends him one (1) ham quiche and a folder of Eun photos to repay him.

The published paper gets a bit of attention, since her little niche in the world is tiny. Ara knows she has virtually no career options aside from research, so every boost she can get is useful. A professor at University of Velder applauds it, which makes Professor Ventus fake cry and loudly blow his nose.

She cuts communications with everyone right before exams again, or at least she tries. She shuts off her phone during the day and only turns it on at night to send Add a photo of Eun to prove that she's alive, and gets a photo of Dynamo in response. No words are exchanged, only precious photos of their pets that serve as fuel to keep going.

It also becomes easier to just study from the safety of the dorm room, since it's blistering hot outside and the nearest library is so, so far away. She puts on music, listens to whatever makes her focus, and drinks cold milk to keep herself awake. She blinks, and suddenly her mug is empty, she's halfway through her third listen of the _Swan Lake Suite_ , and her highlighter is completely out of ink.

But the suffering passes, as it usually does. Ara survives her finals (only barely with the Shaktism course, though—there were just too many devas) and passes all her courses for the semester, which is a relief if anything else. Her hands are sore from writing, and they tremble as Professor Ventus hands her back her "astounding!" essay on Mahadevi, the mother goddess, as the ultimate reality.

Aisha and Eve's little secret is let out of the bag on exam review day, mostly by accident. Ara watches as Aisha runs through the door of the student centre, screaming something about having aced all her exams, and Eve responds with a very aggressive congratulatory kiss. Ara is pretty sure she watches three people hand money to Rena, who just smiles, eyes twinkling with mischief.

And Add… is unreadable. Ara looks at him, and realizes she genuinely cannot tell what he feels. She watches in abject horror as he walks over to them, gives them a solemn congratulations and a noogie for Aisha. It's like she's frozen in time, and everything that has been told to her is a lie.

"Aren't you happy for them?" Add asks her, which effectively snaps her out of her daze.

She gives him a look over. There's a smile on his face, but the very edge of his lip is trembling, and she sees in his eyes that he's hurt. "I already knew," she manages to answer. "Aisha's my roommate."

He ogles at her in disbelief. "Okay, so apparently I was the only one kept in the dark about this," he says, pursing his lips and sticking his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "Alright, then."

Ara wants nothing more than to hear his thoughts, but she keeps quiet.

* * *

Rena invites a bunch of them to her graduation on the last day, and there's a silent agreement among the extended friend circle that all of them have to get her something nice.

Between the Sieghart siblings, Add, Chung (Elsword's best pal/boyfriend), Ciel, Ain, Eve, Aisha and Ara, they manage to pool together enough to buy Rena a new iPad mini for her new job as a counsellor on campus. They present it to her after the ceremony, along with a heartfelt card signed by each of themselves, and she cries so hard that the minimal makeup she applied runs off.

"Don't worry about me," she laughs through the tears, as her longtime boyfriend Raven hands her another tissue. "We're passing the torch to you now. It's time for you to do greater things."

"If none of you go to outer space, we're going to be very disappointed," Raven supplies.

Glances are cast at Add, who tints pink, scoffs and turns away, and Eve, whose father could probably build a rocket from their own backyard. Ara is too busy crying along with Rena to really catch their reactions.

After tissues are passed around and runoff makeup is cleaned up, everyone starts to head back to their dorms to pack up their remaining things and head home for the summer. It's been nearly two months since Ara last saw her parents in person, after all, and much longer since she saw Aren.

She says goodbye to Rena and Raven in front of the student centre, and she says goodbye to Elesis, Elsword and Chung by the Ventus dorm (although she knows there's no use in saying goodbye to Elesis). She gives Ciel a quick nod and a smile along the path back to Solace dorm, and waves at Ain as he calls goodbye from the other side of the road.

The last she sees of Add is him smiling at the girl he's talking to by Rosso dorm. She prepares herself to not say goodbye, to not tread on his happiness, but then he spots her and turns to wave. "YOU OWE ME MORE PICTURES OF YOUR FOX," he yells, cupping his hands around his mouth to amplify the sound.

Ara can't help but smile at that. "ONE PICTURE OF EUN FOR ONE OF DYNAMO," she yells in reply. "THAT'S HOW THE DEAL WORKS. SEE YOU NEXT YEAR, GRENORE!"

It's the first goodbye that doesn't leave her on the verge of tears again. She heads back to Solace dorm with a smile on her face, and prepares to say goodbye to Aisha and Eve—and the dorm—for the year.

* * *

 **A/N: here it is, ladies and gentlemen and nobles of every house, _Black Swan_! i've been very excited to release this fic for a long, long time!**

 **so uh adra kinda holds a special place in my heart because of what they represented to me as a person and as a writer. they've since grown on their own as my muses, and this fic is the culmination of that. this is literally the most self-indulgent thing i have ever written, and is the capstone to my motto of _write the fic you want to see in the world._**

 **Ara is majoring in Vedic Sanskrit (called Sanskrit studies in this fic). Add is majoring in electrical engineering. these are inspired by two of my cousins who are majoring in those particular things respectively. yes majoring in Sanskrit is a valid thing**

 **some thank yous:**

 **thank you to tin, KumihoSei and justforfum for keeping me hyped up for this fic all while i was writing it. i'm so blessed to have friends like you guys in the elsword writing community.**

 **thank you to my irl friends and classmates who had to deal with me rambling about this au in the early days of its conception, and a special thank you to the one person who has supported me through it all and has read literally everything i've ever written. i love you all**

 **and finally thank you to all my readers and reviewers. every time i see the views on my fics going up, every time i get a review, it makes me smile. thank you all so much.**

 **nanowrimo may have me in its clutches right now but know that i appreciate you all very very much**

 **~Marg**


	2. Year 2, Summer

Ara takes the train back to Sander, which means an hour and a half of waiting. She spends the first ten minutes sorting her Google Drive and her local files, putting them all into the _past_ folder and creating new ones for the next year.

She tries her hardest to not spend the rest of the ride reading through her texts with Add. It's very tempting, and at about the thirty-minute mark, she caves in and goes through her collection of photos of Dynamo.

Even though he's not her cat, Ara has saved every photo Add has ever sent her of him. She has pictures of Dynamo asleep, Dynamo being cradled in Ms. Grenore's arms, Dynamo eating spinach leaves (apparently he likes vegetables), even scraggly Dynamo from when they first adopted him from the shelter. She leafs through them, smiling as she gets through the entire album and goes through it again.

Her phone suddenly buzzes in her hand, and she nearly drops it when she sees the purple hearts pop up. _Already?_

 _Add Grenore: woah have you already left campus?_

 _Ara Haan: yep_

 _Ara Haan: had to catch the train back to Sander_

 _Add Grenore: holy shit_

 _Add Grenore: I didn't even get to ask you the important thing_

This is a statement that makes Ara very, very worried.

 _Ara Haan: what important thing_

 _Ara Haan: I am a genie I will answer your questions_

 _Add Grenore: Elesis said you once played so much Tetris that you astral projected_

 _Add Grenore: please teach me your ways_

An old lady on the train actually nearly falls out of her seat when Ara shrieks in response.

* * *

Ara hears Eun before she sees her.

It's like the little vixen knows she's coming, and has decided to start whining and pawing at the door. She hears the scratching noises, the little yaps, and lets go of her suitcase in an attempt to protect her kneecaps.

Unfortunately, this attempt proves to be futile. The door swings open, and a blur of white leaps out and lunges, knocking Ara to the ground. "Woah, woah!" She laughs, trying to shield her face as Eun licks at her nose energetically, batting at her shoulders with her paws. "Eun, stop that!"

Then someone whistles, and Eun yips and scrambles off. Ara bounces to her feet and runs to crash into Aren, shutting her eyes to try and contain her smile. "You look terrible," Aren chuckles, patting her on the back. "But hey, you survived the semester. Congrats."

"Aw, shucks, thanks," Ara says sarcastically. The last time she saw her brother was over the winter break, and honestly? He looks much better—the dark circles under his eyes are still there, but more faded, he's shaved his face, and his hair is clipped cleanly just above his shoulders. "Are Mama and Baba home?"

"They're out shopping for groceries." Aren stops to flick her in the forehead. "You said you'd be home in time for dinner, so they decided to make a banquet." He laughs out loud, which is a sound like rain in a parched desert. "How'd you get home so quickly?"

"Took the first train back." Ara purposely omits the part where she left after only barely saying goodbye to her few acquaintances (and fewer friends) to catch said train. "I want to surprise Mama and Baba."

Aren only smirks. "The kitchen floor is yours."

In the thirty minutes before their parents return, Ara has raided the familiar and yet stranger fridge for the last package of bacon, and the sack of potatoes in the basement for the roundest potatoes. Aren watches as she pushes the potatoes across the slicer, over and over, and placates Eun with treats while she seasons the potatoes with olive oil and rosemary.

She rolls them up with the bacon into beautiful roses, and puts each one into a hole on the muffin pan. She has only just stuck the entire pan in the oven when the door bursts open again, and Mama drops her grocery bags on the floor to wrap Ara in a hug, screaming.

"Don't scare me like that," Mama babbles, smothering Ara in her embrace. Ara has to think about what she's saying for a moment before making the switch back to Chinese. "And give us some warning next time before you decide to surprise us!"

"But that'll break the surprise," Ara whines, before laughing and giving Mama a kiss on the cheek. "Yeah. I'm finally home for the summer."

"No co-op this year?" Baba asks. She can see his greying hair, not covered up with dye like Mama's, and feels a twinge of nostalgia. "That's great, I could use an extra hand with the garden."

When Ara pouts, he just laughs, ruffles her hair, and gives her a kiss on the cheek, all prickly from his stubble. "Just let us handle dinner this once. You go relax."

She sticks around in the kitchen anyways, just so she can pull the potato bacon roses out of the oven and watch her parents' reaction. Aren steals a slice of potato when no one is looking, burning his tongue in the process. They all laugh at his misfortune.

Eun spends the better part of the evening snuggled in Ara's lap, her claws digging slightly into her jeans. Ara takes out her phone, points it down at the sleeping fox, and takes enough photos to send to Add for the next three months.

Dinner isn't a grand affair, but it's colourful and delicious. Mama makes the spicy fish fillet in oily soup, and bakes Chinese cabbage with bacon and milk and mozzarella. Every bite is accompanied with peaceful chatter, about how Ara's doing in school, how exams were, if she's been eating well. Eun nips at their ankles until they let her have a few slices of stewed beef.

After dinner, Ara finally brings her suitcase up to her old room. It smells like her lavender and valerian sleep-aid potpourri, a little musky but not overbearing. The beige walls are still covered in certificates and awards from her short-lived piano playing career.

Eun comes up the stairs with her, and curls up in a perfect little ball on her pillow as she takes her clothes and electronics and whatnot from the suitcase. "I should send Add a photo of you," she muses, setting the last of her clothes in her old dresser. "Here, get off my pillow."

She hoists Eun up, lies down, and sets her on her stomach. The fox yawns, blinks at her as if to say "gee, what a scrub", sets her head on Ara's chest and promptly falls asleep.

Ara smiles, trying to contain her laughter as so to not wake up Eun. "Lemme take a photo of you now, and send it to Add," she says, reaching for her phone on her dresser.

She extends her arms high over her face, smiling gently and snapping an aerial selfie of Eun's white fur against her burgundy t-shirt. It turns out pretty okay, just concealing her eyes but including her smile, so she keeps it to send to Add.

 _Ara Haan: [IMAGE]_

 _Ara Haan: #blessed_

 _Add Grenore: aajlkfeoiruaslknfdhj_

 _Add Grenore: great now I have to send one of me and Dynamo as payback_

 _Add Grenore: [IMAGE]_

Ara does, in fact, drop the phone on her own face out of shock this time. Eun stirs, but Ara stops moving for a bit, and soon the fox is back to gentle purring sleep.

Still a bit in disbelief, Ara picks up her phone, rubbing her sore nose with the other hand, and looks over the text again.

 _Add Grenore: [IMAGE]_

(It's an image of Add and Dynamo composed in a similar fashion to Ara's photo. Only Add's mischievous smile can be seen of his face. Dynamo's beige and brown fur contrasts greatly against his dark purple shirt, which has ridden up his hip.)

 _Add Grenore: as cute as this photo may be, Dynamo is a literal fluffball and I am literally burning right now_

 _Ara Haan: oh please_

 _Ara Haan: you should see Sander at this time of the year_

She wipes her forehead with the back of her hand, not realizing how much sweat has accumulated, and sends another of her good photos.

 _Ara Haan: [IMAGE]_

(It's an image of the table covered in colourful food. At the head of the table is seated Ara and Aren's parents. They are smiling happily, clearly proud of their children and the food they've made.)

 _Ara Haan: god bless my parents_

 _Add Grenore: oh my god that looks so good_

 _Add Grenore: but is it as good as this_

 _Add Grenore: [IMAGE]_

(It's an image of a smiling woman with snowy white hair, not unlike Add's, and deep indigo eyes full of laughter. She's holding up a fork with a single piece of bowtie pasta on it. It's very clear that this is Add's mother.)

 _Ara Haan: oh my god is that your mom?_

 _Ara Haan: she's so pretty?_

 _Add Grenore: yeah! she says thanks btw_

 _Add Grenore: she brought me to eat out at our favourite local Italian diner_

 _Ara Haan: our parents are the real mvps here_

 _Add Grenore: oh definitely_

* * *

"Do you," Aren asks over breakfast, "have any new friends?"

It's a strange question, but Ara knows exactly why Aren is asking it. "Yes," she says truthfully, because Aisha is a new friend, and so is Eve, and Ciel, and Ain, and Add. "I've got lots of new friends."

Aren gives her a look, bitter and guilty all at once. "You don't have to lie to make me feel better, Ara. Tell me the truth."

"That is the truth, though," Ara insists, reaching into the pocket of her bathrobe and extracting her phone. She has texts from Add and Aisha, and pictures of their squad posing with Rena and Raven after graduation. "Here. Proof."

She shows him the texts with Add (along with her entire collection of Dynamo pictures), pictures of the last day of school, more pictures of Dynamo after trading some for more images of Eun. Aren actually cracks a smile when she counts out pictures of Eun to send. "Wow. Nice trading system you've got there. Like illegal contraband."

"We started doing this to survive midterms," Ara says, texting a quick _thank you_ to Add. "Then it just became a permanent thing."

"So you've made one new friend," Aren says dryly. "That's better than I'd expected."

Ara smacks him in the back of the head. "Stop being so mopey," she says. "I have other friends. Besides, you know I wasn't much a social butterfly before college, either."

"Yeah, but now I've just made it harder for you to do anything," Aren sighs, poking at his soggy cereal with a fork. "Sasha's friends hate you too, don't they."

"On the contrary," Ara says, swallowing down cereal and milk and guilt all at once. "I think they forgave you long before you forgave yourself."

She drains the rest of her cereal and gets up to wash her bowl. "Walk with me to the grocery store," she requests/orders, clapping him on the shoulder. "I will literally bribe you with ice cream if that's what it takes to get you to stop projecting yourself onto my issues."

* * *

Mama requests a day off in the middle of July to drag Ara out to go shopping, which sets off warning bells immediately.

Ara knows for a fact that Mama has never volunteered to take her shopping unless she wants to just _gossip_. She packs a small handbag with her purse, tissues, her little bag of lady things (just in case of emergency), and a cherry red lip tint that Elesis bought her for Christmas. She changes out of the maxi dress she'd been wearing and puts on denim short shorts, and a black cut-out t-shirt she bought at Forever 21, and her old low-top Converse that are still decorated with mud stains.

"Where are we going?" She asks, as Mama stops the car at the subway station. "Downtown?"

"It's not a shopping trip unless I get to see you in all the pretty dresses," Mama insists, stopping in front of the hot dog cart that's always parked just outside the station. "You want a hot dog?"

She gets two for them. Ara puts a ton of pickled corn and bacon bits on hers, because you don't get these sorts of things on a sketchy campus hot dog cart. They eat their hot dogs in silence on the subway, as the train rattles through the city and into the core of downtown Sander.

The large shopping mall they arrive at is one of, if not the largest in Fluone. It spans the exact distance between two subway stations and has four storeys. They stop at the station closer to Ted Baker, which is where Ara got her grad dress. Sure, Mama doesn't really like the quality of their clothes, but she claps in delight when Ara comes out of the fitting room in a beautiful blue and white dress.

"The only good thing that college has done for you is to cut down on your middle," she teases, flicking Ara in the tummy. Ara instinctively curls in and pouts. "You know I'm right. Have you been working out?"

"Not particularly." Ara frowns. "Sometimes I forget to eat lunch because I'm running between classes."

"Are you eating breakfast everyday, at least?" Mama inquires. Ara nods, because unlike some people (eg. Aisha) she never skips breakfast, regardless of how packed her schedule is. "Good. Now try this one on."

They leave Ted Baker with no new purchases but many photos of Ara looking fabulous in dresses of all the colours of the rainbow, and instead go to "clothing stores for normal kids", like Aritzia, and Garage, and American Eagle. Ara puts on everything Mama picks for her to try on, just to humour her mother. She doesn't have much time to spend with just Mama, after all, because both her and Baba have work during the week.

"I think these jeans would look good with that t-shirt," Mama says as she slips into a pair of cropped jeans. "And this varsity jacket-looking thing! Yes, that looks interesting."

"That doesn't sound very inspiring," Ara mumbles, looking herself over in the mirror. Pale jeans and a black shirt, plus an orange and purple varsity jacket. It's definitely a look—maybe not Ara's look in particular, but it's a look.

"Nonsense, you look interesting in everything." Mama smiles. "I'm sure if you dressed a bit more colourfully, the other kids on campus would be more interested in you."

Ara groans. "Mama, _no_ —" she starts, but it's too late, she's already started on a tangent that probably won't end anytime soon.

"Have you been seeing anyone?" Mama asks, shit-eating grin decorating her face. This is why Ara never invites Elesis over anymore—she's highkey scared of what could happen if her mother and her best friend teamed up to bully her. "More importantly, do you like anyone? Hmm?"

"No, Mama," Ara says, truthfully. "I told you when I dated and broke up with Steel, didn't I? You know I'd never just keep things in the dark from you like that."

Mama keeps her smile, but she seems to deflate ever so slightly. "Alright, if you say so." Her eyes light up again, and her eyebrows go flying. "But if you ever do—"

"Then you'll be the first to know." Ara thinks about it again. "Actually, no. Elesis would probably be the first to know, she figures things out about me before I can."

Mama laughs, and it's such a happy sound that Ara laughs, too.

* * *

Add sends her a link one day, and at first she's afraid that he's going to rickroll her or give her respiratory issues with another meme song, but then she realizes that it's just Tetris, formatted for competitive play.

 _Add Grenore: do you have discord_

 _Add Grenore: we can voice call and play Tetris_

 _Ara Haan: yeah_

 _Ara Haan: I'm Ararararara #0701_

 _Add Grenore: I'd tease you about your handle but it's not like mine is much better_

She starts up Discord, and within seconds she gets a friend request from _Grenouille #9999_. It takes all her self control to not laugh out loud as she accepts the request.

 _ **Ararararara** —oh my god_

 _ **Grenouille** —in my defense it was a suggestion from Ciel_

She boots up the Tetris site, makes an account, and joins Add's game quickly before responding to his voice call.

" _Hey_ ," he says. " _What's up?_ "

"Not much." Ara grins, even though she knows he can't see it. "Are you ready to be absolutely pulverized?"

" _I'm not going down without a fight!_ "

Ara ends up beating him based on sheer speed alone—she hard drops Tetrominos exactly where she wants them, while Add sort of just waits for them to fall. By the time she's hit level 6, he's barely past level 2. " _How are you going so fast?_ " He yelps, looking at the scoreboard. " _Are you hacking the system or something?_ "

"If you click the place where you want to put a piece, you can hard drop it and make things faster," Ara supplies, still grinning. She's on level 8 now, with a virtually cleared board, while Add has half of his filled with holes.

She does end up winning—Add ends up losing by the time he gets to level 6, which is pretty impressive since he's barely ever played Tetris before. " _Next time,_ " he insists, " _I will destroy you in this hell game._ "

"Keep dreaming," Ara laughs. "Alright. Bye for now!"

" _See ya._ "

The voice call ends, and Ara drops her headphones, feeling a little dazed as she closes the tab for competitive Tetris.

Then she restores it, looks for a random challenger, and cracks her knuckles.

* * *

Aren wakes her up one day with the sound effect of an air horn from YouTube played on full volume. "Get up, Elesis is sitting on our deck and I don't know how she got there," he says, a little desperate-sounding.

So Ara rolls out of bed in her pyjamas and frizzy hair, and gets up to unlock the door to the deck for her idiot of a best friend. "I biked here," Elesis announces when the door opens, not that anyone asked. "Oh hey, Aren. Want a piece of bread?"

She's brought a loaf of her mom's freshly baked homemade bread, which is honestly a blessing. Ara washes up and gets changed quickly so that Aren and Elesis don't eat it all before she can snag a bite. "I know for a fact that you have the key to our front door," she says, tearing into the soft bread. "Why did you just sit on the deck and wait for one of us to open the door?"

"First of all, I don't have your key," Elesis lies, pointing at her with her mug of cold milk. "Second of all, I wanted to freak out Aren, and he was having breakfast in front of the window, so of course I couldn't just waltz in here."

"That's just more concerning," Aren mutters.

They sit around the table just chatting and eating until Elesis runs out of milk, at which point she gets up to get more, only to forget that she wanted milk in the first place and start braiding Aren's hair. Ara joins her promptly, and then they take all the little braids and braid it into a bigger braid.

"Voila," Elesis says, holding up her phone' on selfie mode. "How do you feel about your fabulous new hair, Monsieur?"

"I look hideous."

Ara glances at Elesis, and they both burst into laughter. Even Aren manages a small smile. It's immensely stupid, and they spend a grand total of one hour and twenty-six minutes untangling all the tiny braids (although a lot of that is just chatter, too).

Lunch for the three of them is Ara's favourite spicy instant vermicelli, along with some cheese sausages from the grocery store and baby carrots. Ara makes sure to sift through her bowl afterwards for the fried beans with just her chopsticks, mostly to spite Elesis, who drinks everything and regrets it instantly afterwards.

They spend the rest of the afternoon playing Mario Party on the Wii, until Baba comes home and doesn't even question things. Elesis just walking into their house was a common occurrence back in high school, and it still is. Elesis always greets Baba and Mama politely, and of course Ara's always free to crash at her place whenever she wants.

Add calls in the evening, and they set up a three-way Tetris competition. Elesis, who has trained against Ara but has not reached her level yet, is still perfectly capable of crushing Add, who falls far behind in comparison. " _Absolutely unfair,"_ he complains. " _I'm being bullied here._ "

"Too bad you're just bad at Tetris," Elesis laughs, punching Ara in the shoulder. "Teach the poor boy someday, would you?"

Ara sticks her tongue out at her. Elesis just laughs some more while Add makes a deflating sound like he's pouting. "Tetris isn't everyone's thing," she amends. "Hey Ara, you ever think about taking up MMOs?"

"No thank you," Ara responds. "My computer is weak and cannot handle the stress of running MMOs."

"You are weak and natural selection is coming for you," Elesis informs her.

They laugh and joke a bit more, and then someone calls for Add on the other side—a lilting voice like a nightingale, soft and lyrical. " _Edward, it's ten o'clock, aren't you going to go to sleep?_ "

" _That's my mom,_ " Add informs them, before taking off him headphones and yelling back " _It's only ten, mom!_ "

"I should probably be getting home soon," Elesis realizes, looking at the clock. "Oh god it's nine fifty, it's gonna be pitch black by the time I get home."

"Did you even tell your parents you were coming over to my place?" Ara frets.

Elesis shrugs. "I told Elsword, but I think he was half-asleep," she admits, before grinning brightly in that Elesis way of hers. "They shouldn't be too worried if I call home now, right?"

She calls home right before she leaves. Apparently Elsword caught the end of whatever she said, and informed their parents that she was headed to Ara's house for the day. "Well, all's well that ends well," she says, slipping her phone back into her pocket as she stands in front of the screen door to the deck. "Bye, Ara. See ya around Aren."

"You can just take the door—" Ara sighs and gives up as her best friend grins and leaves through the deck. "Where'd she leave her bike?"

"That's the thing," Aren says. "I went outside while you guys were playing Tetris, and I couldn't find it."

Before Ara gets to sleep, though, she stays up waiting for Elesis to come back online so she can make sure her friend isn't dead.

 _ **Ararararara—** are you alive_

 _ **Ararararara—** tell me when you get home_

 _ **Elmo—** yeah i'm alive dw_

 _ **Ararararara—** where'd you keep your bike when you were here?_

 _ **Elmo—** in your garage actually_

 _ **Ararararara—**?_

Another message pops up while she's typing out the question marks. It's from Add. She opens it.

 _ **Grenouille—** are you sleeping?_

 _ **Ararararara—** not yet_

 _ **Ararararara—** had to make sure elesis isn't dead_

 _ **Ararararara—** she biked to my house, put her bike in my garage, and then proceeded to camp out on the deck to freak out my brother even though she has a copy of my house key_

 _ **Grenouille—** sounds like something elesis would do_

 _ **Ararararara—** it is the Quintessential Elesis Power Move ™_

 _ **Grenouille—** wow_

 _ **Grenouille—** does she do this often?_

 _ **Ararararara—** usually she just lets herself in so i'm gonna say no_

 _ **Grenouille—** ah_

 _ **Grenouille—** well then good night_

 _ **Ararararara—** you do realize elesis is going to keep messaging me for the next three hours right_

 _ **Grenouille—** *good luck_

Ara laughs out loud, and Aren pokes his head into the room to see if she's alright. "You sound happy," he says, a little bitterly, a little wistfully. "That's good."

"I told you I had friends," Ara says, a small smile dancing on her lips. "You'd be surprised at how amazing they are."

"Elesis doesn't count, she's practically family," Aren mutters before smiling. "Get some sleep before Mama comes in to yell at you."

The door closes. Ara lets out a little happy sigh.

A notification sound from her headphones snaps her back to reality, though. She looks at the banner. It's a message from Elesis, one of fourteen, and this one just says _BITCH_ in all caps.

Nothing could possibly prepare her now. It's Elesis, after all. So Ara just fights a smirk and opens the app.

* * *

Mama and Baba insist on making a grand dinner the night before she has to leave for the next semester, and they task Aren with keeping Ara busy in the backyard so she can't interfere.

(That's all cool and good, but Ara hasn't the slightest idea as to how to put some light back in her brother's life. She knows how much he loved Sasha, how much better of a person she made him, and how her death caused him to drop into a personal hell that she's not sure she can pull him out of.)

"You're doing pretty good in school, aren't you," Aren comments while he skims through her Maitreya paper on her phone. "Wow. I can't even pronounce half these words."

"Me neither," Ara confesses, grimacing. "It took me three months to train myself to pronounce _bodhisattva_ properly, and I think I've used that word upwards of a million times in papers."

Aren snorts. "The Chinese word is so much easier." He gestures at the document and all the instances where autocorrect doesn't even recognise the word. " _Púsà_ is so much easier to pronounce." He smiles wistfully. "The Chinese language is truly beautiful."

"Sanskrit is beautiful too," Ara argues, pushing a fingertip into his cheek. It's bonier than she'd expected. "We get the English words _candy_ and _ginger_ from Sanskrit roots, you know."

"Maybe you're just biased because you're studying it," Aren teases.

Ara sticks her tongue out at him. "Maybe you're biased because you aren't."

There's suddenly a shout inside, followed by a loud stomping noise and something like glass or porcelain hitting the floor. Aren immediately shoves the phone back into Ara's hands and throws open the screen door. "What happened? Are you okay?"

Baba is standing over the crockpot, looking sheepish as he picks the lid up and sets it back on. "I tripped over the cord," he says, looking it over. "Hmm. I don't think I broke anything."

He plugs it back in, but the controls don't light up like they're supposed to. "Oh dear." Baba unplugs it again and plugs it back in, before unplugging it and moving the crockpot away from the wall socket entirely. "Well, it lived a good life. We've had this crockpot since we moved to Sander, haven't we?"

"Did you spill the pork belly?" Mama comes out of the kitchen wielding a spatula and a bottle of soy sauce in one hand and a wad of dish towel in the other. "There were twenty minutes left for cooking, so it should be fine. I'll just cook it on the stove the rest of the way."

Ara kneels by the crockpot while Baba scoops the stewed pork belly out into a smaller pot. "Can we please not throw it out?" She says, thinking of a friend with purple eyes and a _ton_ of pliers. "I could get one of my engineering friends to fix it."

Baba thinks about it. "You could," he says cautiously, "just take it. Mama and I barely use the crockpot these days because we have the _shaguo_."

"You're not allowed gas stoves in your dorms, right?" Mama says. "As much as I love that Aisha is your only roommate, you could really use a kitchen. If you get the crockpot fixed, you could make stewed pork in your dorm."

"And if you can't get it fixed, I'll mail you one myself," Aren says, smiling. "Take the crockpot with you, Ara."

The pork belly is delicious anyways, if a little greasy. There's cabbage pickles, and shrimp stir-fried with salted black bean and breadcrumbs, and stir-fried bean shoots. Ara wonders between bites of rice and eggplants how much some of this food must have cost, because _eggplants certainly aren't in season_.

But dinner is happy, the happiest it's been since Ara got into her dream program. Aren laughs more often than not, and none of it is forced. He chugs an entire can of cream soda (much to Mama's horror) and nearly cries because of the fizz. "You're going to get _fat_ ," Mama complains, poking Ara's stomach with three fingers while she sips her own ginger ale.

"I am a grown, responsible woman," Ara snarks in reply, and gets a playful smack to the back of her head.

She goes to sleep content that night, but wakes up briefly when Mama and Baba steal into her room to kiss her forehead.

Her smile lasts through the night and well into the morning.

* * *

Mama and Baba have work when she leaves, so Ara gets up extra early to kiss them goodbye, then properly rolls out of bed to pack up the now cooled crockpot into a bag.

Aren walks with her to the train station, where they wait for both Elesis and the next train. "She's been like this since I met her," she snorts, pushing her suitcase handle down into the suitcase. "Knowing her, she's probably stopping for Starbucks or something."

"It's Elesis, she doesn't drink Starbucks," Aren says dryly.

"Hey, guys!"

"Speak of the devil, and she shall appear," Ara says, grinning, as Elesis runs into the station dragging her obnoxious red suitcase, peppered with stickers, behind her. She wields a cup of iced coffee from—wait for it—Starbucks. "Showing up late with Starbucks, I see."

"I have an _aesthetic_ to maintain," Elesis quips, shaking the cup lightly to jostle the ice. "Only a cool kid would have coffee like this."

"The train is coming in six minutes," Ara says flatly, even though her chest is buckling with laughter. "Let's hurry. Do you have your ticket?"

They rush into the station just in time to catch the train as it plows into the station. "Don't do dumb things," Ara says hurriedly, smacking her brother upside the head. "And don't go about not eating things. Mama complains to me when you do and if I get another message about it, I swear I will bike all the way back to Sander and _make you eat_."

"Duly noted," Aren says, smiling. "And you too." He seems to hesitate for a moment. "Stay safe." He ruffles her hair and presses a kindly kiss to her hairline, before pulling away to give Elesis a fist bump and a pat on the back. "Watch my sister for me, would you?"

"Way ahead of you," Elesis tells him.

"Speaking of way ahead," Ara suddenly says, grabbing Elesis by the wrist, "our train is about to get _way_ ahead of us, so we really have to _run!_ "

They get on the train laughing and gasping for breath, waving goodbye to Aren through the window. He smiles and waves, but Ara catches his eyes glistening with tears even through the tinted glass. She lets her fingertips trail on the glass for just a second before the train pulls out of the station and thunders towards Sander.

" _Thank you for choosing COBO transport systems_ ," says an automated voice over the PA system. Ara and Elesis, who regularly take the train to and from school, have memorized the whole spiel, and Ara fights an undignified snort as Elesis takes to mimicking it. " _You are now aboard the nine-thirty train from Sander Central Station to Hamel Downtown. At the current speed, you should arrive at your destination by ten-fifteen. To ensure your safety, please remain seated while the train is moving._ "

The train shuttles towards downtown Hamel at a hundred kilometers per hour, as Ara tucks her crockpot under her seat and shuffles her suitcase next to her. Elesis reaches into her backpack and pulls out two boxes of chocolate milk and two straws, handing one of each to Ara. "Stopped at a convenience store to get these."

"You just had an iced coffee three minutes ago," Ara gripes, though she accepts the chocolate milk gratefully. The top of a third straw pokes through Elesis's bag. "Wait a sec. Where's your brother?"

"He left last week," Elesis replies, rolling her eyes. "He's staying with Chung's family in Hamel for the week before school starts again." She makes a face. "I can't believe my own brother could one up me like this. I feel _betrayed_."

"I thought Elsword said they weren't dating," Ara ponders.

Elesis snorts. "That's because he didn't want Rena and Raven to give them the sex talk."

They chatter quietly in their seats over the sounds of the train running and the people around them. Elesis makes a run to the bathroom, but detours to the snack car, and brings back two cold sandwiches—ham for herself and tuna for Ara. They eat their sandwiches and drink their chocolate milk in peace as they recount their summer adventures.

"Mom and Dad took us to Feita to go hiking through the mountains," Elesis says excitedly. There are breadcrumbs stuck to her lips. "We were up on the mountain, there were tall flimsy trees all around us, and there were a pair of running shoes hanging from the highest branch of one of the trees."

"Wait," Ara says, suddenly confused. "If the trees are all flimsy, then how—"

"Exactly. Dad thinks someone threw them up, but Els and I tried with our own shoes and we could never get them that high." She shakes her head. "I mean, I know we've done dumb things as young adults, but at least we haven't achieved the impossible yet."

"Well, we're in our third year now," Ara says brightly. "It's time to make the impossible happen."

Elesis stares at her before bursting out in a huge grin. "Now that's the spirit."

* * *

 **A/N: new format, if the text messages start with the names in bold then they're speaking on discord! this will be used more in later chapters for whole new purposes (such as a group server)**

 **Ara's initial discord handle was _bakedpotato_ , while Add's was _Mission Status: Sick_. i decided on the new ones because they were easier to type**

 **the thing about the running shoes on the tree is something that happened to me when i was in banff. we were coming down from the mountain in a gondola and i just happened to see a pair of shoes like 6 metres up in a tree. don't know how they got up there.**

 **also full disclosure: i made the potato bacon roses and nearly sliced my thumb in half with the slicer. stay in school and don't play with sharp cooking utensils kids**

 **it might seem like a lot of this is really random but that's really how my own summer felt. i've put a lot of guns on the stage and i gotta set them off later, though, so please look forward to the next chapter!**

 **~Marg**


	3. Year 3, Semester 1

The day before their first official day back, Rena sends everyone a text directing them to her new office in the afternoon, with the added message _Bring food!_ Ara wonders how many of their friends are actually going to show up.

Aisha, she knows, is doing a few months of co-op this year, working overseas in France and using her "impressive language skills" to wheedle her way out of having to study late into the night. Instead of grabbing her, Ara picks up some baking materials at the local grocery store and hauls them back to the dorm, where she spends an hour kneading dough into beautiful cinnamon rolls.

Puris from her Shaktism class last year is heading downstairs when she pulls the cinnamon rolls out of the oven. "Oh wow, I didn't know you were such a good baker, Ara!" She chirps, rushing over in three-inch heels. "If you ever want to trade recipes, I've got plenty of good ones that my grandma taught me!"

Ara smiles and nods, and offers her a cinnamon roll. Puris politely declines, but only because she's just applied lipstick and she's scared to muss it up, and runs off for her date.

It seems like this year might just get off to a good start. She has friends from last year, one of the girls from her classes is trying to call a truce, and her courses aren't too heavy.

(But then again, she'd stepped out of the bathroom for three minutes to grab a towel the previous night, and someone had brushed all her toiletries onto the floor in that short period of time. Ara didn't realize the other occupants of the Solace dorm could be so petty.)

After her first day of back of wandering between libraries and talking to her profs(Professor Ventus is absolutely ecstatic to have her back in his classes), Ara brings her plastic-wrapped plate of cinnamon rolls to Rena's new office in the counselors' lounge.

The first thing she notices is the abundance of plants.

Ara has never actually been to the counselors' lounge for proper counselling. She gets the feeling the actual counselors are going to hate their friend group by the end of the year if they keep this up, because it is _loud_.

The current fun thing to do seems to be trying to balance as many plants on Eve as possible. Elesis gingerly sets a sixth aloe plant on her thigh, tongue stuck out as if it'll help. "That's twelve now," she announces proudly. Beside her, Add seems equally content to have placed _two_ small flowerpots on her head.

"Please release me," Eve says, strained.

Ara shakes her head, a smile already on her lips. "Here's the food you requested," she tells Rena, handing her the cinnamon rolls. Rena squeals happily as Ara leans over to pluck each potted plant off Eve. "Guys, you can't just abuse poor Eve's amazing balancing abilities like this."

"You just have to _believe_ ," Add insists, reaching to her with his fist out. She bumps it with her own, then turns to set Rena's lavender plant on the coffee table. "The plant sci kids are all gonna tell you how plants are the future."

"I don't know any people in plant sci," Ara says, making a face. Add and Elesis simultaneously stick their tongues out at her.

So there aren't many of them left here today. Aisha's off doing her co-op in France. Elsword and Chung stumble in late, which is both a relief and a worrying thought. Ciel has graduated and is moving on to culinary school, halfway across the country. Ain is taking his grandmother to a physiotherapy appointment, but at least he's still in town. Raven is in police academy in Velder, which clearly distresses Rena. "I miss him," she says wistfully. "I miss feeling his arms around me, the nights we spent together—"

Elsword chokes on a piece of cinnamon roll. Ara doesn't blame him. She's heard Rena talk about her sex life enough for one lifetime.

Rena's catering friend comes to deliver lunch shortly, and they chatter quietly among themselves about the summer as her coworkers spill in and out to steal pizza and burritos. Ain comes in with a sticky note stuck to his back, and they all have a good laugh as he realizes someone left their number on him. Eve shakes leaves out of her hair and plucks one out from down her shirt.

Ara hasn't laughed this much in a long time, or at least it feels that way. The summer passed by in a daze, and she missed out on so many of the things she had wanted to do. Now, back in school with her friends, it feels like warmth again. Like home.

She wonders how long it'll last.

* * *

"I feel really guilty asking this," Ara admits, "but."

They're sitting on the steps outside one of the libraries, along with about half of Add's class. Most of them are joking around and eating lunches. Add himself is picking through a bagel sandwich with the discerning eye of a prospective engineer. He doesn't like tomatoes. "But?"

"Can you fix my crock pot," Ara blurts. Her tea sloshes out onto her hands, but it's so lukewarm at this point that it doesn't burn. "My dad tripped over the cord a few days before the beginning of the semester. I managed to convince him to not throw it out."

"Oh." Add blinks blankly. "I mean, if it's just the cord, it'll be easy, but how old is the crock pot?"

"Like, six years." Ara winces. "I'm sorry. It might have frazzled, and then the cord was probably the last straw."

Add only shrugs. "It shouldn't be too hard." He suddenly looks guilty. "But, uh... If I do manage to fix it, can you make me something with it?"

Then, a little more quietly and guiltily: "I really, really can't cook."

* * *

Add does manage to fix the crock pot.

Ara makes him a pot of beef stew, buys a large glass Tupperware, and walks the kilometre-or-so to the Ebalon dorm to deliver it to him herself. He takes it graciously, heats some up, and cries eating it, because it's just that good.

So really, not much has changed about their friendship, if it really exists at all. Ara is clumsy and breaks things, Add fixes them, and then they have food and send pictures of their pets to each other. It's become an endearing pattern, but somehow, it's still stranger to them.

Ara feels like she can almost forget that she's unimportant to him in the long run.

* * *

"Welcome to Classical Vaishnavism," Professor Ventus announces loudly, striding into class late with Starbucks. He only ever orders the matcha frappe, because it's green and he has "an aesthetic to uphold". The other profs make fun of him for it, but the truth stands: the man somehow doesn't need the caffeine. "I'm assuming you're here because you're either doing this for fun, or you survived my Shaktism course, to which I greatly applaud you! It's not an easy course. I'm honestly glad to see familiar faces in this crowd."

As he plops himself down on the desk and starts to introduce the syllabus, Gloria Grimaldi slips through the tiers of the lecture hall and comes to sit in the empty seat beside Ara. "I hope you don't mind," she says quietly, smiling kindly. "I was able to convince my parents to let me drop calculus."

"Oh!" Ara offers her a genuine smile. "I'm really happy for you, that must be a huge burden off your chest now!"

"Of course," Gloria chitters, "so now I have the time to take a course I genuinely like." She gestures at Professor Ventus, who continues to tell awful jokes and terrible puns in the pulpit. "I've never taken a religion course, though. Do you mind bringing me up to speed with everything?"

 _This is reconciliation,_ Ara thinks, as she easily slips into casual conversation and shares her notes with Gloria. _If only Aren could see me now._

* * *

The fall term on campus is always beautiful; Ara bikes through showers of golden flame on her way to each class, scattering the carpet of vermillion under her wheels. She buys ground beef and kidney beans and canned tomatoes to make a crockpot of chilli, and guards it jealously when her floormates come begging for samples. The ice water in her water bottle is exchanged for just tap water, and then even that is exchanged for hot tea.

Elesis is continually bored out of her mind, so all too often Ara finds her best friend asleep on her bunk bed when she gets back to her room in the evening. She begs to be let in on the pet image exchange, so Ara makes a group chat with her and Add and names it _the fluff corner_. Images of Eun, Dynamo, and Elesis's new hamster Emperor, are tossed around liberally at any and all times of the day.

Gloria sticks by her side through the entire Vaishnavism course, and in due time, Ara thinks she's gained a new friend. They laugh through Professor Ventus's antics and cry through awful morning workshops together. Ara buys her a cute, extremely soft hoodie for her birthday, and gets a giant hug and equally large, grateful smile in return.

"Thank you for being my friend," she says, sometime in October, as they're packing up after a lecture. "I really appreciate it."

Gloria gives her a strange look, like she's on the verge of tears. "It's what you deserve," she says. "Don't you ever forget that."

She's able to compile a group chat with some of the other students in their class from Solace dorm. They hold late-night cram sessions in the common room, sitting in a circle on the floor, comparing notes and chanting mantras in a futile attempt to memorize them. Ara knows Puris already, but then she meets Massimo and David and Megan, and her world becomes that much wider.

Megan only owns black hoodies and wears them all on a rotational basis, but she has a kind smile and lets Ara use some of her laundry detergent when hers runs out. Massimo shares his recipes with her after he finds her baking a quiche at midnight. David teaches her how to throw punches in the dorm's training room, and apologizes profusely when he so much as _taps_ her in the arm.

And even though her courses are tough and trying to read the Vedas is tougher, Ara feels like she has less of a burden than the year before. The melancholy that plagued her through the fall term last year has faded almost entirely, and there's a spring in her step and a smile on her face. Her fear of the world is slowly fading.

(That is, until midterms roll around, but seasonal depression is virtually unavoidable anyways.)

There's barely any time to rest, but Ara does her best to fill her down time with laughter and happiness. It feels right. It feels like she's at home again.

And yet, Ara still feels the glares, the fingers pointing.

No matter how much she smiles, she supposes, the blame will never truly go away.

* * *

Halloween at Western Fluone is never a huge event.

Or at least, that's what the majority of the students think. Anyone in the humanities streams, or at least anyone who knows Professor Ventus, knows that Halloween is never to be taken lightly. Ara learned this the hard way her first Halloween here, when she walked in wearing her classic all-black outfit with black cat ears and immediately got pouted at for having a "boring" costume.

Professor Ventus is, unfortunately, notorious for going a _little_ too far with his Halloween costume every year. Last year, he dressed as Link, and then took it a step further, strapping a replica (fully steel!) Hylian shield to his back as he traipsed through the hallways, playing the main theme from _Legend of Zelda_ on a hand-painted ocarina that hung from his neck. It took quite a bit of threatening and pleading from both Professor Denif and Professor Solace to convince him to put his Master Sword down and stop waving it around while teaching.

The year before, he was Pokemon Trainer Red, and slapped a hat over an awful black wig. Professor Rosso threatened to set his entire collection of Pokemon plushies on fire if he didn't stop throwing them at students.

This year, Ara isn't about to risk losing a chance to score free candy. The black cat was boring, the zombie fighter last year (complete with water gun spray-painted black, gloves and everything a zombie fighter should have) was "cool, but not particularly unique". She calls Elesis, and they take the bus downtown.

"I find it hilarious that you guys are in one of the most... I dunno, traditional programs in the country, but you still take everything with a grain of salt," Elesis chortles, gripping the handles on her seat tightly. "Professor Ventus seems like a cool guy but I can't take him seriously because of how he does Halloween."

"I just need to beat him at his own game," Ara replies nonchalantly. "I have no idea what he's gonna be this year, but I need to be more extra than him."

Elesis nods with serious understanding. "I see," she says, stroking her imaginary beard. "You aspire to best the master at his own game. Well, what can you do that he can't?"

"I can sew," Ara says with some amusement. "And I have a ton of old fabric back at home." She frowns. "Assuming Eun hasn't gotten into it yet."

"Speaking of Eun, how is she?" Elesis asks. "I saw that photo of her licking Aren's face in _the fluff corner_. She's such a cutie."

Ara smiles warmly. "That she is," she says wistfully. "I- actually, I have an idea for my costume."

They talk about folklore, and Sichuan opera, and Ara's great-uncle who used to be an acrobat, and then they get off the bus and begin their trek through the downtown core. "You should call Aisha to see if you can borrow a dress from her or something," Elesis suggests, peering through the window of a nearby shop. "Put a few embellishments on it, walk into class, tell him "hey Professor, I bet you can't guess what I'm dressed as" and just. Y'know. Strike a dance pose and then _bam_ , you're a nine-tailed fox. Ten out of ten. Complete power move."

"The question now is how I'm gonna pull it off," Ara mutters. "Oh, wait, fur ruffle, let's take a moment to look at that."

They duck in and out of shops, picking up ideas and the occasional article of clothing. Ara calls Aisha quickly to ask if she can borrow a dress, to which the younger girl gladly donates the black skintight number from the party last year. Elesis disappears for ten minutes and returns with hot chocolate. Ara is almost certain that there aren't any shops that sell hot chocolate nearby.

The majority of their purchases end up coming from the dollar store. Ara finds compressed air and inflatable pool noodle things at a fairly low price. There's cheap fur ruffle, but only in white. Ara buys it anyways, even though she knows she won't have the time or supplies to dye it black. She envisions the costume in her head, hopes she can hide the pool noodles under her bag, and buys a few pulleys to help her out.

Their final stop before lunch is the thrift store. Elesis's only request when Ara dragged her out was to stop at the thrift store for her own costume. She picks up a Ouija board, and it takes some pleading for Ara to convince her to put it down. "We are not fucking around with ghosts," she says, a little too quickly, "especially not on Halloween."

"That's literally the best time to fuck around with ghosts," Elesis snipes in reply. "Let me live out my dreams of summoning ghosts."

She makes her purchases (for her costume, not the Ouija board) quickly and they head to lunch. "I'm gonna cover the pool noodles in fur trim, and I'll rig them to the can of compressed air," Ara explains over pad thai from the food court. "Hook it up to my bag, toss on a pair of fake ears as I hit the deck, and then bam, nine-tailed fox."

Elesis tries to laugh and nearly chokes on a piece of her subway sandwich. "I'm okay," she wheezes as Ara pounds her back. "It's just, oh my god, it's like you're gonna fuse with Eun or something to create the ultimate powerful being."

"I really hope I don't fuse with my fox," Ara says. "You'd just call me a furry even more."

This time, she ends up having to do the Heimlich maneuver on Elesis, but, as the other girl says, _it was worth it_.

* * *

"Hey Professor," Ara says, walking into class late with a huge sunhat shoved over her head, "happy Halloween."

Professor Ventus gives her an odd look. He's decked out in a forest green cloak, a bow and an empty quiver slung across his back. His hair, deceptively short on the daily basis, is rinsed down and braided elegantly. The only thing out of place is the lollipop hanging from his mouth. "Your costume concerns me," he says airily, in what Ara assumes to be his Legolas Greenleaf imitation. "What are you dressed as?"

Ara smiles. She's still got her backpack on, albeit it's relatively empty to allow for her costume parts. The backpack and her dress (now with fur ruffle) hide all of the pool noodles perfectly. "You know how I have a pet fox, right, Professor?" She drops into a sideways lunge quickly, pulling on the cord that releases the compressed air, and flicks her hat off to reveal the white wig and white fox ears hidden underneath. The nine tails/inflatable pool noodles spring to life in an arc of white fur. A little belatedly, she mourns her decision to not bring a spear—it would have looked really badass, like a video game character.

Nevertheless, the room goes silent. The lollipop falls out of Professor Ventus's mouth; it turns out it was just the stick, anyways. "Well, candy my corn," he says, flabbergasted, "I think we finally have a winner."

" _THAT'S MY GIRL_ ," Elesis hollers from the hallway, jumping up and down in (what else) her bedsheet ghost costume. " _WOOHOO, ARA HAAN! YOU ROCK THOSE TAILS!_ "

Somehow, a few of her classmates recover and start clapping. Professor Ventus claps along too, grinning. "Congrats, Ara," he says, "you're the first ever winner of the Halloween candy basket.

(The basket is twice the size of her backpack and lasts her a solid two years, even with Elesis, Add and Aisha constantly stealing from it.)

* * *

 _Add Grenore: hey_

 _Add Grenore: are you alive_

 _Ara Haan: yo! haven't heard from you in a bit_

 _Ara Haan: what's up?_

 _Add Grenore: are you interested in acquiring upwards of 600 solo cups in various colours_

 _Add Grenore: i swear they're actually microwave and heat safe we tested them_

 _Ara Haan: i_

 _Ara Haan: what now_

 _Add Grenore: nevermind_

 _Add Grenore: do you have anything planned for this saturday_

 _Add Grenore: we're having an engineering expo and we need some volunteers_

 _Add Grenore: admin is paying everyone in pizza, bubble tea and various leftover materials_

 _Ara Haan: uhhh i don't have anything this saturday so i guess?_

 _Ara Haan: but why solo cups_

 _Add Grenore: in my defence it wasn't my idea_

* * *

"Okay," Ara says, "what the _fuck_."

There is some sort of a monstrosity in front of her: a tower of solo cups in obnoxious colours (lime green, fuchsia and baby pink, to name a few) lined with popsicle sticks in between, stacked up all the way to the ceiling. Ara knows the basic idea behind it — get it propped up between the floor and the ceiling, and it won't fall — but having _six_ of these towers next to each other has got to be dangerous.

"If all goes well, they shouldn't fall," Add says leisurely, like there's nothing to worry about with the seven-metre tall stacks of plastic and low-quality wood. "Science says it shouldn't fall unless someone intentionally jostles it." He winces. "Although we do have about twenty thousand solo cups and upwards of a million popsicle sticks left over."

"I'll take the popsicle sticks," Elesis offers, her arms and head suddenly popping up out of the oversized _VOLUNTEER_ t-shirt she's donning. "I want to build a house for Emperor out of them. But I don't think I really need solo cups."

"Why do you have so much stuff left over?" Ara asks, grimacing as she watches some unfortunate engineering student climb up a six-metre ladder to adjust the solo cups slipping at the top. "Can't you just, I dunno, distribute them and get the whole campus to sing the cup song?"

"We've tried using up everything," he offers. "There's just too many of them. Oh wait, everyone _move_ , that tower's not gonna last—"

The fifth tower keels over, breaking into its solo cup segments in what feels like slow motion. The pieces crash into nearby towers that break up upon impact as well, leaving no tower standing. A fine rain of popsicle sticks and rainbow solo cups drizzles over the spectating volunteers and engineers, who run for cover.

A bright blue cup lands in front of Ara and instantly cracks in three places upon impact. The person on the ladder looks like they're going through all five stages of grief at once.

"... That's why we don't have more towers," Add manages.

Ara sighs. "Ambition, ambition," she chides, reaching for a nearby garbage bag. "I'll take the baby pink ones and _only_ the baby pink ones."

* * *

Ara makes a great invention the next day.

She calls it the _Cup And Popsicle Stick Invention to Zoink Engineers_ (or the _CAPSIZE_ for short). The invention is as such: she invites the entirety of Solace dorm, as well as all the engineering majors involved in the incident, to help her make soup. They ladle individual portions of soup into the solo cups and put popsicle sticks in them as they freeze. The idea is that anyone who wants to eat one can just stick the entire thing in the microwave, stir it around with the popsicle stick, eat, and just wash everything off and recycle it afterwards.

The engineering kids hate the name, but everyone admits it's a great idea. No one has the time to actually cook meals on a regular basis (less so now because they all have to explain to administration the reason the expo had to be delayed and nearly cancelled), so preparing tons of soup in advance and freezing it all ensures that no one has the excuse of "I can't cook" for not eating.

Ara receives several entrepreneurship offers. She turns them down because business is not her cup of soup. They offer a ton of CAPSIZEs to the local soup kitchen instead.

At the end of the ordeal, the Solace dorm (and the engineering students) are about six hundred servings of soup richer, and Ara still has over three hundred empty solo cups to store in her room.

(They're all baby pink. Ara snickers to think of how Aisha will react to them.)

* * *

"Don't you hate coffee?" Elesis quips, setting down her mug of americano on the table. "I'm pretty sure you've hit your brother before because he tricked you into taking a shot of espresso."

"That, my dear Elesis, is correct," Ara says, sitting down with her plate. "Coffee disgusts me, even if sometimes I do need the caffeine. This is Earl Grey with milk and sugar."

Elesis sticks her tongue out at her. "Coward," she laughs, to which Ara simply shrugs and digs into her panini.

It's a Friday afternoon, and somehow they've both found the time to escape campus to go for coffee in the city, because platonic coffee dates are always welcome. Elesis, in true Elesis fashion, is wearing a faded red hoodie with a t-shirt that looks suspiciously like Ara's and dark jeans. Ara simply wears a comfortable pair of leggings and a black hoodie that she constantly has to dust panini crumbs off. It's fifteen degrees Celsius outside, just the perfect temperature to be not wearing a jacket.

The cafe they've chosen is frequented by students, but not to the point where it's constantly crowded. _Java Joes_ serves excellent paninis that are easily on par with those from the campus cafe, and has a variety of high-quality cakes that Ara knows Aisha would absolutely love. The shop offers a plethora of both caffeinated and decaffeinated drinks as well as snacks. A little barrier between the counter and the seating area is home to cute jewelry and colourful scarves for sale.

In a word, it's cozy. Ara finishes off her ham panini quickly and watches as Elesis spoils herself with a thick slice of decadent chocolate cake. "My brother actually introduced me to this place," Elesis says. There's a smudge of fudge on her cheek, and Ara severely resists the urge to violently wipe it off with a napkin. "He and Chung come here for coffee dates on occasion."

"They act like an old married couple," Ara says, "who have been married for sixty-five years and counting."

Elesis shrugs and takes another bite of her cake. This time, Ara does reach for the napkins. "Love isn't real, eat a…" She looks down at her cake. "... Slice of chocolate cake, I guess."

"Someday you'll find love," Ara gripes, mopping the chocolate off her face. "And then I won't have to run after you with a napkin every time you've had a slice of cake."

"You don't find love," Elesis says, protesting the napkin assault with one hand. "Love finds you. Whether you like it or not, sometimes."

There's still fudge on her face. Ara sits down, having given up. Some things about her best friend really do concern her at time, but she knows when she's fighting a losing battle. "Taking that literature course has really changed you. You really gotta stop saying such profound things," she says dryly, "I might just start believing in it."

Elesis just laughs and eats her cake.

* * *

Coffee on Friday afternoons becomes a weekly occurrence for them, as does bringing back a slice of cake for Rena. Eve catches wind of this early on and joins them when she can, promising to bring Aisha as soon as possible when she gets back from France. They find an adorable lilac scarf in a very Aisha-like pattern (of owls) and buy it for her, stashing it under Ara's bed. Rena, for her part, pouts and begs for more cake whenever they bring her some.

Ara likes this kind of life, the one that runs on a regular schedule that has very little deviation (save for Saturday-morning workshops) and even less major surprises. She sends her pictures of Eun into the pet chat just before bed, tucks herself in, and before she knows it, she's already halfway to her first lecture with a mug of tea in hand and her ripped-up backpack dangling from her shoulders.

The first major surprise comes from Elesis, who sends her an invite to a Discord server out of the blue. With no idea what to expect out of a server named _assorted licorice candies_ , Ara clicks the link.

 _ **assorted licorice candies**_

 _ **#general**_

→ _Ha!_ _ **Ararararara**_ _has joined! You activated my trap card!_

 _ **Elmo**_ _\- ARA_

 _ **Ararararara**_ _\- WHAT_

 _ **Ararararara**_ _\- WHY AM I HERE_

 _ **poor unfortunate souls**_ _\- i ask myself that too_

 _ **Ararararara**_ _\- omg is that ciel_

 _ **poor unfortunate souls**_ _\- the one and only_

 _ **Ararararara**_ _\- how's culinary school?_

 _ **poor unfortunate souls**_ _\- i've gained three pounds in a month thanks for asking_

 _ **elboi**_ _\- eyyyyyyy ara's here_

 _ **Ararararara**_ _\- elsword._

 _ **elboi**_ _\- i suddenly feel threatened_

 _ **Elmo**_ _\- as you should be_

 _ **Eve.**_ _\- No one needed to see you and Chung threatening our mental stability on the couch in Rena's office, but here we are._

 _ **Elmo**_ _\- oh my god._

 _Elmo pinned_ _ **a message**_ _to this channel. See all the pins._

 _ **elboi**_ _\- have mercy sis_

 _ **choongles**_ _\- we deserve it els_

 _ **Elmo**_ _\- you absolutely do._

 _ **Elmo**_ _\- ara and eve and i are TRAUMATIZED_

Ara smiles to herself.

 _I have friends_ , she thinks, even though the other bunk bed in her room is still unoccupied at the moment, _and I wouldn't trade them for the world._

* * *

A new piano is installed in the Solace dorm, and this is the second major surprise.

Upon further inspection, it appears to be the one from the Ventus dorm, relocated to a safer place where people won't do questionable things on it. Ara sets her tablet on the stand one Tuesday afternoon, and starts to play random pieces she can think of—game OSTs, anime openings and clipped bits from _Swan Lake_ among others. A few people stop to listen for a while, but she switches pieces in a whirlwind, and so everyone leaves to escape the whiplash.

Everyone knew it was coming for a while. A piano-sized spot had been cleared in the common room a week ago, with multiple signs and badly placed strands of Halloween tape to remind residents to not put anything there, lest it be trashed. One of the RAs ended up losing a potted plant because someone pushed it into the piano zone.

Ara is glad to have the piano here, even if it's a bit beat up and the piano seat had to be entirely replaced. Without Rena in the student centre cafe, she's not entirely confident in her ability to play there anymore. It does become clear that she doesn't always have the time to play, though. Her courses are brutal and Sanskrit studies waits for no one.

"Do you think you could teach my sister to play piano?" David asks her one morning while they're heading out to class. "She's nine and she's played violin since she was six."

Ara blinks. "Oh. I've never taught anyone to play piano before."

"I trust you to teach her." David laughs. "If you're not cool with it, that's cool too, I just wanted to ask because you're a really good pianist." He grins again, giving her a thumbs up that seems like second nature to him. "Besides, you're a great friend."

Ara thinks about his words for a long time.

Megan is down with the flu; they're keeping her updated with live Google Docs edits. Puris and Massimo trail just a bit behind, chatting as Puris attempts to dump a rock from her shoe. For all that she seems fragile and small, Puris is the star of the school's varsity girls baseball team. Gloria joins them as they pass by one of the libraries.

It's not much, but Ara's got her little pack now—classmates she can share her thoughts with, to converse about her work with. Her circle seems to slowly spread out, little by little.

It's a welcome change, and Ara already longs for the day she completes her metamorphosis.

* * *

The door to her room opens before Ara can even reach for her key, and suddenly there's a blur of purple as Aisha comes flying out with an excited squeal. "I've been cooped up in here waiting for you to get back so I could surprise you," she squeaks, arms wrapped tightly around Ara's torso. "I got so bored that I had to call Eve up."

Eve waves from her perch on Aisha's desk, offers a small smile, and returns to her phone. She's still trying to beat the Minesweeper world record. She's getting closer, too; she hit forty-two seconds last week.

"How was France?" Ara asks, looking over the younger girl. She's gotten somewhat tanned, and her hair is parted differently and nowhere as unruly as before, but overall, her bright eyes and endless energy to learn are unchanged. "Did you have fun?"

"Oh my god, I loved France," she says, eyes wide. "It's a bit weird to get back from speaking only French, to be honest." She stifles a laugh. "My mentor in France is coming here next week. I wonder if it'll be like this for her too."

"Ah, right, the mentor program." Ara thinks about the potential of opening up a mentorship program in Sanskrit Studies. The downfall is, unfortunately, the lack of students in the program. "Then you'll have to introduce us to her when she arrives."

"I have seen photos of her," Eve says, with a hint of amusement. "She is a very elegant young woman in your year. I feel like she would fit well in our particular group of friends."

"We could even bring her out for coffee with us," Ara suggests. "Oh, speaking of which, Aisha, we bought you something from Java Joes."

She slips from Aisha's squeezing hug to find the wrapped package under her desk. A handful of pink solo cups topple out, but Ara ignores them and hands the package to her roommate. "Oh my god," Aisha breathes as she passes it to her, "you didn't."

The scarf is every bit as adorable and fitting on her as they'd predicted. Ara gets several bear hugs in thanks, and Eve gets a handful of small pecks all over her face, leaving a trail of peachy lip balm marks. "I have souvenirs for everyone," Aisha announces after Eve mops up the last of the lip balm. "Eve already got hers, and I think she looks adorable in it."

The white woolen sweater is indeed very fitting on Eve's porcelain-like skin. She usually wears some blend of black or grey, not unlike Ara, so seeing her in such pale white is a refreshing look.

Aisha finishes rummaging in her suitcase and extracts a plastic package. "Okay, so I saw this while I was in downtown Empyrean," she says excitedly, "and I remembered you telling me about the surrealist guy who drew all the apples, and the thing where he drew the pipe, right? So I just had to get this for you."

It's a thick canvas tote bag, sturdy and tough enough for wear and tear, with several internal pockets and a strong button buckle to keep it all together. The outside is decorated with a very minimalist silhouette of a black swan, accompanied by the words _Ceci n'est pas une cygne_.

In all, it's the most Ara-like bag that Ara has ever seen, and she tells Aisha as much as she embraces the younger girl, grateful tears in her eyes. "Gosh, the scarf seems lacking in comparison now," she says, her voice watery.

"Absolute bullshit, I love it, and the fact that you guys thought of me while I was away is really touching," Aisha replies, voice muffled by Ara's hoodie. "Now, don't we have coffee to be going out for?"

Ara wipes away the tears and grins.

* * *

The canvas bag ends up being a fantastic replacement for her tattered black backpack. It's such an Ara-esque statement piece that doesn't need any pins or keychains to mark it as hers, so Ara lovingly polishes off all her odd bag accessories and stashes them away before migrating the contents of her backpack into the canvas bag. There's even a zippered compartment inside that's just large enough to tuck her tablet into, and several smaller pockets that are perfect for her phone and pencil case. Her bag of toiletries goes in a zippered side pocket, hidden away, and her earbuds get their own little home in a buttoned clip that keeps them secure next to her phone.

There's just a single unused pocket the size of her phone tucked in the side of the bag. It won't fit her pencil case, and for some reason, her phone keeps slipping out of it because of how wide but shallow it is.

"Maybe for your wallet?" Aisha suggests, but Ara's wallet doesn't fit in there either, because Ara is a tragic hoarder of points cards from every store she's ever shopped at, even though at least three of the cards are from China and most expired two years ago. They test everything imaginable in the final slot, from letters to a notepad to a package of instant ramen, but nothing stays properly.

It ends up being Add who suggests the winning object, and in hindsight, why didn't Ara think of it before? "You can put a package of gum or something in there," he says, peering into the depths of the bag. "Personally, I'd keep chocolate in there. Not that I already keep chocolate in my bag."

("You eat too much chocolate as is," Ara scolds playfully, giving him a bop on the back of his head.)

Still, it sticks. Until she can figure out the real purpose of the final, odd-sized pocket, Ara keeps a package of her favourite Japanese fruit gum in it. When that runs out, she swaps it for a bar of 70% dark chocolate, bittersweet and decadent. It becomes another habit of hers to occasionally reach into her bag in class, peel aside the crinkling foil and break off a piece to nibble.

She's almost certain it'll cause her to put on weight instantly, but it turns into a pattern she can fit into, something she can control. Ara needs that kind of control before the surprises occur, because then she crashes.

(then she crashes.)

* * *

"Hey, Ara," Professor Ventus says, walking into class, "do you want represent the Sanskrit studies program during the fall open house?"

It kinda catches her off guard, partially because she's the first one in the workroom and partially because he's wearing a neon green tie. "Um," she says intelligently, like the top Sanskrit student she is.

"It'll be great," he continues excitedly. "You guys make a presentation, we'll all get pizza and pop, and then afterwards for fun we can try and cut off Denif's rattail."

"Please, no," Ara says quickly. She's seen Professor Denif's wrath before. It's not a pleasant experience. "I'll help with the open house, for sure! Maybe we can convince more students to join the program."

The constant brightness in Ventus's eyes fades for a moment, and Ara is reminded once more that her professor is nearly three times her age. "That would be nice," he says. "Not enough students are applying because of the lack of future opportunities postgrad. I really hope you can spin a better light onto the program."

His grin returns like it had never been gone as other students start to flood into the room. "I'm sure you'll do great," he says. "Bring some of the others if you can. I've got a lesson to teach."

The way he says _lesson_ makes Ara slightly worried. Professor Ventus tends to wield his words the way others wield stiletto knives. She smiles at him, runs, and rushes to take her seat between Megan and Puris.

"Are you okay, Ara?" Massimo asks, leaning across from the other side of the row. "You look kinda panicked."

"I'll be okay." She offers them a grin. "Professor Ventus has a job for us."

* * *

They sit cross-legged in the basement study room in the Solace dorm, surrounded by markers and sheets of trashed handouts only printed on one side. Megan, as it turns out, is a bit of an eco junkie, and insists that they use the otherwise trash paper to plan out their sales pitch.

In a classic Professor Ventus move, Professor Ventus has given them the honour of making a new presentation for the open house. His reasoning is that the previous presentation clearly didn't appeal to twelfth graders, and "if there's anyone who can convince them, it's you young people". Unfortunately, no one seems to know why they're in the program in the first place.

"We need to convince people that we're actually a program worth taking," Ara says, gesturing wildly with her black marker. "Because let's face it: our program kinda isn't built for the workforce."

"What are the program's major benefits?" Gloria asks, sipping from her juice box.

An odd kind of silence falls over the five of them as they review their bad life choices. "Well fuck me with a cactus," David mutters, "there really aren't any."

"We, uh, build strong interpersonal relationships," Gloria offers, "and we have Elrios's top scholar in the field."

Ara groans. "Okay, so our program really sucks," she says, tossing her marker halfheartedly at the ground. It bounces up and lands in Massimo's lap. "Sorry, Massimo. But still. Our program has literally zero redeeming virtues."

Puris blinks. "Well, why did we choose to take it in the first place?"

Silence again. "I'm not actually in the program," Gloria clarifies, "I'm just taking the Shaivism course with you guys as an elective."

"Yeah, but why?" Puris presses. "Was it just for fun? Or because it relates to your major?"

Gloria shakes her head. "I'm a music major," she says. "I'm taking the courses because I thought they were interesting. I didn't know Sanskrit studies was a thing until Ara told me."

"Alright, so that's a start." Puris uncaps her marker and writes _unique to UoWF_ on her otherwise blank paper. "I think the reason a lot of us applied for the program in the first place was because they opened it as a complete program the year we were in grade twelve."

"And because the mark requirements weren't nearly as high back then," David mumbles.

"My dad is Buddhist," Ara says quietly. "We had some Sanskrit stuff in the house growing up. I thought it would be cool to take that further." She chuckles softly. "My mom wasn't really into it at first, but my dad and my brother were able to convince her. I'm not too keen on becoming Buddhist myself, though."

"Oh yeah, my aunt was like, _you should do something useful with your life! Be a doctor!_ " Massimo mimics in a high-pitched voice. Puris and Megan giggle. "But I didn't like the sciences, and I still don't. I knew I wanted to go into research or like archaeology or something from a pretty young age, so I don't even remotely know why my aunt thought being a doctor would be a good idea."

"Okay, so interest—" Puris points her marker at Ara. "— and spite." She uncaps the marker after pointing it at Massimo and scribbles down _interest in Vedic religions_ and _spite from family_ on her sheet. "We're getting somewhere now. Anything else?"

In the end, they get a variety of responses, from _international interactive work_ to _smaller, more connected classes_ , as well as a ton of absolute bullshit that David spews out when Puris tells him to try and convince his mother. It's certainly enough to fill a powerpoint presentation after they pad it with key courses, admission requirements and images of them throwing flashcards at each other from that one time in first year.

Ara smiles fondly as Gloria softly nods off on her shoulder. "It's getting late," she says, wrapping an arm around her sleeping form. "Puris, Megan, can you help me get Gloria back to her room?"

David and Massimo help bring their stuff upstairs as they shake Gloria somewhat awake and prop her up, slinging her arms over their shoulders to bring her up the elevator. "I'll be okay, guys," Gloria murmurs, "you can let me go."

Puris shakes her head. "No way," she says. "You can rely on us."

"It's not a bother to any of us," Megan adds, giving Gloria a soft, fond look. "We're family now."

She gives Ara the soft look, too, and Ara can feel their kindness healing her shattered heart, little by little.

* * *

The crowds on the day of the open house are _huge_ , and Ara finds herself longing to escape to the relatively tame dorm tours.

Elesis, the traitor, abandoned her to do campus tours _on the other side of campus_. Ara has been texting her in hopes of getting backup, or perhaps a bottle of water and a granola bar, but no reply has come forth. Instead, she puts on her best customer service smile and tries to answer as many questions as she can about Sanskrit studies.

It's really odd, because even though she's a student she barely understands the real components of the course. Ara dutifully answers as many questions as she can, waiting for the actual presentation when Professor Ventus will try and charm his way out of actually talking and leave them to explain to the prospective students and parents how the program works.

"Heya! Aren't you Ara?"

Ara glances around. The owner of the voice seems to be a… child? A young girl? "Yeah, I'm Ara," she says, confused. "What can I do for you?"

The girl beams. She has very, very blue eyes and a high ponytail of silvery white hair, even paler than Eve's or even Add's. "I'm Luciela Rowena Sourcream," she says proudly, "but you can call me Lu."

Wait. Sourcream. "Hold on, are you Ciel's younger sister?" Ara gasps, eyes lighting up in recognition. Yes, this girl looks just like the one from Ciel's old photos, the one in Ain's Polaroids that always seemed to be trying to torment the poor photographer. "It is you!"

"I'm so happy I found you," Lu squeals. "Ciel made a ton of cookies for me to share with all of you guys." She opens her bag, revealing several wrapped packages of sugar cookies that, yes, look like Ciel's handiwork. "Here's yours!"

Ara takes the bag of cookies gratefully. The cookies are oddly shaped, and only one is decorated. "Oh," she realizes, eyes wide, "it's Eun!"

And indeed it is - the undecorated cookies are little shadows of the one painted in white frosting at the very front, each the shape of the little vixen. "Your brother is a hero," she tells Lu, tucking the cookies away and taking a mental note to send a thank you to Ciel on Discord. "Are you in grade twelve this year?"

She is, and barely has a care in the world. Unlike her brother, who took food science as his pathway into culinary school, Lu is practically failing her sciences ( _what a mood_ , Ara thinks) and has the track record of someone who sleeps in class regularly. Her marks in English, History and Empyrean French, on the other hand, are actually quite impressive, and she's got the knack for languages that Ara thinks might lead her into Sanskrit studies.

She also has the exact same chaotic energy as Professor Ventus, and Ara isn't sure whether that worries her or not. As they chat about admission requirements and campus life and course content and choice of electives, Ara has a startling thought of Lu and Professor Ventus getting up to all sorts of bullshit and giving Professor Denif a heart attack or three. The younger girl's impish grin is guaranteed trouble.

"Oh shoot," she realizes, glancing at her watch and at the rapidly depleting crowd, "it's time for the presentation." Lu gives a little yelp and looks sheepish. "C'mon, I'm presenting. Or at least, I think I am."

The classroom is packed with parents. Gloria, Massimo, Megan and David stand to one side as Puris walks in with Professor Ventus, carrying a stack of what seems to be handouts. Lu takes the one vacant seat left in the front row and flashes a grin and a pair of thumbs-up to Ara.

Professor Ventus laughs out loud and spreads his arms. "I see we've got a pretty big class this year!" This is met by a wave of light laughter. "Oh wait, most of you are parents." More laughter, this time stronger. "Welcome to Sanskrit studies at the University of Western Fluone, the only Sanskrit program in all of Elrios!" This is met with thunderous applause, and Ara can't help but join in.

Professor Ventus runs through all the more unique factors of the program, and then the smaller elements—class size, enrollment, admission requirements, the likes. For a good few minutes, Ara genuinely envies his ability to think on the spot; he follows the powerpoint flawlessly, and she's certain he's never seen it before.

"I'd like to call up to the stage now my student representatives from the program," he finally says. "These are third year students in the Sanskrit studies program, with the exception of one, who I managed to convert to the dark side with a little creative bribery." He grins and beckons them up before the laughter gets out of control. "Please introduce yourselves!"

"Hey, I'm Puris, and I'm in the third year," Puris says cheerfully. "I'm also on the varsity girls' baseball team, so if you have any questions about either Sanskrit studies or, uh, athletics, then I'm the one to go to!"

Gloria accepts the microphone with a bashful smile. "I'm Gloria, and I'm the converted one," she says, earning some applause. "I'm actually a music student, but I'm taking the religious courses with everyone here because I think it's kinda cool."

The mic goes to David. "Hey everyone!" The amps screech with negative feedback, and Ara lunges for the power switch. "Oops, sorry. Hey everyone, I'm David! I'm not nearly doing as great in class as the others, haha, but I also have a triple black belt in karate."

"I'm Massimo, and I don't like cauliflower." Laughter follows, along with a "MEET ME IN THE PIT, MAN" from the back of the room. "But seriously, I love this course. We're kinda like the pilot class, so I know we don't really have the certification yet, but I know that Sanskrit studies is an amazing experience for everyone!"

"Megan. I like cauliflower." There's a wry smile on her face. "This program is better than med school, trust me."

Then the mic is passed to Ara, and she stands for a moment, unsure of what to say. "Hi," she says, "I'm Ara. I, uh, like playing piano?"

" _She's really good at it too_ ," Puris whisper-yells, seizing the mic temporarily. " _And she has the highest grades in the class. Ara Haan is a god._ "

The others nod their agreement. Ara flushes and tries to hide her face in Gloria's hoodie.

The students and parents ask a variety of questions, from "does your program have room for electives" to "do all of you live in the same dorm". Ara answers when she needs to, smiling and scanning the crowd in an attempt to make eye contact as often as possible. A few times they end up having to make up answers, glancing to Professor Ventus for last-second confirmation. He actually approves them, the madman.

Her gaze catches on something purple in the audience, and it instantly throws her for a loop. _Add?_ It seems like him. It looks like him. Movement; a shuffle at the back of the room that shields him from sight. _Why is he here?_

Lu raises her hand, and Professor Ventus picks her for a question. "This might just be a me thing," she says nervously, and _woah_ , this doesn't sound like the Lu from earlier, "but is it easy to hold onto your friends? Like, is it easy to make new friends and _stay_ friends?"

Before she can really figure out what's happening, Ara reaches over and takes the mic from Puris. "I think I can answer this one," she blurts, before remembering that she's addressing _so many people_ and composing herself. "I… honestly didn't have many friends before I came here. My best friend is in a different dorm, and she's in a different program, so we don't get to meet up much. I was really lonely up until about last year."

She smiles. "But this year, our little group really came together," she says, grinning at her classmates (her friends!). They return the sentiment wholeheartedly. "And I really think that's one of the major benefits of being in the program. Sure, the classes are small, but your classmates really become your friends, and your friends really become your family."

"Aw, group hug," David says, and they all meet by the podium for a group hug as the gathered crowd applauds and laughs. Lu looks delighted, or at least what Ara can see of her through all the hugs. A final pressure hits them; it's Professor Ventus, dropping his own microphone to join the hug.

They have to let go eventually, because Gloria is kind of getting crushed in the middle. Ara looks up, scans the crowd, grins at Lu.

(The flash of purple is gone now. Maybe she'd just imagined it.)

* * *

The after-party is actually quite fun. They hunker down in the now empty, slightly dirty classroom, with their Sanskrit studies orange t-shirts tied around their heads like bandanas and cups of bubble tea all over the place. Ara inhales three slices of pepperoni pizza and joins Massimo and Megan on team _no pineapple on pizza_. Unfortunately, Professor Ventus happens to be team _pineapple on pizza_ , and the Sanskrit studies program is declared a pineapple sanctuary.

They also go on a sugar-fueled quest to cut off Professor Denif's rattail. Naturally, it doesn't end well. Professor Ventus ends up taking the blame (and the brunt of the yelling). Ara spends the next few days a little shell-shocked, but she still giggles as she preserves that one lock of blue hair in a little glass bottle forever.

* * *

Midterms go by in a flash. Vaishnavism ends up being the easiest course to finish because of everyone's collaboration on their group study sessions. Ara dissects all her notes with a discerning eye, and surprises herself when she finishes studying before midnight.

Actually, everything goes by in a flash. It seems to be a year of a continuous lifestyle, because Ara can't actually feel the days pass. She retains the knowledge, attends the classes, laughs with her friends over bad typos, and everything in between, but the only real source of surprise in her life is the weekly coffee outing, and even that follows a strict pattern. Times and dates and numbers blend like milk and sugar and Earl Grey. The patterns start to overpower everything else.

Here is Ara's tragic flaw, at least as a student: once life becomes bland and, well, lifeless, she gets bored. She goes to sleep on Monday and wakes up Friday afternoon with no idea what happened in between. Her motivation slips. She spends more time at the piano and singing and cooking in the common room than she does studying in her room, or even in the library. She searches subconsciously for something, anything to amuse herself with.

That is, until late December, when something jumpstarts the group chat again.

* * *

 _ **assorted licorice candies**_

 _ **#general**_

 _ **Grenouille**_ _\- i never got around to asking this but why is the server name that_

 _ **Elmo**_ _\- because we're all bitter and hate ourselves_

 _ **Grenouille**_ _\- o_

 _ **WizardOfOz**_ _\- hey guys_

 _ **WizardOfOz**_ _\- mostly hey_ _ **Ararararara**_

 _ **WizardOfOz**_ _\- i have to go intercept my mentor at the airport, plz don't lock me out of the room_

 _ **Ararararara**_ _\- owo?_

 _ **Elmo**_ _\- owo?_

 _ **choongles**_ _\- uwu…_

 _ **elboi**_ _\- NO CHUNG HOW COULD YOU BETRAY ME LIKE THIS_

 _ **elboi**_ _\- i cannot believe i am dating a furry_

 _ **Grenouille**_ _\- blocked. blocked. all of you are blocked. none of you are free from sin._

* * *

"Aisha's late," Ara gripes, glancing at her phone before shoving it back in her pocket. "Aisha's never late for coffee. Where the hell is she?"

"Maybe she got caught in traffic," Elesis suggests, as if their campus wasn't entirely pedestrian-based. "Oh, wait, there she is."

Sure enough, Ara turns to see her violet-haired roommate crossing the student centre, arms full of books and glasses still perched on her nose, accompanied by her equally nerdy girlfriend. Interestingly, she's fully immersed in a conversation with someone Ara's never met or seen before. The new girl is tall and willowy and graceful, even in a chunky winter jacket, and has golden hair neatly plaited down her back.

"Must be one of her classmates," Ara muses. Elesis makes a sound like a deflating balloon, or perhaps a kicked puppy, and Ara turns to look at her. There are stars in Elesis's eyes. Ara raises an eyebrow suspiciously.

"Hey guys," Aisha says excitedly, running over with her girlfriend and new friend in tow, "do you mind if I bring a friend?"

"No, absolutely not," Elesis says, wearing the widest and most ridiculous grin Ara has ever seen her don. "The more the merrier, right?"

The new girl tints pink and smiles softly, and Ara immediately realizes that this girl is the epitome of Elesis's type. "My name is Anna Testarossa," she says, reaching out a hand to Elesis to shake. "But please, call me Rose. I was Aisha's mentor in France."

She shakes Ara's hand too. "Nice to meet you," Ara says, and she means it. Rose seems like a pleasant person. "I'm Ara Haan."

"Elesis Sieghart," says Elesis helpfully. It's almost comical to Ara how her best friend can be so suave and smooth with their friend group, endlessly dropping compliments, but in front of a pretty girl she instantly melts into a puddle. "How long have you been here?"

As Elesis and Rose begin to chat and walk ahead, Ara trails behind to match pace with Aisha and Eve. "You wouldn't be trying to set them up, would you?"

"Nonsense, she's just my mentor, and I'm just trying to welcome her to Elrios." Aisha's eyes twinkle with mischief. "But… I figured there's no harm in teasing Elesis a bit." She smirks. "She's smitten."

"That's the understatement of the century," Ara mutters, and they all laugh.

* * *

 _Welcome to the beginning of the_ _ **CODE RED**_ _group._

→ _**Elmo**_ _added_ _ **Ararararara**_ _to the group._

→ _**Elmo**_ _added_ _ **Grenouille**_ _to the group._

 _ **Elmo**_ _\- GUYS_

 _ **Elmo**_ _\- I NEED YOUR HELP_

 _ **Arararararara**_ _\- this is about Rose isn't it_

 _ **Elmo**_ _\- REMEMBER WHEN I SAID I NEEDED YOU TWO TO BE ACQUAINTED SO YOU COULD BE MY WINGMEN_

 _ **Grenouille**_ _\- was this at kbbq last year_

 _ **Elmo**_ _\- YES_

 _ **Elmo**_ _\- I AM_

 _ **Elmo**_ _\- G_

 _ **Elmo**_ _\- GA_

 _ **Elmo**_ _\- GY_

 _ **Ararararara**_ _\- take your time_

 _ **Elmo**_ _\- [ ]_

(It's an image of Rose that Aisha took while she was talking to Elesis, who had been recounting stories of her brother. Rose is laughing in the photo. She has dimples. Aisha, no doubt, sent this photo to Elesis to torment her.)

 _ **Elmo**_ _\- GIRL_

 _ **Arararararara**_ _\- you're doing great sweetie_

* * *

"She's so pretty," Elesis whines, twirling her chopsticks around with the mental resolve of a pigeon. "This is entirely unfair."

"You say that about every pretty girl you meet," Ara says, reaching for the tea.

"Yeah, but this is different!"

It's midnight, and Ara is quite frankly worried to know that this pho restaurant is still open. Students chatter quietly along the booths, with the exception of their booth, where Elesis alternates between bemoaning her fate and waxing poetry about Rose. Add slowly munches through his bowl (the smallest one, in true Add fashion) of pho as Ara and Elesis recount the events of the day before at _Java Joes_.

"First of all, I feel betrayed that you guys would have weekly coffee without me," he grouses, pointing with his chopsticks. "Second of all, if it means Elesis will suffer in love, I will gladly sit out of these coffee dates."

Elesis groans and nearly dunks her head in her bowl. "I'm going to _die_ , and it's all gonna be your fault," she says, voice muffled by the table.

"You're not gonna die," Ara chides, lifting stands of pho noodles into her spoon. In stark contrast to her friends, she has the largest pho and no qualms about being able to finish it. "You lived when you saw Artea Braun for the first time. You survived meeting Sirena from Lanox District High's cheerleading team. I think you'll be fine with Rose."

Elesis makes a strangled noise. Ara doesn't blame her.

"If Aisha's in on this, then you actually have a shot," Add reminds her. "She doesn't really have friends here yet, so that's your chance to date the cute girl."

"What if she's not into girls?" Elesis whines, and Ara can't help but feel comic pity for her mess of a best friend. "If I die within the next year, it's prolly gonna be because she's straight and I just kinda forced myself on her."

"We'll take this one step at a time," Ara says. "Rose has all of our numbers now, so it's only a matter of time before the two of you start talking."

At that exact moment, Elesis's phone nearly vibrates off the table. She looks up, snatches it up, and nearly cries. "She texted me," she wails, much to the chagrin of the restaurant management.

Ara glances at Add. He shrugs and gives her an expression that looks strikingly similar to the cat face emoji.

She really can't help but laugh.

* * *

 _(Unknown number): Hello, is this Ara Haan?_

 _(Unknown number): I'm Aisha's mentor Rose!_

 _Ara Haan: oh hey! How are you doing?_

 _Rose Testarossa: I'm doing pretty good!_

 _Rose Testarossa: Thank you for inviting me to your weekly coffee excursions, I really had fun this time and I look forward to next time!_

 _Ara Haan: me too!_

 _Rose Testarossa: It's also a good opportunity for me to practice speaking in English, haha!_

 _Ara Haan: ahhh your english is fine! I'm sure you'll pick up slang really quickly_

 _Ara Haan: if there's anything you need or want to ask, you can always come find me_

 _Ara Haan: or elesis too, she's super familiar with the campus and i'm sure she'd love to help with anything!_

 _Rose Testarossa: Thank you so much Ara, I will keep that in mind!_

* * *

 _Elesis Sieghart: she called me darling and I fuckign DIED_

 _Ara Haan: she's literally the epitome of your type_

 _Elesis Sieghart: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE EPITOME OF MY TYPE_

 _Ara Haan: i know what i said_

 _Ara Haan: you're just a coward_

* * *

 _Add Grenore: we have to stage an intervention_

 _Ara Haan: wouldn't be the first time i've had to stage one_

 _Ara Haan: elesis has been a fool when it comes to love since i met her_

 _Add Grenore: how do we condense their names together_

 _Ara Haan: elerose._

 _Add Grenore: elerose._

 _Add Grenore: operation elerose begins today and we will not give up until those two are married and have six children._

 _Ara Haan: bold of u to assume elesis is capable of raising children_

* * *

 **A/N: the _CAPSIZE_ was all just a ploy for me to make a dumb acronym. the other one that didn't make the cut was _Very Awkward Conversation Using Underhanded Methods_ ( _VACUUM_ )**

 **in all seriousness though i have basically abandoned my nanowrimo project. i've put a personal extension on it till the end of the year so i can just get the ideas out of my head but have a bit more time to worldbuild and whatnot. however this doesn't mean that i'm abandoning _Black Swan_ \- i'll be devoting my time to finishing this fic first, and then moving onto my pokespe alternative history au.**

 **sometimes i like immortalizing my favourite places in fic. Java Joes is one of them. god i love Java Joes they have really good peach italian soda and amazing paninis and they serve la rocca cakes and overall it's just a great place**

 **it has dawned on me that i never specified character classes in this fic (thank you ZetsubouIchigo for reminding me and for reviewing!). all the classes are for aesthetic purposes really. Ara is Brahman Samraat/Devi, Add is Doom Bringer, Aisha kinda alternates between Aether Sage and Oz Sorcerer, Eve is Code: Nemesis, Elesis is Flame Lord and Rose is Minerva (although she keeps Freyja's braid). Rena is Daybreaker, Raven is Furious Blade, Lu and Ciel are Catastrophe (minus the military theme), Elsword is Rune Master with an actual shirt, Chung kinda alternates between Fatal Phantom and Centurion, and Ain is Bluhen!**

 **i do have some concept artwork done for some of the characters, so i'll try and put it on my art instagram matchamargarita one of these days**

 **thank you to everyone who has reviewed, it really makes my day!**

 **~Marg**


	4. Year 3, Winter

Winter break is a blessing. Ara says goodbye to her friends for her two weeks off and hops on the first train back to Sander. This time, she's alone for her way home, but she's not scared; Elesis will be joining her after she returns from her ski trip with her family.

She counts the falling snowflakes in the window as the train moves significantly slower than the summer train across Fluone. Her creme brulee latte (a delicious recommendation from Eve) rests nestled between her thighs, keeping them warm. People around her are shaking ice shards out of their clothes. There's a delightful wintery magic in the air, and Ara hates it.

The main reason she doesn't stay on campus during Christmas is because it's _so_ cold. The dorms don't typically get constant heating until nearly January, and even then, Aisha likes sleeping in the cold with six layers of blankets. Ara was born in Xin, which is hot thirteen months of the year. Heat doesn't phase her in the slightest, but snow will absolutely destroy her immune system instantaneously like she's smashing Mama's best porcelain.

(The idea of smashing Mama's best porcelain, for any reason, is too terrifying to bear. Ara turns her attention back to Tetris on her phone and trying to keep warm.)

Thankfully, the snow doesn't delay the trip by much, and there's adequate heating in the train cars. Waiting isn't awful alone when she has an internet connection and Elesis to tease. She gets to the station before noon, which is a win in her books, and drags her suitcase off into the cold. The wheels draw double lines in the snow that are quickly trampled over by passing passengers.

" _Ara!_ "

She whirls around, sending all the snow in her hair flying in every direction. Baba is waving from the other side of the platform, grinning. "Welcome home," he says, ruffling her hair and pulling her into an unfortunately cold hug. "How does kebab sound?"

It sounds great, and so they load her suitcase into the trunk and get in the car. "Your Mama and Aren are already at the restaurant," he says, starting up the car, "so we'd better get going." His focus on the road gets a bit darker. "How have your grades been?"

"Baba," Ara whines, "I'm doing _fine_."

"As you should be," he snipes back, but there's no real venom in it. He knows Ara is flourishing because she genuinely enjoys the program, unlike the living hell that was her high school years. "Turn the radio on. Let's sing something."

It's unfortunately playing Christmas music. Ara makes the best of it and gives her best rendition of _Santa Baby_ , tossing her hair as dramatically as she can every two seconds. Baba laughs so hard that he nearly swerves the car into a snowbank. Ara tones it down for the next song, if for safety than anything else.

Mama and Aren are already at the kebab restaurant, chattering about something between them when Ara and Baba approach. "Oh my goodness, you look so cold!" Mama cries, throwing her arms around Ara. "You _are_ cold!"

Aren just sits to the side and chuckles lightly at Mama's antics, waiting for his turn to give Ara a quick one-armed squeeze and a kiss on the forehead. "You look like a penguin," he informs her gleefully.

Ara slugs him in the side, where she knows he's ticklish, and he lets out a strangled squawk. Mama and Baba just laugh.

The food is great, as always. Ara savours every bite of the juicy grilled chicken breast—it's half the reason why she likes this restaurant best, anyhow. Rice spills from her fork as she brings it to her lips, but that's okay. She's not struggling nearly as much as Aren, who has been trying to stab a piece of lettuce with his fork for the past five minutes.

Everyone is laughing and smiling. Even if it is cold outside, Ara knows they'll warm her up in no time.

It'll be a warm Christmas, after all.

* * *

" _Ara, you gotta give me some advice, help me out here,_ " Elesis says hurriedly into the receiver on the other end, " _I'm about to make a very dumb decision._ "

"This had better be something important," Ara complains, holding her paper knife between her teeth and setting her phone to speaker. "You get 'ive 'inutes t'talk."

Elesis inhales dramatically. Ara prepares herself for something terrifying. " _Okay, so you know how we went skiing in Elysion? We're on the way back, and Mom says we can stay a few hours in Altera to go shopping._ " Ara can practically _hear_ her eyes twinkling. " _Oh my god, Ara, I found a giant teddy bear in the exact same colour as Rose's hair. It even has a ribbon in blue. Rose_ loves _teddy bears._ "

Ara snorts. "How giant is it?" She asks, slipping the paper knife through the wrapping paper. "Twice the size of your head?"

" _I'll send you a photo_."

The image pops up on her text messages mere seconds later. Ara nearly chokes and drops the paper knife. "That's literally the size of your car, Elesis!" She yells into the phone. Eun suddenly startles awake on her bed and yips as she runs out of the room. "How are you going to get that home?"

" _I don't know!_ " Elesis wails. " _That's why I'm asking you to help me make a dumb decision!_ "

Ara sighs. "Don't do it," she says, even though she knows Elesis has already made her decision without her. "Especially if it's super expensive."

Elesis scoffs. " _You can't tell me what to do,_ " she says, " _you're not my mother._ "

"Yeah, but I have your mother on speed dial," Ara grouses. Elesis just laughs and hangs up. Ara envies her genuine will to live.

She sighs and picks up the package she's just about finished wrapping. They're putting up the Christmas tree today, and she wants to be the first one to have her presents down there. She's got Aren's gift all wrapped up; Mama and Baba's gifts still rest unwrapped in her suitcase.

As a finishing touch, she rifles through her drawers and finds some stickers and bows she bought a few years ago while holiday shopping with Elesis. She chooses an especially obnoxious bright pink bow and affixes it _just_ off centre to piss her brother off. To make it even better, she curates a handful of sparkly heart stickers and pastes them all over the package.

" _Ara, we're putting up the tree!_ " Mama yells from downstairs. The garage door rattles as Aren and Papa bring the tree indoors. " _Come down now if you don't want your father to mix all the colours together again!_ "

She grins as she shoves the present back under her bed, and runs for the door.

* * *

No matter how old they get, somehow the tradition of Baba filming Ara and Aren's reactions to their Christmas presents still stands. The video from last year was literally an hour long because Ara managed to hide the pair of headphones she'd bought for Aren under thirty layers of gift wrap and boxes. She gets the odd feeling that he's going to take his revenge this year, somehow.

She wakes up on Christmas morning to Eun yipping and pawing at her blankets impatiently. "Yeah, yeah, I'm awake," she groans, stretching out languidly under her two duvets. "I'll be down in—"

At that very moment, Aren gleefully crashes open the door, wielding Ara's old flute and playing something like a soprano getting repeatedly stabbed in the foot. "RISE AND SHINE, SISTER DEAR," he announces loudly (and Eun joins him, the little traitor), "IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY."

"Let me live," Ara grumbles, and takes a mental note to steal his trumpet for next Christmas.

Baba is already waiting at the bottom of the stairs when Ara emerges from her room, clad in pajamas, her thickest socks and her orange bathrobe, Eun nestled in her arms. Aren follows behind her victoriously with the flute still in hand. "Look a little less tired," Baba chides, "you still have to look presentable for the video."

"I'm always presentable," Ara quips, and the reel starts to roll.

They scuttle down the stairs like they did as kids, Eun yipping excitedly from Ara's arms. The tree is stocked with gifts, large and small, with Ara's perfectly wrapped ones at the far back and Aren's oddly shaped ones tied in ribbon at the front. "Okay, so I was kind of rushing, sue me," he says, tinting pink.

The gifts are quickly separated into piles for each person. Baba sets the video camera on the coffee table, and they all sit cross-legged on the floor, unwrapping their own gifts.

Eun, being a fox, does not give anyone any gifts other than a flurry of fox kisses, but somehow ends up with the largest gift pile herself. Mama bought her an adorable little Victorian-style dress, which isn't so much a gift for her as it is one for Mama. Baba and Aren teamed up to get her a new cat tower. Ara bought her a large and extremely durable plush snake to replace the leg-of-mutton toy that she absolutely destroyed two weeks ago.

The spoiled little vixen sits curled up in her princessly bed, her new toy snake wrapped around her as she flicks her tail contentedly and watches Ara rip layers and layers of gift wrap off her gift from Aren. "I knew it," Ara hisses, ripping off the next sheet of gift wrap (cupcake print) with her bare nails and sorely missing her letter opener. "I should never have done all the layers last year. This is just cosmic karma coming back to bite me."

"You brought this upon yourself," Aren says nonchalantly, running his hands over the soft alpaca wool sweater that Mama bought him. "You should have _known_ from the moment you made all the layers last year that I'd take my revenge."

Ara can't swear or make any rude gestures because she's around her parents, but her death glare is enough to make Aren raise his hands in surrender and back away slowly nonetheless.

Beside her, Mama unwraps the silky royal blue shawl that Ara bought for her from Java Joes, and gasps when she finds the box with the cute owl earrings hidden inside. "Oh my goodness, Ara, I love it," she exclaims, reaching over to give her a hug. Ara inhales deeply and catches the scent of the rosemary soap she uses, calming and familiar. "Ah, what am I doing? Open your presents, Ara!"

Ara gets impatient and just tears through the remaining six (six!) layers of gift wrap around Aren's gift for her, and immediately cackles with glee afterwards. "I can't hate this, Aren, it's too good," she giggles, unable to keep her voice together as she rips through the paper to pull out the bright orange fox onesie. "It's so soft, oh my god."

She ducks into the bathroom to put it on, and returns to a mess of papers as Eun digs into the boxes with gusto. "Ara, this is perfect," Baba says, holding the collapsing garden trellis that she bought him at the antique market she went to with Elesis during the summer. "I'm going to plant climbing roses with this."

"That's what I thought of when I saw it," she says, and then Baba takes a hold of her in a hug and ruffles her hair from under the hood of the fox onesie. "Baba! My hair is already messed up!"

"You'll have to comb it later anyways," he chuckles, finally letting her go. "Seriously, thank you, Ara. It really means a lot."

Aren finally peels open the gift that Ara bought for him and starts laughing out loud. "This isn't going to last me longer than a week, you know that, right?" he says amusedly, slipping out the stack of Ferrero Rochers from their packaging.

"Learn to ration out your chocolate like the rest of us," Ara says, sticking her tongue out at him. "Seriously. You're gonna get pudgy."

"No thanks to you." He grins and reaches out to hug her. "Thank you, Ara."

"Group hug," Mama exclaims, and suddenly Ara finds herself at the centre of a cluster. She smiles as Eun whines and worms her way into the pile, and closes her eyes to enjoy the feeling.

She's going to miss it when school starts up again.

* * *

"Three, two, one," Ara whispers, gleefully uncapping her red lipstick and pressing the pigment to Aren's sleeping face. "Happy New Year, brother dear."

He knew the stakes: if one of them falls asleep before midnight, the other is _morally obligated_ to draw on their face in the most hideous, vibrant lipstick colour Ara owns. Elesis stole her electric pink one about half a year ago, so she had to make do with this one.

But hey, if Aren wakes up and is displeased with the huge _SAD SACK_ in bright red on his face, then Ara will just smile smugly at him and remind him of their terms.

She picks up her phone from where it's charging on her nightstand. Their campout on the floor of Ara's bedroom has one other motive, and that is to message all their friends at midnight. Ara quickly writes up a text, selects all her contacts, and hits send.

She isn't expecting all the responses that she gets.

* * *

 _Ara Haan: Happy New Year!_

 _Elesis Sieghart: HAPPY NEW YEAR_

 _Ara Haan: how much kvass have you had_

 _Elesis Sieghart: TWO BOTTLES_

 _Ara Haan: bring me some if you have any left over_

 _Ara Haan: although by the looks of it that's not happening_

* * *

 _Ara Haan: Happy New Year!_

 _Gloria Grimaldi: oh my goodness, happy New Year, Ara!_

 _Gloria Grimaldi: I hope the next year to come fills you with joy and prosperity!_

 _Ara Haan: Gloria, have I told you that you're literally the sweetest person ever?_

 _Gloria Grimaldi: ._

* * *

 _Ara Haan: Happy New Year!_

 _Ain Ishmael: And with your spirit!_

 _Ara Haan: is that a religious thing_

 _Ain Ishmael: … You're right. It is._

 _Ain Ishmael: I think they call this the outcome of Pavlovian conditioning._

* * *

 _Ara Haan: Happy New Year!_

 _Aisha Landar: aaaaaAAAAaaaa happy new year!_

 _Aisha Landar: we've all grown another year!_

 _Aisha Landar: can't wait to see you back at school, ya old hag!_

 _Ara Haan: why you little_

 _Ara Haan: it is so on_

* * *

 _Ara Haan: Happy New Year!_

 _Eve Nasod: Happy New Year._

* * *

 _Ara Haan: Happy New Year!_

 _Elsword Sieghart: hAP NRWE YRER_

 _Ara Haan: oh, Elesis is gonna be disappointed that you got drunk on kvass again._

* * *

 _Ara Haan: Happy New Year!_

 _Chung Seiker: OwO happy new year ara!_

 _Ara Haan: are you actually a furry_

 _Chung Seiker: i'm dating elsword, you tell me_

* * *

 _Ara Haan: Happy New Year!_

 _Rose Testarossa: Ara! Happy New Year!_

 _Rose Testarossa: In France we call this night la Saint-Sylvestre!_

 _Rose Testarossa: And we say bonne année et bonne santé!_

 _Ara Haan: Et toi aussi, bonne année et bonne santé!_

 _Rose Testarossa: AH TU PARLES FRANCAIS?_

 _Ara Haan: un peu!_

 _Ara Haan: I retained a bit from high school, and Aisha's taught me a bit!_

 _Rose Testarossa: This is great!_

* * *

 _Ara Haan: Happy New Year!_

 _Ciel Sourcream: happy new year ara!_

 _Ciel Sourcream: i wasn't expecting a text from you, to be honest!_

 _Ciel Sourcream: it's nice to hear from you again!_

 _Ara Haan: and from you too! I hope you're doing well!_

 _Ciel Sourcream: haha, yep!_

 _Ciel Sourcream: (help me)_

 _Ara Haan: (sorry my dude)_

* * *

 _Add Grenore: happy new year_

 _Ara Haan: Happy New Year!_

 _Ara Haan: oh dang you sent yours before I sent mine_

 _Add Grenore: haha i guess i did_

 _Add Grenore: did you send out a mass text kinda thing_

 _Ara Haan: I did_

 _Ara Haan: you probably have hundreds of people to get back to don't you_

 _Add Grenore: surprisingly no_

 _Add Grenore: only about twenty_

 _Add Grenore: I had to design an app to filter out all the phone numbers that people forcibly put into my contacts_

(Ara doesn't believe it. Ara doesn't want to believe it.)

 _Ara Haan: god I only have like. 40 ish contacts total_

 _Ara Haan: and I only ended up sending to about 25 of those people_

 _Add Grenore: for what it's worth, I'm glad that I was one of them_

 _Ara Haan: qosdfheajrkoarwk_

 _Ara Haan: are you always this smooth_

 _Add Grenore: like peanut butter_

* * *

Elesis is already at the train station when Ara shows up, hauling her suitcase behind her. She has a travel mug that's bound to be filled with peppermint hot chocolate in hand. "Hey, Ara. Hello, Mr. Haan," she says. "How are y'all doing on this fine wintery day?"

"Terrible," Ara grouses, fingers wrapped around her own paper cup (creme brulee latte, Eve really is a godsend) and clothed in her favourite woolen gloves. "I don't have the mental or physical strength to move from my spot."

"Aw, but the train is heated!" Elesis chortles, glancing around. "Too bad we still have to wait for my brother and Chung before we can get on."

Ara blinks. Elsword, she was expecting, but Chung joining them will be interesting. "Where are they?"

Elesis squints. "Buying sandwiches for the rest of us," she says.

Sure enough, Elsword and Chung show up toting sandwich triangles from the convenience store. "Hello, Mr. Haan!" Elsword says cheerfully, Chung echoing him with a smile and a polite nod-bow. "Would you like a sandwich? We bought a bunch."

Baba grins and ruffles his hair. "I'll skip, but thank you," he says, before turning his attention to Chung. "And you, young chap!" Ara winces; her father is possibly the only person she knows who would _unironically_ call one of her friends _young chap_. "Lemme give you some advice for frolicking with this bunch: get away while you can. They're out to get you."

Chung laughs and gives him a high-five. "I'll keep that in mind, sir."

They board the train laughing and chattering, waving goodbye to Baba and thinking about what'll happen once they get back to campus. Elsword gives Ara a tuna sandwich, which she accepts gratefully. By the current looks of it, they'll be stuck on the train for hours, and COBO Travel, while cheap to ride, does not supply free food to its passengers on the shorter rides.

"So," Elsword says, around a mouthful of ham-and-cheese, "since we're all here anyways, I think I should introduce y'all to my boyfriend."

"Elsword, we all saw this coming from a mile away," Elesis quips, but stays quiet afterwards to hear her brother speak.

"Anyways," Elsword says, shooting a deliberate glare at his sister, "this is Chung Seiker. He's a socio student like me. We met in first year, and the rest is history."

Ara applauds helpfully. "Thank you, thank you," Elsword says, holding Chung's hand and making a faux bow. "Much appreciated."

"Well, all of you already know about my bitter, bitter crush on Rose," Elesis sighs, "so there's not much to gossip about on my end." She looks wistfully out the window. "She's so cute. I'm going to _die_ the moment I see her again."

"You'll live," Ara says. "If the teddy bear doesn't kill her first."

Chung splutters and chokes. "I'm sorry, the teddy bear?" He asks, pounding on his chest to cough out whatever he choked on. "Did you buy her a killer teddy bear for Christmas or something?"

"Nah, she bought Rose a giant plush teddy from the gift shop in Altera." Elsword's Cheshire grin is only slightly unsettling. "Because, of course, Rose's one greatest weakness is teddy bears. It's so big that she has to have it shipped directly to school. It's gonna arrive in two weeks."

"Speaking of which, I bought everyone else gifts, too," Elesis says proudly, clearly eager to change the topic. "Ara, I have yours with me here. You too, Chung."

She extracts a few packages from her bag, handing one to Ara and one to Chung. "You really didn't have to," Ara says, but Elesis pushes it back into her hands, and she's kinda morally obligated to accept, right? She tears away Elesis's clumsy gift wrap to find an adorable pair of fox socks, with little bows at the ears that poke up at the woolen edges. "Oh my god, I love them."

Chung, on the other hand, looks kinda red when he unwraps his gift. Elsword takes one look over and breaks out laughing. "You don't have to show anyone," Elesis teases, "but know that I am doing this for your sake."

It just makes Chung flush even more. Even Ara has to join in the laughter.

The train moves slowly across the Elrian countryside, and Ara feels herself glow with happiness.

* * *

 **A/N: a shorter chapter, this time! winter break is coming up for me and if you don't think i intend to do dumb things and drink kvass then you are absolutely wrong**

 **the new year's texts were really fun to write, and i hope to see a return of them the next year around!**

 **next time on _Black Swan_ : Ignia from biochem is what goes boom in the night, Rose learns some slang, and someone throws a bowling ball where bowling balls should be thrown**

 **~Marg**


	5. Year 3, Semester 2

Ara wakes up in the middle of the night to a terrifying _BOOM_ , one that rattles her teeth and nearly shakes her right out of bed.

"What's happening?" Aisha yelps, nearly rolling out of bed and falling off. "Oh, Jesus, I nearly fell."

"What time is it?" Ara reaches for her phone, charging next to her pillow. "It's only four in the morning, literally, who is up at this hour?"

Aisha groans and cocoons herself back into her blankets. "It's way too early for this. I don't need this kind of negativity in my life." She's snoring away within seconds.

It really is too early, both into the semester and into the day. Ara blinks away lingering thoughts of heavily populated ancient civilizations, and invasions from the Romans, and enjoys the rest of her three or so hours left of sleep.

She has a light breakfast in the common room the next morning, grabbing a slice of toast and spreading a thin layer of Nutella over it. Puris offers her a carton of 2% milk, and she pours herself some into the gorgeous mug that Mama gave her for Christmas.

"Did any of you hear the boom last night?" Gloria asks, eyes wide, as she stirs her cereal and milk with a fork. "I woke up and nearly fell out of bed."

"It was really loud," David agrees. Megan grunts her agreement from where she's lying facedown on the table. Massimo pours cereal and then milk directly into his mouth, crunches, and nods.

"First of all, Massimo, please use a bowl and spoon like the rest of us," Puris says, rolling her eyes. "Second of all, we should be able to find out soon. The sound didn't come from our dorm, otherwise we would have been woken up even more by the fire alarm."

Massimo scoffs. "You plebeians and your bowls and spoons," he grumbles, before getting back to his normal happy self. "We can ask Professor Ventus. There's, like, a thirty percent chance it was him who caused the noise in the first place."

There are whispers on their way to class. All of them seem to revolve around the mysterious boom in the night. Words like _sink_ and _explosion_ and _calcium_ are thrown around. Ara isn't sure what to believe. Everything is all a jumble; their little Sanskrit studies pack just looks awkward and nervous in the greater chaos.

Ara spots a familiar flash of purple in the crowd, accompanied by a familiar black bag. "Add," she hisses, leaving the others behind for a second to reach out to grab his sleeve. It's the first time she's seen him this semester. "What's happening? Did you hear the—"

"Shh!" If anything, he looks more nervous than her. "The explosion, I know. Someone in biochem stole a huge chunk of calcium metal from the labs, filled a sink in the bathroom, and blew it up."

Honestly, Ara isn't sure whether to believe it or not, but it would explain a lot, and it doesn't seem out of place for UoWF students. "At four in the morning?" She asks dryly.

Add shrugs. "I dunno," he mumbles, "people are crazy pyromaniacs who don't need sleep, I guess." He grins. "I gotta get to a lab, so, uh, see you soon?"

"Yeah, sure!" She lets go of his sleeve, and he pats her arm, waves and runs to catch up with the other engineering kids, prompting her to run after her bunch.

Puris looks kind of confused when she returns. "Is that one of your other friends?" she asks. "Did you ask him if he knows what happened?"

"There are crazy pyromaniacs at our school who don't need sleep," Ara informs her and the others, and giggles in her attempts to reveal nothing else.

* * *

Ara finds Rose staring at the falling snowflakes just outside the student centre one day, just after lunch, when she's about to leave for class. "Hey Rose," she says, walking up beside the other girl, "are you doing okay?"

Rose looks like she's in a daze. "Oh, hullo, Ara," she says softly. "I'm just looking at the snowflakes. It's very beautiful." Her eyes are very, very blue, and Ara thinks of the word _cerulean_ and tucks it away to tease Elesis with later. "We don't get much snow in Empyrean," she says wistfully.

"That's understandable," Ara says. "We didn't get a lot of snow in Xin, either. It was just warm all year long. I prefer the warm weather much more than the cold."

Rose smiles kindly. "I think the phrase Aisha taught me was, um, _that's a mood_?" she tries, which Ara meets with light giggles and enthusiastic nodding. "Oh, speaking of which, Ara, do you mind directing me to the Ventus dorm? Elesis said she had something to give me."

Ara knows exactly what her best friend is going to give her, and smiles accordingly. "Of course," she says, glancing quickly at the clock on the wall. She'll pass by the Ventus dorm on her way to class, anyhow. Even if she stays behind to take photos of Elesis ogling at Rose, she'll be able to make it on time if she runs. "I'm heading in that direction myself, so I can take you there."

They walk and talk, as Ara's high school philosophy teacher would have said. Rose, by all means, is a great speaker of Elrian English, which really isn't all that different from Canadian English. Her one Achilles' heel is her lack of knowledge of common slang. Their little friend group, unfortunately, has a lot of little colloquialisms that stem from inside jokes, and Rose hasn't really been exposed to any of them.

That said, the more time Rose spends around Elesis, the more Ara sees bits of Elesis's speech patterns in the Empyrean girl. Only Elesis refers to their school as "U-of-Woof", as far as Ara knows, but Rose uses it unironically while describing differences between UoWF and her previous university, the Imperial Academy in Empyrean. _A word or phrase will permanently enter your vocabulary after you hear it in conversation three times_ , Professor Ventus's voice reminds her. _So pronounce these words properly as often as you can. If I hear anyone pronounce Avalokiteśvara with a long i again, I will not hesitate to banish you all to the math faculty._

"Sometimes I feel like my understanding of the English language is too formal," Rose admits. "All of you speak so effortlessly, and with idiomatic expressions that I've never learned. Elesis has to teach me texting terms all the time."

"That's an easy fix," Ara says, eyes widening as she extracts her phone from her bag. Why didn't she think of this earlier? "Are you still connected to campus wifi?"

They download the Discord app onto Rose's phone, and Ara quickly helps her set up an account as _Rosie-Posie #1002_. Ara finds it funny that her handle is Elesis's nickname for her. She's able to send her the link to their group server right before they arrive at the Ventus dorm.

Elesis is waiting in the doorway. "Hey Rose, hey Ara!" she says cheerfully, waving. "I'm glad to see you here. Come in, it's warmer inside—"

She opens the door a little wider, and the wind blows it open at full force, slamming it away. "Ehehe," she manages. "Ara, do you need someone to walk with you to your next class?"

Ara shrugs. "I'll live," she supplies. "Besides, I want to see how Rose reacts to her gift."

"Oh?" Now Rose looks genuinely confused. "I thought—wait, what?"

Elesis shoots Ara a look that's 90% honey and 10% concentrated ghost chili juice. "I bought you a Christmas present," she says. "Actually, I bought everyone Christmas presents, but I haven't gotten the time to give yours to you yet."

Sure enough, the huge golden teddy bear is slumped against the wall in the lobby of the Ventus dorm. It must have finally arrived in the mail, blue silky ribbon and all. It even has blue eyes to match, and the kind, loving smile of a toy that is guaranteed to accompany a child through their entire childhood. "Oh my goodness," Rose says, with all the faintness of someone whose greatest weakness is plush toys. "Elesis, I-I can't take this. I can't."

"Nonsense, I bought this for you," Elesis insists, but then Rose tackles her in a hug, burying her face in her neck. Ara tries her hardest to not cackle like a witch as she snaps a few quick photos on her phone, and sticks her tongue out when Elesis makes a face at her. "Rosie-Posie, I can't breathe."

Rose lets go. Her face is flushed; she looks like she's close to tears. "Thank you so much," she says breathlessly. "Thank you, Elesis."

"You're welcome." Elesis smiles. "Merry Christmas, Rosie-Posie."

Ara clears her throat. "Uh, real question here," she says, raising her hand. "How are you going to get it out the door without dragging it through the snow?"

The real answer is that they can't, and thus they don't. In the three weeks before they're finally able to clean out the underground passage between the Ventus and Rosso dorms, Elesis keeps the giant plush toy in her own room.

(The fact that it means Rose comes over to nap in her room more often is pure coincidence, of course.)

* * *

 _ **assorted licorice candies**_

 _ **#general**_

→ _**Rosie-Posie**_ _just showed up. Hold my beer._

 _ **Elmo**_ _\- ROSE?_

 _ **Rosie-Posie**_ _\- Hello, everyone! Sorry, I don't know who everyone is because you all have such odd nicknames!_

 _ **Rosie-Posie**_ _\- Except Ara, and Eve - I can tell who you two are._

 _ **Elmo**_ _\- i'm elesis!_

 _ **Rosie-Posie**_ _\- Oh hey Elesis!_

 _ **Rosie-Posie**_ _\- Who is the frog?_

 _ **Elmo**_ _\- ?_

 _ **Ararararara**_ _\- that's add, it's a pun off his last name (grenore)_

 _ **Rosie-Posie**_ _\- I see_

* * *

"Is there a way," Aisha says mournfully, "to increase the number of hours in a day so I can get more things done? Maybe, I dunno, get some sleep in?"

Ara hums quietly, blowing lightly across the soup in her spoon. "I wouldn't know," she says, "it's not like there's some sort of secret recipe to time travel in ancient Sanskrit texts."

"To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if there were," Chung offers, pointing his saltine cracker at her. "Didn't people find some sort of Sanskrit manuscript about a magical ruby of destruction?"

"That's from _Unnatural History_ , Chung. You've been watching too much TV."

Add whacks his chest and coughs loudly, smiling weakly when Ara reaches out to pass him a bottle of water. "I'm fine. It's just, dude, _Unnatural History_ deserved better. It was a genuinely good show, even if half the content was bullshit."

"I visited the museum where it was filmed!" Aisha chips in. "When we went to Canada three years ago, my mom and I went to that museum."

They're sitting around a table at the cafe in the student centre, extra chairs pulled up to accommodate for everyone as they wait for Elsword to emerge from his co-op placement interview. It's a bit of a big event, since sociology is a pretty hard program to get a co-op placement in, but they're all confident (read: skeptical but hopeful) in Elsword's ability to find a placement.

The truth of the matter is that they're all here for Chung. At the end of the day, Chung's dad is a big-name lawyer, and he's easily able to pick up a placement for himself at his family's firm. He wasn't able to find something for Elsword, though, and his guilt is wholly palpable through the rest of them.

So now they wait for the results. Add and Chung are locked in a heated debate about _Unnatural History_ , with Aisha tossing in her two cents every once in a while. Elesis and Rose return from ordering lunch, laughing between themselves like they've shared some sort of secret inside joke. Eve is fast asleep on the table; Aisha occasionally reaches out to dance her fingers across her back. Ara sips her soup in peace, watching the conversations occur and slipping in and out when she can and when she needs to. Occasionally she jots something down for her calendar, since she had to miss going home over the March break in favour of a week-long workshop with a world-renowned theologist.

"Look, I'm telling you, Henry was an actual dumbass, and every episode followed the exact same plotline because of it," Chung insists. "The science is introduced, suspect one is introduced, issue is introduced, they've narrowed it down to suspect one, _suspect two_ is introduced, bam, they solve it, priceless artifact damage may be included."

"Then what about the bug episode? Or the episode with the uranium core?" Add counters. Ara frowns. He's turning red in the face. His voice keeps getting louder. "There weren't any real "suspects" or culprits in those. And there only was one suspect in the viking episode—the trio of archaeologists."

Chung winces. "If you think about it, Julian Morneau was the culprit of the bug episode," he says, "if you don't count the bug itself. And the lady professor was probably the culprit of the uranium episode."

Okay, now Add is actually red. He inhales, exhales, and tries to speak. "No."

Aisha raises an eyebrow. Chung looks sullen.

"Well, yes, I see what you mean, but Henry did have really strong moral judgement, especially in the fountain of youth episode, so I guess—" Add's voice cuts off. "I'm sorry. I got a little too riled up there for a second. I really liked the show as a kid."

"No offense taken," Chung says, good-naturedly, because that's how Chung is: protective and cunning, like a lawyer, but still at heart a child, easy to forgive, easy to pacify. "It's alright, man, I really liked the show a lot too. High school English was just a rough time for me." His eyes light up with sudden inspiration. "Say, have you ever watched the show _Scorpion_? I think you'd probably like it a lot if you liked _Unnatural History_."

Before Add can inquire more, Elsword comes running up the stairs, eyes wide as he waves a sheet of paper in the air. Everyone jumps to their feet instantly. Chung runs to intercept him with a hug. "How is it?"

Elsword looks like he's about to explode with sheer excitement. "I got the position," he says, "of assistant counsellor. In Rena's office."

There is stunned silence for all of a second before they manage to wake Eve up with their jubilant cheers.

* * *

 _ **assorted licorice candies**_

 _ **#dont-let-rose-see**_

 _ **Elmo**_ _\- ALRIGHT FUCKERS_

 _ **Elmo**_ _\- [IMAGE]_

(It's a screenshot of Elesis's texts with Rose. The word _bullshit_ , from Rose, is circled eight times in bright red.)

 _ **Elmo**_ _\- WHICH OF YOU TAUGHT ROSE TO SWEAR_

 _ **Elmo**_ _\- I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND MAKE YOU EAT CALCIUM METAL_

 _ **Elmo**_ _\- AND I DON'T HAVE TO BE IGNIA MAVROS TO KNOW IT'LL REACT BADLY WITH YOUR STOMACH ACIDS_

 _ **Arararara**_ _\- are u sure it wasn't u_

 _ **Elmo**_ _\- I'VE BEEN REPLACING ALL MY SWEARS WITH MISCELLANEOUS FOOD ITEMS SINCE ROSE SHOWED UP_

 _ **WizardOfOz**_ _\- the fact that you actually know the word miscellaneous is surprising_

 _ **Elmo**_ _\- I ACTUALLY READ THINGS SOMETIMES_

 _ **Elmo**_ _\- NOW FESS UP WHO TAINTED ROSE_

 _ **poor unfortunate souls**_ _\- uh question: who's rose_

 _ **Ararararara**_ _\- no ciel why would you ask that_

 _ **Ararararara**_ _\- elesis you've been typing for six minutes_

 _ **Ararararara**_ _\- elesis please_

* * *

 _ **Grenouille**_ _\- and i don't want to get pitied or make this some kinda guilt tripping bullshit or anything but. sometimes i wish i didn't get angry like my dad yknow_

 _ **Grenouille**_ _\- my mom cries when she gets angry so i did my best as a kid to never piss her off but i guess my dad kinda stays in both of us_

 _ **Ararararara**_ _\- you don't sound bitter_

 _ **Grenouille**_ _\- i'm not mad at him, i'm mad at myself for becoming like him_

 _ **Ararararara**_ _\- you're not like your dad._

 _ **Ararararara**_ _\- your dad never apologized for doing all that awful stuff to you or your mom, much less for getting a little riled up over a tv show_

 _ **Ararararara**_ _\- you just sent a 300 word apology to chung in the dms for getting slightly - slightly! - angry_

 _ **Grenouille**_ _\- yes, but he's my friend_

 _ **Grenouille**_ _\- i don't want to hurt him because i picked up on my shitty dad's shitty way of getting angry_

 _ **Ararararara**_ _\- yes, but you're making the active effort to get around it and shake him off_

 _ **Ararararara**_ _\- add. just because his influence stays over you doesn't mean you'll become him_

(Ara is acutely aware that he's entrusting her with this information, and that he trusts her to keep it. Even gods have insecurities, after all. She exhales sharply and hugs her pillow tighter to her chest.)

 _ **Arararararara**_ _\- think about it this way: would your dad make a good member of our friend group?_

 _ **Grenouille**_ _\- he's probably charismatic enough to get away with it_

 _ **Arararararara**_ _\- not when chung is a lawyer's son, and between him and ain and eve they can smell bullshit from miles away_

 _ **Grenouille**_ _\- oh_

 _ **Grenouille**_ _\- hadn't thought of that_

 _ **Arararararara**_ _\- we wouldn't trust someone like your dad, and your dad wouldn't trust in us like you have_

 _ **Arararararara**_ _\- i've known elesis for literal years, and lemme tell you, the fact that she trusts you to help meddle in her love life is admirable on your part_

(Her fingers ghost over the keyboard. She'd been in the midst of typing something that could instantly destroy their friendship. She quickly deletes the offending line and replaces it with something else before she can send it. What was she thinking?)

( _[not sent]_ _ **Ararararara**_ _\- your father's influence on you doesn't mean anything to me. you yourself mean so much to me._ )

 _ **Arararararara**_ _\- his influence doesn't make who you are. that's your own job._

 _ **Grenouille**_ _\- ara_

 _ **Arararararara**_ _\- yeah_

 _ **Grenouille**_ _\- you are literally the greatest person and i am so glad that you are not only my friend but also willing to put up with my self wallowing_

 _ **Arararararara**_ _\- don't sell yourself short_

 _ **Grenouille**_ _\- oh jesus elesis just sent her rose paragraph_

 _ **Grenouille**_ _\- … that's more of an essay tbh_

 _ **Arararararara**_ _\- yep sounds about right_

* * *

"Hey, guys," Elesis says, "I have an idea."

Ara snorts. "That doesn't happen often," she snarks, to which Elesis elbows her in the side. "I only speak the truth."

"Aside from Ara's slander," Elesis continues, "I have a genuinely good idea. It's been nearly two years since we met this lot, and we still haven't done anything fun or friendship-destroying."

"Bold of you to assume that fun and friendship-destroying are mutually exclusive events," Chung mutters, curled up in a tight ball across Elsword's lap, bordering on Eve's.

"Both of you are officially forbidden from trying to one up me with fancy words from now on," Elesis says, before continuing. "We should go bowling."

Briefly, Ara tries to recall the last time she went bowling. It was the day she saw Aisha and Eve together for the first time. She remembers sitting on the sidelines, eating fries, and watching Aisha bowl into the wrong lane, but not much else. "Are you sure," she says slowly, "that we won't get entirely thrown out for destroying the facility?"

Add shrugs. "It can't go that badly wrong," he reasons. "I mean, we lived through the solo cup incident, so not much else could be worse, right?"

Rose frowns. "What is the solo cup incident?"

As Elesis turns to explain it to Rose, Ara shakes her head at Add. "You presume our friends are capable of not doing property damage," she says. This brings a grimace, a shake of the head, and a shit-eating grin that Ara has learned to fear.

And so Ara finds herself standing in a darkened neon playground, watching Elesis and Add and Aisha bicker over bowling balls and vending machines. Ain sits serenely on a nearby bench, chattering quietly with Chung and Eve as they find bowling shoes in their sizes. Rose just looks lost.

"Do you have bowling shoes yet?" Ara asks her. "You have to wear special shoes for bowling so you can slide on them."

Rose looks a little sick, if she's being honest. "You have to slide on the shoes?"

"You don't have to slide," Ara amends quickly. "Some people do. But the bowling lanes are specially treated wood, so any other shoes will ruin the texture." At least, that's how she thinks it works.

"Oh, like curling," Rose realizes, eyes lighting up. "Alright, let's find some shoes."

They rejoin the others after they've found shoes and put them on. The few cubbyholes they've occupied are home to vastly different shoes—Rose's military boots, Elesis's smart Timberlands, Add's sneakers, Eve's sleek black pumps. Ara laughs as she tries to pack her long white boots in her cubby; the leather has to be folded up to fit in the square.

"Well?" Elesis says, hefting her crimson bowling ball (13 pounds) and smacking it like she's testing a melon. "Shall we get started?"

The lanes are each equipped with a screen to keep track of scores. They each line up to enter their names (from youngest to oldest, much to Add's murmured displeasure) and watch the awful neon graphics pop up while the pins are reset. Ara picks out a 10-pound ball in a relatively kind orange, with black and white tiger swirls across the surface, and waits for her turn.

The first to the lane is Elsword who, despite having the same birthday as Aisha, declared himself youngest as " _I was born at six in the afternoon, so fuck you_ ". He plucks up a scarlet 12-pound ball from the rack and, for lack of a better term, _yeets_ it towards the pins.

The ball cascades down the lane, thundering ominously as it goes, and crashes into the pins, managing to knock down seven. Elsword looks proud of himself as the remaining pins are reset. "That was pretty good for a first bowl, wasn't it?" He chortles, giving Chung a high five.

Unfortunately, it leaves him with a three-pin split. The ball comes rolling back up into the rack, and he just shrugs and tosses it. The ball curves slowly towards the side with two pins, but overshoots it, dipping into the gutter and disappearing. "Ah well," Elsword says, smiling brightly, but Ara's known him for long enough to know that he's a little dejected.

Aisha's next up, looking _aggressive_ , if anything else, and Ara is suddenly reminded that her roommate a) is a star physics student, b) has no upper arm strength and c) is overall an awful bowler. She hefts up an 8-pound ball in vivid violet, screams out a battle cry, and lobs it horizontally towards the pins.

The ball, contrary to the laws of existence that might dictate its crashing impact into the wooden floorboards, is somehow light enough that it actually _bounces_ , hitting the floor with a sound best described as _BOOM_ at a distance of a mere metre away from where Aisha had been standing. The bounce, again contrary to every law that Murphy could ever conjure, springs it towards the pins, and manages to land Aisha a _strike_.

Elesis falls out of her seat laughing. Elsword and Chung aren't far behind, just barely managing to hold onto the table ledge to prevent themselves from meeting an untimely demise on the floor. Add is mopping up cola from where he spewed it out laughing. Even the otherwise silent Eve and Ain are shaking with laughter. Aisha huffs and puts her hands on her hips. "How's that for a first bowl," she says proudly.

Ara turns to Rose. "Please don't bowl like her," she pleads.

"I don't hope to," is the queasy reply.

Thankfully, Eve is a more reasonable bowler, and she comes up next with a pearlescent pink 14-pound ball. Her posture and stance look like someone who's been trained in the art of bowling, or at least someone who's watched a lot of YouTube videos on the subject. She scores a reasonable six on her first roll of the frame, and makes it a spare in the second roll thanks to good placement. This is met with honourable applause from the others, to which she offers a small curtsey. "Thank you, thank you."

Her stellar performance is immediately followed up by Chung. Ara has never seen him bowl before, but judging by the way he shakes Eve's hand and gives her a shit-eating grin before he goes, it seems like they have a sort of friendly rivalry between them. He adopts a similar stance to her as he bowls, albeit adjusted for his height and possibly weight, and is able to get in a spare with five and five. This is met with more honourable applause. He curtseys as well, then returns to his warm seat next to Elsword.

Then it's Ara's turn. She shifts the orange ball between her hands, ignoring the thin layer of sweat that's built up. It's been a while since she last went bowling, after all, and it's a small wonder she's allowed to return at all after what Aisha managed to pull off. She grasps the ball firmly, fingers digging into the holes, and cradles it between her hands like she would a melon.

The pins reset. Ara inhales and bowls.

Slowly, slowly, the ball rolls down the lane, the sound echoing through the building, and crashes into the pins. Four are left behind; it's a 2-2 split. Ara exhales as the pins reset once again.

"That's not gonna be easy," Add comments. He and Elsword went to buy fries for everyone a while back, and he's pointing one at the lane. "Your best bet is to try knocking over one side so hard that they ricochet into the other side, I think."

"Got that," Ara mutters. Her ball comes rumbling back up onto the rack, and she picks it up and spins it around until she finds the holes. It'll probably be easier to land the two on the left, but can she do it?

Doesn't matter now. She fixes her stance, gets a slight running start, and pitches the ball forward. The trajectory isn't perfect, she'll lose that ball—

But it just manages to wobble away from the gutter in time to hit the two pins on the left, sending one flying to knock down one of the pins on the right. Ara finally reminds herself to breathe normally again. Nine is a good score, especially because of the split. The applause from the others says as much.

"I suppose I'm up now," Ain says. He'd been so quiet that Ara barely noticed he was there until just now. Then again, he wouldn't be able to get so many intimate, candid photos for the school yearbook if he weren't so good at sneaking around. The ball he chooses is in the same silvery gray of his hair, streaked in pale turquoise and white. "I really haven't done this much before, so please bear with me."

Ain is easily the tallest in their group at the moment. Ara vaguely recalls Rena describing him as _willowy_ , and she thinks it really fits here. Ain's movements are graceful and elongated but supported with strength, and even though he insists he's never bowled before he scores eight in the frame, to which he smiles bashfully and disappears back into his seat.

Elesis boldly walks up to bowl, and immediately eats shit on the floor when she trips on her own shoelace. Ara, Elsword and Rose immediately lunge after her shriek of surprise. Her bowling ball rolls away harmlessly as she peels herself back up, grins, and gives them all a thumbs up. "I'm fine," she insists, and proves it by scoring seven on her first roll and bringing that up to nine on her second.

(Ara has a sneaking suspicion that her tripping had nothing to do with her shoelace, and everything to do with the fact that Rose smiling and giving her a thumbs-up.)

Add comes to stand beside her as Elesis sets about fussing over Rose, correcting her stance, clasping her hands in her own to show her how to hold a bowling ball. "So," he murmurs, offering Ara the last of the pilfered fries, "how long do you think it'll take for Rose to figure out Elesis's big gay crush?"

"I give it another, oh, half year or so?" She makes a face. "Although between Rose's apparently obliviousness and Elesis's obviousness, it'll probably balance out to be around three or four months.

The unfortunate truth they realized about a week ago is that Rose is either ridiculously dense, or really, _really_ good at hiding it. Ara had to painfully watch Elesis practically confess her undying love to the other girl over text, and to get "aw, you're a great friend too, Elesis!" as a response. It's almost comical how Elesis refuses to give up at this point.

It's not like Rose is straight, either. She's told Ara over text how Aisha and Eve remind her of herself and her ex, a girl named Ezre. Further prodding of Aisha revealed that Rose had been dating Ezre until about halfway through Aisha's co-op period. It's just that somehow, Rose has never caught onto Elesis's flirting. If there was ever a Romeo and Juliet story to come out of UoWF, it would have to be the tale of Elesis and Rose.

Ara's gonna have to write that tale someday, and she's not gonna be happy about it.

"I think I've got it," Rose says, rolling her shoulders and looking down the bowling lane. "I stand behind the line, then I pitch the ball."

"Yes, that's the idea," Elesis says. "You've got it!"

Rose smiles softly as she stands right behind the line. For a moment, it looks like she's gonna bowl, but then she swaps the 8-pound ball that Elesis had given her for a pale gold 14-pound ball. Then, contrary to all of Elesis's teaching, she swivels around, bringing her right leg back, narrows her gaze, drops into a lunge, and throws the ball.

The bowling alley goes silent, save for the sound of Rose throwing a perfect strike on her first ever bowl.

Elesis sits down on the ground with a _kerplunk_ as Aisha and the second-years go nuts over the throw. "Oh my god," she whispers, even as Ara comes over to offer her a drink with considerable amusement, "I am _so_ gay for this girl."

"Breathe, Ellie," Ara says, smirking, "you're gonna pass out entirely at this rate."

"Gasp."

Eventually, the shock of it all settles down as Rose explains why she did what she did. "In high school, I was part of our city's youth curling team," she says, blushing the same furious red as Elesis's hair. "Which is why I chose a heavier ball instead of the lighter one that Elesis gave me." She gestures at the ball as it rolls back up onto the rack. "There is no, I think the term is skip, in bowling, but I used the centre pin as my reference point. Then it was easier to play."

It's a good thing they're call crowding around Rose and blocking Elesis from her sight, because by now they're sporting the exact same shade of tomato red.

"How am I supposed to top that," Add muses, "if I've been bowling about ten times already?" This is met by laughter. "Oh well." He chooses a lavender ten-pound ball from the rack. "Yolo."

He scores a spare, too. Ara laughs, even though she's in the bottom of the scores. It's hard to find happy moments like this when school and life are constantly fighting to push depression to the top, and she savours these moments while she still can.

The winner, or rather winners, end up being Eve and Chung, tied for first with a hundred points each. Second place goes to Add with ninety-two, and third to Ara with ninety after consistent high scoring. The others are too busy smiling to be upset about scores. They buy one last round of pop, say their cheers, promise to return for more bowling bullshit, and head home for the night.

For the first time in years, Ara can genuinely feel her face hurt from grinning.

* * *

 _ **CODE RED**_

 _ **Elmo -**_ _her hands are so soft…_

 _ **Elmo**_ _\- her boobs… also soft…_

 _ **Grenouille**_ _\- this reads like a homestuck quote_

 _ **Elmo**_ _\- one more word of homestuck and i will dunk your head in a bucket of piss_

 _ **Grenouille**_ _\- oh yeah do either of you have food I can steal at this hour_

 _ **Grenouille**_ _\- convenience store closed about an hour ago_

 _ **Arararara**_ _\- i'll bring the spicy instant vermicelli i have but only if elesis promises to confess and stop being a coward by christmas_

 _ **Elmo**_ _\- ARA HAAN YOU SHUT YOUR UP_

 _ **Elmo**_ _\- SHUT THE TFCUK_

 _ **Elmo**_ _\- SHUT MOUHT_

 _ **Arararara**_ _\- good luck with that_

 _ **Arararara**_ _\- it'll be a fine, sunny day in hell before i ever shut up_

* * *

Finals hits Ara like a bowling ball to the head. She sits down one day with an exam schedule and immediately wonders how the hell she got there. Her Spotify tastes report that her average music BPM has dropped down to a rather depressing 77 from its normal 115 or more. She spends long hours chanting Hindu mantras in an attempt to commit them to memory, and scares Puris by reciting the entirety of the Shanti mantra from the Taittiriya Upanishad over their shared dinner one day.

It's in times like this that _the fluff corner_ is really popping. Aren doesn't send as many photos of Eun as often anymore, but Mama seems to take joy in tormenting the little vixen with costumes made for small dogs and sending photos. A photo of Dynamo taking a bath is enough to shake Ara into a fit of laughing hysterics, and after she sees it, Aisha joins her too.

Every time Ara feels her feet start to lift off the ground from the pressure, every time she feels like her chest is hollow and no longer exists, she reaches into her candy basket, takes something out, nibbles it until it no longer feels like her back is supporting a hollow body. The huge study document that the Solace dorm Sanskrit studies students have compiled together grows by the day. Four days before their first exam, the document has already reached a hundred pages, and nearly forty thousand words, and Ara is still reviewing page 36.

She sighs as she realizes they're missing several citations from the same book. A quick search says the nearest copy is in the library on the other side of campus. She drops a quick _I'll go get the book, guys_ into the chat and reaches for her bag.

It really shouldn't take more than ten minutes for her to bike across campus and get the book. She shoves on a sports bra, tucks her phone and student card in her bag, and slips on her sneakers as she leaves her room. Thankfully, the sky is clear, and she bikes through the cloudless afternoon with her bag in the basket and wind through her hair.

It's a blast of hot air, though. Even though the speed of biking keeps her in the wind, the sun bearing down upon her back and dark hair feels like a constant sauna of light. She may be resilient to the heat, but between the exhaustion of the past few days and the searing sunlight, Ara finds herself regretting not having put her hair up in anything higher than a low ponytail. She arrives at the library, locks up her bike on the bike rack, and immediately sighs in relief when she enters the building. _God bless the air conditioning on campus…_

She ducks into the bathroom quickly to mop up her sweat and rinse her face with cold water, not necessarily in that order. A few of the girls from sociology enter the bathroom, and one of them smiles understandingly and offers a quiet "mood" to Ara as she backs out sheepishly with her wad of paper towels.

The majority of the books pertaining to Sanskrit studies are housed either in the Humanities faculty or in the adjacent libraries. A few important biographies, however, are stashed closer to the social sciences side of campus. Ara has been here enough times to know the rough layout of the building, and takes the trip up to the fifth floor via elevator.

Before she can disembark, though, the elevator dings on the third floor, and in strolls Add and the girl that he had been talking to on the last day of school last year. "Hey Ara," he says pleasantly, "what brings you here?"

"Could say the same for you," she quips. "I'm looking for a book from the biographies."

The petite girl next to him smiles absentmindedly. She has velvety dark skin and white hair, and a pair of goggles that Ara remembers all too clearly from her high school days. A lollipop dangles from her hand like a cigarette. "Are you Ara?" she asks, voice just as dreamlike as her expression. "I'm Echo, but you can call me Ko if you want." _Alright, definitely a stoner._

"Echo's a friend of mine from high school," Add explains. "She's in biochem."

"Oh." Ara briefly thinks back to an incident at the beginning of the semester that had left their entire building puzzled. The centre of the blast, it turns out, had been nowhere near their dorm, so it was a small wonder any of them had heard it. It seems reasonable that this tiny girl could have been the source of _that_ vein of trouble. "Nice to meet you, Echo. Er, Ko."

Echo gives her a lazy grin. "I'm heading for the fourth floor cafe," she informs them as she slugs Add in the arm lazily. "Grenada, you show Ara around the library, kay? Don't want her accidentally wandering into a huge pile of sawdust."

 _Sawdust?_

With that, she goes through the open door and disappears immediately behind a bookshelf. The elevator dings again and closes.

Add sighs. "Sorry about that," he says, "Echo is a bit of a case."

"I can tell," Ara murmurs amusedly. "What did she mean by sawdust?"

"The fifth floor is going through some renovations," Add says awkwardly, just as the door opens and a cloud of dust rises into the elevator. "So we're gonna have to take some detours to get through to the biographies."

There's a corridor left for students to pass through in the back; Ara and Add hack and cough their way through the library, opting to escape through the stairwell instead after Ara gets her book. The stairwell echoes with the sound of their footsteps, and they escape once more into the dustless air outside.

"Well, that was, _ack_ , eventful," Ara manages, pounding on her chest to get the last of the weird feeling in her throat out. "Where are you heading now?"

Add shrugs. "I was supposed to go with Echo to her club meeting," he says, "but the club is comprised mostly of pyromaniacs and stoners, so I'm free to do whatever now, I guess." He grins. "I'll walk with you back to your dorm. I gotta go buy groceries, anyhow."

They unlock Ara's bike from the rack, and as Ara pushes it along, they start to chatter. Add asks how Ara's bike is doing, if the joint he repaired last year still works, and the conversation rolls downhill steadily from there. Ara describes an awful meme song that Elesis showed her last month in excruciating detail, and even sings some of the segments. Add shows her a video of Dynamo's bathtime fiasco, this with his mom laughing as she tries to towel the cat off.

"Ara," Add suddenly says, "I mean no offense by this, and you can turn it down if you want, but do you want me to braid your hair for you?"

It catches her off guard. Maybe it's because of the heat from the sun, but Ara's mind is running on autopilot, and the only thing autopilot knows how to steer her into is the nearest traffic congestion. "Um."

"I'm sorry!" Add waves his hands frantically brush away the thought. "It's just that you've put your hair up again like six times in the past ten minutes, so I was wondering if you'd like me to braid it so it won't fall apart."

Ara blinks. "You know how to braid hair?"

This is met with a proud grin and a fond twinkling of his fingers, like he's performing some sort of magic trick. "Since it was just me and my mum when I grew up, I learned how to braid her hair for her," he explains. "It helps a lot that she always kept her hair long. I braided my own hair back when I kept it long in high school too."

Well, that certainly wasn't an explanation that she'd expected. "I suppose," she mumbles, parking her bike by a campus bench. She unwrenches the hair elastic from her hair and hands it to Add, who hums and gets to work.

Instantly, Ara feels jolts of chilling energy through her scalp that rumble through every part of her body and dissipate softly across her joints. The feeling of his fingers combing through her hair calms her down. It's _therapeutic_. He doesn't ever tug hard on anything, just deftly passes strands of her hair between his fingers and braids it all the way down her back. She almost _purrs_ as she sinks into the familiar rhythm of his hands brushing past her shoulders.

"I should teach you this one someday," he murmurs. Ara shocks herself with the thought that comes instantly: _I'd rather you do it._ His gentle voice and gentler touch are more than enough to lull her into restful, blissful sleep. "It's easy enough to do, and it doesn't fall apart during the day. My mom went and did _zumba_ in this braid and it didn't fall apart."

"That would be nice," she replies, but really, she's not thinking anymore. The tingling, calming feeling has started to spread into her fingertips. She shifts her hands experimentally, trying to envision playing piano as Add braids her hair. It probably wouldn't go well.

"There we go." He ties off the braid; Ara immediately laments the lack of contact, even though the chill lingers in her bones. "Tadaaaah."

Ara smiles, or at least she tries. "Thank you." She runs a hand down the back of her head. The braid is smooth and cascades in from either side of her head, before joining in the centre. "It must be really pretty." Add snaps a picture with his phone and shows it to her. "Oh wow, it _is_ pretty."

He grins at her, all sunshine and unicorns. "No, _you're_ pretty," he insists, helping her to her feet. "The braid is just an accessory, one that keeps you from overheating, anyhow."

Ara does some research of her own later, in regards to the tingles. "It's called ASMR," Puris informs her, sprawled out on the floor of the study room in a mess of an oversized hoodie that might be Massimo's. "Stands for _autosensory meridian response_. A pretty good feeling, if you ask me."

"Have you genuinely never felt it before?" Gloria asks, eyes wide. "I thought it was just something everyone dealt with on their own terms, y'know."

"I've had it before, just… never this strong," Ara confesses.

And yet it's not _that_ feeling that concerns her the most.

(Something in her is stirring.)

* * *

It occurs to Ara only after she finishes her final exam that life stopped playing out a few days before exams even began.

Maybe she's dipping back into what Elesis calls her _emo phase_ , but Ara can't feel the days pass. She opens her eyes, it's suddenly exam review day, and the buzz of her phone on the desk in front of her is screaming at her to get to Rena's office before Elsword eats all the pizza himself. David is fast asleep on his desk, Megan and Puris are sticking pencils in his hair, and Professor Ventus is bitching about being the middle child, having an older sister and a younger one.

"You never really get over the first time one of your siblings pulls rank to get something," he says casually. "The first time Lilia pulled the older sibling card on me was to absolutely destroy me in chess because I let her go first." He shakes his head and sighs. "And don't forget all the times I got cheated out of ice cream because the girls teamed up on me..."

"Sir, that's real cool," Massimo says, pained, "but aren't you supposed to be handing back our exam results?"

Professor Ventus's eyes light up. "Oh shit, I forgot about that," he exclaims, rushing for his desk. He quickly redistributes the papers, and Ara exhales in relief to know that her reciting mantras has somehow worked out in her favour; a bright red _93_ sits in at the top of the page. "Class average was 87, no one failed, congrats to y'all, yada yada yada, go home for the summer."

This is met with much cheering. The other Solace dorm students come together to say their goodbyes for the summer, which brings a tight group hug thanks to Massimo's giant arm span. Ara is pretty sure Gloria is squished in the centre, but it's just the right amount of warm to make it all worth it.

They trickle out one at a time, and in the end it's just down to Ara, Puris, and the professor, packing up their bags. "Well, I've got to start preparing for the competitive season," Puris muses, reaching over to give Ara a one-armed hug. "See you next year, Ara! You too, Professor!"

Professor Ventus grins and waves as she leaves. "I'd best head home, too," he says. "Ebalon and I are dragging Denif out drinking."

"Tell me how that goes," Ara snarks. "Bye, Professor!"

She decided to forgo biking this morning, and now she pays the price as she treks through the crowds of liberated students in the sun. Thankfully, she had the sense to put her hair up high this time, and the combination of jean shorts and a flowing orange shirt are more than enough to keep her cool. She can't help but smile to herself when the student centre finally comes into view, though.

Rena's office is, as always, a mess. Elsword is chatting calmly with Eve and Rose about his new position in the office, as shown by his _JUNIOR COUNSELLOR_ lanyard that Rena made for him out of lined paper and all her pastel markers. Elesis looks triumphant, while Chung looks like he's just been alerted to something gross and yet world-changing.

Aisha, Add and Ain are sitting on the other side of the couch, eating pizza and laughing. "Hey Ara," Aisha chitters, "we're the A-grade quartet."

Ara cocks an eyebrow at her. "All of our names start with the letter _a_ ," Ain clarifies. "For some reason, this seems to be quite amusing to these two."

"I, uh, am honoured to be part of this clique," Ara says.

They hand her what's left of the pizza, and she digs in gratefully as Add gets up behind her and undoes her ponytail. This time, it's Aisha's turn to cock an eyebrow and smirk as Ara tries her hardest to not instantly freeze on the spot. Ain takes gorgeous photos of Ara's new hairstyle (a waterfall braid, according to Add) and promises to send them to her over text as soon as he copies them from his camera to his phone.

No one in their friend group is graduating this year, but the goodbyes are plentiful, anyhow. Chung leaves just before noon, kissing Elsword on the cheek and running to catch the bus back to his family in the downtown core. Aisha and Eve eventually shuffle along home as well, saying their goodbyes for the year and promising to meet up over the summer. Ain leaves after remembering to pick up his grandmother's medication—he'd forgotten it the last time she sent him to pick it up, and his guilt shows on his face as he rushes out the door in a blur of turquoise and white.

Rose says something quiet to Elesis, and as intimate and picture-worthy the moment is, Elesis looks so stricken by the news that Ara is scared to immortalize it in photograph. She says something in a hushed tone, something that sounds like "you're leaving?" and Ara's heart aches for her best friend. The only consolation prize out of the situation seems to be the gentle, sisterly kiss that Rose presses to Elesis's forehead, before she smiles and says goodbye, as well.

"How are you getting home?" Add asks, as Rena moves to make Elesis a cup of hot tea. "Taking the train?"

"Yeah." Ara skims through her bag quickly, just to make sure everything is still there. "Are you driving home?"

"Nope." To her surprise, Add flashes her a lazy grin and waves a familiar train ticket in the air. "I left the car with my mom when I went home over the March break. I'll be taking the train with you this year."

"Oh, is that why you didn't drive when we went bowling?"

"Yeah." He glances at the ticket. "Two-thirty train, right? We should grab our stuff and head to the station now."

"It's only twelve-thirty, silly. We'll make it if we go at two," Ara says, with all the expertise of someone who takes the train regularly. "Have you had lunch yet? We could go for ramen first."

Add makes a face. "I had a slice of pizza," he says, "probably not having anything more than a few cucumber rolls."

Ara rolls her eyes, smiles, and hops to her feet. "You are weak," she announces, "and natural selection is coming for you."

They do end up getting ramen from one of the restaurants in the student centre, though. Ara sips miso soup as Add fusses over the cucumber maki rolls he gets. They chatter over everything from Tetris ("a sixteen-year old just won the CTWC, Add, I'm sure me winning against you would be a walk in the park") to their pets (the concept of Dynamo in dumb costumes comes up a lot) to their music tastes (Add, as expected, listens entirely to EDM and the occasional meme music). After that, it's just a short walk (comparatively) for both of them to grab their luggage, and for Ara to lock her bike up.

"Any new on why Elboy and Elesis aren't taking the train with us?" Add asks while they're waiting for the train. It's only two-twenty, but there's a lot more students than Ara's used to waiting on the platform, and Ara really doesn't want to have to fight anyone for a seat. "Elesis looked kinda down earlier. Was it because of Rose?"

"Yeah, probably." Ara sighs as someone pushes beside her to get to another person standing some distance away. "Elesis and Elsword are meeting their folks in Velder to go visit their grandparents. As for why Elesis was down, I think Rose said she was leaving. Not entirely sure, though."

This is met with a wince. "Dang," he says. "If operation Elerose is cancelled, then we're out of a job." He shakes his head. "God, Elesis is gonna be devastated if Rose moves back to France."

"I think we all are," Ara mumbles. The girl from Empyrean is both smart and loveable, and kind and stoically polite to a fault. Ara's going to miss her new friend and her insane bowling skills. "I really hope she stays."

The train pulls into the station. Ara grabs Add by the wrist and runs for the doors the moment they open. They're able to wrangle two seats before they fill up, and sigh in relief. Ara's ride is only an hour and a half; Add's will be at least three. Standing up for the entirety of the trip would be just torture.

"Y'know, I kinda wish," Add says, tapping furiously on his phone, "that we did more extracurricular stuff this year."

"Mmm." Ara hard-drops an L-piece into the perfect place, scoring a triple and pushing her score a little more ahead of Add. Her concentration doesn't break in the slightest as she mercilessly slams an I-piece into the perfect right well she's just opened up. Boom, Tetris for Ara. The gap between their scores increases to 30,000. Ara grins triumphantly. "What do you mean, more extracurricular stuff?"

"Please stop bullying my inability to play this game. I mean, like outings and stuff. I mean, bowling was really, really fun," he says, "and even smaller things like when we went out for pho with Elesis. I really liked that." He glances quickly at her phone screen. "How the fuck are you so far ahead?"

"Practice," Ara cackles. "Just accept that you'll never beat me in this game, Add. It'll be easier for us both."

"One of these days," he says, "we should go to an internet cafe, and I will absolutely _wreck_ you in any MMO of your choosing."

"I'd like to see you try."

Eventually, Add just tops out. He's doing a bit better now, and he's able to reach level 14. Ara, on the other hand, hits level 21 with a Tetris that leaves her with only two lines left and gets the illustrious honour of bopping him over the head with a gentle fist. "Good work," she says. "I see you've improved somewhat. Keep up the good work."

"You sound like my high school math teacher," Add grouses playfully, "if my high school math teacher had the voice of a nine year old trying to sing opera."

Ara scowls. "Hey, the soprano rap was actually fun, okay?"

"I don't know why someone would actually write a purposely bad song," he continues. "Like, I get it's to challenge the limits of art, but it's just." He shudders. "—Absolutely awful."

"For a song called _The Most Unwanted Song_ , it's actually quite interesting," Ara insists. "The soprano rap, for one, is a revolutionary concept that should be in every song from now on."

" _Now entering Sander downtown station. Please stay seated until the doors open and the train comes to a complete stop, and please ensure that you bring all your belongings with you. COBO transport systems and the COBO company are not liable for any lost belongings._ "

Ara sighs and sticks her phone back in her pocket. "That's my stop," she says. "Well, then, see you next year?"

Add spreads his arms, and she doesn't hesitate to lean over and return the hug. It's warm, but comfortably so. The feeling of Add's slim fingers drumming on her shoulders sends waves of energy flooding through every bit of her. "See you next year," he says, and they break apart. "Or, really, see you in two months."

"I wish you all the joy of the worm," Ara says, reciting the line that had intrigued her class so much in high school.

And thus it is to laughter that Ara disembarks the train, but it is to the frantic beating of her own heart that she's able to turn away from it.

She _knows_ what this feeling is.

* * *

 **A/N: let's play what's that pokemon but instead it's with emotions, after the commercial break you find out what Ara's feeling (please guess)**

 **some notes on misc. things:**

 **\- i've gone curling more than i have bowling and i found that using curling techniques was easier so that's how Rose bowls**

 **\- the one who blew up the sink with calcium is Ignia. Echo probably goaded her on. this was inspired by a real event that one of my cousin's friends instigated**

 **\- Rose's teddy bear is inspired by a teddy bear i had in my childhood, albeit it wasn't as big as hers**

 **\- Elesis's attempts to tell Ara to shut up are direct quotes of one of my friends**

 **\- if you've never heard _The Most Unwanted Song_ by Komar and Melamid and Dave Soldier, i seriously beseech you to listen to it. you will regret it.**

 **\- it's really, really hard to describe actual asmr but i tried**

 **next chapter is more summer** **shenanigans**

 **~Marg**


	6. Year 3, Summer

"This is it, Ara," Elesis says, letting herself in through the front door as Ara stands eating cereal in the kitchen, "this is how I die. Rose is going back to France."

"Oh." Ara takes a quick swig of her cereal milk. "For good?"

"Probably." Elesis dramatically flops over onto the counter. "What am I going to do? My Rosie-Posie is leaving me forever. I don't think I'll find love ever again."

Aren raises his hand. "Uh, hi, who's Rose?"

Elesis turns to him with all the passion of a lovestruck fool. "Rose is the most beautiful, wonderful French exchange student to have shown up at U-of-Woof," she declares, despite Aren's spluttered protests about reducing their school's name to something so vulgar. "She has the aura of an angel and the allure of a succubus. Her voice is like a heavenly choir, descending upon me and instantly frying my every nerve to a crisp. She—"

"I'm gonna cut you off right there," Ara says loudly. "Let me finish my breakfast first, and we will properly explain your tragic love story to my brother together."

Vaguely, Ara recalls a similar event happening the previous summer, when Elesis interrupted her breakfast, but then again, it's Elesis. She downs the rest of her cereal, washes the dishes, and rushes to get washed, only to return to Elesis sobbing over the breakfast table. "She's been like this for a while," Aren says hopelessly. "I don't know what to do."

(Ara honestly finds it kind of funny that no matter how long her brother has known Elesis, he's still terrified of her.)

"Elesis, you'll be alright," she says calmly, patting her back gently. "You still have Rose's number, and she's in still in our Discord server."

"Yeah, but she's gonna move back to France and forget me entirely," Elesis whines. "She's so perfect, and I'm just another face in the crowd."

"I honestly have no words for you," Ara says, strangled, as she remembers Rose flushing at the mere mention of Elesis that one time at Java Joes, "except good luck."

She sighs as Aren taps his fingers on the table, waiting for an explanation. "You know how my roommate Aisha is a polyglot," she says. "Like, more than me. She decided to cheat the system and go to France for co-op in first semester last year."

"Smart," Aren mutters.

Ara rolls her eyes. "Anyways, while she was there, she had a mentor assigned to her, and that mentor turned out to be Rose." She smirks. "Her name isn't even actually Rose."

"Rose is just a nickname," Elesis offers miserably. "It's a title given to the top students in her program in Empyrean. She's just smart enough to have kept the title the whole damn time to the point where they just call her Rose. Her actual name is Anna Testarossa."

"... Thank you for this Rose fact of the day," Ara manages. "Anyways, after Aisha came back to Elrios, Rose decided to take a semester at Western Fluone, because I guess she has the money and the marks to do it."

She gestures at Elesis, who is still making sniffling noises from the table. "And then the rest is history. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk."

Aren claps slowly. "Amazing," he says. "So Elesis fell for the one who's almost bound to get away."

Eun bounds onto the kitchen counter and gracefully clears the gap between it and the breakfast table to land on Elesis's back. Elesis makes an odd squawking noise. "Eun, please," she pleads, lifting her head, and the fox immediately slips into Ara's lap and hisses at her. "Oh, so now I'm the bad person?"

"She thinks you should stop moping over Rose," Ara says dryly. "Anyways, there's not much food in the house, so who's up to go grab some ramen?"

Elesis and Eun follow her into her bedroom to watch her pick an outdoor outfit, because there's no way she's wearing these shorts outside, they're literally six years old and way too small for her. She picks out a sheer black blouse and pairs it with beige shorts. Eun sniffs both pieces once before swaggering away, satisfied with her choices.

Her hair tangles on the buttons when she slips the blouse over her shoulders. "Maybe I should cut it sometime soon," she says, frowning. "It's starting to get in the way."

"Hold on until the hair donation thing next June," Elesis suggests. "You could totally donate your hair twice over."

"It would be a small wonder if I could keep all my hair intact until then," Ara tells her.

Ramen is just a short walk away from their neighbourhood. The nearest place is a bit more expensive than the one they used to frequent in high school, but Aren pulls out the money he's earned from his day job and threatens bodily harm if Ara doesn't let him pay. Ara surrenders when he picks up a branch and starts poking her in the side, although she thinks it's awfully unfair that her older brother can exploit her greatest weakness, dammit.

They get there quickly and get seated just before lunch hour really begins, so their orders arrive quickly. Ara inhales her miso ramen as Aren and Elesis chatter and pick through their shoyu and spicy shoyu, respectively. Elesis clearly has not learned her lesson and has to drink three cups of water to get through her ramen.

"I think," Ara says, "this is a good time to spring some cool news."

"Oh, gossip?" Elesis suddenly looks a lot more alert. "What kind of juicy content are you springing? Who am I beating up? Who's dating who?"

Ara stares at her incredulously. "You were crying on our breakfast table just an hour ago," she says accusingly.

Elesis shrugs. "Ramen has really lifted my spirits, if only temporarily." Her grin has turned really unsettling, like the Cheshire Cat. "But do proceed."

It's no use trying to drag this out. Ara walked into a minefield the moment she told her best friend and her brother that she had news. "I think I might like Add."

In retrospect, their reactions are kinda funny. In the spur of the moment, though, the spoon flying skywards and sending soup into the air is terrifying. Ara ducks aside just in time for the spoon to splatter harmlessly against her knee and bounce off onto the floor. "It's not the end of the world," she grouses, "you don't have to be so dramatic."

Elesis looks like she's about to tear her hair out. "HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN WAITING TO TELL ME THIS?" She wails. The other patrons stare at her in shock.

"Not so loud," Ara says quickly, removing Elesis's hands from her head. "Please don't get us kicked out of here, or worse, banned."

"I feel betrayed," Elesis replies, pouting as she crosses her arms. "You've clearly had some time to think this through, and you didn't tell me the moment you figured things out. How am I supposed to wingman for you now?"

"You really don't have to."

Elesis sticks her tongue out childishly.

Aren, on the other hand, looks like he just won the lottery, and oh boy, it's the eight million-dollar grand prize. "I saw this coming," he says, eyes sparkling, "from a mile away."

"Thanks," Ara says sourly. "Really appreciate it."

"I think it's kinda funny that you told us first, and not Mama," he continues, and suddenly Ara's entire being melts out of her body. That's it, end of story, Ara Haan's dead at age twenty because she forgot to tell her mother she had a crush. In lieu of donations, please send chocolate to Add Grenore. What _joy_. "She's going to grill you so hard you'll have nightmares for _months_."

"I know," Ara groans, putting her face in her hands.

Elesis pats her arm helpfully. "If it helps, I can pretend you never told us anything," she says helpfully. Aren makes the motion of zipping his mouth shut to emphasize the point.

"I'm going to die, and I don't even know if I like him or not." This time, Ara actually pushes her bowl away and flops on the table. "Please eviscerate me and leave nothing behind."

"No can do," Aren says tragically. "I've gone through one near-death experience, don't really need another one."

Maybe she has no idea how to talk to her mother about this, but at least Ara knows how to _not_ bring things like this up. Eventually, Mama will figure things out for herself, and she'll have to confess. The sheer idea of it is nerve-wracking.

The fact that the only comforting face she can find is Add's isn't helping, either.

* * *

Aren gets a job in late July, finally getting to put his coding skills to good use. During the day, Ara spends long hours alone playing Tetris and various MMOs, learning to use her fast typing speed in button mashing and the more glorified hypertapping strategy. She wakes up one day just before noon, and just rolls out of bed and makes herself some spicy instant noodles for an undignified brunch while scrolling through her Instagram feed.

Eun follows on her heels at every hour, yipping for bites of whatever she's eating at that hour. Sometimes she sits and yowls until Ara gets dressed and takes her for a walk. Sometimes she just yowls until Ara gets dressed, because once Ara didn't get out of her pajamas for the entire day, and immediately got karmic retribution when Mama got home and noticed.

Ara feeds her a little slip of chicken breast from last night's leftovers into Eun's waiting jaws, and smiles as the vixen purrs with delight. "I can't wait till I can get my own apartment," she muses, stroking Eun's snowy fur. "Not because I want to leave home or anything, but because I've missed living with you all the time." She purses her lips. "Oh, but then I'd have to take you away from Mama and Baba and Aren, if he decides to keep living at home."

Eun yawns and pads her way into Ara's lap, where she puts her nose on her knees and falls asleep.

Ara isn't one for daydreaming, but she can imagine it now—a quiet little apartment, with an electric piano or perhaps an upright one in the corner, and a couch that extends into a bed. Beautiful white panelling in the kitchen and a dark granite countertop, accompanied by a cabinet of neat rows of mason jars, each filled with a different spice and labelled accordingly. A soft beige for the bedroom. Hardwood flooring in a deep amber, because it's way too much of a hassle to get fox fur out of carpet. Maybe a balcony, to air the laundry out on.

Then a soft purr that doesn't sound quite like Eun emerges from the bedroom, and Ara surprises herself when Dynamo pads into her dream apartment looking like he owns the place. The daydream grows; there's a cat tower next to the piano now, and colourful cat toys piled around the base. Next to Eun's orange and black bowls, there are now a pair in violet and white. The kitchen has a whole new cabinet for cat food and dog food, and whatever else cats and foxes eat.

The bedroom changes accordingly, too. Aside from the new dresser, in Ara's mind's eye, she arrives in the daydream bedroom with her fox under one arm and Dynamo under the other to find Add dozing on the bed, the latest issue of _National Geographic_ draped over his chest. Everything is moving at the speed of forever, blurring before her eyes. It seems _real_.

Add opens his eyes as she sits beside him. "Hey," he whispers, as he leans in to kiss her, and that is precisely when Ara is rudely awoken by her fox slobbering all over her face.

A quick glance at the clock on the wall tells her it's nearly three. It's a fair nap, considering she didn't sleep until four this morning because she was trying to beat her own Tetris high score. She plucks Eun off her chest, and moves to wipe off the slobber with a tissue. "I appreciate the effort to keep me awake," she says. "The, ah, saliva, not so much."

Eun sneezes like she hasn't done anything gross. Ara sets down her tissue and sighs.

She really has it bad. Even now, as the dream fades away like the last frost, she tries to hold onto that idea of perfection, that idealistic world from her dream. Of living with Add and their pets, of having an apartment for themselves. She thinks of all the empty space in the living room, of the way it would look with fairy lights on in the dark, and of dancing through the calm night, of a midnight kiss that never should have been—

Don't.

Ara exhales and buries her face in a nearby cushion. Eun paws worriedly at her side, but Ara scratches her back to tell her that she's okay, and the vixen bounces off to play elsewhere.

It's been a while since she last even remotely felt like this, and even then, she's not sure she's had it like this before.

Ara has forgotten how painful pining can be. Now, she remembers, and she weeps.

* * *

"Mama," Ara asks, "how do you know when you love someone?"

For a moment, Mama has to stop kneading the cookie dough under the heel of her palm to think. "Why do you ask?" She finally responds. Her gaze isn't teasing, just inquisitive.

"It's… complicated," Ara manages. "But the main idea is that I'm not sure what I feel right now."

After her pining breakdown the other day, Ara sobered up when Aren got home and talked some sense into her. Her emotions for the past week have been a whirlwind and a half, no thanks to her body's natural processes. She fluctuates wildly between her dreaming world and the long waking hours of agonizing betrayal from her own thoughts. It makes her feel like a bitch, to say the least.

"Well," Mama says, "what do you want to feel?"

It catches Ara off guard, because _woah_ this does not sound like Mama's usual teasing. She ponders for a second, passing the cookie dough pointlessly between her hands and getting butter up her wrists. "Given… I'm not really, really close to this, say, hypothetical person, as a friend," she says, carefully, even though she knows Mama won't tease now, "am I allowed to like them?"

Mama just smiles kindly. "Those kinds of friendships make the best kinds of relationships," she says softly. "You know each other just enough to love each others and to learn to love yourselves, but you also have a lot to learn about each other. The curiosity keeps you on your feet."

Her expression morphs into something between a stern frown and a mischievous grin. Ara isn't sure how her mother can pull the look off. "When you get married, though," Mama says, dropping another cookie on the tray, "let it be known that your spouse _must_ enjoy my cookies, or else I will crash your wedding personally."

"Ah." Ara looks at the oily mess in her hands, giggles, and mashes it back into another cookie, mixing the two around until she's able to separate them into two whole cookies again. "I'll look forwards to it."

Mama kisses the top of her head. It says a lot.

* * *

"Rare to see you in the garden," Baba comments as Ara wanders out into the backyard in flip flops and a sundress. "Are you coming out to help me do the gardening?"

"Maybe for a little while," Ara says, smiling as she looks through the vegetable patch. The big tomatoes are starting to get ripe and red, while the little cherry tomatoes are just about ripe. She picks one off the vine, rinses it off under the hose, and pops it in her mouth. It's sweet and just the slightest bit tart, and explodes in juice the moment she crunches down. "The tomatoes this year are really good."

Baba laughs out loud; unlike Mama's airy giggles, Baba has a full belly laugh, loud and warm and like home. "You wanna know the secret?" He asks, like he's sharing some top secret government files instead of just watering his tomatoes more than once a week. "Lots of water. They live better and grow better that way."

Ara knows that not all of their gardening adventures have been successful. The cucumbers aren't growing well this year, so Baba has been devoting his time to making sure the tomatoes and gourds and zucchinis survive. The harvest so far has been bountiful—there's plenty of cherry tomatoes in the fridge, and they can pick a zucchini every day or so.

She helps Baba rake small furrows through an empty flowerbed, and sprinkle flower seeds across them before covering them up again. "I'm planting these for the bees," Baba explains, "because we have too many introduced species in the front yard."

"Tulips," Ara recalls, "and crocuses, and daffodils, and white lilies, and the rose trellis."

There are many, many more flowers indoors. Ara knows there's a star of Bethlehem sitting on Mama's desk, and an overgrown ivy hanging from a large vase of water on the bathroom counter, and the huge Christmas cactus in the basement that Baba bought when they first came to Elrios. Ara knows how to care for just about any of them… in theory. Her thumbs only end up green when she accidentally crushes a leaf beneath them.

Baba smiles at her. "I have a plant for you," he says, which instantly shocks her out of her colourful daydream. "It took a long time for me to get it, too, so I hope you take good care of it."

He ducks under the deck for a second and extracts a potted plant. "This is a _jinlumei_ ," he explains, cradling the pot in both hands. "It doesn't need too much sunlight. It's still young, so it might take a few years to blossom." He hands it to Ara, grinning. "I heard it's supposed to be good for your skin, but I just thought this would be cool to give you."

"I… Baba, what if I accidentally kill it?" Ara asks, turning the plant around in her hands. It looks like a small bonsai tree, except with leaves instead of fronds, and little fluffy things in umber gold across the branches. "You know I'm awful at taking care of plants."

Baba laughs out loud. "Then I'll send you another one," he says. "You don't have any plants, do you? It's bad for the air in your room. I think I heard you can make tea with this one, too."

That really catches Ara's attention. "Thank you, Baba," she says, leaning one-handedly into his hug. "I appreciate it a lot."

She does a little research of her own later. _Translate jinlumei_ , she types. Google tells her that her new plant is a witch hazel. It has reparative properties for the skin, and yes, can be brewed into tea, with the exception that it shouldn't be consumed too much due to the natural concentration of tannins. The actual flowers will blossom in the wintertime.

(Baba, it seems, has thought of everything.)

* * *

 _ **assorted licorice candies**_

 _ **#general**_

 _ **Eve.**_ _\- Hello, my friends._

 _ **Eve.**_ _\- It has come to my attention that I promised to meet all of you over the summer, and yet our two months of vacation are almost over._

 _ **Eve.**_ _\- Thus I am inviting all of you to my family home for the day before we return to class for a pool party._

 _ **Eve.**_ _\- My intention is that you all stay the night, since I understand that you all live all across Elrios, but should you be unable to arrive the first day, the party will continue onto the second day._

 _ **Eve.**_ _\- We should leave Altera around three to four in the afternoon, and arrive on campus before seven._

 _ **?**_ _ **ﾝﾖﾒ**_ _ **?**_ _ **ﾝﾖﾓ**_ _\- correct me if I'm wrong, but Eve, won't your parents object to having a group of rowdy kids in their home?_

 _ **Eve.**_ _\- My father is away on a business trip, and he and my mother are treating it as a vacation for themselves._

 _ **Eve.**_ _\- My older brother is in Atlanta, also for business._

 _ **Eve.**_ _\- As long as you do not level my house, I can most certainly host this party._

 _ **Ararararara**_ _\- uwu thank you so much eve!_

 _ **Grenouille**_ _\- very grateful_

 _ **Grenouille**_ _\- also ain. how did you do that with your discord handle_

 _ **Grenouille**_ _\- the fancy text thing_

 _ **?**_ _ **ﾝﾖﾒ**_ _ **?**_ _ **ﾝﾖﾓ**_ _\- y̷̜͙͖̣͙̭̺͉͌̀̋̆͊͑͌͑͘ͅơ̷̛̛̬͉̘̻̙͂͋͌͂̍͐̚ͅủ̴̡̀̽͊͝ ̸̝̼̣̜̝͕͓͍̈́̈͂͂́͒̽̇̊͝ͅm̴̡̛̼͔̠̽͑̎̅͊̓̈́̚͘e̴̦̝̼̰̓̽̾ą̵̡̣͈̹̪̘̓̆͗̎̉̄̉̽͜͝͝n̷̨̝̹̯̝̩̦̺̒̑ͅ ̶̛͍̯͉͎͇̥͍̗͖͐͋̓̕ļ̴̥̗̜̪̝̀̈̉̌̅͛̏ḯ̶̩̓͗̚k̴̢̻̰̤̩̘͕̓̈́̓̆̀͜ḛ̸̌̅̎ ̸̡͇̹̟̭͇̑̾̋̆͗͂͜t̶̥̩̠̅̿̀h̶̡̫͎͖̖̲̪͔̭͉̉̍͋̍̉̽̇͝i̴̢̧̛̙̩̮͓͛̾̂̿̔̔͐s̶̩̯͓̾̃̈́́̍̕ͅ?̴̧̻̈́̓̇̚_

 _ **Grenouille**_ _\- i don't want to take the lord's name in vain but. jesus christ dude are you okay_

 _ **?**_ _ **ﾝﾖﾒ**_ _ **?**_ _ **ﾝﾖﾓ**_ _\- no_

* * *

Ara ends up hitching a ride with Elesis and Elsword to the train station. Mr. Sieghart (he insists that she call him Elkashu, since she's known him for so long, but Ara just can't get into the hang of it) puts on his summer playlist while they go, and Ara laughs as the siblings attempt to rap together. She knows they're fine rappers separately, but put them together, and watch it all burn down into chaos.

The train ride to Altera is nearly twice the length of the ride from Sander to Hamel. The city lies on the island in the gulf, at the mouth of the Senace River. The quickest trip from Sander to Altera involves crossing the Senace River to Velder, then crossing the bend of the river over to Altera. In retrospect, Ara isn't sure why Eve decided to invite everyone to her home, considering how much the train tickets end up being.

Elsword brought his really nice playing cards with him for the ride. The three of them sit at a circular table and try to play crazy eights. It goes fairly well, until Elesis (whose game of choice is slapjack) slaps a jack on reflex, and Elsword is the last one to add his hand to the pile, so he gets a stack of what must be twenty cards. Elesis christens the new game "crazy slaps". Ara isn't so sure it's a good idea, especially when all their cards go flying after Elsword gets a little too hasty.

Chung joins them when they pass through Velder. One moment, the automated woman's voice is chiming over the PA system, and the next, Chung is flying through the doors into Elsword's arms, dragging his sky blue suitcase behind him. "I missed you so much," he exclaims, pressing kisses all over his boyfriend's face. "Oh, hey Elesis, hey Ara!"

It's hard to get even remotely angry at Chung when he looks like this. Lawyer mode Chung is a terrifying, steely soldier, brandishing his words like a rocket launcher. Normal Chung is cheerful and kind. Chung around Elsword is a ball of sunshine with all the moral danger of a small puppy. They bring out the cards again, explain the rules of crazy slaps to him, and try to play while the train goes over the bumpy bridge to Altera.

"First of all, last card," Elesis says, dropping a queen of diamonds on the table. Elsword swears vehemently under his breath. "Second of all, anyone up to take a trip to the dining car after I win this round?"

"I'll go with you," Chung offers. "I, uh, accidentally skipped lunch because I was scared I'd miss the train."

"Cool." Elesis gives them all a shit-eating grin. "Can I just win now?"

Ara tosses her own last card on the table. It's the queen of hearts. "I win," she says simply, as Elesis stares with her jaw dangling and Elsword breaks into infectious laughter. "Go ahead. I'll hold down our seats."

As Elsword and Chung clean up the cards and chatter together, Elesis drags Ara by the sleeve, just far enough away to be out of earshot. "You need to talk Elsword down," she says worriedly. "And by that I mean you need to give him the _talk_." She says it like it's some sort of hex, like just uttering the word has dealt sixty damage to her soul and sharpened a carrot with her eyelids. "I trust Chung, but I also need to traumatize him a little bit. It _has_ to be done, Ara. They need to learn to _stop_."

"Um," Ara says intelligently, before Elesis turns away to grab Chung's sleeve instead and talk her way into dragging him off towards the dining car. "Great."

She glances at Elsword, who's tucking the last of the cards into the box. "So," she says, as casually as she can, "you and Chung, huh."

Elsword gives her a look that clearly says _are you nuts_. "We've been a thing since first year," he says suspiciously. "... Is Elesis trying to get you to give me the sex talk so she doesn't have to?"

"Oh no," Ara blurts, "she's harassing Chung instead."

Elsword visibly pales. "Oh."

They sit in awkward silence for a few minutes. Ara looks at the fancy gold trim on the playing card sticking out of the box. It's the king of hearts. Briefly, she wonders how or why Elsword came in the possession of such a nice pack of playing cards.

"We're being safe," Elsword suddenly blurts. "Chung's dad would actually have our heads if we weren't. So would mom and dad."

Ara has met Mrs. Sieghart enough times to know how terrifying she can be. "Alright, fine. But know that Elesis and I will bring down divine retribution upon both of you if you screw up," she says accusingly.

"Gotcha." Elsword smiles weakly. "Does Add complain about us being too loud?"

"He does," Ara says, stifling a laugh. Many a _THEY'RE FUCKING AGAIN_ text has left her in a fit of the giggles. "But I heard he told you two to, ah, relocate to Chung's dorm?"

"He did," Elsword says balefully. "The first year around, Raven was the RA. He knocked on our door really loudly until we shut up." He grins. "Then again, now that Chung's the RA…"

Ara silently says a prayer for the other occupants of Denif dorm.

"Oh yeah, speaking of Add," Elsword suddenly says, "have you heard from him lately? I don't think he's spoken in the Discord server since Eve sent out the invitation to her house."

"I actually haven't," Ara realizes. It's been, what, three weeks since she last voice chatted with him? A week since he was last online? "Is he alright?"

Elsword purses his lips. "I was hoping you'd know," he admits. The trademark Sieghart smile comes right back on, though. "Nah, we'll see him in, like, an hour, he'll be alright."

Elesis and Chung return with spoils from the dining car. Chung has the weirdest expression, like he's about to cry and scream at the same time. Elesis looks triumphant.

Ara just laughs and reaches for a sandwich.

* * *

"Welcome," Eve says sardonically, "to my humble abode."

Humble wouldn't have been Ara's first choice of diction to describe Eve's house, but she appreciates the irony. The house is _huge_ , and that's honestly an understatement. Aside from her parents' master bedroom, which is off limits, there are seven other bedrooms, and Eve's, which she'll be occupying with Aisha for the night.

Ara looks through the first-floor kitchen. There's a gorgeous kitchen island done in cherry and marble, and all the cabinets are matched in the same materials. There are _six_ burners on the stove, more than Ara could ever imagine using at once. The floors are scrubbed and polished, and shimmer with a pearlescent glow in the sunlight. There's even a built-in oven in the wall. Ara can't even count how many times Mama has asked for one of those for Christmas, only to realize there's no space in their house for one.

They head upstairs after that to claim their bedrooms for the night. Eve gives them a quick tour of her own bedroom, as well. For some reason, Ara had been expecting gadgets everywhere, paired with walls covered in industrial steel and blueprints. Instead, Eve's room is… flooded with gadgets, admittedly, but the walls are a soft pink, and there are plush pink carpets underfoot to catch any falling fragile parts.

The doorbell rings, and Eve immediately runs to usher in her next guest. Ara finds herself wandering into one of the bedrooms, where she sets down her suitcase and the potted witch hazel bonsai she's been carrying with her all this way. It's painted in a soft beige, with black floral accents in the corners. The bed looks like it's the size of the room she shares with Aisha back on campus.

It was only last year that Eve had gathered the courage to reveal to them all that she's the daughter of the tech mogul Adrian Nasod. Somehow, Ara isn't surprised, but now that's setting foot in their home, it feels quite surreal. _Wow. I've existed closer to Elrios's second-richest man than most people ever will_ , she thinks, and then immediately tries to ditch the thought because of how ridiculous it is.

The thought is a definite reminder of how shy and closed-in Eve can be, though, and how she's been hiding her identity for so long almost solely for security purposes. She's told them all about the people who have tried to break into their house, about all the times they've had to get new security systems, about how her father invented a _new_ security system because the old ones didn't work well enough. It does explain a lot.

Ara thinks Eve is something of a princess trapped in a tower. Thank goodness she feels safe enough around them to come down from said tower.

" _GUYS!"_ Oh, that's definitely Aisha hollering downstairs. " _EVERYONE'S HERE, PUT ON YOUR SWIMSUITS, WE'RE GOING OUT TO SWIM!"_

Ara grins and dives for her suitcase.

* * *

"Ack, that's my hair," Ara says, voice choked off in pain. "When's the next time I can donate it?"

Elesis hums. "I mean, the organization is open all year," she says, squeezing out more sunscreen into her hand and plastering it across Ara's bare shoulders. "But you'd either have to mail your hair to them, or make the trip to Elrianode yourself."

"Okay, so maybe not."

Eve's backyard pool is, unsurprisingly, just as massive and elegant as the rest of her house. A deck extends past the house just to the edge of the pool, where a few of them are sitting now, applying sunscreen and subsequently suntanning. Ain is just sitting in a t-shirt and swim trunks, but he's donned a pair of black sunglasses that look like they've been purposely constructed to look… pixelated? Ara isn't sure, but she thinks it might be a Homestuck reference.

That's about where the elegance of the pool ends. A giant _Millennium Falcon_ inflatable bobbles across the water, bearing its scuba-crowned passenger (Chung) through the ocean of chaos. Aisha and Eve laugh as Elsword tries his hardest to displace Chung from the inflatable by diving in next to him, and ends up belly-flopping painfully. The waves ripple violently, sending pool noodles and that one floating fabric alligator away from the impact point.

Elsword burbles something into the water that might have been the word "fuck". Chung pats his back in consolation and continues to parade through the pool.

"Well, I'm done putting sunscreen on you," Elesis says, capping the bottle and putting it on the table next to Ara's sunchair. "I am going to go now. Make sure Ain doesn't die of heat stroke while I'm at it." She practically rips off her giant red t-shirt to reveal a streamlined black-and-red one piece swimsuit underneath, screams a war cry, and dives headfirst into the pool.

Ara sighs and shoulders on her thin silky cover-up shawl. It was on sale at Java Joes, but she never had a use for it until now. She really hopes the orange fabric will protect her from the sunlight, even if only a little.

The water bursts, and Ara startles as Add hops up onto the deck with a grin. She watches in horror (and to some degree, delight?) as he walks towards her and shakes all the water out of his hair, which then stands on end like it normally does. "How're you feeling?"

"Warm," Ara says casually, curling in to sit cross-legged in her seat in an attempt to hide how fast her heart is beating. He is so, _so_ very close, and Ara can't count his ribs like she imagines she might be able to, but he's definitely more like a chiselled marble statue than she'd imagined. "But… I don't wanna take a dive into the pool."

Add laughs out loud. Ara feels like she's watching the sun shine. "You do know how to swim, right?" He suddenly asks, sobered. "Do you need, like, a life jacket or something?"

"Relax," Ara says, "my mom was a competitive swimmer. She taught me, and then I went off to swimming class until I was eight. I think." She shrugs. "I haven't swam properly in a few years."

"Uni really does that to you, doesn't it." His expression turns a bit serious. "Hey. Can I tell you something important?"

Ara purses her lips and tries to breathe normally. Her heart is beating fast enough to hurt now, and she's not too sure how to get it to stop. "Go ahead. Ain's asleep," she adds when he glances at their friend. "He's been asleep for a while now."

"Alright." Add inhales, tries to speak, doesn't, and tries again. "So, two weeks ago, my mom and I went for our yearly check-up, and the doctor told her to get a mammogram," he says. "And she did, and she has a tumour." He shakes his head. "She started chemo last week. She's gotten super weak and her hair's all falling out. I-I can't do anything. I had to carry her home after her first chemo session."

"Okay, first of all, don't panic," Ara says, laying her hand on his arm. "I might have failed chemistry, but I know enough bio to remember that the human body does know a little bit about what it has to kill and stuff. Your mom is strong. I know that. She'll be fine."

Ara knows all the statistics for breast cancer, knows that about one in every eight women will have it in their lifetimes. She researched it all when her aunt was diagnosed with it, back when she was twelve. It was a dark time for them all, especially for Mama, who was scared beyond anything else of losing her sister. "And even if she isn't," she says, "there are tons of methods of treatment to get around it. Science has come a long way in helping us, Add. Even if your mom isn't okay, her doctors are going to do everything they can to help her."

Add smiles sadly. "Thank you for putting up with my moping, Ara," he says. "Can I ask something really weird?"

"Shoot."

"Since my mom's lost all of her hair," he says, "can I braid yours instead?"

Ara freezes for a second, and a bolt of that cold electricity thunders down her nerves again. But there is no simple platonic explanation for this; unlike the thing that happened from their library trip, where it was out of convenience, now he trusts her enough to tell her his woes, and to ask for support from. The proud, never inconveniencing Add, asking for her help. They've really come a long way.

She nods, and turns her back to him.

In what feels like no time at all, his deft fingers have braided her hair into a snake of ebon, its scales shimmering in the summer sun. Ara shivers; she isn't cold. "All done," Add says. "This one looks really good on you."

Ara didn't know it was possible to blush more than she was already, but there's a first for everything. "Cool," she mumbles, reaching up to touch it gently. The braids are done tightly to avoid letting them fall loose in the water. "Oh, hey, if I get my hair wet now, when it dries, it'll be all curly."

The shit-eating grin she gets in exchange for this does not fill her with confidence. "Oh really," Add says, tugging her to her feet, "getting your hair wet, huh, like in a pool?"

"Please," she says, a little desperate to not have to get dunked. "Hold on. Tell me about Ain's sunglasses. Are they a Homestuck reference or something?"

"Nah, that's just an inside joke," Add says. "I photoshopped a Homestuck character's sunglasses over a picture of him a few years back, and the joke stuck." The grin returns. "But hey, Homestuck reference works too."

With those words, he pushes her lightly by the shoulders. Ara shrieks as her arms windmill uselessly, and crash-sinks into the pool with the grace and poise of an anvil falling from the sky.

Then a wave of white crashes over her, and when she finally surfaces again, Add is treading water beside her, laughing and coughing up water. Ara really can't help but laugh, too.

 _I love him_ , she realizes, with a smile. _I really love him._

* * *

 **A/N: late update brought to you by Marg realizing she never really finished this chapter until just earlier today**

 **some notes:**

 **\- Ara's dream apartment is basically what my dream apartment would be, with a few exceptions (a la cat tower)**

 **\- Eve's house is loosely based off a combination of my friend's house and that of my godparents**

 **\- crazy slaps is an actual game that my friends and i came up with. try it if you're unafraid of massive bodily damage**

 **\- Ain's sunglasses are a reference to the time i photoshopped Dave Strider's sunglasses onto Ain's portrait**

 **\- in accordance with my undying love of flower symbolism, the witch hazel symbolizes _a spell_... hmmm...**

 **\- the statistic for breast cancer is real. my mom is a survivor of breast cancer, and she's one of the strongest people i know. judging by the circumstances, i honestly wouldn't be surprised if Grace Grenore had breast cancer (her previous career in science, stress, a few different factors tbh). don't worry, she'll get better!**

 **\- i missed this last week, but the way Massimo eats cereal is inspired by my economics teacher. imagine a man that's 4 parts Ventus, 2 parts Massimo and one part Denif. that's my econ teacher**

 **~Marg**


	7. Year 4, Semester 1

The tradition of crowding Rena's office on the first day back has persevered, unsurprisingly. Ara is honestly too tired to make any food, so she stops by the convenience store and picks up a tin of her favourite butter cookies to bring.

It's certainly more lively than last year. No one is stacking Rena's plants on Eve this year (the quiet girl is reportedly helping Professor Rosso set up some projectors in a new classroom), but there's a new source of energy bounding through the room. Lu has arrived, and she has the energy of seven kindergarteners packed into a body just over five feet tall. She grins with all her teeth and laughs with all her heart and eats all the butter cookies with sugar on top.

"How's your brother doing, Lu?" Ara asks. "I haven't heard from him in nearly a year."

Lu's eyes widen. "Oh, he's having fun," she chitters. "He's staying another year in culinary school before he goes to open his own thing. He sends me meringues sometimes. And he brings cake whenever he comes home during the holidays!"

The door flies open, and Elesis strides in with a large pizza and two large bottles of pop. "Eyy, it's Lu!" She chortles, dropping the food in Rena's arms and running over to the younger girl. They swiftly execute some sort of elaborate handshake that involves a hip bump, a twirl, and excessive amounts of finger guns. "Welcome to U-of-Woof! I'm so glad to see you here."

"I know, right?" Lu has crumbs on her cheeks. "I'm super duper ready to start the school year! Ciel has been badgering me about my marks for _ages_ , and for once I can actually one-up him." She sticks her tongue out, and Ara has a sudden memory of Elesis doing the same in tenth grade. "Usually he just calls me short and expects to win the argument."

Her relationship with her brother, as it appears, is painfully reminiscent of Ara and Aren when they were younger. Lu flitters between topics like a honeybee between flowers, and inhales sweets violently. Add takes his chocolate and hides in a corner.

He smiles at her, and it's almost blinding. Ara watches as he ruffles Lu's hair and nearly gets his hand taken off in the process. His familiar voice is rough today; he hasn't had his morning coffee. It washes over her like ginseng tea, simultaneously calming and heart-wrenching.

So this is how it feels. Ara hears her blood roaring in her ears. Soon, she will drown.

Thankfully, something shakes her out from that thought. The door jingles, and a much softer voice calls out. "Hello? Elesis? Are you here?"

It's funny to watch how quickly Elesis's face turns red. "Rose!" She runs to the door and wraps the other girl in a hug, burying her face in Rose's shoulder. "Oh my god, I thought you'd gone back to France for good!"

"I only went to visit my family for a month," she says. Her hair, even plaited, is back-length. Ara grasps at her own hair for a second, thinking of how Add spent nearly ten minutes braiding it at Eve's pool party. "I discussed it with my professors here and in France, and I've decided to stay here for the rest of my academic career." She flushes red. "I hope you'll still welcome me."

Elesis is too shocked to respond, and just clutches Rose tightly. Rena smiles warmly. "Rose, sweetheart, you're always welcome here. You're a part of the family now."

Ara gives her a grin and a thumbs up. Rose smiles weakly, hands reaching up to wrap around Elesis's shoulders.

Then Lu bounds over and gives Rose a _very_ warm and enthusiastic welcome, and all is forgotten in the face of laughter.

* * *

The first coffee date of the year is interesting, since Lu is coming for the first time. What makes things even more interesting is that Lu ends up bringing a plus one. Ara was sorely mistaken when she thought Lu was short. This other girl is _puny_.

"My name is Nisha Labyrinth Gaia," says the tiny girl, "but you can call me Laby. My papa is Professor Velond Gaia from environmental studies." She shakes Ara's hand with what has to be a hundred thousand amps of electricity. "It's super nice to meet you all!"

"Nisha," Ara says skeptically, "the Sanskrit word for night?"

Laby grins. "You got it!"

Where Lu is all teeth and sharp edges, Laby is sparkles and electricity. She's an award winning cheerleader (having competed at level 6 since ninth grade) and seeming has no fear of any god. Her wardrobe, as she describes it, is predominantly pastel fairy kei, with a side of lolita fashion that she made herself after her dad taught her to sew. Ara has the odd feeling that she'll end up meeting Professor Gaia a lot more in the upcoming semester.

"I didn't know who to talk to on the first day here," Laby says, "since I was kinda shy in high school… but Lu sat next to me on the first day in class, and she gave me some candy, and the rest is history!"

Lu sighs. "I miss taking history," she grouches, reaching for her paper cup. Ara's life briefly flashes before her eyes as she remembers Ciel _explicitly_ telling her that Lu isn't allowed to have coffee, lest she transcend to the fifth dimension and destroy all of mankind. "It was a really fun course too…" She turns to Ara with what can only be described as bloodlust in her eyes. "Ara, are there history courses in Sanskrit studies?"

"A few," Ara says. "I've got one next semester on international relations of the ancient world. Should be fun, if you ask me." She shrugs. "I dunno. Haven't taken history in a while, but it was interesting while it lasted."

Rose smiles as she sets down her coffee. She's got one hand draped over Elesis's sleeping form, as the other girl slumbers in her lap. It's been a rough few weeks for Elesis, especially since soccer season is starting up again. "In Empyrean, we had different categories of history classes," she says, "and at _L'academie imperial_ , there were a lot of history professors. _L'academie_ was originally a military school, so it was natural that there would be a lot of history classes."

"Quick question," Lu says, raising her hand like she's in class, "Rose, what are you majoring in?"

"Respecting women," Laby mumbles, just as Rose herself says "architecture" with cordial enthusiasm. Ara resists the urge to laugh out loud.

"My eldest sister is currently in military college," Rose continues. "My second sister moved to London to start her label under, I think it was Burberry? And my youngest sister is an engineer. I'm the second youngest," she clarifies.

Aisha finally swallows her bite of muffin and grins. "Well, I'm an only child, so my folks were cool with me doing whatever," she says. "I chose architecture because I thought drawing buildings would be fun." She shakes her head. "Boy, was I wrong."

"I'm also an only child," Laby says, waving her hand in the air. _Are all the kids in her year like that? Having the energy of three people packed into a tiny person?_ "My Papa's only request was that I attend his university, so that I wouldn't have to move out. I think Papa would miss me a lot if I moved out."

"I have an older brother," Ara says. "He came here for computer science, but I can't write code to save my life, and I'm not great with science, either." She glances around, looking for the girl who seems to have disappeared lately. "I know Eve has an older brother too… I think she said his name was Adam?"

"Yeah." Aisha sighs. "Her parents thought it would be real funny to name their kids after the first humans."

"I also have an older brother," Lu gripes. "His name is Ciel. He thinks he's some sort of cool kid because he's tall."

They all laugh, because it's hard to imagine the tiny Lu being siblings with the resident giant Ciel. Elesis snorts in her sleep, but with a little coaxing from Rose, she settles back into her dreaming.

"Is she doing okay?" Laby asks, peering over the table to look at Elesis. "She looks really tired…"

"She's been a little stressed lately because of her classes," Rose explains, "and because of soccer. She says she's played soccer since she was four. She's probably trying to score as best as she can this season before she has to retire." She almost sounds wistful, like she doesn't want Elesis to ever stop playing soccer.

Ara wonders if Rose knows that Elesis is aiming for a perfect season for her, and wonders even more if it's her place to say it.

* * *

 _Ara Haan: hey_

 _Ara Haan: is your mom doing okay_

 _Add Grenore: thankfully she only needed five chemo sessions but now she's onto radiation_

 _Ara Haan: oh no_

 _Add Grenore: she has i think about 70 more radiation sessions left to go_

 _Add Grenore: and then after that it's reconstructive surgery_

 _Add Grenore: her skin's all messed up in the area where the radiation is_

 _Add Grenore: do you ever feel useless over these things_

 _Add Grenore: I'm so far away_

 _Add Grenore: I can't help her at all_

 _Ara Haan: add you're overthinking it_

 _Ara Haan: i'm certain that your mom will make it through with your support_

* * *

Baba must have had some sort of premonition as to what plant to give Ara, because she wakes up in the middle of the night in mid-October to the immediate thought of _witch hazel has reparative properties for the skin_. She scrambles out of bed, nearly tumbles down the ladder, and slams open her laptop.

 _How to propagate witch hazel_ , she searches. Google isn't being very helpful, and gives her a bunch of words that her half-asleep mind can only half-process. _Propagate witch hazel. Witch hazel. Hamamelis. Propagate hamamelis._

She falls asleep at her desk trying to type _is it okay to give someone a witch hazel_.

The bonsai on the windowsill is still small, and isn't guaranteed to grow any more, especially if Ara cuts a branch off to stick it in the soil. It's a small wonder the poor thing hasn't died already yet, if only because Aisha occasionally checks it to make sure it won't die on the spot. Ara grabs her largest plastic bag and a few scarves, bundles the bonsai up and lugs it to the student centre.

"Rena," she asks, bursting into the counsellors' office, "do you know any—oh." Instead of Rena there, it's Elsword, except he looks like he's just walked through a tornado. "I'm going to assume you and Chung were doing something before I got here. Is Rena in?"

"She's talking with a student right now," he says, "but she'll be out in a bit."

Sure enough, Rena's personal office door swings open soon, revealing a teary-faced girl who shuffles out quickly. Rena follows her, sighing and offering a tired smile. "Hey, Ara," she says, "how are you doing?"

"I'm doing great," Ara says. "Do you know anyone in plant sci who might be able to teach me how to propagate a witch hazel?"

Rena and Elsword stare at her for a moment. "Is that the thing you're holding?" Elsword asks, pointing at the plastic bag full of dirt, plant and scarf. "... Why do you have so many scarves wrapped around it?"

"I was scared I'd smash the pot," Ara says, flushing. "I need to propagate a branch or two of this witch hazel, but because the witch hazel is really young, I'm afraid I'll kill it."

"I'll call Artea," Rena says, reaching for her phone in the pocket of her hoodie dress. Ara vaguely recalls that Artea was one of Sasha's friends, and that Gloria occasionally mentions her and has called her "mom" by accident at least once. "She works at the garden nursery now, if I recall correctly."

As she dials and wanders around her office, humming, Ara catches sight of a photo of Raven on her desk. He's dressed in the classic black uniform of a Velder policeman in training. He has a helmet tucked under his arm as he salutes, face stoic. The photo is framed in a sturdy wooden frame painted in what Ara knows to be Rena's favourite shade of green.

It's bittersweet, watching Rena wither like this. As much as Ara and the others joke around about Rena and Raven's relationship, it's heartwarming to see them together, and just as heartbreaking to see Rena fade away when he has to leave. It's a kind of torment that Ara knows they've chosen to face, for the sake of a happier future together afterwards, and it's the kind of torment she knows she's not ready to face herself.

Rena absentmindedly runs her fingers over the photo as she talks to Artea over the phone. Her fingers only linger on what must be Raven's face for a second before her hand drops.

Ara forces herself to turn away.

* * *

The candy basket from last Halloween is still nearly three-quarters full, so Ara chooses a slightly less explosive costume this year. She reuses some of the fur ruffle from last year and pairs it with the ridiculously small dress and some black gloves and a headband. A slight touch of concealer to erase the sides of her lips, and her reddest lipstick to make them really pop. Some dark eyeshadow and a sleek black eyeliner that Aisha has to draw on for her, because she can't do her own eyeliner to save her life.

Ara steps into class dressed as Jordan Baker from _The Great Gatsby_ , and absolutely loses her mind when Professor Ventus raises his glass to her in his Leonardo diCaprio-as-Jay Gatsby costume. There is confetti raining from the ceiling and swing music playing from the corner of the room, accompanied by a guy who Ara thinks is named Hugo playing the saxophone.

"Well, you know what they say," Ara cackles, "there's no party like a Gatsby party!"

Puris, whose short, auburn hair makes her the perfect Daisy Buchanan, claps delightedly and laughs out loud. She has on a string of shimmering pearls that Ara thinks might be genuine."This is great," she says, slinging one arm over Professor Ventus's shoulders and the other over Ara's. "Massimo, darling, take a photo of us, would you?"

Like any real Gatsby party, there are drinks and music, albeit no alcohol because regardless of how wild Sanskrit studies may be, it's still on school property. Ara finds herself drunk on the mood instead, laughing as she joins hands with Professor Ventus and Puris and a girl from the Gaia dorm named Apple to spin around and around and around. It's the first time in the history of Sanskrit studies that the candy basket has been passed around the class instead of given to the winner; Ara finds herself two full sized boxes of toffees richer by the end of the day.

She sobers up in time to get back to the dorm at four o'clock, running to throw open the door and look at the witch hazel branches she has stuck in water. Her heart falls as she examines each one; she followed Artea's instructions exactly, clipped off more branches than she probably should have, and none of them look like they've properly propagated. _Was it the fact that I'm doing this in solo cups? Did I tie them too tightly? Are they getting too much sunlight?_

She scans them through one more time. Her eyes snag on the slightest bit of green, and she zeroes in on the cup instantly, fishing around in the nutrient-rich water to seek the tiny green root that's forming.

Finally, one of the offshoots have propagated! Ara holds the winning plant and spins endlessly around the room, watching to make sure she doesn't spill the water inside. She can transplant it to regular potting soil soon, and then she can give it to Add.

She smiles and laughs out loud. Finally, _finally,_ she can try to express even infinitesimally how much he means to her. Her heart pounds at the sheer thought of it. How will he react to the witch hazel? Will he be able to give it to his mother? Will he accept it at all? Or will it just die, considering he's probably not the best with plants either?

It doesn't matter. Ara is too excited for this to let it mar her now. She cradles the witch hazel, and hopes that soon, it'll blossom into a relationship she can truly cherish.

* * *

"I wrote a poem," Elesis declares loudly, slapping the piece of paper on the table in front of Ara. "It's great. It's about Rose."

Ara just raises an eyebrow and skeptically twirls the pad thai around her chopsticks. "Your streak with poetry hasn't exactly been good, my friend."

"Yeah, but I now have a _muse_ ," Elesis says, eyes alive with endless excitable energy, "and she is absolutely gorgeous. You keep calling me out for spewing out poetry for Rose, so I decided to put pen to paper and write it down. This is my magnum opus, Ara. It's going to be great."

Add raises his hand. "Uh, question. Are you going to read it to her?"

"In some ancient cultures, that was considered a marriage proposal," Ara snickers. "A maiden-poem, if you will."

"Shut it, you," Elesis says fondly. "I am a master poet about an ambiguous muse. I am the reincarnation of William Shakespeare. Dark Lady. Yeah. Something like that."

"Your brother has mentioned multiple times that you failed tenth grade English," Add says nonchalantly. "Are you sure you want to be the next Shakespeare?"

"Both of you are hereby cancelled," Elesis declares, as she fixates Ara with a look that brooks no argument, and then turns to do the exact same thing to Add. "You are the worst wingmen ever, you know that?"

"Aw, love you too, Elesis."

* * *

 **her.**

 **by elesis sieghart**

she has the allure of a succubus

but the voice of an angel

and the powerful wings of both that beat against my chest.

i cannot let her go.

not now, not ever.

she has a grasp on my heart

and if she ever squeezed even just slightly

i'd probably thank her

actually i would thank her.

i crave the thought of drowning in her bosom

because death by tiddy is the only way to go on this planet.

she blooms in the brightest day

and in the darkest midnight

and all the hours of dawn and dusk in between.

maybe there are more hours. i can't count.

perhaps if i ask politely

she will bless me with her tender touch

and lay a kiss of a million broken years upon my face.

but time is brief

so lest i forget

shall i kiss her rose first

before she fades away?

 **[COMMENTS]**

Ara Haan [19:42] smooth work, shakespeare

Elesis Sieghart [19:43] oh like you could do better

Ara Haan [19:43] and who's the one who won a poetry contest in grade 10?

Add Grenore [19:45] ladies please

Elesis Sieghart [19:46] add full offense but your prose is objectively the worst out of the three of us

Add Grenore: [19:46] ):

Ara Haan [19:47] why is your frowny face backwards aj;slkdjlkj

* * *

 _Ara Haan: hey_

 _Ara Haan: how's your mom doing_

 _Add Grenore: a bit better_

 _Add Grenore: only about fifteen radiation sessions left_

 _Ara Haan: can I give her something_

 _Add Grenore: I_

 _Add Grenore: what_

 _Ara Haan: what's your dorm room I'm coming over rn_

 _Add Grenore: 412 in the north wing_

 _Ara Haan: missed the homestuck number by a hair I see_

 _Add Grenore: don't bully me like this_

* * *

Add and Elsword's dorm room is what she expected and then some.

Ara has had the odd pleasure of knowing Elsword for about the same amount of time as she's known Elesis (which really isn't saying anything considering she has no idea when she met Elesis at this point) and knows he's almost the epitome of the stereotypical jock. His bedroom, as Elesis once showed her back in Sander, is no exception; there were enough empty Gatorade bottles to keep the Titanic afloat. So when she steps through the doorway of room 412, Ara really isn't sure what to expect.

Her immediate thought as Add opens the door is _oh, it's a suite_. There's a small living room just in front of the door, with four colourful beanbags strewn across the ground. Surprisingly, no Gatorade bottles litter the kitchen counter. Ara really hopes that Add's intervention is stopping the trash. Beyond that, there's no explaining how inevitably _boy_ the dorm room is. A few gaming posters are tacked up on the walls. Elsword's hockey equipment is tucked into a corner, not quite forgotten but constantly present.

"So, uh, welcome to the dorm," Add says awkwardly, and Ara is acutely reminded of why she's here. "Yeah, we have a suite, but our two other roommates are constantly out because they're off doing God knows what, so most nights it's just me here."

"Doesn't Chung have a roommate?" Ara asks skeptically.

"Not this year," Add says. "Little bugger signed up as RA and got himself a single room." He scowls and sticks his hands in his pockets. "I swear, he and Elsword get up to no good while the rest of us are out and about. Last week I found a plastic centipede in my laundry."

"Oh?" Now Ara is genuinely intrigued; the otherwise impassable fortress of Add has revealed a major weakness. "Pray tell, are you afraid of bugs?"

Add gives her a pleading look that practically screams _I am terrified of bugs_. "Chung is," he says gravely. "So, what did you come to give me?"

Ara grins and hoists her plastic bag up onto the counter. The inside is, once again, padded with scarves. She even tossed a hat inside this time for good luck. "You said your mom was having skin issues because of the radiation therapy," she says, pulling out the cute little terracotta pot with the witch hazel inside. "And I got one of these recently. This is a witch hazel plant. Its bark and leaves have things in them that are supposed to be good for the skin."

She inhales and tries to continue. "I read on the internet that you can boil the leaves and bark to make tea, and drink a little or bathe your skin in it to absorb the nutrients, but this one is still really young, I only managed to properly propagate it last month and I don't think you can cultivate anything just yet—"

"Ara." A hand on her shoulder, steadying her lest she tip over and lose the precious witch hazel as well. "I'm honestly speechless that you've thought this through so much."

He does look speechless. Ara opens her mouth, tries to speak, tries again. "My aunt is a breast cancer survivor," she says softly. "I know how you feel. Trust me, she will get better."

Instead of speaking, Add takes the witch hazel from her hands and sweeps her into a hug. He smells like hazy sweet chocolate and thin coffee. She tries not to squirm from the warmth, from all the unfamiliar emotions flooding her senses. It's harder than she'd thought.

"Thank you so much," Add whispers, and it takes all of Ara's remaining mental strength to not a) scream b) melt or c) both at once. "Where do I put it?"

"Oh." Ara tries to think as she disentangles herself from his hug. "They don't like too much sun, so maybe a window facing west?"

"That would be my window, then," Add says, heading deeper into the suite. Ara stands, transfixed, as sunlight from his open door lights up his slender form in lilacs and gold. "Uh, you can come in if you want."

Ara's first thought when she looks at his room is that it's very clean, and that said cleanliness _must_ have something to do with the lack of Gatorade bottles outside. All the surfaces are varnished and possibly chemically lacquered in white. The bedsheets are pale yellow with some red and green pattern on them; Ara can't tell. The room is very blank blank, with very little to mark it as his own. Then she notices the corkboard covered in Polaroid photos, and she smiles.

A portion of the photos aren't even Polaroids—they're small photos, clearly taken with a phone, printed out onto a Polaroid template. Some depict people that might be his friends from high school, from before, from now. A good handful have their current friend group in them, with quite a few from Eve's pool party. The subject of at least half the Polaroids, though, is the silver-haired woman that Ara now knows to be Grace Grenore.

In a word, homely. It smells strongly of chocolate, milky and rich and sweet. There's a shirt carelessly thrown over some box on his desk that seems just a little out of place, and a few staples still stuck to the wall with bits of paper stuck underneath, but overall it is without a doubt Add's room.

"There." Add sets the witch hazel in its pot on the windowsill, carefully placed so it won't freeze or fall off. "I'll raise it until it gets big enough for me to send home to my mom."

He sounds almost wistful. They stand in silence for a while, admiring the flame colours that the sunset dapples on the tiny witch hazel plant. Ara sees his hand at his side, fingers curled lightly like he's holding onto something, and wonders briefly what it would be like to have her hand in his. Warm, she supposes, but then again, she's learned to not assume things about this mysterious boy.

"It's getting late," she says finally, patting his shoulder twice in a desperate attempt to satiate her hunger for his touch. "I should start heading back."

"I'll walk with you," he says, just as his stomach growls. "Actually, better idea. Where's the closest McDonald's?"

Ara grins.

* * *

 _Elesis Sieghart: GIRL_

 _Elesis Sieghart: DID YOU GO ON A DATE WITH HIM_

 _Ara Haan: no?_

 _Ara Haan: I just gave him a potted plant and then we went to get mcdonalds_

 _Elesis Sieghart: what kind of romantic date is that_

 _Elesis Sieghart: mcdonalds is the least romantic restaurant i can imagine_

 _Ara Haan: it's not a romantic date?_

 _Elesis Sieghart: coward_

 _Ara Haan: no u_

* * *

Aisha doesn't get back to their room until nearly midnight.

She stumbles indoors with her hair tucked under her hat and a sweat-covered book in hand. Ara watches as she staggers to her desk, tosses her book and jacket and hat in three different directions, and collapses in a heap over her laptop. She sounds like she's crying, not from sadness but out of exhaustion.

"Hey," she says, quietly, as she moves to put a hand on the younger girl's back, "are you okay?"

Aisha's voice is more of a muffled sob than anything. "Two years, Ara," she says miserably. "Two years. I'm really gonna miss Eve."

"Oh." Ara closes her eyes. And here she was hoping they'd last forever. "You two broke up?"

The response is just another sob. "I know we said we'd stay friends, but—" A hiccup, this time. "—I don't know why I'm crying, I-I just—"

Ara just holds her until the panic runs dry and the tears stop flowing.

* * *

"Oh, Professor Ventus, sir, I know we're _technically_ not allowed into the basement," David mimics, "but oh, could we _please_ see the three-thousand year old stone tablet with all the fancy writing on it?"

"Okay, shut up, David, I don't sound like that," Puris says furiously, flustered and red all over. "Besides, he agreed to let us down here."

"Everyone be quiet, Gloria's trying to clean the dirt out of the chiselling," Ara hisses, gripping her brush so tightly that it might just snap cleanly in half. "I am going to snap the wrist off the next person who talks."

Everyone shuts up after that. The only sounds left in the basement are Gloria gingerly brushing dust off the stone tablet and the whirring of the fans from the boiler room.

Ara thinks it might have been a dumb idea to ask Professor Ventus about the so-called Devi Mahatmyam tablet, because one thing led to another, and now they're crowded around in the chunk of rock in the basement of the humanities building, each sporting lab coats and giant goggles. Puris's makeup is starting to melt from the heat. Megan has already consumed all her coffee. Professor Ventus is nowhere to be found.

Scratch that, it is extremely dumb. Even though Gloria is the only one wielding the brush at the moment, everyone else is just as stressed at the thought of handling something nearly _three thousand_ years old. Everyone is gripping something (or someone) to the point of near breakage—in fact, Massimo has already broken a pencil, and has moved onto a metal stirring rod.

The only one who seems to be even remotely calm is Gloria, who just hums lightly as she sweeps the brush gingerly over the stone surface. Ara has seen her brushwork on canvas, alternating between heavy and light, so she completely understands why her friend is so good at cleaning the artifact. Her lips are parted ever so slightly as she pours all her concentration into the craft.

"Hold on a second," Gloria whispers, dropping her brush, "does that part look blue, or is that just the light?" She points with her brush handle to a lighter patch on the tablet. "It feels different under the brush, too. I think—"

The lights suddenly come on, as someone announces loudly "HEY GUYS" and confidently slams the door open. All six of them spring away from the display case with a shriek of surprise. The tablet wobbles in its stand, loses all sense of balance, and tumbles out to shatter on the floor with a heartbreaking _crash_.

"Oh no." Ara kneels on the ground and tugs at her hair hopelessly. "No, no, no, no, no. This is bad. This is awful."

"This can't be happening," Puris wails, "I thought I outgrew breaking things in high school!"

Megan searches for another coffee, fails, and just sighs and tosses her hood on to hide her face.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry!" Professor Ventus comes running, the box of donuts that he'd brought long abandoned at the entrance of the room. "Jesus Christ _did we break the tablet?_ "

In the midst of everything, Ara tugs her gloves a little tighter on and sifts through the remains. "It was hollow," she says, "and made of clay, not stone. Look at it. The inside is filled with sand."

"That looks like plastic," Massimo says, rapidly mopping up tears. "Oh fuck. Is that—?"

"A silica gel pack," they all say in perfect deadpan unison.

So it was a fake. Ara can't help but laugh a little, and soon the others join her as well. "Sorry about scaring you bunch," Professor Ventus says. "I was really excited about bringing donuts. I'll call a cleanup crew… And then I'll call the archaeological team that excavated this piece." He mutters something under his breath that sounds strangely like _prank war_.

"Sir, if I may ask," Puris squeaks, "can we still have donuts?"

Professor Ventus gives her the strangest look. "Why, of course! I mean, an old man like me could never eat all those donuts alone." It morphs right back into his trademark impish grin. "Don't tell Denif, I bought the glazed ones."

This is met with general cheer all around.

* * *

One major thing about the University of Western Fluone that often attracts students is the odd exam schedule. Unlike most other Elrian universities, UoWF typically runs its midterm exams _after_ the winter break. Some programs, like Sanskrit studies, will have an "informal" exam before the break consisting of the practical knowledge gained through a semester's courses, as opposed to a proper exam after the break.

This year, midterms start two days after the winter break ends, giving her ample time to study. Professor Ventus hands out review content packages, which turn out to just be the entirety of the _Bee Movie_ script in 9-point font, with _STUDY EVERYTHING_ in 12-point font at the very end. Nothing new for Professor Ventus, to be honest. His study package for midterms in first year was entirely written in wingdings. It took Ara twenty minutes to realize it was the script for the first _Shrek_ movie.

Her phone buzzes on the last day before the winter break, and it's from an unknown number. _Come to Rena's office_ , the text reads. _Or else we mobilize._

Ara's blood freezes, more than it should. Her first thought, just looking at the text, is that it highly reminds her of Eve's typing style. Then again, she already has Eve's number, right? If Eve sent this to her, she'd recognize the contact.

(But hey, it's not out of Eve's capabilities.)

It could just be someone trying to troll her. Heck, it could be one of her friends trying to troll her. Either way, she intends to head to Rena's office anyways, so the threat is rather empty.

Another notification pops up. This one just says _Now_. Every bit of fiction that Ara has ever read up until now conditions her to grab her coat and immediately scramble out the door.

The jog from the humanities building to the student centre is, unfortunately, cold. Ara tugs her hood on and shivers as she tries to pull her zipper up higher. It doesn't work. She regrets wearing jeans. A few people give her odd looks as she passes by, like a flying ball of activated carbon or some other black fluffy compound, but this honestly isn't the weirdest thing that's happened on campus this year.

She slips between the automatic doors of the student centre, shoulders her bag a little more, and wonders why she's doing this. For all she knows, she could be walking into a hostage situation. There could be danger just up ahead. She could die instantly on the spot.

Taking a deep breath, Ara opens the door to the counsellors' office and is immediately met with a faceful of confetti.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

Ara spits out a mouthful of confetti and watches in abject horror as streamers fill the air and her friends start to throw more confetti at her. "Wha—oh god, there's _glitter everywhere_ ," she yelps, shaking it off her coat. It sticks. "Guys, what is this?"

"Exactly what it says on the label," Lu says proudly, holding up a badly frosted cake that looks like she got to it before Ciel could. "We're holding a surprise birthday party for you! In here!"

"I noticed the date in Elsword's bullet journal," Add says, "so I called everyone and we planned this."

"Elsword keeps a bullet journal?!"

Elsword clears his throat. "Uh, yeah."

"But the unknown number," Ara splutters, as she's frogmarched/ushered warmly into the room. "Who sent that text?"

Laby _pshaws_ and flaps a hand like it's no big deal. "I just texted your number to my dad and told him to send you that message," she says. "Might wanna delete his number, though. It would be really awkward if you sent a mass text or something." The odd acidity of her voice sounds like she's seen it happen before, and would rather not have to see it again.

"Today is all about you, Ara," Rena cooes, settling her onto the couch. "We have cake here, and Elesis and Rose are coming back in a few minutes with pizza and fries. And…" She squeals as she steps aside to reveal a variety of packages on the counter. "We have presents for you!"

"Since you're constantly thinking of us, we're just really returning the favour," Aisha says, grinning. "... Somehow I think that's not the expression I'm looking for."

No one can figure out what the right expression is. Ara is glad her friends are all such endearing people, because under the facade they're really all just dumbasses, and under that they're just very lovable and fantastic people. Elesis and Rose appear in the doorway with pizza and the really, really good fries from the bowling place they went to last year, and Elesis almost immediately spills a pizza.

They take their places around the coffee table, surrounding Ara and her cake full of now-lit candles as she watches in helpless joy. "One, two, three!" Elesis yells, and they all launch themselves into the loudest, most off-key rendition of the birthday song that Ara has ever heard.

" _HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,_ " wow, Ara is going to lose her hearing in less than two seconds at this rate, " _HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR ARA! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!_ "

"Blow out the candles!" Laby cheers, her pink hair flying in every which direction as she jumps up and down excitedly.

Ara inhales sharply, stares straight at the tiger-marbled (at least she thinks it's tiger-marbled) cake and its twenty-one candles, and huffs and puffs the flames out in a single breath. Everyone cheers as she triumphantly smiles and is immediately swarmed in hugs and packages.

"Let her breathe!" Aisha screeches, and the pressure fades. "Ara, instead of getting something huge for you, we each got you a small gift." She extracts hers first from behind her back. Ara opens the package to find a pearlescent phone case in simplistic black and white. "I saw this and thought, hey, it fits the bag, right?"

Sure enough, the pattern is of tesselating black and white swans. "Thank you, Aisha," she tries to say, but Aisha shushes her and turns her attention to the next gift, from Eve, who couldn't come but left her gift with Rena. It's a suitably matching… cell phone? "Oh god, I can't accept this. Who the fuck let Eve give me _a phone?_ "

"Nonsense, you could always use a new phone," Lu chides. "You run out of memory too quickly anyways, and you never end up taking nice photos of us on our weekly coffee dates when we look cute and everything! My face deserves to be on your Instagram. I'm too cute to _not_ be on your Instagram."

"And the food," Laby chimes in. "You can't be a food Instagrammer if you can't take good photos of food! The camera on this new phone should be super good, I asked Eve myself."

The two first-years teamed up to buy her a set of woodland-patterned sheets, with pastel leaves and little foxes across the surface. Rena gives her a potted rock rose, "for safety over the years," as she says. Ain taps into her love of mystery and gives her a copy of the King James Bible that turns out to be a secret compartment box. "It was falling apart, so I just refurbished it," he says. "May the Lord guard your trinkets and darkest secrets."

Elsword and Chung give her a set of colourful Japanese pens—upon closer inspection, they're a full set of Pentel's Energel Clena pens, in each colour model. Rose gives her a small pot of organic lavender face cream from France, infused with lavender honey. Elesis grins brightly and gives her a season's ski pass; Ara knows she won't be staying in bed all winter break, after all.

"I guess my idea kinda got overshadowed," Add says, stepping forwards with his wrapped gift. It's large enough that Ara has to grasp it in both hands to gingerly tear off the wrapping paper, and once she does, she gasps out loud. "Do you like it?"

"This is beautiful." _You're beautiful_ , her mind wants to say to him _so_ badly, as she slips the pastel orange Polaroid camera out of the Christmas wrapping paper. "I love it. Oh my god."

"It came in the mail a while ago," he says sheepishly. "Remember when you showed up to my dorm, how I had a random shirt over my desk? That was because I didn't want to spoil the surprise."

It's in moments like this, when's he's flustered over something as trivial as a birthday present, that Ara finds herself falling for him the hardest. She smiles as brightly as she dares without falling to pieces in front of him, and summons all her strength when she speaks. "Thank you so much," she says, _whispers_. "This is more than I could ever ask for."

"You just don't understand how much we appreciate you, Ara," Aisha says, shaking her head in disapproval, but her eyes and expression betray her joy. "Happy birthday, Ara, you deserve it. Even if you're turning into an old hag."

"Oh my god." Ara hoists the Polaroid camera up; it's already outfitted with film, and is ready to go. "Everyone gather around, I'm going to take a photo."

And even though it's blurry, and Laby and Elsword are making dumb faces, Ara knows that the photo she's taken captures a moment that will last her a lifetime.

* * *

 **A/N: i have an economics subexam tomorrow and i am so not ready but at least writing is keeping me from going insane**

 **i'm going to be honest here, _Black Swan_ isn't going to be finished this year, if only because my update schedule dictates that it shan't. i did the math, and my projected completion date for this fic is january 14th. on january 21, i'll return to updating WtWE.**

 **some more notes!**

 **\- my favourite line in this chapter is "she grins with all her teeth and laughs with all her heart and eats all the butter cookies with sugar on top". my friend says this is because i embody this sentence.**

 **\- said friend also helped me refine the poem that Elesis wrote for Rose. my taste in prose is typically a bit different.**

 **\- i've been on the hosting side of the surprise birthday party thing several times, and yes it is difficult to get confetti + glitter off your clothes**

 **\- the homestuck number is 413**

 **\- the panic that everyone has when they shatter the tablet is my attempt to explain my panic when i shattered a $300 pH probe in chem last week**

 **next time on Black Swan: until the thrill of speed overcomes the fear of death**

 **~Marg**


	8. Year 4, Winter

It's now tradition that once a year, Ara's browser history takes a very dark turn. This time of the year is always the final few days before Christmas, when Ara realizes she's still missing one (or more) presents for her family and friends. This year, she's missing two presents, one for Elesis (she already got a general one for the Siegharts) and one for Aren. Unfortunately, the train passes under several underground passes, making it hard for her to find any inspiration online.

The broad scope of Elesis's interests makes it difficult to zero in on a single gift. Ara has given her gift cards for Christmas for three years in a row now, and it is starting to get repetitive. The Steam gift card from last year lasted one (1) game as Elesis decided to spend it entirely on _Overwatch_. It seems just a _little_ cruel to buy her a soccer ball, especially after her exhausting (but victorious) season.

(Then again, Rose had been watching from the front row. Victory was the only answer.)

Aren, on the other hand, embodies the exact opposite: he has very little attachment to anything interesting or expressive. Ara can list his favourite shows, books _and_ bands all on a single hand. He doesn't play any video games. She's tried to get him into Tetris, with little to no effect. It's rather frustrating that the only thing she can reasonably get him is chocolate.

So Ara improvises. She makes a note to get Aren a gift card, just because she has no clue what he'll spend it on, and throws all caution to the wind and gets ready to buy _Hollow Knight_ on Steam for Elesis, because the last time she saw anyone play it, it was Add, and he alternated between ranting at the platforming and ranting about the lore. Hopefully it'll keep Elesis entertained for longer than a week, though Ara has learned to not put her hopes on it.

Her gifts for everyone else are stashed away in her suitcase, ready to be put under the tree (and given to Mr. and Mrs. Sieghart when their families inevitably meet up for a house party over the break). She hopes Elsword won't go ham over the kvass again this year. She'd like to have some, thank you very much. Maybe this year they'll see the great Elsword-Aren arm wrestle part two.

This year, it's Mama that comes to meet her at the train station. "My baby," Mama cooes, scrubbing her face with her mittens on, "aren't you cold? Do you want tea? Or hot chocolate?"

"Mama," Ara squeaks, "you're squishing me."

Eventually, she gives up and lets Mama drag her into the nearest COBO Coffee. They sit down with an Earl Grey each, and split a lukewarm tea biscuit. "Aren's doing just fantastic at his new job," Mama chatters, "but I wish he'd sleep earlier. He gets up and makes himself _three_ coffees. He's always so tired, my poor boy."

"I'll talk to him," Ara says, cracking her knuckles (or at least trying). "He's a dumbass."

Mama flicks her in the forehead, but they both know there's no real bite to it. The truth remains that no matter how smart Aren is on paper, he is a dumbass in person.

(Now if only they could convince him otherwise.)

* * *

Ara forces herself out of bed extra early this year on Christmas day and slips into her fox onesie from last year. Eun stirs in her little bed beside her and yawns lazily as she finds her slippers tucked under the bed. She and Aren agreed to call off the wrapping vendetta this year, but she has other ways to make the morning painful for him.

"Let's go wake my dear brother up, shall we?" she says, giggling to herself as she pops open the case hidden under her desk. The mouthpiece is slightly rusted from years of use, but if memory serves Ara correctly, she still knows _just_ enough notes to play something awful. "Do you need me to carry you there?"

Eun, being the spoiled little princess that she is, does need Ara to carry her to Aren's room. Where Ara's room is bright and infused with constant sunlight, Aren's is pleasantly dark and cozy, like a large sleeping bag padded with pillows and star-print bedsheets and whatever they put in headphones to make them noise-cancelling. He's still fast asleep, and the only sound in the room is of his soft snoring.

Too bad it's about to get real noisy in there.

Ara lets Eun drop out of her arms and raises the trumpet to her lips. She blows as hard as she can into the mouthpiece, deliberately squeaking half the notes, and tries to play something that sounds like a wakeup call.

Aren screams, sits bolt upright, screams again when Eun lands in his lap, and then just gives up and slumps back into bed. "Can I surrender now?" He asks weakly, groaning as Eun yips and treads over his face. "Please take Eun away from me, I'm too tired for this."

Ara frowns as she scoops Eun off his face. "Alright, I'm making you a New Year's Resolution," she declares, "you gotta sleep earlier."

There's a knock at the door, and then Baba comes in with his video camera. "Nice trumpet solo, Ara," he comments. "Aren, time to get up. Look presentable for the video."

"I'm always presentable," Aren groans, as he hauls himself out of bed and nearly faceplants into his desk.

As always, the pile of gifts under the tree seems to have multiplied overnight. Ara grins as Mama hands her a glass of cold milk. "Because Santa is on a diet this year," she says, handing the cookies to Aren with a smirk.

This year, to save everyone from tears (due to having to find their own presents in the mess under the tree), there are now five clear piles, one for each member of their family. Eun's pile, as always, is the largest. Ara pokes what has to be Aren's gift for the vixen, and it falls apart to reveal a little chew toy. "Ah, whoops."

As always, they unpack Eun's presents first. Ara bought her more cat toys, including a cute little cactus that apparently has another cactus inside for when she inevitably rips open the original. Mama made a little sunbonnet for her to complement the Victorian dress from last year. Eun is disgruntled over having to wear said sunbonnet and dress, until Baba pulls his present apart to reveal two bags of her favourite treats.

"So I ran out of ideas over what to give you," Ara confesses, pulling Eun into her lap with one hand as she hands the slim envelope to Aren, "but I hope this makes you happy."

"Oh god, I'm scared now." Aren rips open the envelope and barks out a genuine laugh. "Never mind, I'm not scared. This is perfect. I'm going to buy a hoodie with it. Thank you, Ara."

Baba unwraps his package and laughs brilliantly as he looks over the amaryllis bulb he's holding. "I love it, thank you," he says, kissing Ara's forehead. "How's the witch hazel doing?"

"It's doing great," she says, thinking of the plant that's now sitting on Add's windowsill, "and I even managed to share it with a friend."

She gets around to opening her own presents, too. Mama bought her a cute tea set, white porcelain with gold trim and delicate scrolls on the handles. Aren bought her a sampler box of teas from a local shop, with really cheeky literature puns. The _Dorian Grey_ smells especially exquisite, with the classic strong bergamot scent of Earl Grey, and something a little tart, like coneflowers. Baba tops it off with a box of her favourite monkey king tea from China.

"I love it," she says, and she means it. "Wait, hold on a second, I have the perfect idea."

She grabs Eun, who yelps and tries to shake off the hat again. The Polaroid camera is still sitting on her desk upstairs; she scoops it up in her other hand and dashes back downstairs. "Photo time!" she cheers, sliding in next to Mama and raising the camera up.

The photo that develops is a little blurry, and a little messy, and Aren's expression is priceless, but it's perfect the way it is.

Ara tucks it into her wallet, alongside the photo of all her friends.

* * *

 _Ara Haan: bring your computer when you come to my house tonight_

 _Elesis Sieghart: why_

 _Ara Haan: just do it fool_

 _Elesis Sieghart: :(_

* * *

"Merry Christmas," Mrs. Sieghart chortles, crossing the threshold with a stack of Tupperwares full of food in her arms. "Merry Christmas! Oh goodness, Aren, I'd forgotten how tall you were!"

She dumps the Tupperwares on the breakfast table and saunters over to kiss Mama on both cheeks. "And you, Aila! Look at you, you're positively peachy!"

"You look gorgeous yourself, Eliza," Mama says, beaming. "Where are Elkashu and your kids?"

As if on command, the front door swings open again, as Elesis and Elsword and Mr. Sieghart come in dusting snow off their backs. "Merry Christmas," Mr. Sieghart bellows, thumping Aren on the back. "How're you doing?"

"I'm doing great, Mr. Sieghart," Aren wheezes.

Elesis shakes snow out of her hair and shudders as some falls down the back of her shirt. "Merry shitscram," she grouses to Ara. "You better explain why you made me bring my laptop here before I start swinging it like a baseball bat."

"Come upstairs," she replies, "and I'll explain."

She boots up her own laptop, runs _Steam_ , and sends the game to Elesis. "Check your _Steam_ account," she says, grinning as she shuts down her laptop. "You'll see."

"Oh god, it's not _Huniepop_ , is it," Elesis mumbles, before opening her email. " _Hollow Knight?_ The hell metroidvania game? The one that Add keeps bitching about?"

"I figured it would keep you busy," Ara says sheepishly. "Between the platforming and the lore."

"I love it," Elesis says, reaching over to hug her. "Thank you, Ara. Wow, my gift seems weak in comparison. But know that when I inevitably die instantly to the platforming, _you_ will be the first to hear me scream."

"Sounds good to me." Ara pats her best friend twice on the back before grinning. "So, you wanna go steal some Lindors and kvass from downstairs before our brothers get to it?"

"Oh yeah, definitely."

(Elesis dies halfway through the tutorial. Ara just laughs and helps her reset her keybinds.)

* * *

It occurs to Ara a bit late that when Elesis gave her the season's ski pass for her birthday, it was a death sentence of sorts, like _you're coming skiing with us in Elysion this year and there's nothing you can do to stop me from dragging you with us_. This, of course, combined with the fact that Mama and Baba don't have the strength or the time to drive all the way up north to Elysion, means that Ara will have to endure the six-hour car ride with the Siegharts herself.

Aren, of course, is no help, and just laughs as he helps her load her stuff into the Siegharts' SUV. "Good luck," he says as he tucks her black-and-white skis into the back trunk, just behind her suitcase. "You'll need it."

Ara, however, is prepared for hell, and once she finishes politely bantering with Mr. and Mrs. Sieghart about school and Elsword's eating habits and whatnot, she pulls her hat over her eyes, plugs in her headphones and puts on some soft music, and immediately tonkers out. It's a smart move, and she knows it is, because Elesis follows her a few minutes later and starts snoring.

For the rest of the six-hour drive, Ara floats in and out of consciousness, guided through the waves of sleep by the kindly soundtrack from _Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky_. She dreams of falling snowflakes, and the clinking of two glasses of red wine, and sweeping white hair from someone's face before she leans in to kiss them, and then there's nothing else to dream of, because she's found the best kind of dream.

Of course, that all goes down the drain when she wakes up to Elesis aggressively shaking her arm. "Hey, hey, Ara," she says, "wake up, we're almost there."

"How almost is almost?" Ara groans, tugging her hat back up over her eyes. God, it's bright outside. "Please don't tell me we're still a hundred kilometres from Elysion."

"We're not," Elesis says. "We're seventy-five kilometres from Elysion."

Ara sighs—and then squeals when Elsword reaches over to poke her in the side. "Elsword, you _know_ I'm ticklish!"

"Exactly," he says. "Wake up, it's time for the Great Christmas Singalong."

Unfortunately, Ara knows exactly what he means, and she can hear the capital letters in his words. She grimaces as she takes the headphones out of her ears and prepares herself for soul-destroying music.

She can't escape this part of the ski trip, after all.

"Brighten up, kids," Mr. Sieghart says cheerfully, slapping the music button with one hand as he changes lanes with the other. "It's time for some real Christmas music."

As always, the first song on the list is Mariah Carey's _All I Want For Christmas_. Elesis and Elsword and Mrs. Sieghart all watch her in anticipation. This has been, traditionally, her song, after all, every time they've gone skiing.

Ara grins and begins to sing.

" _I don't want a lot for Christmas…_ "

* * *

"Are you really sure this is a good idea?" Ara yells, ignoring the ice crystals that are starting to form on her cowl from her breath. "Because I'm pretty sure this is really isn't a good idea!"

"Nonsense," Elesis yells back, adjusting her goggles on her helmet again and leaning down to tighten the buckles on her snowboard, "it's always a good idea! I live for the adrenaline, Ara!"

"This is a black diamond hill!" Ara shouts. The wind buffets her face, pierces all her exposed skin with tiny ice shards, and threatens to tear her poles out of her hands. It takes all of her mental strength to keep holding on. "Maybe you're an adrenaline junky, but I am an indoor person! Are you sure there won't be moguls at the bottom?"

"Nope," Elesis says, and slips down the edge of the hill with a whoop.

Ara sighs. She's not looking forwards to having to write Elesis's obituary.

As she tries to back up the hill, however, the snow beneath her feet begins to give way. "Oh no," Ara squeaks, desperately stabbing into the ground with her poles and trying to push her way back up, but it's no use. Her skis are now in charge. "Oh no, no, no, _no_ —"

The ground slips beneath her, and away she goes.

The bad thing about losing control on skis is that there's no way to regain control. All Ara can do, aside from scream, is widen her stance and _snowplow, snowplow_ as much as she can. She's not dumb enough to put her poles into the ground now, not when she's shuttling downhill at speeds up to Sonic-the-hedgehog per hour. That said, she's not smart enough to attempt to stop completely, either. At some point she passes by a red-and-white blur that might be Elesis. She's not going slow enough to figure out who it really is.

The wind is really starting to hurt her face now. There's a tiny triangle of exposed skin under her cowl that stings like hell. Her feet and knees are starting to get sore from constantly trying to snowplow. Briefly, Ara wishes that she'd fallen off the lift before Elesis could get her up here.

Slowly, she packs herself in, tries to breathe at a better pace. The hill seems to have curved slightly, into a less steep path, through the forest on the mountain. She can manage a hill like this—a blue hill, probably, with some offshoots to nearby trick parks where Elesis would have a hooting good time. It becomes easier to control her speed, to cruise through the snow, to enjoy the winter sights.

For those blissful thirty seconds or so, Ara enjoys winter. She watches the snowflakes descend from the heavens in slow motion and even manages to catch one on her tongue. The snow upon the trees casts a unique silvery shadow, one that she can't quite describe in words. The ski resort below is lit up in red and green and white on umber, the picture perfect Christmas town.

And then she turns the bend and sees the moguls.

"Oh no, no, _NO—"_

Her ski hits the first bump, and the rest of her goes flying instantly into the air, doing what must be a spectacular backflip before landing in a disappointing heap of Ara and ski gear in a ditch.

"Ow," she groans, managing to flip herself over. The sunlight glares at her even through her heavily tinted goggles. "Elesis Sieghart, you owe me one for this."

There's a giggle, and then a clicking noise. Ara turns herself over to see Elesis, the traitor, practically falling over with laughter as she snaps the photo on Ara's Polaroid camera. "I suppose I do," she says casually, like Ara hasn't just broken every metaphorical bone in her body, "but I will treasure this." The photo finishes printing; Elesis pulls it out and breaks into even more laughter as she tucks the camera back into her pocket. "Here, lemme help you up."

Thankfully, the ski gods that may be mercifully put a path without moguls on the edge of the hill. Ara carefully skis down as Elesis zips ahead on her bright red snowboard, crossing cheekily over onto one of the moguls at the very bottom and jumping off with a whoop. "Showoff," Ara says when she finally reaches the row of racks at the base of the hill.

"Hey, it's not my fault you're not an adrenaline junky," Elesis says, shrugging. "Come on, it's time for lunch."

Ara sighs contentedly. "Lunch sounds good," she says, pushing her pole into the back of her ski to eject her boot. It doesn't even budge. She tries again, and winces as all her muscles hurt, simultaneously and yet somehow individually. "Uh, a little help?"

Elesis just laughs again and waddles over to save her from her snowy confines.

* * *

They spend New Year's at the resort, with Elesis and Ara sharing a room, Mr. and Mrs. Sieghart sharing another, and Elsword taking the couch bed in the living room. Elesis relishes in the fact that Aren has handed her the duty of upholding his New Year's Eve tradition with Ara, while Ara relishes in the idea of being able to draw on her best friend's face this year. They both silently agree to withhold this information from Elsword, who tends to pass out around eleven when there's no kvass involved.

After Mr. and Mrs. Sieghart have gone to sleep, and Ara has tended to her sore _everything_ , and Elesis has wasted her only red lipstick by doodling on Elsword's face, they settle down and start to prepare their texts. It's funny watching how Elesis composes her texts, since she does have friends outside of their little group, and the way she talks to them is completely different from the way Ara talks to her friends from Sanskrit studies.

The first text that Ara sends is, of course, to her brother. She texts him _Happy New Year, brother dear!_ and gets a train of emojis in response, including two knives and a concerning number of party hats. It brings a smile to her face; before the accident, Aren was always fond of using tons of emojis to express himself in text messages.

There's still plenty more messages to send, though, and Ara is determined to not send just a generic _Happy New Year_ this year (especially given Eve's terrifying response last year). Smiling fondly, she begins to send out her texts.

* * *

 _Ara Haan: Happy New Year, Gloria! Hope we'll have an even better year together!_

 _Gloria Grimaldi: aw, but every year since I met you has already been perfect!_

 _Gloria Grimaldi: maybe it's because you've been in it!_

 _Ara Haan: no u_

 _Gloria Grimaldi: no, u!_

* * *

 _Ara Haan: Happy New Year, Puris!_

 _Ara Haan: May the new year bring about home runs and good marks aplenty!_

 _Puris Edison: aaaaahhhh happy new year Ara!_

 _Puris Edison: I think I speak for everyone in the Sanskrit studies class when I say we really don't deserve someone as kind and sweet as you!_

 _Ara Haan: ajsdlfjadk don't flatter me when you're the prettiest, and strongest, and the smartest?_

 _Puris Edison: NO U_

* * *

 _Ara Haan: Happy New Year, Megan! Hope you're having a great time with your family!_

 _Megan Juritz: happy new year ara!_

 _Megan Juritz: thank you. I hope you have an even better time_

 _Megan Juritz: you really deserve it_

 _Ara Haan: aaaaaa_

* * *

 _Ara Haan: Happy New Year, Massimo!_

 _Ara Haan: Hope the new year brings you joy and prosperity!_

 _Massimo Carillo: oh! Happy new year Ara!_

 _Massimo Carillo: I wish you all the joy of the worm, and much more!_

 _Massimo Carillo: uh_

 _Massimo Carillo: I wish you all the joy of the Ara!_

 _Massimo Carillo: since you should have all the happiness!_

* * *

 _Ara Haan: Happy New Year, David!_

 _David Tian: NO U HAPPY NEW YEAR ARA_

 _David Tian: I HOPE YOU HAVE THE BEST YEAR EVER_

 _David Tian: AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT WE ALL LOVE YOU, ON BEHALF OF THE ENTIRE SANSKRIT STUDIES PROGRAM_

* * *

(The Sanskrit studies gang from the Solace dorm, it seems, are all hellbent on telling Ara how wonderful she is. Ara does her best to stop them until they take to the group chat to all spam her with compliments. She can only sigh, smile, and give up.)

* * *

 _Ara Haan: Happy New Year, Aisha!_

 _Ara Haan: Looking forwards to another happy year as your roommate!_

 _Aisha Landar: et tu, Ara!_

 _Aisha Landar: hope next year you'll actually have the courage to ask Add out lmao_

 _Ara Haan: do you want me to sit on you and crush you to death_

 _Aisha Landar: yeah kinda_

 _Aisha Landar: good way to go_

 _Ara Haan: post cancelled, you're just kinky_

 _Aisha Landar: ;)_

* * *

 _Ara Haan: Happy New Year, Eve!_

 _Ara Haan: Hope you're having a safe and happy winter break!_

 _Eve Nasod: You as well._

 _Eve Nasod: I wish you a prosperous year._

 _Ara Haan: :D_

* * *

 _Ara Haan: Happy New Year, Ain! Hope you're having a great winter break!_

 _Ara Haan: I know you had a hell semester, so I'm hoping you're getting plenty of rest, too!_

 _Ain Ishmael: you too, Ara, happy New Year!_

 _Ain Ishmael: rest will never come._

 _Ara Haan: aight then_

* * *

 _Ara Haan: Happy New Year, Chung!_

 _Ara Haan: Wishing you best of luck with law school apps when they begin!_

 _Ara Haan: (Elsword has been asleep for about half an hour, but I'm sure he wishes you a happy new year as well!)_

 _Chung Seiker: haha, thank you, Ara!_

 _Chung Seiker: (did you do the lipstick thing to him)_

 _Ara Haan: (Elesis did.)_

 _Chung Seiker: (please write "property of Chung Seiker" somewhere on him)_

 _Ara Haan: (omg yes)_

* * *

 _Ara Haan: Bonne année et bonne santé, Rose!_

 _Rose Testarossa: Et toi aussi!_

 _Rose Testarossa: I heard from Elesis that you're skiing in Elysion!_

 _Rose Testarossa: How are you faring?_

 _Ara Haan: everything hurts and Elesis lured me down the moguls_

 _Rose Testarossa: Ouch_

 _Rose Testarossa: Elesis showed me the photos._

 _Rose Testarossa: Are all your joints still intact?_

 _Ara Haan: thankfully, yes_

 _Ara Haan: so, how's it going with her?_

 _Rose Testarossa: Aah, I don't know, to be honest!_

 _Rose Testarossa: Would it be pitiful to make a New Year's Resolution to tell her how I feel at some point?_

 _Ara Haan: absolutely not, you're doing great sweetie_

* * *

 _Ara Haan: Happy New Year, Laby!_

 _Ara Haan: Hope you're having a great winter break!_

 _Laby Gaia: YOU TOO ARA!1!_

 _Laby Gaia: HAVE A SAFE AND HAPPY BREAK!_

* * *

 _Ara Haan: Happy New Year, Lu!_

 _Ara Haan: Best wishes to you and your brother for the new year!_

 _Lu Sourcream: AAAaaaAAaAaAa Happy New Year Ara!_

 _Lu Sourcream: my brother also says hi!_

 _Ara Haan: owo_

 _Ara Haan: tell him we all miss him and wish him the best in culinary school!_

 _Lu Sourcream: I will!_

 _Lu Sourcream: he's gained 10 kg in the past six months lmao_

* * *

 _Ara Haan: hey Add_

 _Ara Haan: happy new year!_

 _Add Grenore: happy new year Ara!_

 _Add Grenore: can't believe it's a whole new year now_

 _Ara Haan: ikr_

 _Ara Haan: this year went by so quickly_

 _Add Grenore: oh yeah definitely_

 _Add Grenore: time goes by quickly when you're having fun_

 _Add Grenore: you still skiing?_

 _Ara Haan: after my wipeout on the moguls? Nah_

 _Ara Haan: literally every inch of me hurts rn_

 _Ara Haan: if you extracted my pain from my body you could fill a gas tank_

 _Add Grenore: ouch_

 _Add Grenore: i uh summon the blessing of tylenol upon you_

 _Ara Haan: thank you_

 _Ara Haan: i feel the relief coursing through my veins already_

 _Add Grenore: that's acetaminophen for you_

 _Ara Haan: in all honesty though i've been exhausted lately between school and stuff_

 _Ara Haan: but this year in its entirety has been pretty good_

 _Add Grenore: same honestly_

 _Add Grenore: it's been a great year, even if it's been pretty tiring_

 _Add Grenore: between school and my mom's condition i've lost so much sleep lol_

 _Add Grenore: but having friends around me has been so wonderful_

 _Add Grenore: especially you, ara_

 _Add Grenore: i hope no one ever has to suffer through breast cancer like your aunt and my mom have_

 _Add Grenore: but i'm really glad to have had someone to lean on recently_

 _Add Grenore: so i really just wanted to say_

 _Add Grenore: thank you for being here for me_

 _Add Grenore: even though you've probably been just as tired if not more than me_

 _Add Grenore: Ara?_

 _Add Grenore: oh shoot it's nearly one_

 _Add Grenore: sleep tight_

* * *

Ara wakes up to a face covered in sticky lipstick and a giggling Elesis, but it turns out to be all worth it when she reads her messages.

* * *

 **A/N: i am so sorry for missing last week, i got hit by this thing called**

 **MERRY BELATED CHRISTMAS FRIENDS AND ON THAT SAME NOTE HAPPY EARLY NEW YEAR**

 **since this chapter is late, it will be a double update, so please look out for the next chapter. it's very, very important**

 **\- Ara's struggles while skiing are unfortunately common within my household. my friend once lured me down a hill with moguls. she ended up having to take my skis and ski down, while i just walked the rest of the way**

 **\- on that note, Ara's spectacular wipeout is my attempt at verbalizing the time my dad went down a very steep blue hill at Mt. Tremblant, hit a bump in the snow and did a fantastic backflip. it was kinda funny to watch because his skis went in two different directions. he wasn't injured though thankfully**

 **\- if you play hollow knight on the default keybinds i pity you my friend. also i am that person who died in the tutorial because i was using default keybinds. i now use a modified version of elsword's keybinds to play hollow knight**

 **once again, merry christmas to all, and a very happy new year!**

 **~Marg**


	9. Recollections, Part 1

_Add Grenore: hey_

 _Ara Haan: what now_

 _Add Grenore: midterms are coming up_

 _Add Grenore: and i was thinking_

 _Ara Haan: oh no_

 _Add Grenore: we should get some of our friends and go out for karaoke just before the break ends_

 _Ara Haan: why during the break_

 _Add Grenore: ciel's gonna be in town_

 _Add Grenore: and besides_

 _Add Grenore: would you rather go right after midterms when we're all depressed from studying_

 _Ara Haan: touché_

 _Ara Haan: why not i guess_

 _Add Grenore: stop it with the french_

 _Ara Haan: draw me like one of your french girls_

 _Add Grenore: ads;f lk;ajd f;lkajfd;lkajfd_

 _Add Grenore: rose is a french girl_

 _Add Grenore: elesis should draw her_

 _Ara Haan: omg you're right_

 _Ara Haan: is this operation elerose_

 _Add Grenore: this is definitely operation elerose_

Ara smiles at her phone screen, and sighs contentedly before turning it off and going back to glaring at her notes on Hindi loanwords.

Karaoke is the least of her troubles right now. She has a huge assignment coming up, and there's no way she's failing this course.

* * *

Coordination, of course, ends up being everyone's Achilles' heel. The much coveted karaoke trip has to be put off repeatedly until the last day that Ciel's back in town, and even then, Lu and Laby are forced to miss the debacle because of a "stupid dumb keynote speaker who will not shut up about verb tenses". Ara has a brief flashback to a similar event in second year, and shudders. Pity will do the poor kids no good, but it's all she has to offer.

When they show up to the karaoke place, Elsword, Eve and Chung are waiting in the lobby. "So we accidentally got here before Add did," Elsword says sheepishly, "and we can't get in without his coupon code thing."

"I offered to hack into the system," Eve deadpans. "They told me not to."

But then the door swings open, and Add runs in, with Ain and Ciel just behind him. "Sorry we're late," he says, grinning brilliantly in the way that makes Ara's head swim. "It took a while trying to get out of Ain's driveway."

"In my defense, I didn't know the shovel was buried in the snow," Ain says. "Let's just get going."

They order drinks as their room get set up, and Ara's heart falls just a little as Add flirts with the bartender, but then Elesis starts flirting with the bartender too, and then it's just her and Rose laughing together as the bartender freaks out. She orders a house cocktail (called the Absolute Unit, what a name) and tips the bartender generously for having to put with Add and Elesis's antics.

The room they booked is pretty spacious for ten people, but little patterns appear in the way they sit. Eve and Aisha are still seated next to each other, even after what happened, and Ara finds herself squished between Elesis and Ciel.

"Who wants to go first?" Add asks, holding the iPad for selections up.

"Actually, how about we find something that everyone knows first?" Elsword suggests. "That way, we can all warm up."

Suggestions get thrown around— _My Heart Will Go On_ , _Never Gonna Give You Up_ , even _Fantastic Baby_ (which only brings Ara memories of the first night)—until everyone agrees that they can all sing ABBA's _Dancing Queen_. Sure, their harmonies are subpar, but it's the enthusiasm that counts. Ara is pretty sure she tears her cheek smiling, and she's pretty sure that the entire building can hear them screaming, crowded around two little microphones.

They end up taking turns in the order they're sitting, so Ara has to think of something fast while Ciel manages a very panicked but nonetheless amazing cover of _Slow Dancing in a Burning Room_. His voice is very soothing, and his ability to simply dance through the lowest notes is chilling.

Then there's a microphone stuck in Ara's face, and an iPad in her hands, and Elesis is grinning brightly at her. "Go ahead, choose!"

She holds the microphone in shock in one hand, and scrolls through the options on the iPad with the others. There aren't too many artists that she knows, but Adele's vocal range isn't too different from her own and she can definitely rock _Someone Like You_.

Like expected, the screen that rolls up with lyrics has absolutely nothing to do with the contents of the music. Ain stifles a laugh as a boat in a harbor (why a boat in a harbor? It literally has nothing to do with the song) shows up, along with the text in blue characteristic of a karaoke video.

Then the little bubbles counting down disappear, and the lyrics are leaving the tip of Ara's tongue before she even knows they're there. "I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited, but I," she sings, glancing across the room into Add's shocked eyes, "couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it—"

It is only then that Ara realizes that the only people who have heard her sing in this group are Aisha (because what's a roommate without embarrassing stories) and Elesis. As she looks around the room, she notices that every one of her friends (her friends!) is staring at her in shock. It's almost surreal, thinking that the small audience surrounding her is so awestruck by her voice.

"What the fuck," Ain finally says when she lowers the microphone. "What the fuck."

"Where are you getting secret singing lessons?" Elesis chortles, elbowing her in the side. "Leave some for the rest of us."

Ara flushes all over, and does her best to not look right across the room. Who knows what Add is thinking right now? She doesn't even try to meet his eyes.

Elesis surprises everyone by choosing Mariah Carey's _Hero_ , and while her key wobbles more than a few times, it really exhibits her impressive lung capacity well. Rose absolutely blows everyone before her out of the water with _Unbreak My Heart_ by Toni Braxton, slow and sultry and calming, and Ara thinks she sees Elesis pass out halfway through.

Then the mic is passed to Chung and Elsword, who wear matching grins as they bust out in _Despacito_ , Elsword rapping alongside Chung's surprisingly smooth singing. It's stupid, but everyone is clapping along to the beat, and literally everyone, even no-fun Ain, joins in when the "des-pa-cito" line drops. Chung turns a little red as Elsword bodyrolls in his direction, and Ara can't help but laugh.

Aisha seems a little miffed, and despite the fact that she and Eve have broken up, she takes the microphone to prove that they are, in fact, the alpha karaoke couple. It's fun to watch them sort out lines, but then they launch themselves into the most energetic cover of _Bring Me to Life_ , or at least as energetic as Eve can get while attempting to rap and provide backup vocals. When they all bring it together for the grand finale, Chung gives Aisha a high five. "Really gave me a run for my money there."

Then the microphone is handed to Add, and the iPad put in his lap, and Elsword grins. "C'mon, choose something!"

Add looks deep in thought, and Ara watches as his brow furrows when he punches his music choice into the iPad.

Another bad scenery video pops up, but this time, the title is printed in size 200 font over the screen. " _Something About the Way You Look Tonight_ ," Elesis reads out loud. "Elton John?"

"You got it," Add says, and then he dives right into the song.

And oh my god, Ara feels like she's melting. Elesis puts a hand on her knee to try and get her to stop shaking, because _what the fuck_ , why does he sound so nice? There's new energy flowing all through Ara, like a searing shot of ice. She could have heard him sing this song a million times already, but nothing would have prepared her for listening to him sing here tonight.

"And I can't explain," Add sings, and he's looking straight at her, "but there's something about the way you look tonight."

He tilts his head just a little bit, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards as Ara continues to stare, absolutely shaken. "Takes my breath away, is the feeling I get about you deep inside," he continues, and suddenly Ara gets the odd feeling that her stupid high school crush might not be all that unrequited after all.

And maybe she's just hopeful, just selfish, just seeking attention, but she has to let him know how she feels tonight, when she's drunk on emotion and ready to open herself. She has to.

She's completely fixated on him throughout the entire song, even when Elesis elbows her, snickering. Everyone showers praise on him, and Ara blindly joins in, offering empty words that don't come close to what she really feels.

Add grins. Ara wants to scream.

The mic is passed to Ain, and Ara doesn't even register him singing _Oceans_ (some old gospel song, she thinks) at all. Her mind is racing in a million different directions, trying to find something, anything that can express her broken feelings. The mic gets passed to her again, and she picks wildly. She sings something in Chinese that she knows no one else will understand, but the karaoke machine takes pity on her little heart and provides translations for _女人花_.

The second time around, Add takes a lot longer to pick a song. Ara watches in abject horror, frozen, as he wets his lips before raising the microphone once again.

The song is only vaguely familiar to her, but then she recognizes it when Elesis starts to hum it next to her. It's _Moves Like Jagger_ , the one that was really popular back in, what, 2014? Her instincts take over as they all join in singing.

Halfway through the second chorus, Add suddenly stops singing, and his eyes go wide. "Shit. Who's gonna sing Christina Aguilera's part?" He manages, holding up the other microphone.

Aisha snatches it out of his hand at lightning-fast speeds, and before Ara can react, she's leaning over to pass it to Rose, who gives it to Elesis, who shoves it into her hands. "I can't—" She yelps, but then the beat drops, and she realizes she can.

"You wanna know, how to make me smile, take control, own me just for the night," dear lord, where is she getting these lyrics from? She barely even knows the tune but it just leaves her, and she doesn't turn to look at the TV screen with the lyrics once, keeping her gaze locked on Add the whole time. "But if I share my secret, you're gonna have to keep it, nobody else can see this."

They finish with a bang, combining Add's beautiful smooth voice with Ara's shocking high notes, and the others go absolutely ballistic. "Bitch, what the fuck?" Elesis whoops, smacking the back of Ara's head. "I mean, I knew you could sing, but not like this!"

"You nailed Christina's parts," Ciel says, eyes wide. "How does that even happen?"

Ara just smiles a little shyly, glancing over to Add. "I mean, thanks, but didn't someone else also nail his part?" She reaches her palm across the table, leaning to offer a high five to Add. "Nice going, Adam Levine."

It's a strange comment in hindsight, but Add grins and meets her hand with his. "And you too, Christina Aguilera. Nice work."

They go around again, and again, and everyone absolutely freaks out when, after Rose sings a honey-sweet version of _La Vie En Rose_ in the original French, Elesis tackles her with a kiss. Ara shoots Add a knowing grin, and he gives her another high five as Elesis and Rose leave the room "temporarily" to go sort out their obviously mutual feelings.

"Thank god," Ain comments, laughing, "I didn't think I could stand seeing them skirt around each other so awkwardly any longer."

Aisha laughs out loud. "Man, I was going to enact desperate measures if they weren't going to do things themselves," she says.

Ara smiles brightly. "Operation Elerose has been a success, guys," she says. "Time to celebrate."

The natural thing to celebrate with, of course, is everyone singing _Can You Feel The Love Tonight_ as they come back in looking very red. "It's about high time," Elsword chortles. "Having to deal with both of you pining for each other was painful for the rest of us, y'know."

The night goes on, and before they know it, it's nearly twelve and there's a staff member at the door, reminding them that their three hour booking is almost up.

"We don't have much time left," Elesis says, snuggled into Rose's side. Rose looks blissful. "Do you guys want to take a vote on who gets the last mic?"

"I vote Ara!" Aisha shouts, and then splutters as a chunk of ice from her drink slides down her throat. Eve thumps her back helpfully.

There are a few calls of agreement from around the room. "Me?" Ara says weakly, fingers pressed to her throat. It's already slightly sore, and she doesn't know if she can sing another piece. "You guys should sing, I don't—"

"This is your show, Ara," Ain says thoughtfully. "Whether you like it or not. Please give your grand finale, we've all been waiting for it."

Elsword sits up. "All in favour of Ara?"

Everyone raises their hand. Ara glances forwards, and sees Add make slow, deliberate eye contact as his hand joins everyone else. "Fine," she huffs, and they all cheer as Chung passes her the microphone. "But nothing too long. We're almost out of time, and my throat is starting to get sore."

The iPad for selections lands in her lap, and as Ara scrolls through the options open to her, she finds one that catches her eye. "Okay, so the original key of this is way too low," she starts to say, but then Elesis taps some small menu and a scroll bar shows up. "Wow. Alright then. Thank you."

She sets the new key to C major, much higher than the original key, and takes a deep breath as the Eagles' _Desperado_ starts to play.

"Desperado, why don't you come to your senses? You've been out ridin' fences for long now," she starts, keeping her voice steady as she adjusts to the key. The quality of the music is absolutely _atrocious_ , but she really can't complain when she's tuned it up nearly an octave.

This is what her years of suffering through piano have led to—a painstakingly crafted voice that follows every note through perfectly, because perfect pitch is hard to come by and harder to learn. This is her stage, and as music pours from her lips, Ara's audience comes together to cry.

"Don't you draw the queen of diamonds, boy, she'll beat you if she's able—the queen of hearts is always your best bet." Elesis has her hand over her mouth; Rose is clutching her to her side. "Now it seems to me that some fine things have been laid upon your table, but you only want the ones that you can't get."

Aisha is crying, but her expression is clearly starstruck. On either side of her, Chung and Eve grip her hands tightly as Elsword hugs himself, slowly turning blue as he doesn't dare to breathe. And that's fine, Ara knows her friends have a flair for the dramatic, but she's still got half the song to go and they're all such loveable idiots and she's so lucky to have friends like them.

"Desperado, you ain't gettin' no younger. Your pain and your hunger, they're driving you home." Everyone is starting to sway to the music, but she still can't bring herself to meet Add's eyes. "And freedom — _oh_ , freedom, well, that's just some people talking. Your prison is walking through this world alone—" Her voice cuts off, but the music swells up, and off she continues.

"Don't your feet get cold in the wintertime? The sky won't snow, and the sun won't shine," she sings, and now it is very, very clear that Add is watching her clearly, wordlessly, processing nothing but her music. She doesn't know how he's feeling, and quite frankly, she's afraid to know. "You're losing all your highs and lows, ain't it funny how the feeling goes away…"

This is her song, the one that emulates her. The song of her triumph and the suffering she put herself through to reach it.

And now that she sings it, she's pretty sure it speaks to him as well.

She brings the microphone up to her lips again. "Desperado, why don't you come to your senses, come down from your fences! And open up the gates." Her throat hurts, her hands are starting to shake, her lungs are burning, but her voice refuses to give out until she can complete the song. "It may be raining, but there's a rainbow above you.

"You'd better let somebody love you—"

Add's eyes widen, and she gives him the most miniscule of smiles, just enough to say _this is for me and you and no one else_ , before the crest in the music crashes up against her.

"— _you'd better let somebody love you_ , before it's too late."

She drops the mic from her lips, lets it rest on her legs while she finally takes a breath, and her friends start to scream.

Aisha clings to her arm and screams into her shoulder. Elesis is waving around her phone, because apparently she took a video while Ara was singing. Ciel blows his nose loudly into a tissue. Chung and Elsword are clapping, wearing twin grins.

From across the room, Ara makes eye contact with Add for a heartbeat. He looks so stricken, so defeated, and briefly, Ara wonders if she's done something wrong before Elesis throws her jacket at her and tackles her in another hug.

The karaoke staff come in to make sure no one's getting murdered, because the screaming is a little alarming and it's midnight, after all. Elesis shows them her badly recorded video of Ara singing _Desperado_ to explain.

No one's really drunk, but to make sure everyone gets home safe, the designated drivers start to determine who's going to take who home. Ain, who lives nearby, just walks. Ciel calls an Uber for himself. Eve offers to take Aisha, Elsword and Chung back to their dorms, while Elesis (of course) heads back to the Denif dorm with Rose.

In the end, it's just Ara and Add, still left at the now quiet karaoke place. Everyone else has gone home, and even the weary staff are packing up. Ara shrugs on her black parka again, reaching down to zip it on only to find another pair of hands already working on the zipper for her.

"So," Add says, quietly, awkwardly, as his calloused fingers begin to click her buttons into place. "Didn't know you could sing this well."

Ara smiles weakly. "There's a lot of stuff you don't know about me."

They stand in silence together as Add finishes doing up all her buttons. As he reaches the last one, just over her heart, Ara puts her hands on his shoulders, swallows down the lump of nervous energy in her throat, and exhales. "You have a beautiful voice, too," she says. The tension in the air is so thick that she's pretty sure she could cut it with her bare nails, but there's a look in Add's eyes that tells her to keep talking. "You should sing more often. I'd love to hear it."

He smiles softly and Ara nearly just collapses in his arms entirely. "I'll sing for you," he says, "whenever you want. I'll do anything for you."

Ara desperately wants to tell him "then love me, please," but all that comes from her lips is a strangled noise. Instead, she leans forwards, putting her forehead against his, basks in his warmth.

"... Y'know, I picked out my first song for you," Add whispers, and something in Ara actually threatens to flood over at that moment. "And all the others, honestly, except _Moves Like Jagger_. But definitely the others."

Ara closes her eyes as he brushes his thumb across her face. "All of mine were kinda there for you," she confesses, "but especially the last one. I'm glad you guys all voted for me, because… because I—"

She steels herself, takes in a deep breath, and kisses him.

It's not her first kiss, much less her first kiss with Add, but her senses are all wildly alive and her emotions are entirely out of her control. This isn't a Saturday night party with booze and cake and loud EDM and K-pop—it's a silent moment against the locked door of a karaoke place that's closed for the night. Ara savours that kiss more than anything she's ever felt, inhales his sweet chocolate scent that's become all too familiar to her.

The best part is when he reacts. Add is much more experienced with this than she is, after all, and even though she has dreamed over and over of this moment, those dreams cannot stack up to her reality. His hands don't come to rest on her hips, like she's seen him do so many times with so many other people, but they bury themselves in her hair, rest gently on the back of her neck, sending jolts of cold electricity down her spine.

"Tell me you love me," she gasps as they break away from each other, still grasping his shoulders tightly. "Please."

And he does, breathlessly. "Yes, of course I love you," he whispers, pressing kisses to every part of her face. "God, why didn't we do this earlier?" He presses against her, shrouding her in his warmth, and Ara has to swallow down a whimper. "I was dumb to try and hide it for this long."

But now they don't have to hide anymore. She locks her lips with his and seals her fate, like the bittersweet meeting of Odile and Siegfried. This is her crowning glory—not the pride of having him, but the euphoria of just being with him. In the crowded moment against the door of the karaoke building, Ara is free of all the sins she never committed. She has triumphed against everything thrown in her way, and her prize is the beautiful boy that she has fought tooth and nail for.

It is blissful. As their lips meet another time, and another, Ara can't help but think of how blessed she is to be standing here.

"It's getting late," she says, after what has to be their umpteenth kiss of the night. "We should be heading back to campus."

Add nods, looking a little dazed. "I—yeah. Do you want to come back to my dorm with me?" He shakes his head, like he's clearing away a bad thought. "Not to like, do anything bad, but…"

His voice drops into a quiet, comfortable murmur. "I just want to hold you."

And really, that's all Ara has wanted this entire semester, so she lets him take her by the hand back to his car, and back to his dorm.

* * *

She wakes up tucked into his chest.

It's a Sunday morning, and the little room is serene. Judging by the fact that the curtains aren't quite lit up yet, she figures it should be around seven or so in the morning, much too early to be getting up.

Add and Elsword's dorm feels like home. Sure, she's squeezed up between the wall and Add's body, but with his arms wrapped snugly around her, she feels like she belongs here, has belonged here all along.

She glances up at Add's sleeping face, smiles as she reaches up to trace his peaceful features. There's a tiny mark on the underside of his chin, probably a faded scar. She rises up gently to kiss it.

Somehow, this is what gets him to wake up. "Oh," Ara says softly as he shuffles his position, and opens his eyes. "Good morning."

Even in his half asleep state, there's a soft smile on his face. "Good morning, Ara." He frowns. "I hope I didn't kick you in my sleep."

Ara can't help but laugh out loud. "On the contrary," she insists, reaching her arms up to rest on his shoulders. "You're warm and soft."

"And so are you." Add leans down and kisses her, softly and slowly, closed-mouthed and chaste unlike the ones from last night. "I'm glad we sorted things out last night."

"Me too," Ara whispers, sound muffled by his lips. "Hey, do you want me to make you breakfast?"

"Teach me how," he says, giving her a final peck on the nose before releasing her from his embrace and rolling up. "You're supposed to be a guest, I'm not gonna just watch as you make food."

"Oh, but you will." She smiles. "And then I will make you eat it, because I know that you barely ever eat breakfast."

"I do eat breakfast now," he argues, pulling on a hoodie over his shirt from the night before. They'd literally just stumbled through the front door and collapsed into bed and fell asleep the night before, but Ara still smiles when she sees his slightly rumpled jeans and the skintight shirt riding up his hip.

She swings her still legging-clad legs out from under his duvets (the sheets are Winnie the Pooh-print, which she finds adorable) and steps onto the wooden floorboards. This is her ideal world—waking up on a Sunday morning in the arms of the one she loves, putting on one of his oversized hoodies instead of her own, wandering around the beds to where the makeshift stovetop is, and making breakfast for the both of them as he holds her from behind and peppers her face with soft kisses.

"So then you pour the egg in," she says, lifting up the bowl and scraping out the last bit of beaten egg, "and then you kinda just do this." She dips the spatula into the pan, and stirs aggressively, setting the bowl down and reaching for the handful of chopped scallions with her free hand. "Sprinkle the scallions in, a pinch of salt, and then turn off the burner."

Add lets go of her for a second to grab a plate, onto which she dumps the scrambled eggs. "And that's how you make scrambled eggs with green onions."

"It smells amazing," Add comments. "God, I wish I was as good as you at cooking."

Ara laughs. "It's a bit of an acquired skill. You just gotta practice."

She takes the toast out of the toaster oven, cuts it into triangular wedges, and places it on the side of the plate. "Tada," she says. "Easy, nutritious breakfast."

They eat unceremoniously out of the same plate at the small dinner table, scooping up pieces of egg with tiny teaspoons that Add found in the cabinet. "Is Elsword not coming back?" Ara asks, honestly a bit wary.

Add shakes his head. "He's probably spending the night at Chung's place," he snorts. "They do this all the time. They've been doing it since they were in freshman year. The walls aren't exactly soundproof. I've had to sleep in the common room before because of it."

Ara winces. Add nods. They continue to eat breakfast together.

At about nine, Ara remembers that she does, in fact, have a phone, and rushes back to the bedroom to get it.

The messages she's getting are a bit alarming.

* * *

 _Aisha Landar: hey where the hell are you_

 _Aisha Landar: did you get abducted by aliens or something_

 _Aisha Landar: I woke up like two minutes ago and you're not even in bed_

 _Aisha Landar: it's Sunday_

 _Aisha Landar: who are you and what have you done with Ara Haan_

* * *

 _Elesis Sieghart: DID YOU TWO FUCK YET_

* * *

To Aisha, she sends a polite "don't worry, I'm alive and at Add's place," and to Elesis, she sends an even more polite "no, fuck off".

"Gee, what a nice friend," Add snarks, and she flicks him in the nose in response.

They only realize that Ara still has to get back to her own dorm around ten thirty, after spending an hour trading lazy kisses on the sunlit couch, simply basking in each other's warmth. Ara finds out that Add is extremely ticklish, after brushing her fingertips across his collarbone and accidentally drawing out a scream, but she promises not to exploit this weakness.

Unfortunately, though, midterms rolling around means more studying. Add finds another hoodie to throw on, and then they don their shoes and coats and open the door.

Someone across the hallway stares in shock as Ara slips out of Add's dorm, hand in hand with him, but Ara doesn't particularly care. She smiles brightly at Add, and he kisses the tip of her nose. She literally _giggles_ in glee.

They reach Solace dorm half an hour later, chattering and laughing. People stop to stare at them all across campus, and Ara ignores every single one of them. Her blissful morning will not be ruined by people who refuse to believe that she can be happy. She squeezes his hand tightly, feeling his calloused fingers brush across her smooth ones.

"Well, then, good luck studying," Add says, stopping at the base of Solace dorm. "I'll be… Also studying."

Ara laughs out loud. _I've fallen in love with such a dork_ , she thinks giddily. "Care to supply me with some incentive?"

He puts his hands on her hips, pulls her close, and kisses her deeply. There's a faint scent of toast on his lips, with just the faintest scent of rich chocolate. Ara makes a mental note to buy a few bars of milk chocolate the next time she goes to the convenience store, if only to preserve that sweet, sweet feeling.

They break apart for air, and then Add pulls her into a gentle hug. It is warm and Ara feels protected. "You go kick ass, okay?" She murmurs, tugging on the drawstrings of his hoodie with her fingertips.

"Yeah. You too."

Ara has to force herself to break away with a smile, has to pretend that the growling pit in her stomach is satisfied by the short, final kiss they share before they turn to go, has to steal a look at Add and hold back tears.

She walks back into her and Aisha's room with tears on her face and his baggy hoodie over her comparatively tiny form.

Aisha doesn't even question it when she curls up on her bunk bed and doesn't move.

 _This is going to be a long, difficult midterm._

* * *

 **A/N: this was one of the first scenes i had written for this fic, and i can't believe it nearly got overhauled into a bowling scene instead, reason being i've been to actual karaoke with friends and it's way more chaotic than this**

 **(sudden flashbacks to everyone screaming as Gangnam Style plays incessantly)**

 **notes, as always:**

 **\- originally, Ara was supposed to sing Mamamoo's _Decalcomanie_ instead of _Desperado_. however, i decided to change it because actually singing _Decalcomanie_ at the end of a karaoke session is hard. solar's high note? hot.**

 **\- the hoodie thing is a tribute to my friend who emotionally perished after she stole her boyfriend's hoodie**

 **\- emotions however are dumb**

 **happy new year to everyone, and i wish you all the best in the new year!**

 **~Marg**


	10. Year 4, Semester 2

The next time Ara breathes is the first day of the second semester. One minute, she's closing her eyes as she lies wrapped up in Add's purple hoodie on her bunk bed, and the next, she's twirling a pen around her fingers as Professor Denka drones on and on below about ancient medications.

"If you can't see the image on the board, flip to page 273 in your textbooks." Ara follows through the movements like clockwork, her gaze blank as she scans over the image of what appears to be a coin next to a sketch of a plant. "Silphium was a cure-all medication that was worth its weight in silver. However, it went extinct around year 50 CE, due to high demand…"

Ara lets Professor Denka's voice fade out into the buzz of the cosmos. She flicks her pen hard against her wrist, which fails to wake her up, and reaches down into her canvas bag to retrieve a bar of milk chocolate.

Just when did she get that? Ara unwraps the chocolate, trying to not crinkle the foil around it, and breaks herself a piece quietly. The texture is smooth and there's a sense of almost muskiness in it, but it's bitter. The sweet spark that always follows Add around doesn't quite show in this chocolate.

She ends up giving the remainder of the chocolate to a first-year in the library, who accepts the sugar happily.

The taste lingering on her lips is hollow.

* * *

Naturally, it's the Sanskrit studies squad who realizes there's something wrong with her first, because Puris is an emotional radar and Gloria is a beacon of sunshine that Ara's dark cloud seems to dampen. They're barely two weeks into the semester, and David is already fast asleep at seven at night, sprawled out in an odd half-scrunched shape on one of the couches with all his papers strewn across the floor. Ara sifts through her notes with Gloria's Mildliner highlighters and a scrutinizing glare.

"I keep thinking of hanakotoba whenever anyone mentions the silphium thing," Massimo says, spinning a pen between his fingers. "I kinda wish it didn't go extinct. Dude, can you imagine having a plant literally shaped like a heart? Imagine putting one of those in a bouquet and giving it to someone."

Megan rolls her eyes. "We get it, Massimo, you weeb with a big gay crush."

"Hey, this is a big _bi_ crush, you _gamer_."

"Oh, insulting the gamer girl, now, are we?"

"Wouldn't people get the wrong idea from it, though?" Gloria interrupts, rescuing the orange Mildliner from under Ara's tush. "Since it's an, um, aphrodisiac." Her face turns red, and she ducks her head down. "And an abortifacient, and a contraceptive, apparently," she mumbles.

"Besides, plenty of heart shaped flowers already exist," Puris says. "Like the laceleaf. And the lyre flower. And it would have been weird to give silphium to someone, because it had culinary uses, too. It would have been like, like giving someone a _potato_."

"In some cultures, that's a marriage proposal," Megan says accusingly.

"Wh—"

"And in Victorian floriography, it means you think the giftee is delicious," Gloria adds. "I mean, normally I don't think we'd give people potatoes, but…"

"The Victorians were weird," Massimo concludes. "And that's why I think hanakotoba is cooler."

"Yeah, but does hanakotoba have potatoes?" Gloria shakes her head. "I think anything is better with potatoes. Ara, back me up here."

"Um." It takes a moment for Ara to process what's happening, to figure out what's the gist of what they're talking about. "Yeah. Potatoes are cool."

They all turn to stare at her. Her hands feel empty, and her chest doesn't feel like it exists. She looks at the multitude of colourful daisies and stars and hearts she's scribbled across her notes. She doesn't recall having drawn anything.

"Ara, are you doing okay?" Puris asks, gently. Her voice is soft and tender, like Ara is a mortally wounded animal bleeding out on the forest floor and Puris is about to deliver the coup de grâce to end her suffering. "You've been… Distracted, lately, to say the least. I'm kind of worried."

Megan nods in affirmation. "I dunno if you've noticed, but your notes don't quite make sense at times," she points out. "I saw you typing over your shoulder, and it was kinda weird, not gonna lie. Have you been sleeping well? Or is it something else?"

"I can ask Aisha to make you chamomile tea, if that helps," Massimo offers, "or we can ask David for whatever he's been taking for sleep."

"... I think he's just exhausted from school," Puris says. "But nonetheless, Ara, if there's something on your mind, don't hesitate to tell us. I know it usually gets better if you tell someone—"

"I'll be okay." Ara shakes her head and flashes them her brightest smile. It's not Gloria level yet, but she's getting there. "I've just been a bit, uh, tired lately."

The others study her with growing concern and mild disappointment. "Alright," Puris says, "but really. We're here for you if you need it."

Ara doesn't quite know how to respond.

* * *

Professor Ventus is the one to tell her about the job opportunity in Nepal. "The person leading the whole shebang is my old _friend_ ," he says, with a funny emphasis that tells Ara that _friend_ might not quite cover what this person is. "Lincy's a madwoman, and could probably blackmail me for anything, but she's read your papers, and she wants you on her team for her newest dig."

"Is she your archeologist friend?"

"Yeah, but she calls herself the "garbage girl" because her job is to sift through dead people's garbage." He shrugs. "It's a fantastic opportunity, Ara. I really hope you go through with it."

His eyes twinkle. "Don't tell Lincy I said this, but it pays better than freelance work, too."

Ara presses her lips together. "It's the only chance I'll get, isn't it," she realizes sadly. "I was wondering how I'd be able to get work after graduation."

"And I don't know what I'll do after you graduate," Professor Ventus sighs. "First my niece, and now my star student. You do know Rena, right? Her mum is my older sister."

"Yeah, but she literally works on campus," Ara argues, filing that information for later. Then again, they've both told her before that they're Welsh, so she's not sure why she's surprised. "I don't really have that option."

"You could keep going," Professor Ventus suggests. "Take over my post when I retire. You definitely have the spark for the subject. You could very much be the next Sanskrit professor of greatness in this institution, Ara."

His eyes light up. "Imagine," he says, "the Ara Haan dorm. How great would that be?"

"Professor, I don't think I'm on your level yet," she manages, cracking a smile. "Do you have Miss Lincy's email or something? I'd like to take up the opportunity, or at least consider it."

Professor Ventus's boundless energy crinkles his eyes as he reaches into his bag for a business card.

* * *

 _To: Ara Haan (arahaan97)_

 _From: Lincy Griffiths (_ _)_

 _Re: Internship position_

 _Dear Miss Haan,_

 _Thank you for showing interest in our project. I have reviewed your work, along with the rest of the EL Archaeology team, and we have determined that you are without a doubt the best candidate for this interpretation position from our pool of over 300. Your enthusiasm for the Sanskrit language, as well as your unparalleled proficiency and perseverance, have given us good reason to be selecting you for this position._

 _In regards to the nature of the position itself, we are a small group of sixteen working from a small camp near Lumbini, Nepal. You will be working alongside some of the top archaeologists in the field of Buddhism, mostly on translation and interpretation of pieces we've discovered._

 _This job, as you have probably realized, is overseas. A flight ticket will be provided for you to Kathmandu, presumably within a week of your graduation, so you can join us in Nepal. I understand that you may wish to spend this week between graduating and the work position with your family, so arrangements can be made for you to remain in Hamel a bit longer._

 _The project is expected to last about a year, so in theory you should be able to return to Hamel next May or June. During this time, we will be boarding in the Buddha Maya Garden Hotel. You will most likely be boarding with my daughter, Lua, who is around your age. I apologize if this makes you uncomfortable, and I can make arrangements should this be a major inconvenience._

 _I know you're probably wondering about the pay tied to this position. To be honest, I am still trying to figure out what the conversion of Nepalese rupees to Elrios Dollar is. However, from what I know, it is most definitely above minimum wage. We will observe some local holidays and some from back home, but you will be paid for these days._

 _Also, everyone gets sick often on site. Healthcare here isn't the best, so if you must take a day off to nurse a fever, none of us will blame you._

 _I understand that you would most likely like to discuss this with your family and loved ones. Please do discuss this opportunity with them; it is really a wonderful opportunity and I hope you will join our team._

 _I look forwards to speaking to you again soon._

 _Lincy Ventus-Griffiths_

 _PS. I know the obvious question you're trying to figure out. Yes, Ventus is my idiot older brother. Yes, he is a walking disaster. I pity you, and all of his students._

* * *

Ara goes home to Sander for the March break, bringing along all her correspondences with Lincy. She takes a deep breath, and presents everything to her parents breathlessly.

Mama is quiet, for once. Baba gives her a huge grin. "Ara, this is great!" He exclaims, giving her a hug and kissing her cheek. "Lumbini is amazing, you'll love it!"

"It might not be safe," Mama frets, brushing a stray hair out of Ara's face. "Oh my goodness, who knows what could happen?"

"I'll be alright, Mama," she insists, squeezing her mother's hand to comfort her. "Miss Lincy is Professor Ventus's sister. My roommate is going to be her daughter. There's no way they'd let me get hurt, or kidnapped, or anything else.

"Besides, no one goes to Lumbini unless it's for research or to follow the path of the Buddha." She smiles softly. "This is the kind of stuff that most language students can only _pray_ to experience once in their lifetimes. I'll make you both proud, I swear."

She locks eyes with Aren across the table. "I'll make you all proud."

Aren mouths out the words _you already have_.

* * *

"GIRL," Elesis exclaims loudly, "you're going to _Nepal?!_ "

Ara nods weakly, scanning her desk once over. "Elesis, have you seen my sticky notes…?" She mumbles, sifting through her papers. A flash of bright pink catches her eye. "Ah. Here we go."

"Yes, but Nepal!" Elesis does a spectacular backflip off the top bunk and lands on the ground below, shaking the building. For some reason, Ara isn't even worried that she'll break through the floor anymore. "Think of the culture, the heritage! _The food!_ "

From her seat at Aisha's desk, Rose smiles. "I've always wanted to travel abroad," she comments. "You've got a wonderful opportunity on your hands, Ara."

"Does this not count as "abroad"?" Elesis snarks. "You come from France, Rosie-Posie."

"Being an exchange student doesn't count," Rose insists. "It's not like I'm backpacking across Hamel's Senace Provincial Park, throwing apples at squirrels and eating bear fat out of a jar."

Aisha scoffs from her bunk, where she's been playing Cytus for the past ten minutes. "That's probably illegal."

"My point still stands." Rose gives Ara a kind smile. "Don't let go of this great chance, Ara, it'll surely do you good."

"I'm getting stressed just thinking about it," Ara confesses. "I don't want to screw over my grades in anticipation of the trip." She wets her lips, wincing when they prickle with pain. "Also, the job is going to take an entire year. I'm really excited now, but I'm afraid that I'll just inflate my standards and give up halfway through."

"Nonsense, I'm sure you'll find reason to stay," Elesis insists. "If all else fails, we'll just pack up Add and send him with you."

Ara winces again. "Yeah, about that…"

The other three girls lean in and listen intensely, waiting for her to drop whatever important news she has.

"I haven't talked to him since the day after our karaoke night," she admits.

Rose's eyes go wide. Aisha gasps out loud. Elesis, ever the drama queen, pretends to faint, and hits the floor with a solid _clonk_. " _No_ ," Aisha gasps.

"Yes," Ara reaffirms. "Guys, it was before midterms. Both of us still have to keep our marks up."

"But midterms have passed!" Elesis exclaims, sitting up straight on the floor with her legs sprawled across the floor. "You gotta talk to him!"

Ara gives her a look. "Do you really think either of us have the guts or the mental willpower to do that?" She deadpans. "Besides, he's got all sorts of co-op things to handle. I'm literally up to my neck in translation work and getting legal stuff together for the Nepal thing."

"The fact that you guys haven't even batted an eye at each other in the past few days is alarming," Rose comments. "You should at least be trying to communicate to maintain your relationship."

"I don't even know if we're in a relationship," Ara groans, letting her head hit her desk with a _thunk_. "I mean, literally everyone on campus knows we're, I dunno, into each other, but it's not like we're fucking in the washrooms by the stadium."

Aisha looks like she's about to choke on a hairball. "I'm sorry?"

Ara waves it off quickly. She's seen more than a few unfortunate cases on campus in her four years here. "My point is, I don't know what we are," she insists.

She drops her pen absentmindedly and sighs. "And I hate that I don't know."

* * *

 _Elesis Sieghart: BOI_

 _Add Grenore: what is it now_

 _Elesis Sieghart: DID YOU KNOW THAT ARA'S GOING TO NEPAL_

 _Elesis Sieghart: SHE'S GONNA BE THERE FOR A YEAR_

 _Add Grenore: oh my god._

 _Elesis Sieghart: GET OFF YOUR ASS AND GO WITH HER_

 _Add Grenore: I CAN'T_

 _Add Grenore: I STILL HAVE CO-OP STUFF_

 _Elesis Sieghart: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH_

* * *

"Ara, you can't go to Nepal."

"I have to go," she says automatically, exhaling softly as Add stands awkwardly nearby with his hands in his pockets. "I'm stuck in a rock and a hard place in terms of career choices, Add. This might just be my only chance left."

He looks nervous, conflicted, even hurt. "You're going for an entire year," he says. "I-I can't—I don't want to lose you."

"You won't lose me, I swear," Ara says, gently. She reaches to fold down the collar of his polo from under his hoodie. "It's only a year. I swear I'll be home before you know it.

"I'm running out of time, Add. I _have_ to go."

Add presses his lips together into a thin line, like he's about to cry or be angry. "You _can't_ ," he mutters. "I won't let you go."

Fire churns in Ara's stomach, and it takes all her willpower. "You can't stop it," she insists, folding her arms tightly over her chest. "I've already done all the paperwork. Miss Lincy's even sent me the plane ticket and taxi ticket stuff. I'm due to leave a week after graduation."

"Are you just gonna leave me, then?" Add snaps, and it takes Ara aback for a second at the sheer ferocity of his voice. "After everything we've done to fight our way to each other?"

She shuts her eyes tight. "I DON'T HAVE ANY OTHER CHOICE!"

They're both silent. Ara feels her chest buckle under the strain of tears, feels the earth threaten to choke out her voice entirely. Tears start to stream down her face. "This is my only chance left," she gasps, blinking away the dark spots. "I'm not an engineer like you. I don't have a world of job opportunities waiting for me. I don't have any other choices."

She throws her bag over her shoulder and runs.

* * *

Rena doesn't even bat an eye when Ara crashes through the doors of the counsellors' lounge in the student centre and flops to the couch, her black-clad form shaking with sobs.

Elesis had warned her about this when she'd told her that Ara was going to Nepal for a year. "They're going to beat themselves up over it," she'd said. "Please help. I'm going to go insane if I have to deal with them both."

Somehow, Rena kind of understands. Raven is living three hours away in Velder, doing police training. She'd cried when he'd left, too, because it felt like her heart was shattering.

She extracts her phone from her pocket, dialling his number like clockwork. He's probably busy at the moment, but lo and behold, he picks up.

" _Rena? What's wrong?_ "

"It's Add and Ara." She grimaces as she looks over Ara's still shaking form. "Elesis warned us about this when she found out Ara was going to Nepal."

" _Why am I not surprised?_ "

"Because we've known them since they were freshmen," Rena says. She pauses for a moment to think. "What did we do before you went to police academy?"

Raven coughs uncomfortably. " _You mean aside from the sex? We went to see_ For the Sleeping Lost _at the movies and then we went to the Hamel Renaissance Faire together._ "

"So you're saying they should probably kiss and make up," Rena sums up. "I don't think that's happening anytime soon."

" _Is Ara crying on the couch in the lounge?_ "

"Yeah." Rena glances over at Ara quickly. She seems to have stopped sobbing, at least, and is now just sniffling from her curled up ball on the couch. "I think they must have fought or something. Ara doesn't look great."

Raven is silent for a second. " _Then we'll just have to let them heal. Make her some hot chocolate or something._ "

"Alright." Rena sighs. "Were we this dumb and in love in our senior year?"

" _We're still this dumb and in love, Rena._ "

"Gotcha." She laughs out loud. "Love you, Raven!"

" _Love you too._ "

Rena blows him a kiss into the phone, and then hangs up.

She sighs again, and then opens the door to her office, entering the lounge. The younger girl is still lying on the couch, her _Ceci n'est pas un cygne_ bag open and spilling books across the floor. "Ara, sweetheart, do you want to move into my office?"

"No," comes the muffled reply.

"I'll make you a warm cocoa, alright?" Rena hums, thinking of her Aunt Lincy, and of her cousin Lua, and of happier family trips in Nepal and Dubai and everywhere in between before school got the better of them.

"No chocolate," Ara murmurs. "Please."

"I'll make you an Earl Grey with milk and sugar, then," Rena amends. "You stay right there. I'll be back in a bit."

As she heads to the mini-kitchen in the back, though, she shoots a text to Elsword, who should be enough to do the same for the obviously grieving Add.

* * *

 _Rena Erindel: Elsword, sweetie?_

 _Rena Erindel: Has Add returned to your dorm yet?_

 _Elsword Sieghart: yeah_

 _Elsword Sieghart: this is about Ara's Nepal thing isn't it_

 _Rena Erindel: Unfortunately, yes._

 _Rena Erindel: I've got Ara here in the counselling room, can you make Add a warm mug of tea and talk to him?_

 _Elsword Sieghart: yeah about that_

 _Elsword Sieghart: I tried tea and he screamed at me so now we're just drinking gatorade out of solo cups_

 _Rena Erindel: As long as he's drinking some fluids._

 _Rena Erindel: Please talk to him, I don't know how badly he and Ara fought but it must have been pretty awful._

 _Rena Erindel: And whatever you do, DO NOT call Chung in for backup._

 _Elsword Sieghart: gotcha_

 _Elsword Sieghart: I really hope they'll be alright_

 _Rena Erindel: We can only pray._

* * *

Rain comes in early May, and Ara puts on an old t-shirt and shorts and stands outside in the rain without an umbrella for hours.

It's cleansing, if anything. She kneels barefoot in the grass, watching how beads of water roll off each blade and onto the dirt below. Her knees are covered in grime from the mud, there are probably bugs crawling over her legs, and her arms are sore from keeping her up, but she continues to kneel there.

Part of her knows she's just being dramatic. This is part where Add comes to her with an umbrella and offers her a warm towel and a kiss, but this is reality, not a k-drama, and besides, Add is literally on the other side of campus. He has schoolwork, and so does she. This isn't a shoujo manga, and as much as they fit the cliche, they aren't the sweet outsider girl and the popular pretty boy.

Ara just wants to stay in the rain and be cleansed.

Aisha's probably screaming at her to go indoors, but Ara is focused on a single raindrop on a blade of grass. The droplet rolls over others and gains mass before just entirely rolling off, snowballing towards its demise.

"Ara!"

The rain above her stops as Elesis runs in with an umbrella. "Oh my god, why are you so _dramatic_ ," Elesis gasps, tossing the umbrella aside as she scoops Ara up like a sack of beans. "C'mon, we're gonna get you indoors with some hot instant noodles and a warm blanket."

Once they are indoors, Aisha and Rose fuss over her like mother hens, peeling off her soaked clothes and drying her hair out. "Ara, you're going to catch a cold at this rate," Rose says, frowning as she tugs a sweater over her head. "I know it hurts, but you need to hold on until the end of the semester."

"Yeah." End of the semester, right. That's when she'll graduate, and go home, and then head to Nepal. "So it's time to do more translation work."

Elesis shakes her head. "We're going to have to stage an intervention at this rate," she insists. "Between your moping and Add's, I think the two of you are going to have to just kiss and make up."

Ara shakes her head. "Not yet," she says. "We're not ready for this. Neither of us are."

The other girls glance at each other. "Alright," Aisha amends, "but you have to promise that you'll cut back on the theatrics. We don't want you to get sick."

"I just need to get this all over with." Ara blinks a few times, letting the raindrops lingering on her eyelashes drop to the ground. Maybe they're tears; she doesn't really care. "I don't want to feel. I just want to get it over with."

* * *

She catches a cold the next day.

Aisha bundles her up in a medical mask from the local pharmacy, along with a black silk scarf and a box of Fisherman's Friend. They make tea over Ara's old kettle and fill a Thermos of it for each of them. Aisha calls Puris and Gloria and Megan to alert them to what's happening, and they each swear to keep Ara indoors.

"You're almost there," she says, smiling brightly. Ara thanks the college deities for her enthusiasm everyday. "Just hang in there, alright?"

"I'll live." Ara coughs lightly against the medical mask, ignoring the fact that a layer of sweat has already formed on her nose bridge. "Thank you, Aisha."

"Just stay alive," she laughs. "You're sick, so I won't beg anything drastic of you, but rest assured that everything is fair game once you recover."

Ara lets out a gentle laugh at that, and gets up, slings her tote bag over her shoulder, goes to class. Goes through the everyday motions, pretends things are going alright.

"I'm not good at being an adult," she'd once told her high school friends, when they asked her why she was so good at being playing housewife. "I'm just good at pretending."

Ara has had to pretend to be a good many things in her life. She's ever the actress, playing the hurt child, the sociable teen, the happy young woman whose hidden melancholy will never be known simply because she's not even the main character in her own story anymore.

"Hey, Ara," Professor Ventus greets her when she steps in his class. "You feeling alright?"

She nods _yes_ , but the word forming on her lips is _no_. Thank goodness she has on the mask and the scarf to hide her torment.

Even so, Professor Ventus doesn't quite seem convinced. Ara knows he's good at reading people's eyes. "Alright, if you say so," he decides. "But if you need time to rest, feel free to take the day off. Finals are coming up in a month, and I'm looking forwards to reading your next stellar paper!"

He seems so lively, just like Aisha. Ara wonders how much of it is genuine, and how much of it is faked, for her sake.

She takes her seat and instinctively reaches into her bag for chocolate. There's a little piece left of the last bar, like it's trying to hold on to what's left.

She eats it anyways.

(It's cold and bittersweet.)

* * *

The things that are tied to him become the things that haunt her.

(Because what Odile doesn't love her Siegfried?)

It happens when she gets her bike out during late May, and even though she can't tell which one is the link he fixed visually, she can feel the subtle difference in the way the chain rolls over the sprocket.

She breaks down by the crockpot in June, after opening it to a fresh pot of beef stew. Aisha returns in the evening to find her calmly eating beef stew out of a solo cup, sitting cross legged on the floor next to said crockpot.

The worst is his hoodie. Ara tucks his purple hoodie into the bottom of her clothes stash, and puts her black sweater dress on top of it, and stacks all her other clothes on top. It barely does anything to mask the faint scent of chocolate, though, rich and smooth, which floods the dorm room and threatens to choke her with tears.

At some point, Ara gives up trying to deny that she is still 100%, completely and utterly in love with Add, if not still sustaining her ridiculous high schooler crush.

It becomes easier to live after that. Things go back to the way they were before karaoke night—just Ara with her sad, sad emotions and immense desire to kiss his stupidly good-looking face. She aches at the lack of his touch, and aches even more when she so much as thinks of him. She sleeps curled up in his hoodie, inhaling the familiar chocolate scent, pretending that instead of soft fabric, it's his arms around her.

At least it makes the wrenching feeling in her chest a bit more bearable.

Forgiveness is harder. She knows they're both dumb, that they're both at fault here, but she can't help but forgive him faster than she forgives herself. Regardless of how the future plays out, Ara knows that she'll never really let go of the events of the past few years. The party. The karaoke night. Everything in between, and everything afterwards. These have been three of the best years of her life, and she wouldn't give the world to lose them.

But time passes without her, and soon Ara finds herself losing her hold on the moments that she holds dearest to her. She loses herself to the schoolwork, to translation work, to correspondences with Miss Lincy, to mourning herself. Three years of laughter go into hiding in the trenches of her memory.

Love, Ara concludes, is awful. It is painful and hurts more than papercuts and sore feet. The way her muscles all go tense when she sees someone with his backpack on campus, the way their stream of texts has frozen, the way she flinches when Aisha braids her hair because _even the slightest touch is painful_ , it all haunts her. She tries to forget it all, to move on if she can, but in her heart of hearts she knows there's part of her that will never truly let go.

Their paths don't cross often, not that they crossed much to begin with. Ara slaps a bright orange hat over her hair when she's outside, avoids his gaze as best as she can, and gets away before he can even (hopefully) notice she's there. She donates her waist-length hair when the annual hair drive comes up, and gets it trimmed to a sleek bob. It's childish, but no matter how much she wants to touch him again, she refuses to let it happen, ducks away and hides from him like shadows from the sunlight.

The group chat with their pet photos goes suspiciously silent, even after Elesis tries valiantly to keep it afloat with a few blurry photos of Emperor. Ara goes through all the photos one last time, saves every photo with Add in it, and quietly leaves the chat entirely. It creates a void in her texts. She doesn't care. Her phone is running out of memory space. She still doesn't care.

Ara takes a few days off in June to visit her parents, and even then, it hurts. She smiles when she can and when she must, and humours her parents when they ask her how she's been. They're not convinced; neither is she, if she's honest with herself. She asks Mama if it hurt like this when she was her age. Mama's answer is a kiss to the forehead and the eyes of a woman who has seen pain.

She listens to all the sappy drama soundtracks again, watches all the iconic moments even though all it does it fill her with jealousy. She craves the sound of his laughter with every note she takes, every word she writes. A few times she makes Aisha buy her more chocolate, to the point where her unfortunate roommate thinks it's borderline unhealthy.

 _I just have to make it through this semester_ , Ara thinks almost desperately. _Then I'll go to Nepal and forget all of this. I don't need to have something like this hold me down._

She almost sobs with relief when the TAs start handing out exam timetables. Finally she'll have something to take her mind off the pain.

At this rate, she'll be numb to it all before she even graduates.

* * *

 **A/N: i can assure you that the worst part is the last section, pining is a kind of personal hell i don't wish upon anyone**

 **notes:**

 **\- all the info about silphium is real! it was basically the panacea of plants, and went extinct from human exploitation. i rant about it a lot**

 **\- all the floriography is also real, including the potato thing.**

 **\- in this AU, Rena's mum (Lilia) is the elder sister of Ventus and Lincy, and Lua is Lincy's daughter, which is in line with Rena and Lua being cousins in canon**

 **\- Fisherman's Friend is really good for sore throats. i'm not being paid to say this i just use their products frequently because i am a choir soprano**

 **\- papercuts are the actual worst**

 **~Marg**


	11. Recollections, Part 2

Ara drops her pen and sighs in relief as the TA announces the end of the exam—her last exam.

She's finally free. Finals are over, thank god, and she expects to sleep for eighty two years after this. Her hands are sore, there's a callous on her ring finger, and her eyes are practically flickering shut from exhaustion, but by god she's survived.

A TA comes to pick up her paper while she massages out her sore hand and caps her tormented pen. For a moment, she thinks that she'll need to buy more refills, but then she remembers that she no longer needs to—it's not like she has any more exams to do.

She picks up her bag and phone at the door, as Professor Ventus gives her a bright grin and a playful wink. "Congratulations, Ara," he tells her, shaking her hand. "Now all you need to worry about is jet lag and my sister."

"I'm not scared of Miss Lincy," Ara scoffs, slinging the bag strap over her shoulder. "She's been sending me photos of Nepali food because Lua won't let her send them to her."

"Yeah, that sounds about right." Professor Ventus claps her on the shoulder. "Well, then, good luck! I'm sure your paper will be great."

"I'm not going out without a bang," she agrees, giving him a thumbs up before stepping out of the building.

All around her, her classmates are chattering loudly and excitedly. "Oh my god, Ara, we're free!" Squeals Gloria, grasping her hands and dancing around. "Can you believe it? We just survived! Our last exam!"

"I know, right?" Ara laughs, as their circle grows to include Massimo, and Puris, and David and Megan, and Hugo and Apple and just about everyone else. "We're free!"

This is the first time Ara has ever truly felt at home with her classmates, but as they run around in their circle and clog up the hallway and kneel down for a class selfie, she finally feels like they've become a family to her as well.

 _It's the end of the line_ , she thinks, _but I've finally found what I'm looking for._

* * *

Exam review day ends with a bang. After their last exam, Ara somehow got everyone's number, and through a little creative coordination, they've teamed up to buy Professor Ventus a huge ice cream cake and a new laptop of better quality. They sneak into class and set up a surprise party before he can come in, and Ara gladly helps with taping streamers and a Shrek piñata to the ceiling.

"Oh my god," Professor Ventus laughs when they burst at him with confetti and more streamers, "I'll miss you bunch. The next year down is _booooring_."

They all have a hooting good time as they split the cake and present Professor Ventus with his new computer. Ara is voted as the one to give it to him, and honestly? She carries out her duty with a pound of pride and only a shred of dignity, practically breaking down into tears as she places the box in his hands.

The resulting class hug is nice, though.

To absolutely no one's surprise, they all passed the exam, which means they'll all be graduating. Professor Ventus doesn't even bother handing back the paper, mostly because he has a slice of cake and a fork in his hands and no way to get back to his desk. "What's with Shrek dangling from the ceiling?" He asks, squinting upwards.

"You said your favourite colour is green," Massimo says unapologetically. "This was the only green piñata we could find."

They all stand back as Puris hands the professor her favourite baseball bat, and watch as he batters it into oblivion. The piñata goes flying skywards, hits the ceiling, and crashes back down, snapping the string in the process. Professor Ventus jumps on it and smashes it open.

(The next time Ara watches Shrek, she has to excuse herself to laugh at the sheer thought of his head splitting open to reveal a stream of candy.)

"Anyways, exam review day over, go find your friends and rejoice," Professor Ventus declares when his phone starts beeping. "I need to get home and catch up on lost sleep, and you probably need to as well. Don't forget to tell HR if you're going to the graduation parade, and remember to clean out your dorms, yada yada yada. Just go." His eyes twinkle. "I'm proud of you all."

Ara gives him a small salute as she goes out the door. "See you at grad parade, Professor!"

"Tell Lincy I said hi!" He yells in reply, saluting her right back.

As per tradition for their friend group, Ara goes to meet the others at the student centre. It's not a long walk, ten minutes at most, but with the sun beating down, Ara has to stop a few times to tie her hair back up.

A flash of purple passes in front of her, and Ara freezes as Add goes still on the other side of the road, gaze locked on each other. Ara curses herself mentally, because in the end he's still part of their friend group, and she should have seen this coming, she should have known not to just go to the student centre and now she's going to have to talk to him.

Nothing about that is particularly bad, though. She smiles, waves, and lets out the breath she'd been holding when he mirrors her actions.

"Hey," she says after crossing the road. "How'd you do on your exams?"

"Pretty good, to be honest." He grins at her, and even though she can see the nervous energy in his eyes, it's still enough to make her weak in the knees. "Are you heading to Rena's office?"

"Oh, is that where the squad's meeting this semester?" She says. "I haven't checked the group chat lately."

"Can't blame you, Rena sent out the text this morning at six." He shrugs. "Probably because Raven showed up at her apartment at six this morning."

"Wow. The squad's all getting together."

They walk in silence among the chattering of other students around them. Add's hand brushes past Ara's, and for just a moment, she's tempted to grab his hand and never let it go, but that would be weird, right?

Their hands skim together again, and like clockwork, their fingers slot together until they're walking hand in hand once more, like the past semester never happened.

Ara relaxes, and feels Add do the same next to her.

The moment Ara pushes open the door to the counsellors' lounge, their hands separate, for three reasons:

Firstly, it would be weird for everyone to see that they're suddenly together again, after the past tumultuous semester.

Secondly, people such as Elesis, Rena and Aisha would have a heart attack, which would suck on a happy day like this.

And finally, Ain is currently barrelling out of the room, so they quickly move apart to give him space to escape.

"What the fuck is happening in here?" Add asks, poking his head into the lounge. Lu is standing on the couch with a flowerpot in one hand and an uprooted lavender plant in the other. "Woah, woah, woah, calm down, you gremlin!"

"Who are you calling gremlin?" Lu snaps, and Add wisely shuts his mouth.

Rena is nervously patting Lu's back, shaking her head softly. "Ain insulted her height," she sighs. Ara winces, and silently thanks every Vedic deity she knows that Laby isn't here yet. "Which, I understand is angering, but Lu, sweetie, it's no reason to threaten to throw my poor lavender plant at him."

"If he thinks he's such a tall cool kid, he can go suck my brothe— "

"AND that's where I draw the line," Ara says quickly, rushing in to remove Lu from the couch. Add takes the plant off her hands and goes to place it back on the shelf. "You are a freshman and I am graduating in less than a week and I am reminding you to _calm down_."

Lu just huffs and sits down with her arms crossed. Ara gives her a lollipop from the spoils of Shrek.

"Do I get a lollipop too?" Add asks, and without missing a beat, Ara rolls her eyes and extracts another one from her pocket, ripping off the wrapper smoothly and sticking the candy in his mouth. It shuts him up effectively, which puts a smirk on her face.

She turns around. Ain has somehow made his way back into the room, while the lavender plant has made its way to the top of his head. Lu crunches her lollipop innocently. Elesis looks like she's having a field day. Rose and Aisha look rather pained. Rena looks like she's about to cry. Raven is quietly sipping tea out of Rena's favourite mug.

The only person talking is Elsword, who guffaws out loud and points his hands towards the epicentre of the bickering. "Nice aim, Lu," he says, as Ain tries to shake the excess soil from his hair. "Didn't know you liked playing _dirt_ y."

Elesis and Rena move to smack him in the back of the head at the same time. Ara looks at Add, who smiles around the lollipop, and laughs out loud.

* * *

"So," Add says.

This is almost tragically like the day Ara asked Add to repair her crockpot. They're sitting on the steps to a library, albeit a different library this time, eating lunch that Rena packed for them before bundling them all out of the counsellors' lounge so she could actually do her job. Add has a bagel sandwich again, but Rena knows he doesn't like tomatoes, so there's nothing to pluck out.

"So," Ara repeats, blindly, numbly. There's so much she should be saying, but every possible combination of words escapes her, and she just sits there staring at her burrito.

"We should talk."

That, they most certainly should. Ara nibbles the rolled up ham inside the burrito, trying to formulate a proper sentence. The tension between them is thick enough that Ara could probably cut it with her nails, and she hates it.

She knows she can't keep doing this, running away from her problems and pretending they don't exist. She could be happy. He could be happy. They could be happy together, and that happiness is only a few words away, but no matter how great the reward, it's not going to be easy.

"This is going to be massively awkward, isn't it," Add chuckles, dropping off into a sigh. "But it's gonna eat us both alive if we don't deal with it."

Ara smiles weakly. "We were never good at dealing with things the right way. Now's a good time to be getting into better habits, I guess."

They continue to eat their lunches in silence. The world bustles around them, other students excited to be free for the summer, but they're locked in a little cocoon of their own. "We can take it slow if you need time to think," Ara says quietly. "We're free for the summer, right? Your co-op stuff doesn't start back up until September."

"Yeah." Add smiles at her gently. His cheeks are packed with bagel sandwich. He looks like a chipmunk. "We can take it slow."

More silence. Ara watches Elesis and Rose stroll leisurely on the other side of the road. They look really happy the way they are, the former excitedly explaining something while the latter nods in understanding and steers her away from the road. She wishes love could be as easy as that for her and Add.

She sighs. It's now or never. "I'm sorry."

Add doesn't really move in response. Ara glares at her burrito like it'll give her words. "I'm sorry about not telling you about Nepal ahead of time," she enunciates, trying to sound like she's not forcing out each word, but she kind of is—not because of him, but because of herself. "And I shouldn't have snapped at you when I told you anyways."

Her eyesight blurs with tears. "And I'm sorry I stopped talking to you after midterms. It wasn't fair of me to just cut you off like that."

"Hey, don't cry," Add says shakily, and Ara looks up to find him shrinking into his seat as he puts a hand on her shoulder. "I haven't gotten to apologize for my half—my problems yet."

He sighs, like he's steeling himself for what's about to come. "I was a bitch about you going to Nepal," he says. "I'm sorry for freaking out on you about it. I forgot that Sanskrit studies isn't nearly as easy a field to stay in as engineering. You deserve to take that kind of once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and I shouldn't be the one to keep you away from it."

Over the past two and a half years, Ara has gotten to know Add pretty well. She knows he's quite a bit of a perfectionist, and she knows just how hard it is for him to admit to his mistakes without trying to cover them up or fix them without telling anyone else. She knows she has her own flaws, and how when they put those flaws together, catastrophic things can happen.

(The last semester being their case in point.)

But Ara also knows they're capable of so much together. Sure, Nepal has put a dent in their plans, and they've probably got very different ideas of what their future should hold, but they'll make it work.

Ara has seen relationships that didn't work out. She's seen her friends go through toxic relationships, and she's seen them exhaust each other and force themselves apart. Being with Add only fills her with energy, and she knows what they share isn't toxic - it's healing, or at least it is to her. They just need to talk things out.

"God, I'm awful at this," Add says, suddenly startling her out of her thoughts. "Do you have a tissue?"

 _Oh,_ Ara thinks, _he's crying too._ At the very least, there are tears in his eyes. After all, dealing with emotional strain like this has never been either of their strong points. "Hey, you told me not to cry," she says, two parts watery voice and one part struggling to not smile, "so you can't cry either, okay?"

"Easier said than done," he says, picking up her hand. His fingers are familiar, calloused, warm. He is realer than life. Ara finally, finally exhales in his presence. He feels like _home_.

Add kisses her hand, rubs circles into her palm, lets his breath ghost over her skin as the pouring rain in her chest starts to quell. "I'm glad," he says, "to have you with me again."

His lips skim against her fingertips. "I'm so, _so_ glad."

"Me too," Ara says quietly. "Me too."

The campus fades into background noise. All that is left to exist is Ara and Add, and the quiet way that they sit together on the stairs. Ara puts her head on Add's shoulder, and exhales softly as he squeezes her hand gently in response.

It's not perfect, but Ara likes it nonetheless.

* * *

("Can you forgive me?"

"I think I forgave you a long time ago," is the response. "I still have to forgive myself."

"I'd never hold it against you." A kiss to the temple; their fingers fit together like clockwork gears once more. "We can learn to forgive ourselves together."

"Together.")

* * *

Ara cancels on the final Friday afternoon coffee date of the year, letting the other girls go ahead without her. Elesis sends her several winking and kissy-face emojis. She replies with a single knife, punctuated with a period, which is apparently terrifying enough that Aisha has to ask her what she's doing and why Elesis is sipping her latte in silent terror. She laughs and shows Add, who also laughs.

It's not entirely warm outside today, just a comfortable temperature with a light breeze, so Ara slips into comfortable jean shorts and a black t-shirt. She wakes up early to make a run to the grocery store, and comes back with bread and deli meats for sandwiches, along with grapes and apples, and juice boxes, which she packs into her now (almost) empty _Ceci n'est pas une cygne_ bag.

Add rolls down the window as they drive towards the Hamel waterfront. Ara takes off her orange hat and lets her cropped hair fly in the breeze, even though she has to constantly push it out of her face. The city sights roll by—the mall, the movie theatre, the museum, the bookstore that they're going to later this afternoon. The radio is playing old-school Taylor Swift. Ara sings along when she knows the lyrics.

Thankfully, the campus isn't far from the waterfront, and they find a parking spot easily too. Ara shoulders her bag as Add pops open the trunk to bring out the waterproof picnic blanket that Ara knows he has in there. They find a relatively shady tree, spread the picnic blanket, and sit down to clink their juice boxes together for a toast.

"Cheers to whatever this is," Add says, with the air of a sports commentator, "and may our lives be filled with joy and other kinds of bullshit that don't actually exist."

Ara snorts as she takes a sip of juice (apple and white grape blend). "Love doesn't exist, eat a shovel of zamboni snow," she says, which startles a laugh and a cough out of Add. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Add wheezes. "Didn't expect to inhale apple juice for a second there."

The waves wash over the docks, sparkling in the midday sun. Ara opens her canvas bag and takes out two sandwiches, handing one to Add and sticking the other in her mouth. "Thank you," Add says. His cheeks are packed like a chipmunk. It's kinda funny.

Everything is calm. The laughter of children echoes through the harbourfront like bells, accompanied by the chatter of seagulls and faraway waves. Even though the harbourfront is the heart of downtown Hamel, the city seems so far away in comparison; Ara can barely hear the usual roar of the cars as she pops a grape in her mouth and throws one at a nearby chipmunk.

"You're not supposed to feed the animals," Add teases. "They'll just keep coming back for more."

He runs his hands through her hair gently, and she knows it's different because the pace is so much faster. Her hair slips through his fingers like sand in an hourglass, no longer long enough to be plaited down her back like a woodland princess. Instead, he dances a lock of it through his hands, passing it back and forth until it forms a tiny braid down the back of her head.

"I saw you getting your haircut on donation day," he says.

"Oh."

"Looked away at the moment they cut it," he admits. "I think Elesis was filming you? And then they took your braid and put it in a box. I dunno. Didn't see the box."

Ara thinks of his perspective of the event for a second. While she felt nothing as her hair was severed, he must have been in emotional pain to the point of looking away. Add, who watched his mother lose all her hair, and then had to turn around and see her selfishly cut hers off, too. Her heart wrenches.

"I'm glad you did it."

She looks up, and he's smiling brightly. "I'm glad you donated your hair," he repeats, softer this time. "I know it got painful for me after a while."

They sit in restful silence once more, watching the wind whisper through the nearby flowers and blow Ara's hair across her face. She plucks up a single grape and bites it in half. It doesn't really taste like a grape anymore, and it's kinda soggy. She eats it anyways.

It was in their mutual, unspoken understanding that this adventure downtown is going to be _quiet_ , on both ends. Ara just hadn't expected it to hit so quickly, nor so painfully.

She remembers the days of walking around on campus, accidentally catching his gaze, averting her eyes and running, _running_ before the moment can catch up to her. She remembers buying that dumb orange hat from Claire's to hide herself and regretting it everyday because it was just a bit too tight. She remembers all the sleepless nights and blaming it on the coffee she drank from studying for finals instead of the empty ache in her chest.

Ara remembers all that, and wonders if he felt it too. She remembers, and decides she likes this awkward pain better than the emotional hurricane from literally a week ago.

"Y'know," she says, "a year from now, it'll be long enough to braid again. My hair grows pretty quickly."

Add smiles, and she thinks she can see a bit of the happiness from before return to his eyes. "I think I'd like that."

They don't even have to go to the bookstore, but they do, because both of them are nerds even though their reading lists are entirely different and Ara is determined to introduce Add to the horrors of modern children's fiction. She crams the last of a sandwich in her mouth before tossing her hat back on and packing things up. Together, they match the opposite ends of the picnic blanket and fold it back up before tossing it in the back trunk.

The bookstore has been family-owned and -run since its foundation a hundred years ago, in what used to be a bank. It has three floors and stocks everything from textbooks to picture books to ancient, leather-bound tomes. It smells like old paper and warm coffee with cinnamon rolls—the optimal bookstore smell, in Ara's opinion.

"This is the _Codex Seraphinianus_ ," Add says, hefting a massive book off a shelf. While it's not a straight up grimoire, it's still dusty and old, and has an odd pattern on the cover that resembles some kind of text. "By Luigi Serafini. It's a bit of a fantasy encyclopedia, of sorts. Kinda like the Voynich Manuscript."

"Is it in code?" Ara ponders, running her fingers over the engravings in the leather. "Or maybe some language?"

He shakes his head. "It's like automatic writing, or maybe like glossolalia," he says. "The author said so himself. Let's find a place to sit or something. I get the feeling you'll want to sit down when we go through it."

His estimate turns out to be right. Ara cracks open the book and the literal first page is a picture of a woman and man fusing into a crocodile. "Terrifying," she declares weakly as she falls back into the massive plush beanbag. It's more than large enough to fit the both of them. "Is the entire book like this?"

"It gets better," Add says, and then thinks better of it. "Or worse, depending on who you ask."

They go through infinitely multiplying chickens, and trees that turn into avocados and move around, and an endless snake that has no head or tail, and an entire section on fantasy machines, and by the time Add quietly explains the impossibilities of the odd suits, Ara is falling asleep on his shoulder with his arm wrapped protectively around her waist. It's warm but not too warm, and there's none of the sore prickling feeling that came with their awkward hug after she gave him the witch hazel. She feels protected. She feels loved.

She has a week left. It's a week she intends to spend like this, every day.

* * *

Graduation sneaks up all too quickly, and Ara finds it hard to focus on Mama's phone calls and emails from student resources when she's still combing through her things in her dorm room, trying to figure out how to best pack her clothes into a single suitcase.

Eventually, she caves in and opens another one. Even though she'll only be bringing one suitcase of clothes to Nepal, she can always send the rest of it home with Mama and Baba and Aren when they come for her graduation ceremony. She's already made arrangements with them, to tell them she'll be spending her last few days before Nepal in Hamel. Mama is a little upset at first, but Ara promises to spend the entire day of graduation with them, and it's a compromise they can both accept.

For now, though, she's content to just sift through her drawers and closet, extracting clothes and past papers and everything in between. She plucks a single loose sock out of her bra bin and wonders how it got there, and where its twin is, and why there's a slip of paper poking out the worn-out toe. She tosses the sock in the trash (she can't patch it anyhow) and reads the paper. It's a fortune cookie slip, and reads _accept your past without regrets, handle your present with confidence, and face your future without fear_. She can't help but bark out a laugh.

There's a knock at the door, hesitant and yet confident in its rhythm. "Door's unlocked, come in," she calls, tossing the fortune cookie message into the trash pile.

Add slips through the door with all the delicacy of a man who is scared to see what is beyond the light at the end of the tunnel. "I honestly don't know what I was expecting when I came here," he admits, stepping around the trash pile and plonking himself down on the floor next to Ara, "but I'm not too surprised."

"Messy for your tastes?" Ara quips, pressing a kiss to his jawline before turning back to her dresser. "Or cleaner?"

"... Colourful," he replies, after a moment of contemplation. "Messier than my room, but that's because I'm a neat freak."

"It's not a bad thing. Oh hey, aren't these Elesis's suspenders?" She tugs a package out of the bra bin, which had been concealed under some sports bra she hasn't worn since high school. "Pfft. Okay, these are definitely Elesis's missing suspenders," she says, untangling them from the packaging. They're dark red and buckle smartly at the belt. "I remember she used to wear these with shorts and a crop top over the summers in high school. Even just two years ago, I think."

Add leans back and flomps onto the carpet at the foot of the dresser. It's plush enough to cushion his fall, but Ara winces nonetheless. "Do you think," he says, "it would give her a heart attack if we gave those to Rose?"

"Oh my god, yes, a hundred percent."

He helps her clean out the closet, and they process everything easily after that. Ara dumps the entirety of her panties bin in her suitcase before Add can see all the dumb Christmas puns on them. In her defense, she practically bought them in bulk on Boxing Day. She pulls on a random pair of knee-length socks that she finds at the back of her shirt drawer to distract him from one that says _All my JINGLE ladies_. "Are you not burning up?" Add asks, making a face. "It's, like, thirty degrees outside."

"There are very few gods I fear," she replies, "and heat is not one of them."

Add shudders. "Alright, cease and desist, that was a raw-ass line and I hope you never say anything as terrifying as it ever again."

"Plus, it's gonna be cold on the plane," she mumbles. "And I don't know what it's gonna be like in Nepal."

"Dress in layers for the plane," Add says. "I remember one year my mom and I flew to visit her family in Belgium, and I didn't wear enough on the way there so I ended up catching a cold. It was warm in Belgium, but I was miserable."

It's easy to put together an outfit for the plane ride when all of Ara's clothes are laid out in clumps on the floor. As Ara folds the pieces she doesn't want to bring along, Add neatly tucks those that she does into her suitcase, making use of every last bit of space with practiced ease. They laugh together as Ara reaches into the pocket of her ski parka and finds a fine pink sand that might have once been a candy cane.

As soon as the floor is cleared and her clothes are now sitting packed clearly into the two suitcases, Ara flops over onto the suitcase and dares to exhale. "Remind me," she says weakly, "to stop buying black t-shirts. I swear I've seen upwards of _sixty_ black t-shirts today."

"Half of them were from school events," Add reminds her, not unkindly, as he tosses himself next to her on the other half of the suitcase. "I've got tons too. You'd think the school would hand out blue t-shirts, or white t-shirts, since those are our theme colours, but _noooo_ , it just _has_ _to_ be black."

"That's a problem we should get the juniors to address," she agrees. "Black t-shirts are cool, but they really don't fit the school colours."

Something skims past her face. Ara is pleasantly surprised, when she turns around, to find that it's Add's hand, gently feeling the landscape of her face. He pokes her dimples when she smiles at him. "Hey."

"Hey," she responds.

"I have an idea." He pauses for a second, as if unsure as to how to proceed; Ara just smiles brighter. "What if we send each other letters while you're in Nepal? I mean, like in the old days, when you had to wait for ages to send a letter to your beloved and even longer to receive a reply—"

"—It gives you something to look forward to," Ara finishes. "I love the idea."

To punctuate her point, she rolls over to kiss the tip of his nose, once. It feels childish, but fitting for a timeless moment like this. Add, bathed in the morning sunlight that's escaped the shadow of the bunk bed, all flustered from suggesting what might just have been the most romantic idea ever, eyes fond and caring.

What did she do to deserve this bliss?

* * *

Aisha's gone to live with Eve in her dorm for the week, because Ara needs space to clean out her half of their room. Their continued friendship, even after their messy breakup, astounds Ara, who has watched Puris cut off contact completely with at least two people because of how their relationship ended. Of course, this may be cemented by the fact that Elsword and Chung have basically moved in with them as well, the four of them occupying the two interconnecting rooms since Eve's former roommate has just graduated.

In the meantime, Ara isn't about to sleep in her bunk, no matter how many memories it holds for her. All her plush toys are all packed up in their boxes, and the bed feels empty regardless of how cute the woodland-print sheets are. The room feels cold without all the things that once made it lively. So she moves.

Ara wakes up swathed in purple. She blinks a few times, wondering if she's still stuck in a dream, before realizing that it's just Add's hoodie, and she's cocooned herself into it, the drawstrings tight at her collarbones. She's got on some random pair of pajama pants that look like they're flamingo-patterned. There's something warm cradled just at the base of her stomach, and for a moment Ara is very confused, because she's sure she packed away all her plush animals.

Upon second look, it's not a plush animal, it's Add's arms, wrapped gently around her middle. One of his hands is even in the hoodie pocket. Ara can't help but smile, and flushes every so lightly when she realizes that they're _spooning_. The concept is so very foreign to her that she doesn't quite know how to react to it.

From the corner of her vision, she can see Add's face, serene in sleep, the harsh lines from scowling at his coursework erased in the tranquility of the moment. Light from between the blinds filters in, landing in the pretty shadows of Add's witch hazel and Ara's rock rose on their skin. Ara decides that this is her favourite view of Add: dappled in sunlight, like the radiant, beautiful boy he is.

She tries to shift in his arms, to turn and look at him, study his every feature, but he wakes up as she's moving, and smiles. "Good morning," he says. "I didn't kick you, did I?"

"Not at all." She smiles back and settles into a comfortable position, nestled in his arms. "This feels very familiar."

"It's like deja vu," he says, and laughs softly as she flicks him in the nose.

They've made plans for today, since it's finally a weekend and downtown parking doesn't cost nearly as much on weekends. Ara finds an old black skater skirt and pairs it with a whimsical white lace top. It's comfortable and perfect for a stroll together indoors, which is exactly what they intend to do.

The Royal Hamel Museum is a work of architectural wonder (Ara's been told this separately by Aisha and Rose on at least six occasions each) and home to the second biggest collection of Elrian as well as international artifacts in Elrios (second only to the National Museum in Elrianode). Ara has only been here once before, and that was with Elesis when she insisted on seeing an exhibit on some newly excavated dinosaur species. This time, there's a special exhibit on the designs of Christian Dior.

If there's one thing Ara hadn't expected to find in common with Add, it's their mutual love of classic high fashion. Bitching about modern "high" fashion is one thing, but appreciating the classics is a whole other. Ara has liked high fashion for as long as she can remember; Add picked it up from his mom only recently. They spent a whole hour the other day discussing the evolution of Yves St. Laurent before Add suddenly remembered the exhibit, and asked her if she wanted to take the day to explore the museum instead.

So now here they are, standing in the beautiful spiralling building that houses all the artifacts. These two quarters of the museum, as Aisha has explained enthusiastically so many times, exhibit impressive chirality, spinning in opposite directions and yet being completely identical in their construction otherwise. The rest is housed in the old building, which has more of the white marble-bank feeling that most buildings in downtown Hamel have.

Nonetheless, it's still impressive to look at. Ara lets Add guide her by the hand to the ticket kiosk as she looks up to the second floor, then the third, and the fourth, and the fifth. "Wow," she manages.

"Eyes on the road," Add says, "I really don't want you to trip and fall."

She peels her gaze away from the endless ceiling just in time to tuck herself into a tiny space in the elevator next to him. "How many times have you been here?" he asks quietly, as so to not wake up the twins in the stroller next to them.

"Once," she whispers, "and it was because of Elesis."

Their stop is the fourth floor; everyone floods out of the elevator, allowing Ara and Add to quietly follow them into the exhibit. Some poor museum staff member scans their tickets—Ara's fairly certain the poor guy is a student at UoWF. The room is overall dim, but she can see the lights twinkle like bright stars where it matters. There's a projector beaming out a movie in a corner, and a bright red replica of a dress in a display next to it. Dresses on mannequins line the centre of the room, each timeless in its design.

It's a fashion geek's paradise. Ara couldn't be happier, and she knows Add is too, because he squeezes her hand and grins so brightly when she turns to look at him.

They spend the morning taking photos of each dress, and wasting Polaroid film from Ara's camera (thank god she had the sense to order more online over the winter break) to take dumb selfies. They pour over the electronic displays and _ooh_ and _aah_ at the amount of fabric involved. They chatter quietly about the different _ateliers_ , and how Dior's attention to detail has kept these timeless pieces fashionable to this day.

"What's that one Yves St. Laurent quote," Add murmurs, looking over a refined and elegant little black dress that gives Ara goosebumps, " _fashion comes and goes, style is forever?_ "

"Something like that," Ara agrees, tapping the display to see all the layers and fabrics and sketches. "Style lasts forever. It could be the year 2301 for all I care, and i think a little black dress like this would still be entirely in fashion."

Add makes an odd noise, like he's swallowing down a laugh and trying not to let it escape. "I wonder what you'd look like in a little black dress," he muses. "Beautiful, yes, that's a given. But I wonder what kind of tone you'd bring to it."

"You flatter me, my dear," Ara says, quickly pressing a kiss to his cheek where she can reach it.

Lunch for the two of them is mostly soup from the café in the basement, although they do get a serving of rich, gooey macaroni and cheese to split between the two of them. Ara tries to pay and is tickled until she sits down wheezing so Add can run off to pay for the both of them. It's a dirty move that she's going to have to turn on him one of these days when she gets back.

Right. She's going away. Suddenly the meteor finally strikes home; suddenly, the bee finally stings her; suddenly, the world finally toppled onto its side and cracks. She has to leave. She's going to Nepal in literally three days.

But that's an issue for the Ara three days from now. The Ara of right now takes Add's hand as they wander through the museum, laughing at dumb fossils and taxidermied rhinos and bad English pottery. They get the chance to hold a live snake (Add chickens out at the last second because he's a scaredy-cat) and the museum staff don't mind when they complete a scavenger hunt meant for children to obtain Komodo dragon pins. Ara pins hers to the waistband of her skirt while Add pins his to his lapel.

"Oh hey, this one is the same colour as your hair," Add says, tugging Ara lightly to bring her over to a well-cut jet gem. The precious stones exhibit, however small and dim it may seem, is the perfect place for the two of them to linger and point out all the colours brought to life by the blinding white lights. "This stuff is supposed to be made from trees."

"Diamonds are too, in a way," Ara says. "I mean, super-compressed carbon, right?"

"I'm really not sure that's how it works," Add mumbles, and Ara can't help but laugh out loud.

The ambient buzz of the lights and the chatter of children outside fade into the background. Here, alone in the precious stones gallery, there is no one except Ara and Add and the light that brings them together. It's peaceful. Ara raises a hand, and Add immediately meets it with his own, interlocking their fingers once again.

"Hey," Ara says, and kisses him chastely, once, on the lips.

A lot of words go into that one moment of contact, but the gallery remains blissfully silent.

* * *

Ara's graduation robes and hat finally arrive in the mail just the day before grad. She and Add get a great laugh out of putting on the cap in turn and decorating it. Ara finds it fitting to line the top in black construction paper and pencil in white outlines of tessellating black swans. Add helps by sticking on shimmering rhinestones from the dollar store to be "eyes".

It's going to be a big day. There aren't any clouds, and the sky is blindingly blue where it really shouldn't be, because photography is going to be a pain with all this light. Ara puts on a touch of makeup just for the event, even though she knows it will get absolutely disgusting to clean off later when she inevitably cries her eyes out. Out of their group of fourth years, Add is the only one graduating next year because his program is co-op; Ara, Elesis, Rose and Ain have donned their robes and are waiting in Rena's office as the younger kids sit around them, jittery in anticipation.

The first of their parents to show up turns out to be the Siegharts, naturally. Mrs. Sieghart coos at each of them individually as Elesis and Elsword turn as red as their hair and try to hide themselves behind their dad. Mr. Sieghart just laughs and claps one hand on Rose's shoulder and the other on Chung's back, grinning at them as his wife goes around terrorizing all the kids.

The next is Ain's grandmother, and more surprisingly, his mother, Dr. Ishmael, who travelled here all the way from Germany to see her son graduate. It's very rare to see the normally invisible Ain so _jubilant_ as he embraces his mother and his graduation cap goes flying. She's brought them all German snacks—healthy ones, of course.

Then the door opens just a crack, and in walks in what must be Rose's parents, in elegant attire and confident stride. They speak little Elrian English, but that's okay, because Ara and Rose and Aisha are all ready to translate at a moment's notice. They hug Elesis and kiss her parents on both cheeks, leaving them all flustered, before going around the room asking for everyone's name and conversing to the best of their ability.

Add grips Ara's hand tightly when she starts to get restless. She's sent her texts, but Mama and Baba haven't responded in nearly half an hour, and she's starting to get worried. "They'll be here soon," he assures her, although his eyes betray a layer of fear she didn't know he had. Ara realizes with a jolt that he's never met her parents before, and mentally begins to steel herself for an awkward introduction. "They're probably just stuck in traffic."

So Ara lets herself relax, laughing as Elesis shows Rose's _Maman_ a picture of her with the massive teddy bear, and Rena exposes everyone's dietary sins to Dr. Ishmael, and Mr. Sieghart pulls out all the stops on his opera voice. Professor Gaia drops in to introduce himself to "all of Laby's good friends" and practically manages to shake Ara's hand off. The office burbles with life, shining brighter than the rest of the cheer across campus combined.

Then it simmers down, and the door jingles open once more, and Ara is up and on her feet as Mama rushes through the people to hold her tight. Baba is right behind her, saying his hellos and introducing himself to the other parents, but he eventually comes to squeeze her in a tight hug as well. There's a hushed murmur through the room as Aren follows them in, smiles bashfully, fistbumps the Sieghart siblings, and joins the hug pile, but Ara couldn't care less. She has her family all here. Things are good.

"Oh, Ara, you look so adorable with your hair short," Mama says excitedly, fluffing up her hair around her shoulders. "And your graduation cap! I love the pattern you've put on it!"

Aren clears his throat briefly. "Oh yeah, Ara," he drawls, "you won't believe who we bumped into on the way here."

A moment of relative quiet, as the door brushes against Rena's antique bell a final time, and then:

"Mom?" Add whispers.

Sure enough, the woman that walks through— _no_ , Ara thinks, _waltzes through_ —is decked in white and pale lavender and dark indigo. Her barely chin length white hair, still growing out, mirrors Ara's cropped hair. "Hello, everyone," she says, with a voice full of warmness, before she zeroes in on Add. "Edward!"

As Add falls to his mom's fussing, Ara sits in shell-shocked silence while Aren and Elesis cackle in glee. "Dude," Elesis says, slapping Aren on the back, "you sure you didn't break her?"

"Nah, she'll live. She's been through worse." Aren turns to smile at Rose, who's just watching in equally shocked silence at this point. "And this must be the _gorgeous, lovely, perfect, angelic_ Rose that Elesis has literally written poetry about."

Rose makes a very small, yet fond noise. "Ellie, you've written _poetry_ about me?"

"Sue me, you're a fantastic muse!"

In the midst of the chaos, Ara finds herself being passed around like a newborn baby between conversations, floating in and out with her own words before blinking and dropping into a different one. She hears clips of Aren teasing Elsword and Chung and Elesis getting flustered speaking to Rose's parents before she finds herself next to Add's mom.

She scrambles for words for a second, even though she knows that her parents are probably off somewhere interrogating Add all the same. "Um, hello, Miss, uh…"

"Just call me Grace," she says pleasantly. She has soft dimples when she smiles. "Thank you for the witch hazel, Ara. It was a lovely gift. I really appreciated it."

"You're welcome." Ara tries her best to breathe, to put a stable composure, to not break down in front of Add's mother. "It's just, uh, my aunt is a breast cancer survivor, so I thought it might help you to have something to help with the radiation therapy. I know it doesn't help everyone, but..."

"I'm very touched that you kept me in your thoughts." Add's mom clasps Ara's hand in hers; Ara can feel the rough skin around her fingers, still recovering from chemo. "I just really wanted to thank you for your kindness, Ara. I know Edward can say hurtful things sometimes because he doesn't think before he speaks, but lately he's gotten much better, and I think it's because of you."

Ara offers her own small smile. "No, Miss Grace," she says sincerely, "I'm no miracle worker. It's the experiences that really shape us."

This is met with a (what else?) graceful laugh. "You're absolutely right," Miss Grace says, "but really, thank you." Her excitement dims and flickers for a second. "Have yourself a good time in Nepal, alright? We'll all be waiting for you back here at home. I'm sure Edward will be the one to send you off, and the one to pick you up when you return."

"Thank you, Miss Grace," Ara says, and is surprised when she leans over to give her a hug. Where Add always smells like rich chocolate, his mother carries the scent of calming aloe and tart witch hazel. It's relaxing, like a spring rain upon parched lands.

Something crackles overhead. It's the PA system; they're calling down all graduates to the field, and all spectating family members to the stands. Ara smiles once more, squeezes Miss Grace's hand, runs to hug her family one more time, and rises up on tip toe to leave a peck on Add's face. Elesis, Mama, Aren, Rena and even Miss Grace (traitors, every last one of them) let out a _d'awww_ fondly as Ara bolts for the door, face flaming red.

"Not gonna lie, you guys look cute together," Aren says, giving Add a thump on the back. "My mandatory older brother threat still stands, though."

"Duly noted."

* * *

"Ready to go?" Puris asks, hair perfectly coiffed around her shoulders and hat placed on a perfectly skewed angle. "Oh, Ara, dear, you've got a leaf in your hair, give me a second—"

"Can I just. Skip the ceremony?" Megan whines, burying herself in her massive graduation robes. "Where is Gloria, I want a hug."

"I'll go hug you as soon as Puris is done with my hair," Ara calls. "I think we all need a hug right now."

They're due to go onto the field in just a few minutes, and everyone is restless. Gloria, being a music student, escaped long ago to claim her diploma and go. The rest of them are sitting in various bad positions in the stadium change rooms—Massimo is literally hanging off some bars on the ceiling. David is sitting on a locker. Out of their entire squad, Ara is the only one seated in a chair.

"Is it supposed to be this nerve-wracking?" David asks, curled up in a ball up on top of the lockers. The rest of the class seems to murmur in equal concern, but then again, Ara isn't nearly as familiar with some of them as she wants. "I missed my high school graduation ceremony, so I don't know…"

"Gloria just responded to my text," Massimo announces, doing a backflip off the bars on the ceiling and landing on his feet. Ara winces as she remembers Elesis doing something similar and leaving shoe-shaped grooves in her dorm floor. "She says it's not a big deal, and that everyone is sitting too far away to get a proper look at you when you receive your diploma, so they can't tell if you accidentally forget to shake your dean's hand or something."

"Oh, just _great_ ," Megan whispers, "the _dean_ is going to feel all my wrinkles."

Once Puris finishes plucking leaves out of her hair, Ara thanks her graciously and moves to hug Megan, like she'd promised. "We're going to be fine," she says gently, "and we're going to graduate gracefully just like we told ourselves we would when we came here. I know it's going to be nerve-wracking, but we're stronger than that. I know _you're_ stronger than any of it."

Megan presses her closer, and soon Puris, Massimo and David have joined them too. Something buzzes from someone's pocket. "That's Gloria texting," Massimo announces. "She's here with us in spirit."

It puts a smile on each of their faces, and Ara allows herself to relax. "You see?" she says, poking Megan in the shoulder. "If Gloria's sending us her good vibes, then there's no way we can go wrong."

As she finishes her sentence, and David picks up with a bad pun where she left off, Ara feels a buzz in her own pocket. She feels around for her phone, before opening it to a familiar train of purple heart emojis that has since become her most texted number.

 _Add Grenore: good luck out there! I'm sitting with my mom and your folks, we're close to the front and your dad has a long-range camera on a tripod so we can see you!_

 _Add Grenore: we're all super proud of you_

 _Add Grenore: now get out there, kick ass and take name_

She can't help but smile.

"It's time to go," a TA says hurriedly, running into the room. "Alphabetical order, please, come along…"

Ara joins hands with her friends one by one. "C'mon, guys," she says, putting on her brightest grin, "let's graduate."

They push open the door and step into the sunlight.

* * *

 **A/N: sorry for missing last week's update, school hit me like a brick**

 **but this is it! the final stretch, next update should be the last one. after that it's back to WtWE and my other projects! i've loved writing _Black Swan_ , but i miss the pace of action scenes and the fun of killing zombies**

 **notes, as always!  
**

 **\- the _Codex Seraphinianus_ is actually one of my favourite books. there's a free pdf on the internet, and it's a seriously janky book. go check it out if you have the time to!**

 **\- Ara's flamingo-print pajamas are inspired by a set of mine**

 **\- the Royal Hamel Museum is obviously based off the Royal Ontario Museum, aka. my favourite place in the world. yes they have really good macaroni and cheese. it's not even gourmet mac and cheese it's just really good**

 **\- the Dior exhibit was an actual ROM exhibit that i got to experience and it was honestly enlightening**

 **\- the entire date at the museum is probably the most self-indulgent thing in this entire chapter just because i keep thinking of Ara and Add wandering through all the history exhibits even though that scene didn't make it into the fic**

 **~Marg**


	12. Golden Days

As most happy thoughts and good ideas do, it all starts with a daydream.

Sure, the vision of the cozy little apartment from last summer was beautiful, but it wasn't whole. One moment, Ara is pushing wisps of silver hair from Add's face, and the next, she's sitting up on the couch in a whole other world.

Eun is scampering across the floor at speeds of god-knows-what, with Dynamo hot on her heels trying to snatch away the plush bunny she's got clamped in her jaws. He takes a leap at her, and both cat and fox go tumbling into some other room, yipping and barking as they play. The plush bunny goes flying through the air before being snatched away by an errant claw.

The apartment has changed. It looks suspiciously like Add's dorm room now, save for the noticeably larger area. It looks like an amalgamation of Add's spotless workspace and Ara's lively one, combining their styles to make something that looks a bit like Aisha's bullet journal themes. It's not quite minimalistic; it's a style all of their own.

Shelves line the walls of the living room, but no breakable objects are placed across them. Instead, the shelves seem to form an obstacle course of sorts for the pets, with well-designed storage packed between layers. She's not sure how it could be rigged up, but it's definitely not something Add can't do.

Otherwise, all the fragile things are placed too high or just out of reach of the pets. There's a massive bulletin board on one wall, with sliding panels across it made out of some kind of clear plastic. It seems fairly scratch-proof judging by the lack of gashes running down the front. Pinned to the bulletin board is a collection of Polaroid photos, from both their adventures with their friends and by themselves.

Some aspects of their interests remain, regardless of how functional the apartment is. A tea set is one of the few fragile things Ara can see that aren't secured down in some way, though upon further inspection each individual part is made of cast iron. The upright piano next to the balcony has Homestuck sheet music on it. There's even a jumble of cords in the cabinet under the TV, leading to what Ara thinks might be a gaming console or three.

Overall, it feels like home.

She ventures just a bit further into the apartment, bypassing the sparkling white kitchen and the pristine but tiny bathroom, and finds herself in the bedroom. Eun and Dynamo scurry out as she gingerly steps in, over their fluffy tails, and finds solace in the witch hazel and rock rose sitting side by side on the windowsill. Neither has grown much. Both are affixed to the windowsill with multiple clamps.

Add has dozed off on the bed, which is at least twice the width of the one in his dorm room. There are plush toys all over the bed, each as bright and cheerful as the pastel bedsheets. Ara slips into his embrace, feels him smile and hold her close, and sighs contentedly.

She wakes up a short while later, head on his chest and arms around his middle. He's reading the latest issue of National Geographic with one hand and gently stroking her hair with the other. The curtains are only partially drawn; their half of the room is shaded and silent and warm, while the other half is bathed in sunshine.

"Hey," she croaks.

Add startles and drops his magazine on the bed. "Hey," he says, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead. "You just kinda nodded off, so I—"

"I know." She closes her eyes again, presses her face into the side of his chest, and tries to breathe. "Add."

"Yeah?"

"After I come back. From Nepal, I mean. Do you want to move in together?"

He sits up, and Ara can't help but grumble a little as her head comes to rest on his thigh instead. "Ara," he says, seriously, "I would _love_ to. But I have one condition."

"Name it."

"We have to have our pets with us."

She just laughs, rises up, and kisses him softly.

* * *

"You knew," Ara says, "didn't you."

Elesis looks up fondly. "I knew," she confirms.

It's only seven o'clock, and they're all piled in Add and Elsword's dorm, lying on the ground or sitting on the kitchen counter or anything in between. Elsword, for his part, has evacuated to Chung's dorm. Ain is nodding off on the couch, the only one sitting normally. Add and Rose are bickering over some video game or other. It might be Homestuck. No one's sure at this point.

For her part, Ara is messing around with the toaster oven door while Elesis obnoxiously slurps her ginger ale. The fourth-years of their group have all exhibited something akin to exhaustion at this point, and Ara is no exception. She lazily flicks the handle and watches as the spring-loaded toaster oven door opens with a _creak_. "How long have you known?" she asks.

"A lot longer than you'd think," Elesis replies, fiddling with her straw. "You remember how I found out that you two met each other at Ariel's party? It was because Add kept talking to Elsword about you, and of course Elsword bitches about _everything_ to me."

"That was literally two and a half years ago," Ara says incredulously. "You mean to say that he's liked me since two and a half years ago?"

Elesis smiles enigmatically, or as enigmatically as she can with a bright orange silly straw sticking out of her mouth. "Well, not right off the bat," she says, "but after I dragged you two out for k-barbecue I knew for sure."

Ara flushes bright red. "So you invited us to k-barbecue," she says, "just so you could psychoanalyze us."

"Well, no, I invited you so you could get acquainted and so that you could be my wingmen," Elesis says defensively. Her eyes twinkle with mischief. "But in all seriousness, though, I knew you two would get together the first time I saw you in the same room."

She sips her ginger ale pensively while Ara messes with the toaster oven some more. "And you," she says, "when did you and Add decide to start messing with Rose and I?"

"Honestly?" Ara lets the oven door close. "The day you met her. You had stars in your eyes when you saw her for the first time."

Elesis makes a small noise. "I wasn't too obvious, was I?"

Ara thinks a bit back. "In retrospect, both of you were way too obvious, and way too oblivious," she decides. "I had to wheedle a confession out of Rose just after Halloween because it was getting painful to watch."

"Oh my god." Elesis buries her face in her hands. "We were both actual dumbasses. More than you and Add, honestly."

"Hey, I reserve my position as Queen Dumbass," Ara argues, socking Elesis in the shoulder playfully. "You gave me the title yourself."

Over on the couch, Ain snorts and falls off the couch, prompting a shriek out of Rose as he falls onto her meticulously-placed game board. Ara snickers as Add looks up and gives her a longsuffering look.

"Where are you and Add going after you come back?" Elesis asks. She's run out of ginger ale; Ara plucks the straw out of her glass and chucks it in the sink. "Have you two considered getting somewhere to live together?"

"We have." Ara smiles fondly. "We've talked about getting an apartment after Nepal, probably in the city if we can afford it." She frowns. "Well. Archaeology doesn't pay great, but between it and Add's co-op stuff and my piano teaching, I think we'll be fine."

"Oh, piano teaching at last, are you?" Elesis grins. "Any students?"

"So far, David's sister, and of course Lu's asked me to teach her," Ara muses, "but who knows, I might just go full-time into it if I have enough students. I honestly don't know how it'll work, but I'll get it done one way or another." She looks up. "And you and Rose, are you two headed somewhere before school starts up again?"

"Yeah, we're gonna stay with my folks for two weeks, and then we're headed to France for a month," Elesis confirms. "I mean, I've always wanted to see Paris and all, but I also want to go to Empyrean, see the _Academie Imperiale_ , meet Rose's sisters, all of that. We'll be back just the week before her architecture courses start up again."

"Nice, nice."

Elesis offers her hand. Ara shakes it, because at the end of the day, they've been through a lot together, no matter how much they've teased each other about it. They're like sisters in that sense. This'll be the first time they've been apart from each other for an extended period of time ever. Ara extends the handshake into the hug, and Elesis simply laughs and hugs her back.

"... One last question," Ara mumbles, "because literally _everyone_ has been asking me this since we started uni."

"Shoot."

"What the fuck did you major in?"

"Respecting women, obviously."

* * *

"Where do you want to go?" Add asks on the second last day, and Ara looks up from her bowl of breakfast cereal to find him in a black t-shirt and faded lavender cargo shorts. Water droplets drip off his face into the towel in his waiting hands. Ara thinks he looks radiant and beautiful.

"There's an IKEA downtown." She scoops up a single Cheerio and pops it in her mouth. "I'll need to scout out stuff to put in my apartment when I get back."

They don't mention the word Nepal at all, because Nepal is a thousand years away and they have all the time in the world left together. Ara sheds her pyjama shorts and dons jean shorts and a soft orange t-shirt that she thinks is hers, washes the bowl, and has to change again because of the spray of water.

The car is warm, probably because of the morning sun. Ara snags a package of Chinese crackers (she should probably buy more considering how she's going through them) and feeds bites to Add while he drives. They put on the classical radio station, and Add pretends to sing along to whatever opera is playing, which makes Ara laugh harder than she should.

The drive from the Ebalon dorm to downtown Hamel is ten, maybe fifteen minutes tops. Ara manages to sneak three kisses in while they're waiting at a traffic light, one on each of his cheeks and a softer one on the lips. She lingers there for all of three seconds before the driver behind them honks angrily and Add steps on the gas pedal, causing them to lurch backwards.

"That was unpleasant," Ara comments weakly from between the seats, still strapped in by her seatbelt but sent flying back from the inertia. "Please do not drive like a madman."

"At least I'm a better driver than Elesis," Add replies.

(They both shudder at the thought of Elesis driving, and are glad that Rose is the designated driver in that relationship.)

When they actually pull into a parking space at IKEA, they pause for a moment to trade a few lazy kisses in the sunlight, even they know it'll get blisteringly hot later in the afternoon. "Got your purse?" Add asks, brushing his thumb across Ara's cheek gently.

"Yeah," she says breathlessly in reply. "Let's go shopping."

The moment they step into the store, they're hit by a blast of cool air, which, thank goodness, Ara felt like she was _melting_. She intertwines her fingers with his, and he gives her hand a soft squeeze.

"Can I confess to something real quick?" Add suddenly says as they come near the children's play zone. "I've never been to IKEA before. This is my first time here."

Ara gapes at him. "Well then, sweetheart, you're in for a real ride," she says, grinning. "Up that escalator, we're going to the showroom first."

The opening of the showroom smells like thin gravy and rich, creamy mashed potatoes, but Ara does her best to tug Add towards the cute bedspreads and sturdy drawers. She knocks on one, and it makes a weird hollow noise that makes Add grimace. "Oh. That doesn't sound very stable."

"Yeah, but it's like forty-five bucks," Ara replies nonchalantly. "Perfect for broke college students like us."

"Understandable, have a nice day," Add replies, looking a bit queasy.

(It must be an engineering thing, because he scrutinizes all the materials involved up until they look at the super ergonomic chairs.)

A few times, Ara drags Add to see the super dense and compact model houses, the ones that are barely the size of Ara and Aisha's (or rather just Aisha's now) dorm room. "Is this the thing you really like watching on YouTube with the tiny houses?" Add asks, ducking under a hanging plant. "I mean, mad props to whoever decided to build their bed on top of kitchen cabinets."

"We're gonna have to build something like that when I get back," Ara mumbles, running her hand over a curtain, and Add freezes.

It's so sudden that Ara wonders if she's said something terribly, horribly wrong. "I won't be on campus anymore after I get back," she says softly, turning to clasp his hand in her own. His fingers seek out the spaces between her own automatically, interlocking gently. "Which means we'll have to probably find an apartment, build some cabinets and beds and things, all of that, all on our own."

He swallows nervously. "Yeah, I know. It's just…" He smiles. "We've basically been living together for the past week, and yet the idea of us living together in a place of our own is so _weird_ , y'know?"

Ara gives him a radiant smile, and briefly recalls a blissful daydream of an apartment of their own. "I know. I can see it already—the two of us crying as we attempt to assemble IKEA furniture on the floor."

They get a gentle laugh out of that, and then Ara climbs up the ladder (stepping stool?) into the mini loft built on yet again a series of kitchen cabinets. Add takes photos of the walls covered in bookshelves, and the elevated loft in the bedroom/den that could serve as ample sleeping for the two of them. "Maybe we can bring Eun and Dynamo with us," he suggests.

"They've never met before," Ara muses. "I wonder if they'd get along under the same roof."

The last they see of the showroom is the toy area. Ara watches (and sighs contentedly) as Add's eyes light up and he scoops a large plush broccoli with patchwork overalls out of a bin. "This is the pinnacle of humanity," he declares triumphantly, raising the tormented plush toy over his head like a trophy. Ara can see the pain in its embroidered smiling eyes. "Forget sliced bread, forget nanotechnology, forget motorcycles. This is all humanity needs."

Ara laughs as she takes a photo of his stance and uploads it to the group chat with the caption _what did I do to deserve this ray of awkward sunshine_. Elesis immediately responds with a chain of emojis, to which Lu quickly picks up the pace on. Add tucks Doctor Broccoli under his arm and takes Ara's hand again, and that is the end of that—the unfortunate plush toy seems already acceptant of its fate.

"Have we taken a complete three-sixty?" Add asks, pointing at the escalator from which they came. "Oh yeah, we have. I see the restaurant."

"I can smell the food already," Ara says, a little eager as she tugs on his hand. "Race ya there!"

They find a nice table for two in the sunlight, and to make sure no one else takes it, Ara stays at the table with Doctor Broccoli while Add goes to get them food. "Can you get me the meal with fifteen meatballs and mashed potatoes?" She thinks for a moment. "I don't think it comes with a drink, though. Please get me a tea too, I'll pay you back later."

"You don't have to, Ara," Add insists, pushing a stray cart around as he rocks on his feet. "You make me food all the time."

"Yeah, but…" Ara's voice fades off when she realizes she's about to say _that's because we're dating_ , which is false. She's been making him food since the crock pot, even earlier than that with the bike. She's not even sure she can consider them to be dating or not.

Regardless, the promise of food awaits, and Ara is only stalling. "Tell you what," she says. "You get me tea, and I'll buy you one of the one-dollar frozen yogurts when we get downstairs."

Add makes a face at her, and it's so endearingly cute that Ara can't help but laugh a little. "I feel guilty for doing this, but I can't turn down froyo."

Ara sighs contentedly when he grins and heads to the kitchen. The blissful feeling of sunlight at noon, the scent of the colourful kitchen, and the odd satisfaction of watching her boyfriend attempt to order food at IKEA is calming.

 _Boyfriend, huh._ She smiles softly to herself and taps her fingers absentmindedly over the table, watching a nearby young woman feed her baby a spoonful of orange gloop. She doesn't mind what the two of them have now, even if there's the threat of a long-distance relationship looming overhead. She's never thought of him like that until now.

It gives her strength to keep going, the promise of returning to him.

"Ara!"

She snaps to attention immediately. Add is pushing over the cart full of food, but that's not what makes her laugh. He seems to have found Doctor Broccoli a companion. "Say hello to Miss Carrot!" he shouts, waving the plush toy in the air. Miss Carrot, as it seems, has the same world-weary, broken eyes as Doctor Broccoli. She looks just as soft and huggable, though.

"She's a detective," Add informs her as she digs into her mashed potatoes, "and she's on the hunt for a missing child. It just so happens that Doctor Broccoli is also on the hunt for his missing nephew. Lo and behold, they meet and become the best of friends, using their knowledge of medicine and criminology to solve crimes and kick ass."

Ara thinks for a second. "I haven't read the books," she says, "but isn't that just Hannibal Lecter and Clarice Starling?"

"Shit. You're absolutely right." Add stares at the plush vegetables on the otherwise-empty cart for just a second before seemingly coming up with a better idea. "Alright, overhaul: it's now _Miss_ Carrot and _Mr_. Broccoli. Miss Carrot is an archaeologist, and Mr. Broccoli is an engineer."

"And they live together in a little mushroom house, and their neighbour is Larry the tomato," Ara finishes. "And sometimes they solve crimes and kick ass together, but usually there aren't many crimes to solve."

"A brilliant idea." Add smiles at her. "Will Miss Carrot be going to Nepal?"

"Actually," Ara says, "I was thinking of taking Mr. Broccoli with me instead."

Add beams.

* * *

Ara finally manages to get all of her own things out of her dorm the day before she's due to leave for Nepal, even though she's technically been living with Add for the past two weeks.

The walls on her side of the room are bare; she gave the posters to Rena, who decided to put them up in the counselors' lounge. The top bunk is no longer home to her plethora of plush animals, or her soft woodland sheets. Every last pen and pencil has been taken out of the drawers, given away to her friends or crammed into a single pencil case.

She leaves a few things behind, though. The hot water kettle, which had served her so dutifully in making tea and occasionally instant noodles, goes to Aisha. The slow cooker has long been moved to Add's dorm—Ara intends to make a pot of chili for her relatively kitchen-inept boyfriend before she leaves. She doesn't move the lamp she bought for her desk—maybe the next occupant of the room might need it.

As Ara stands under her former bunk bed, surveying her work, someone clears their throat in the doorway. Aisha has a stack of clothes in her arms and a neatly-folded sheet on top. She must have just gotten back from the laundry room. "So you're leaving."

Ara tries her best to smile. "It's only for a year", she amends, letting go of her suitcase handle. "I'm not leaving forever, Aisha."

The younger girl sniffles, and Ara realizes that her roommate—her former roommate now—is close to tears. "You might as well be," she chokes, and drops all her clothes, and runs right into Ara's open arms.

 _It's been a good three years_ , Ara thinks, as Aisha cries like a baby on her shoulder and wails like her heart is breaking all over again. She still remembers her first day in the dorm, when she'd met the excitable and brash Aisha for the first time. Aisha had offered her a pen from Bethma's science centre. She had been so bright and eager to learn at every moment.

But university has changed them both. Ara isn't the loveless wallflower with an outcast brother anymore, and Aisha's once boundless energy seems to have found its limits. These three years have been progressively getting better and better, each putting forwards new challenges and greater rewards. They've grown as people, and not just as students.

Ara presses a sisterly kiss into Aisha's hair. "I'm sure you're going to go further than all of us in life," she says softly, soothingly. "I'm not leaving for good. I'll be back in a year. Even if I'm not staying on campus anymore, I'm not leaving all our memories behind, Aisha."

As Aisha weeps quietly, Ara looks up into the doorway. Add is standing there, eyes wide. She smiles weakly at him, glancing quickly at Aisha before looking back to him, and he seems to get it.

Getting her things back to his dorm can wait. Their friend needs her time to grieve.

* * *

"How classy," Ara comments, "you even bought champagne."

"I assure you, it's just sparkling apple juice." Add lifts the bottle. "Actually, no, it's ginger ale." And then, quieter, "I thought I told Elsword to get the sparkling juice."

Ara can't help the laugh that escapes her lips. "It's alright. I'm honestly touched that you took the effort to make all this."

She isn't expecting it, but Add's face tints pink. "I, uh." It's kinda cute to watch him flounder for words. "You make me food all the time, so I wanted to make something for you."

"Oh, sweetheart." Ara lets go of his hand, only to clasp his face and kiss him, once, softly. "You don't have to do anything for me."

They stand there for a moment like perfectly preserved statues, caught in the moment of bliss. It's fitting that their last night together before Ara leaves is a mirror of the night they met - Ara, clad in her beautiful black plumage; Add a wonder in striking purple. A dance. A kiss. A night they'll never forget.

But it's not the exact same, and Ara knows that better than anyone. The painful stilettos are replaced by soft black flats, and the skintight horror that Aisha had chosen for her is forgone for a flowing little black dress. Add's hoodie (or really, Ara's favourite hoodie now) has been exchanged for a sleek purple dress shirt and black tie. There is no blaring K-pop, no muffled Ed Sheeran, no neon colours in a crowded room.

The only thing left in the world is Ara and Add, standing alone together in the kitchen, memorizing each other's every feature as they prepare themselves for what might be the most emotionally distant year of their lives.

The scar under his eye hasn't faded. Ara runs her thumb over it gently as Add puts his hands on her hips. Slowly, his hands shift to loop around the small of her back.

(Protective, in a word.)

"Have I told you lately," Add says, "how much I love you?"

Ara kisses him again. "You don't have to tell me," she whispers. "You've shown me plenty."

It takes a whole ten minutes for them to remember that dinner is getting cold. Add rapidly reheats what he'd made, but only after gently guiding Ara to her seat. He puts the reheated platter in between them—it's baked linguine alfredo. Ara only barely remembers having mentioned it to him over the summer.

"You remembered my favourite pasta," Ara says.

"I remember everything you've told me about yourself," he replies.

Dinner ends up being a slow, almost silent business. The pasta is very, very good, and Ara can't help it if some of the alfredo sauce splatters on her napkin. Barely any words are exchanged between them, and Ara finds that Add isn't so much eating as he is watching her. Studying her. Committing her every feature to memory, like she's been trying to do for him so much this past week.

There is an unspoken tension in the air between them, like pulling strings out of molten chocolate. It is bittersweet and gnaws at the pit of Ara's stomach, always wanting more, _more_. She purses her lips and forces the feeling down, but it rages like a wildfire and refuses to be suppressed.

Cleanup after dinner is an equally quiet event. They wash the dishes side by side, scrubbing the cheesy crust from the casserole dish and packing the leftovers into a Tupperware. Ara dries off the final fork, sticks it in the cupboard, and towels off her hands.

It is too loud. The clock ticks every second off, and Ara knows that every time that clock ticks, she loses a second of her last night here.

"So." Add turns to face her, and Ara finds relief in that the fact that at least he thinks the silence is overbearing, too. "What do you want to do?"

It's not like Ara to do this. She is kind and sweet and has a reputation as such. She sees the obituary now: _Ara Haan, found dead of embarrassment when someone walked in on her with her lover_. _In lieu of flowers and donations, please send to her best friend or her brother._

And yet it's the most Ara thing to do. She is kind and sweet and she loves passionately and fiercely. In this moment, she knows she's become the fallen angel, that her white wings have been tainted black, and that she won't regret a second of it.

She tugs him forward, gently, by the tie, and kisses him again. If she's honest with herself, she's been dying to do that for a while; stockpiling on his kisses is a good time to pull it off, and maybe, just maybe, she'll have even deeper memories to cherish for when she returns. She doubts the sentiment will last through her year in Nepal, but she's isn't about to give up.

Once again, Add takes the reins, pulls her closer to him by the hips, leans down just enough to make the perfect contact between them. She feels him, his pulse, and the trembling warmth in his core that mirrors hers. The world tilts 90 degrees, and oh, when did they make it to his bedroom? Now everything is perfect. Ara slowly drowns in an ocean of Add's kisses, guided by his hands into the depths.

She'd be lying if she said she hadn't wished for this before: Add, dress shirt unbuttoned and tie loose, with Ara curled up in his embrace. She's _craved_ this for months, the sweet, sweet taste of his lips on hers, the purr of his voice, the warmth that spreads across her as they dance in the garden of Eden.

The ugly duckling has finally spread her wings, has finally let her inky feathers unfurl, and finally, finally lets her lover hold her close as she sinks deeper into their shared ecstasy.

It is blissful, and Ara couldn't ask for more.

* * *

 **A/N: wow! what happens now?**

 **the real answer is that i get back to angst. this is fluffy and good but i need angst**

 **also somehow the concept of two-and-a-half years has come to bite me in the ass in the way i least need it (tldr the exact period of time of 2.5 years is a painful number to me)**

 **notes, as always:**

 **\- the concept of Ara and Elesis trying to manipulate each other's love lives is the funniest thing to me for some reason**

 **\- miss carrot and mr broccoli will make reappearances in later stories! assuming they survive Eun and Dynamo that is**

 **\- ikea is the most magical place in the world and nothing can convince me otherwise. i am a huge home diy geek and i fricking love ikea**

 **\- wow,,, thinly veiled poetic sex scene**

 **\- if anyone wants my alfredo recipe hit me up. it is really good**

 **~Marg**


	13. Departures

It only takes about half an hour for them to drive to Hamel's only airport.

Her flight is due at 2:30, but they arrive just before noon to check in and grab some extremely overpriced lunch. Ara is able to win the honour of paying for this one by tasering Add in the side and running for the cash register with her wallet in hand. Several elderly patrons chuckle as she returns, victorious, with burgers and fountain pop and one box of tasteless fries.

"So," Add says as they come to her terminal, and Ara has her boarding pass and passport in one hand and her suitcase in the other, "I guess this is where we say goodbye."

"I guess so." Ara smiles, or at least she tries, and it doesn't come out perfect but it's heartfelt all the same. "I'll send you a letter as soon as I get to Nepal."

She rises up on her tiptoes and kisses him once, long and languidly, her heart already aching for the next time she'll be able to do it. As blissful and wonderful as these past two weeks have been, she knows they need time apart in their own way. Two weeks is a very short period of time to be healing the scars of two and a half years, after all.

Nepal calls. The PA system rumbles to life; her flight is now boarding. It's time to go.

"I love you," she tells him, if only to assuage her own fears. "But I have to go now."

He nods, eyes weary and red, and lets her go.

Getting through the security scan is easy; it's not like she has anything illegal on her anyhow. "Right this way, Miss," the guard says, gesturing through the doorway.

Ara turns around for a brief second. The stream of people through the airport blurs before her, but she locks onto the one person that matters. "I love you, Ara!" Add yells, cupping his hands around his mouth before waving vigorously. "I'll see you soon!"

She can't help but laugh at that. It's a good thought to fly away to. Soon, she'll be home to him once more.

Ara steps through the security check, and doesn't look back.

(The black swan in her spreads her wings and flies, flies, flies away.)

* * *

 **A/N: i'm kinda emotional right now and it took me three tries to type the a/n at the beginning of this section**

 **finally, 87k after i began this journey, i've ended it. _Black Swan_ has turned out to be one of my favourite stories that i've ever written, and possibly one of my best ones. even though this might not have turned out to be the 50k oneshot i originally imagined it as, it's been a pleasure to write and an adventure in and of itself.**

 **thank you to everyone who cherished this journey with me. to my reviewers, i cannot express my gratitude enough. every word of this story was thanks to your constant support.**

 **so what's next? if you've checked my ffn profile, you've probably noticed that this story is now the first in a series called _La Fleur de l'Age_. while i won't be revisiting the series for a bit (i want to return to action writing for a while!) there are two guaranteed planned stories: _Correspondences,_ a collection of Ara and Add's letters, and _My (Crazy) Wonderful Roommate_ , the follow-up from three years later. both of these will take on a different perspective of the world of UoWF from _Black Swan_.**

 **again, thank you, everyone, for reading _Black Swan_. i hope you'll all find your wings like Ara too.**

 **~Marg**


End file.
